This is the first joint activity which a newly married couple would perform publicly when they come for the public reception. It is symbolically done to wish them ‘sweetness and freshness’ as the tender coconut drink is both of these. So it is a good beginning after having made the marriage woes to care for each other. This incorporates the theme of togetherness and shared living.
I heard an elderly couple sitting next to me, seeing this on the stage, whisper to each other that ‘It is different after the first day. Husband does what he likes publicly and the wife does what she wants privately’. This disturbed me. It sounded to me as words of betrayal of fidelity in marriage. Although I know that there is a four fold increase in the number of couples seeking intervention from the family courts to settle family disputes or seek divorce, I live with hope that the majority would practice permanency and intimacy marriage.
What we need to do is to help young couples to choose some symbols that they can recall and periodically exercise between them to refresh the essence of the marriage. One elderly couple told me that it is a custom for them to take half a day in a month to a go to a quiet place to talk to each other about their experiences as a couple- sharing appreciation and affirmation to increase the sense of belonging. They listen to each other and refer to their disappointments or difficulties. They unburden themselves to each other to make the personal baggage of emotional turmoils lighter. They have a special occasion once a year, when they say the marriage vows to each other and put the ring on each other yet one more time, in the presence of their family of children and grand children. What a solemn way of remembering the marriage journey!
I wish each married couple would choose symbols, gestures and exercises which they can practice regularly or occasionally to refresh themselves with the heart of marriage, which is love and self giving to become ONE.
M.C.Mathew (text ans photo)
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