20 February, 2026

Building relationships !


A plant is a symbol of new life ! Its new buds and flowers announce the vibrancy of life within! 

An infant at ten months of age who starts the attempt to stand to walk does not give up although he or she would fall several times in the process! The child often falls without hurting as the parachute reflex gives a protective cover! It is that determination which makes the child walk and run in the next few months.

The resilience of adults to remain relational is not as steadfast an it is in an infant to overcome the hurt suffered during falling while attempting to walk! 

The adults dwell far too long on hurts, disappointments or loss suffered while relating to others. The broken relationships lead to estrangement, animosity or indifference. 

I attended a meeting recently where most people I knew during my student days were the participants. It was while being in the meeting, I thought about the distance in relationships that come up due to differences of opinion or attitudes or way of life! What separates us from others are unforgotten memories or unforgiven thoughts! 

What unites us or brings us together are many experiences of shared journey that differences would naturally get subsumed. It needs the vision of the journey ahead! An infant focussed on walking uses the experience of falling to learn how not to fall but to walk steadily. 

At the end of the meeting it is this feeling that stayed with me. We have a lot common with others that stresses or strains in relationships are means to help us to grow in endurance and tolerance to continue building relationships. 

I returned from the meeting experiencing the joy of building relationships overlooking the differences and distractions. I felt how accepting each other and endeavouring to be relational can bring an inner ambience of comfort and hope !

The plant lives its life giving and losing. It loses its flowers, but grows to give more! 

That is a mission worth pursuing in life!


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)







19 February, 2026

The flowers and fruits !





Many flowers in the cashew tree, but only few fruits ! That is the pattern in some fruit bearing trees. Each flower in such trees shall to become a fruit! 

I have gathered that yield of fruits can be increased by timely modification of the soil environment by adding fruit yielding enrichment of soil with nutrients. 

The Rambutan trees in our garden are now in the stage of flowering. Our gardener has been supplementing the trees with nutrients to increase the yield of fruits. The language used in farming circles to describe this activity is- more 'conversion from flowers to fruits'! 

The human side of  this phenomenon, is  how much we go out of our primary orbit of being to become mindful or useful for others ! It is not enough to be an achiever with credentials ! The credibility of a person is dependent on how much that person is a giver rather than only a taker! 

Symbolically flowers and fruits have a common purpose- they are the gifts of a plant or a tree to others. 

A fruit bears the seed in the cashew tree. The fruit therefore is the means to be 'fruitful' with new saplings from the seed.

To be fruitful would therefore be is all about self giving !

I happened to hear the life experience of a neighbour whose brother and mother have been in the hospital for a few weeks now with organ failure. He recalled how neighbours rallied around to support the families in a significant way. He talked about the surpassing ways that the neighbours offered help at a difficult time ! 

That sounded to me as neighbours becoming 'fruitful' to a suffering family. 

To be 'flowers and fruits' for others is an opportunity. That brings in to being our inherent connectedness and fraternity! 

When we carry within us an urge for promoting wellness of others,  we live our lives as 'flowers and fruits' to others! 

M.C Mathew (text and photo)





18 February, 2026

The becoming process !




It takes a week for the buds to blossom in the Lilies. It is a process that takes place  in tune with the inherent biological clock!

While the bud is a forerunner to becoming a flower, the morphology of the flower is determined by the plant. 

The Human becoming process 

The 'human becoming process' from the time a baby is conceived is determined by the genetic and epigenetic pre- determinants. Just as the soil conditions, weather and fertilisers influence the formation of a bud and its opening to be a flower, so are the influences of many details in the ambience in which a child grows up, for the 'unfolding' of him or her as a person. 

This 'person becoming' although is central to child development, is often not consciously attended to during childhood. The parenting education needs this orientation to monitor this becoming process. 

As a child I grew up in a scenic environment of a rural setting, where people lived relationally and mindfully of each other. Each family lived from the produce of the land. Most of my childhood was formed by sights, thoughts and practices I experienced around me. I would have naturally followed the path of being a teacher at the local school, because my parents lived  content- ended lives as teachers. 

But the decision of my parents to send me for pre-medical course at Nagpur changed the becoming process in my life! It took a while for me to adapt to this decision of my parents and find a meaning in their choice. It was only during the third year in the medical course, I found the vocation in being a doctor. 

This transition from becoming a school teacher to becoming a doctor happened because my parents 'saw' in me more than what I thought for myself! 

This personal experience has affirmed me that the 'unfolding of a person' is a process where others participate actively! 

The Unhealthy influences 

I have a suspicion that the becoming process of a child in the current context is lot more complex and convoluted. The media, social world, modern life style, wealth aspiration, pursuit of success in career, or acquiring influential positions in society seem to have a dominant influence in the formative process of young adulthood. 

The doctors at a Medical college in a city in the state that I live are boycotting the out patient service in protest, for getting some of their 'demands' granted by the government. 

We see an aspirational generation around us, who seek for their wellness and prospects. They would set aside the obligation to attend to the needs of those who come to the hospital, for the sake of pursuing their personal interest at any cost! 

It is this which raises a question about the human 'becoming process' ! Do we 'become' more humane or self seeking

The Opportunity 

I admire the graceful presence of the Lilies in the garden. Its colourfulness and waving presence in the gentle breeze, is a metaphor of a 'leavening presence' ! But for them, the garden of trees, plants and creeper would look evenly green! Its presence is a complement to make the garden look even more charming!

How Simeon, a devout elderly person, seeing Mary and Joseph bringing their son to the temple, prayed, "... For my eyes have seen Thy salvation, which Thou has prepared in the presence of all peoples. A light of revelation  to the gentiles and the glory of Thy people Israel" (Luke 2 :30-32). It was that infant Jesus who grew up to be a teacher, healer, and saviour. How could Simeon be such a discerner that he could speak about that infant Jesus, as to who He would become later in life! Simeon became pointer to Mary and Jospeh about the special vocation their son would pursue in life! 

That is the intuitive gift that Simeon carried to articulate prophetically the future profile of Jesus of Nazareth!

There are some children in our families, class rooms in schools and colleges and people in work places who have the prospects of becoming people who can make a difference! 

The opportunity to identify such people and facilitate their formation to become what they can become in future, is what elders in our homes, schools and public places ought to focus on. 

I suspect that children who behave differently or deviantly are those who need attention as there might be something unusual in some of them ! 

I am not sure if the ten percent of children who are gifted are recognised earlier and nurtured to blossom in our homes or schools, colleges and work places! 

Their fullness and prospects in future rest on the shoulders of elders ! 

The human becoming process is enabled by others who care !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)





 






17 February, 2026

From Seeing to an Encounter!




The Egyptian star cluster flowers (White pentas) are in full bloom in  our garden now. These star shaped flowers arranged in a circular fashion in a bunch provide a decorative look. These flowers attract butterflies and bees. They need sunlight and moist soil to thrive well. The flowers remain open and fresh for about two weeks. 

The symmetrically arranged five petals, creating a hollow in the centre, when seen in a cluster offers a visual feast.  

They are small in size but elegant with an aesthetic look !

I read in the Wikipedia that these flowers symbolise purity, innocence and honesty! In some cultures these flowers are seen as harbingers of blessings and bounty. The florists use these flowers when they want to represent peace and harmony in flower arrangements. Some cultures associate the five petals with, Air, Earth, Fire, Spirit and water or even with five senses that humans have. 

The white flowers represent beauty and love, and the purple or blue varieties represent symbols of solace in times of loss. 

This flower first described from East Africa and Arabian peninsula received worldwide attention as they are good pollinators attracting butterflies, bees and hummingbirds. 

They have medicinal value and are included in herbal menu to treat medical conditions. 

I confess that small flowers escape my attention. The flower clusters above were the first blossoms in this season, and they caught my attention. As I read about these flowers, there was a meditative orientation that had set in within me! 

Every meditative experience is a journey inwardness and deepening of the sense of awareness and presence.  I was drawn into a larger meaning of these flowers beyond just sighting the flowers! 

Seeing leads to beholding! There is a language of conversation between what we see and the feelings awakened within! 

This awakening within is what gifts us with insight, foresight and hindsight! 

That is one outcome of such an experiences of an encounter!


M.C.Mathew (text and photo)











 

16 February, 2026

About this blog !


It is only occasionally I come across in our garden five flowers in a stem of this variety of Lily, as in the above photograph. It made me pause and reflect! An uncommon sight has its appeal to arouse thoughts. 

Having crossed 5100 posts in this blog in 13 years, it is time to pause and express gratitude to all those who visit the blog regularly. I do this because the comments that I receive bring me encouragement and endorsement.

I made this blog biographical and reflective. I started writing to create a personal conversation within. It has become a space for becoming present to others. It is a journey inward that I make when I write the reflections. 

I feel grateful for the deepening of consciousness about life and its calling and the insights about life and living, which this daily exercise of writing brings to me. The inner journey is a sacred and solemn experience. It creates awareness about the direction of daily living-towards confessing, loving and forgiving! 

I wonder if I can request feed back from some of you who visit this blog, on its content, readability and its personal appeal! 




That you for your response!


M.C.Mathew (text and photo)



Inclusive Living!






The Flowers in the garden survive the heat of the day and present themselves colourfully and elegantly!

They carry a vigour and exuberance which the heat of the day cannot suppress. 

They get rejuvenated in the cool of the night and with the fresh supply of water to the soil every evening! 

They have a short life. They live that season colourfully! They overcome adversity!

Generosity in grief 

A family who lost their daughter Aaslin Sherin Abraham, to a road accident at ten months of age, became the youngest organ donor in our state with the family offering to donate her liver, kidneys, cornea and heart. Her funeral took place two days ago. The parents while suffering the grief had mental space to think of other children waiting for donors of organ to continue living! A death gives lives to others!


(Photo from Times of India, Ernakulum-Cochi edition of Monday February 16, 2026 )

This news has moved and awakened the medical community that even children can be organ donors. 

Giving as a response 

Father Davis Chiramel in 2009 donated his kidney to restore life to an electrician, Gopinath and went on to found the Kidney Federation of India, which functions from Thrissur. This became a movement for live organ donation voluntarily! 

Living has an altruistic mission! One's significance is not so much in acquiring to possess but in giving even when it involves a risk! Father Davis, while addressing his congregation and public audiences comes across as a person in whose heart there is a large space and feeling for those who suffer! 

I recently heard the story of a child at middle school, who donated his savings of birthday cash gifts he received annually from his family, to help a child with muscular dystrophy in his school to buy a motorised wheel chair! 

Taking without giving 

While the president of the USA in the recent months turned trade to amass wealth through inflated tariffs, we come across some others who show the way by giving even when it hurts! It is because of such goodness and benevolence, we feel moved and touched to live mindfully of others. 


Car seat for children 

During my latter yers at professional work, one desire I had was to engage parents to use dedicated car seats for children, especially  for children below six years. One way I promoted to buy it was by offering to help them to choose a seat once they were in a shop, by responding to the suitability of a seat to allow safety for a child. Watching a child in the seat was a prerequisite to decide if it was safe and comfortable to a child. I have had some parents converted to consider a car seat as an essential safety measure for children. 

The awareness about the need of a car seat for children is rather low. The health car professionals do not take it seriously to make it as a campaign. It is disturbing to see children travel in motor bikes seated between parens without a helmet or infants, toddlers or pre-schoolers travel in motor vehicles seated in adult's lap without protection. 

I wish that just as  wearing seat belts are  compulsory for adults, the car seats would become an essential feature to promote safety for children in motor vehicles ! 

The flowers in the garden offer the message of fullness; human act of self giving sensitises us to live with a humane orientation! 

How comforting and delightful it is to know that even in the young mind there is a desire to be self giving! 

This is the hope that revives us to live in peace and hope!


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)




 

15 February, 2026

The growth trajectory!





The guava fruit has its origin in a blossom. One of more suits might emerge form the blossom. The second photos is of a guava fruit that is moving on to its ripening stage. The third photo is when it is still ripening, eaten by Barbets. 

The flower to fruit is a bout three months of growth process. 

One reason why we have some fruiting trees in the garden is to attract birds to the garden. We do not tie guavas to pluck as most of them would have already been eaten even before it turns mild yellow when ripe!

As I reflect on this process in the garden, I get a sense of the silent events in the garden! A flower becomes a fruit often noticed! The soil nourishes the tree and the process of growth goes on during the day and night !

Finally a fruit becomes an offering to birds. 

Just as the garden is the setting for plants and trees, a home is the setting for children to grow up. A mother with her fifteen weeks old baby made a discovery that the more she sang and engaged the baby, the more the baby became alert, attentive and responsive. The smile of the baby became the delight for the parents. It is this baby who will be turning over, holding the neck, sitting support, creeping and independent in sitting. The baby gains these developmental stages and offers the developmental progress to parents in response to what he or she receives from parents. 

How important it is to give attention to children to blossom! I feel from the stories of parents, that children when accompanied during the early years, the response from children brings refreshing returns!

In a larger sense, children are our offering to humanity ! Each family on earth perpetuates life in the community by the children, whom parents offer! When they grow up to be adults they lead the affairs of people in each community! 

It is as much as children grow up to be men and women of character, conviction and calling, the society becomes a virtuous home to bring wellness to all ! 


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)


 

The giving vocation!






The cashew tree in our garden is colourful to watch with cashew fruits in different stages of development. 

The tree with its blossoms appearing in November has since been with young and ripening cashew fruits. The guava tree is also with ripening fruits. The squirrels feed on them. 

A tree gives its fruits !

A plant gives its flowers and fruits. 

The garden is a place where this giving is full expression!

I experienced how giving can be refreshing to receive! While visiting an ENT consultant recently, I experienced how the giving was spontaneous, warm and caring, in the way I was attended to. I felt that giving was with a desire to help, affirm and guide!

During two telephone calls yesterday, I experienced how both of them were truly giving by listening and guiding! 

To give is to encourage and affirm! 

The journey path that we choose in our lives can be sometimes met with unforeseen obstacles and demands. It is then a word in season or an act of kindness can make all the difference to someone who finds the going weary and draining! 

When Anna and I returned home yesterday after a week of travel, It was special to experience the giving behaviour of Dulcie and  Daphne. They wanted to stay close to us and hoovered around us with canine behaviour of affection! The giving behaviour is natural to them! 

To live giving is a way of becoming present to others!


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)




Small, beutiful and elegant !




I noticed a pair of Cinereous Tit in  our courtyard yesterday, one gathering hair and fibres from the kennel yard and the other perched in the cable above and watching over its mate. 

Both of them flew to a tall nutmeg tree close by. It is the season of mating and nesting for many birds. 

With the day temperature soaring to 37 degree celsius many birds who were regular visitors or residents in the garden seemed to have moved away. The feeding station is no more occupied with their frequent visits. 

The one perched in the cable is likely to have been the male bird as it was giving away its bird calls. 

The Tit pair above timed their visit to the garden after the hair cut of Dulcie that there were strands of long hair on the ground, which the Tit was able to gather.  It highlights its observational and finding skills. 

A Tit , although small in size is immaculately groomed all the time to keep its body, flight ready! 

A small bird, but it too has its place and provision to live well!

This is the richness of the environment we are part of! There is a place and opportunity for every bird to live in its own way, although they have to be strategic to survive and avoid predators from hunting for the eggs in their nests! 

It was a pleasant sight to watch this pair of Tits preparing for their mating season! 


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

14 February, 2026

Wellness within !





Anna and I happened to meet Dr William Cutting at the Christian Medical College, Vellore  this week, during a short visit. At 92 years he was visiting places in in India which had become part of his formative years. His great grandparents worked in India in Varanasi; his parents worked in ChikkaBallapur and William and Margot worked in Jammalamadugu. 

It was while working in a mission hospital, he felt the call to be involved in promoting child health of children living in disadvantaged situations. After his formal training, he worked along with Professor David Morley at the Institute of Cild health, London in evolving the road to health chart which later became the growth monitoring tool globally.  

Dr Cutting was a regular visitor to India in the nineteen eighties and nineties. Dr Rachel Chacko, professor of Cild Health at the Institute of Child health at Chennai was well known to him. It was she who introduced Dr William and Dr Margot to us. During one of his visits he spent a day with us at the Child Development Center at Chennai, and returned by saying that the facility that we offered in 1987 had a resemblance to what a Child Development Centre would offer in the United Kingdom. Since then he kept in touch, encouraging and sharing his thoughts about advancing the facility to be a training facility for Paediatricians in child development. 

During his next visit in 1994, he had met the director and the Medical Superintendent of the Christian Medical College, Vellore to encourage them to invite us to come to CMC to start a unit of Developmental Paediatrics. Dr V.I.Mathan, invited us to CMC, when he became the director, to start the Developmental Paediatrics Unit through a MOU with ASHIRVAD. That is how the child development Centre at Chennai got incorporated to start the first academic unit of this speciality in a medical college in India in 1997.

Dr Cutting at 92 years has phenomenal memory. He did recollect the season of three years of conversations with CMC Vellore to facilitate the starting of Child Development facility at CMC. Following the home call of Dr Margot in October 2025, It was his desire to visit India to places that he was associated with. His children decided to accompany him for visiting places and people that he had association with. 

Anna and I had an opportunity to visit Dr Cutting and Dr Margot in Scotland in 2021 during which time we had opportunity to recollect many experiences of involvement in child development. There are many memories and recollections that stay with us of that visit. 

What might fascinate most people who know Dr Cutting is the way he got immersed in the care of  the elderly by advocating movement as a way to stay well, after his retirement from his regular work in child health. He published three books and disseminated wellness measures for the elderly. He himself has movement related limitations now. But his inner wellness and zest for life inspired us when we met him during this week. 

Anna and I felt  moved by the way he lives the 'fullness of life' which he attributes to God and the experience of His presence in his daily life! His children and grandchildren make it possible by their encouraging support to him. 

One highlight of our visit to Vellore was meeting him and the accompanying members of his family!

Our wellness transcends physical limitations. Our wellness is an inner attitude and experience!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)



05 February, 2026

From categorisation to wholeness !




The usual pattern in this family of Lilies is that each stem will bear four flowers, as seen in the photos above.  







The exceptions are that some will have only three flowers as in the above four photos; and  some bunches have five flowers as in the photo below. This is occasional. Even two flowers are noticed sometimes. I am yet to see a single flower alone in a stem!



This distribution of four flowers as the common pattern, three and five as occasional and one or two are rare ! This makes me think that this distribution from a statistical point of view is the normal distribution of occurrence. 

The five flowers and three flowers are outside the common pattern of the four flowers when viewed from the frequency of occurrence! 

The flowers with three or five add to the spectrum of the Lilies in a garden. 

Most of us categorise them as common and uncommon. 

But a better way is to appreciate the uniqueness each flower bunch represents! 

The tendency to label something as normal and anything different from that as abnormal is a pattern of thinking we develop as we have a tendency to classify what we see or hear into different categories. 

We categorise people based on nationalities, economic standing, religion, language, etc. 

The division of people as normal or handicapped prevailed for a long time till in the recent twenty-five years. Now those with special needs inherit a different status as those who are 'differently able'!

I wish the tendency for categorisation of people into different subgroups will gradually fade away! Instead,  to be able to see people groups forming a mosaic of humanity for us to dwell relationally and collaboratively is a calling !

How distressing it is to watch the subtle underlying spirit of white supremacy influencing the political thinking in the United States of America. That country was a hospitable home for migrants from all over the world, who came to pursue their aspiration in a climate which promoted opportunity for all !

I wish the differences between people will get subsumed under the umbrella of acceptance and cordiality because all of us live sharing the resources of the earth given by God, the giver all good gifts! 


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)




04 February, 2026

Silent dissent !

 



There are times when Dulcie leaves behind questions to ponder upon by her behaviour!

The first photo is her engaging look, which is what she conveys most of the time when she is around us indoor. She follows Anna in all her moves during the day. Her longing is to be near Anna as much as possible. 

When I engage her for her morning and evening walks, she often leads the walk choosing her favourite places in the garden. 

There are times, when she wants to stay longer especially sunbathing in the morning sun. 

The second and third photo above are of an occasion when she avoided  responding to my call to go back home. She silently disengaged by looking away. A firm dissent!

When she was ready to return after a while, she moved and turned to me to announce that 'I am ready', which is what is seen in the photo below!

I notice that her dissent is silent and firm in similar ways when we disrupt her autonomy!

At an advanced age of thirteen years for a dog of her breed, she behaves responsibly and communicatively. She behaves in a soberly manner all the time!

The dissent that I notice in public places like in a meeting or a deliberation is noisy, verbally aggressive or accusative, threatening or challenging the opposite view or even bordering to be defamatory in the language used to communicate!

Dulcie is different from all these! She is firmly expressive of her interest or choice and returns to her composed behaviour after indicating clearly that she still wants to have freedom to exercise her autonomy! She is not a conformist, but an utterly faithful companion!

I have recollections of some meetings I have been part of in the recent years. I remember listening to people who have a different opinion than what the majority in the group tends to pursue. The dissenting opinion is so presented that it gets noticed because of the way it is discussed in a measured tone, regardfully of other opinions and yet differing to bring a wholistic picture into focus on the matter under discussion. 

In the book, The Gift of Years-Growing Older Gracefully, Joan Chittister while writing on Success (p115) paused a question: " Did we succeed in living gently on  Earth, on creating a balance in our lives of time with nature, time with people, time with God, time for reflection, time for new kind of personal development? If not, it is time to plan our days rather than simply have them slip by unnoticed".

This 'time for new kind of personal development' is all about being ourselves and allowing others to becoming themselves. 

We live in a quarrelsome ambience! 

It is vocation to be a peace maker!

Dulcie sowed me that her dissent was only to claim and express her autonomy and not a reaction! 

A dissent is not therefore to be made into a protest to lead to agitation or aggression. A dissent is a calling to create space for other opinions!


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)




03 February, 2026

Remembering others who feel alone!




 

The Lilies have an origin, plant life and flowering stages!

I have had occasions in the recent weeks to come across biographical experiences of people in their youthful days, that reminded me about the way they responded to the opportunity to become present to others for an altruistic mission in life. 

I came across a senior citizen in his eighties involved in designing a home care programme with a strong medical component for those who are home bound due to diseases which need regular monitoring. I remember how Dr William Cutting in his mid eighties popularised movement as a way to stay fit for senior citizens in Britain by publishing books and uploading videos. 

Anna and I feel inspired by such examples of people, young and old in age, who see the needs of others as an opportunity to innovate and respond to make a difference in the community! 

This way of living with 'consciousness of others' in mind is an inspiration for us. 

When our garden is coloured by Lilies and  Orchids blooming around our cottage, they silently bring this message to us, 'be giving'!

Life, living and leaning can be self centred or other centred!

There comes a time in every person's life when seeking after an exclusive pursuit of purpose for oneself creates a void or a longing to be inclusive!

A senior citizen who makes a round of telephone calls or sends messages every day to few people is helping others to live remembered and encouraged! 

I found that as an inspiration!

That becomes a call to move out of our insular orbit to creating interface of contacts and relationships! 


M.C.Mathew (text and photo)