Our time was spent conversing and recollecting. The realisation dawned on us as we listened to each other, how our role as parents of Amy and Arpit have a new dimension since their marriage. We are often in an accompanying role providing affirmation and encouragement.
The parenting style and content would change from that of the earlier days, once the children are married. At marriage, the bride and the groom would commence on a journey into ‘becoming one flesh’. In this dynamic journey, the man and woman would move away from the shadows of their parents and create a space for themselves to grow in intimacy towards each other. Most wise parents would let this happen voluntarily for the good of their children and support them in building their family.
The joy of parents who have married children is in seeing their children enlarge the contours of their relationship. As parents we can take delight in the way they make wise choices in their lives after reflection and prayer. The parental role is more of affirming and caring rather than advising or planning.
The married children would need this freedom to be on their own and follow the call of their life. When that freedom is offered by parents, then the relationship between parents and children shall spring forth into trust and acceptance. It is then giving and receiving becomes spontaneous and mutual, free of expectations or obligations.
For Anna and myself it was a joyful week end with Ruby and Prasad because we experience a nearness with them that makes it possible for us to jointly accompany our married children.
Parenting of married children is altogether different from the earlier parenting process!
I wish there will be dialogue sessions for parents, while they prepare to marry their children just as we have dialogue sessions for children who are preparing of remarriage! Both parents and children would need new ways of relating to each other after marriage!
M.C.Mathew
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