Children reflect adult behaviour !

I am fascinated when children perform in the stage. Some do it naturally and some others do so because of persuasion. One thing about it is that they are always original. However one might coach them, they would depart from what they rehearsed while performing publicly. It is spontaneity which cannot be contained. 

I have often wondered about this nature and source of spontaneity which is more commonly visible in children.  They become themselves because they are mostly free of inhibition and fear of consequences. 

But by the time a child is at school, there is a change in this pattern. Some children tend to be withdrawn, show signs of anxiety, behave fearfully and internalise some experiences as threats or disapproval.

The environment of children in the pre-school years consists of adults. We form their acquired behaviour and displace their spontaneity and creativity. Most adults do not recognises the lasting impact of our harsh words, threats, reprimands and punishments on the psyche of children. Instead of gentle creation which would form their conduct and character, what children tend to receive is imposing presence and intimidatory behaviour of adults. 

I remember, seeing a mother call her three years old son and make him sit in her lap and explain to him why he should not push other children while playing foot ball. She took time and spoke to him gently and thoughtfully. When he repeated the same while playing, she continued the same correction process. The mother told me later that it took her three weeks of repeated correction before he behaved amicably even when intimidated by other children. 

My impression is that, children need three affirming inputs from adults: appreciation of all the spontaneous efforts they take to behave well, response to the instruction process about what is desirable and openness to change when corrected. A senior professor under whom I was trained, once told me, 'encourage a child more and you would have less occasions to correct him’.

Children are born with the prospects of innocence, honesty, spontaneity, responsive behaviour, etc. The opposite of these happen because they imitate what they see and hear. Pre-school children conditioned by what adults do or do not do.

M.C.Mathew (photo and text)