The ritual of awareness!

 

One recently developed interest for me  has been watching bird behaviours immediately after the rain has ceased, and bird movements are about to start. 

Some birds who found their shelter in the foliage of trees in our garden come out to perch in bare trees hoping to receive the sunshine on their wet body.

There is a family about ten jungle Babblers who are residents in our garden. I noticed three of them a few days back in the tree in our front garden sunbathing and grooming after the rain. I presume that with their body wet and heavy, flight movements are restricted till they dry their body. A ritual of twenty minutes to go through this ritual of grooming fascinated me. They searched every part of their body with their beaks and fluffed their feathers repeatedly to dry them. 

The birds remain aware of their body and attend to remain flight ready!

This springs from a sense of awareness to remain well. 

I have a suspicion that men and women give precedence to indulgent pleasure to wellness in their body, mind and spirit. 

While walking back home from our village shopping area, I noticed the final touches being given to a large building. I was told that it is a bar and restaurant facility. Being on the high way, it is likely to be financially successful. 

The man who spoke to me about this also added a comment which disturbed me. He said, that social drinking of alcohol starts from teenage years. According to him all the fifteen adult neighbours he has are regular alcohol users. Ten of them are under treatment for chronic effects of alcohol use. He asked me a question: Why are we creating more bars even in villages! He answered it with a disturbing comment: This is the way we rationalise alcohol use and justify it as an acceptable social practice. 

This conversation was after the garden scene of the Babblers attending to their wellness of the body by grooming to be flight ready!

How are we to be ready to live well!

By being aware of wellness in our body! This is not what is highlighted in  our society! Instead, live indulgently and pursue pleasure!

We need a counter narrative. 

The Roseto effect, based on the observations by Dr Stuart Wolf and his colleagues made of Italian migrants in the USA, living in Roseto in the Eastern Pennsylvania, have longer life span without heart ailments even after 65 years. They are a close knit community, who lived relationally and having a social life of neighbourhood relationships where three or four generations shared their lives vibrantly and interactively. Alcohol abuse was unheard of in their community. People lived stress free. They lived mindfully of others. Malcom Gladwell in his book, Outliers suggested that the 'high quality of interpersonal relationships was the reason for Rosetan's long and happy life'. 

In the book, The Power of Meaning, by Emily Esfahani Smith, introduced the theme of meaningful living, 'corresponding with being a 'giver' and its defining feature was connecting and contributing to something beyond oneself' (p15). 'What was surprising, however was that the pursuit of happiness was linked to selfish behaviour-being a taker rather than a giver'. 

The step towards wellness starts with awareness of ourselves growing into becoming aware of others. 

The wet Babblers were aware of their need to groom their body; the Rosetans lived aware of their neighbours- both focussed on wellness, by attending to themselves first and going beyond to be givers! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A sun bird pair !

A pair of sun birds was frolicking between their morning flight stations. I noticed one of them, coming to the shrub in our courtyard and engaged in detailed body grooming. 

That was when it started to drizzle. The sunbird in my visibility made a few bird calls and the other one came flying in to be perched beside it (Photo 3). 

The down pour became heavier and both of them moved to take shelter in the foliage of the adjacent Rambutan tree. During the next ten minutes, till the heavy down pour turned into a dazzle, I found both of them perched in the shelter. When it was only a drizzle both of them flew away to a distant place.

It was a sight of an unusual experience, how there is a live communication between a pairr of sunbirds, although away from each other.  The bird calls were louder and longer, different from the usual short musical chirps in normal times. 

There was a language of messaging and a corresponding response to bring comfort. 

To me it was an experience to know something more about bird behaviour. There is a communication wavelength which two of them shared to know each other's needs. 

To be in communication shall also mean to be in communion as both of them stayed together during that spell of rain!

To me this was a symbol of language of the heart-feeling and responding!

It is a feeling person, who labours to find  his wellness, in seeing others live fulfilled and integrated!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Becoming to be the Being

I recall an evening when a Blue-tailed bee-eater arrived on a cable with its chirps  and remained silent in its perch. A short while after, following a bird call, another one joined it. I waited to see how they communicated to each other. They turned towards each other and chirped almost inaudibly. The look and the whispering chirps surprised me how two birds communicate their feelings of nearness and pleasure of togetherness. 

The voice of gentle whispering chirps seemed to overflow from within from the appearance of the attending look!

This was  a moment of an awareness of how courtship begins for some birds. They sing to each other and stay present to each other silently! The bird calls and the silent pauses become their language of communication. 

To be silent needs an inner discipline. We often feel present to ourselves only when we hear our voice or engage in seeing something that we can think about. 

But interior silence is beyond this. 

It is when we close our eyes and stay quiet even without thoughts, the fullness of silence stills us to sense the largeness of space within us. The inner space is what guides us to feel the true self we are! We are more than our thoughts, sights we can see and interpret, or actions we perform through which others attribute us significance. 

We are a being more than all our doings!

This is the mystery of our being that we are. 

The writer of the 139 Psalm, in the Bible came to a personal awareness of this mystery of his being: 'Thou did form my inward parts; Thou didst weave me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Thy works and my souls knows it well' (v 13,14, ASV).

This journey inward in quietude is the way open to us to feel secure in the true self, hidden within, in the sanctuary of our inmost being. This shall reduce the need to make the visible expression of our life as our identity. Our identity is beyond our body and the stature our qualifications shall bring to us. 

We live in a fashion conscious world which pushes us to dress ourselves to draw attention of others, live in houses which stand out, move about in luxurious cars and behave in indulgent ways to impose our prominence. We live under the compulsion of these popular myths. 

I felt moved,  as the two birds treasured each other's presence in silence. I felt that silence, when it is solemn and sacred, brings larger meaning than all the loud proclamations that humans attempt to make through their social presence. 

I wondered if we pursue falsehood- seeking for social presence without experiencing the fullness of intimate presence to ourselves in the silent interior of our lives! What abides in the silent interior is this consciousness of a God, present within to make us feel loved and anchored!

It is only as much as humans make this voyage inward and find the treasure of a waiting God in our inner self to give us our identity of being 'the beloved of God', our striving to be someone else of our imagination shall cease. 

In a  hymn by an unknown author, referred to this metanoia, a new consciousness:

"O Lord, all the world belongs to you;

And you're making all things new,

What is wrong you forgive

And the new life you give

Is what's turning the world upside-down.

The world's only loving to its friends;

But your way loving never ends,

Loving enemies too,

And this loving with you

Is what's turning the world upside-down.

The world lived divided and apart;

You draw all together, and we start

In your body to see

That in fellowship we

Can be turning the world upside-down...."

The joy of being at home with ourselves in our inner sanctuary for which we have been formed, is the destiny we shall truly seek for ourselves! To be people of loving and forgiving disposition is the true mark of our being!

The humans are 'beings'- formed in love, nurtured in love and called to live loving, forgiving and serving!

I felt good that that a pair of Blue-tailed bee-eater brought this message of inwardness which they communicated in silence between themselves!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Relationships in the yesteryears!

 

I took time to visit some photographs when I was getting used to using a camera about thirty years ago. Many pictures of those years were of street scenes and of children. 

One memory that returns to me is that mobile phones were not in use during those days. I wonder whether there was more meaningful social interaction and conversations at that time between young people!

I suppose lives carried a flavour of privacy and intimacy. One chose how to relate and socialise. However this has changed, where there is a craze to have lot of what one considered earlier to be private is now in the social media. 

What have we lost and what we have gained  by this 'social living', where information is flooding without relational intimacy!

I wonder whether we have lost the art of personal communication, where we trust, relate and communicate to experience a sense of belonging. The truth about ourselves is discovered by ourselves and those whom we can trust, to grow in esteem towards each other. The social relationships therefore were sacred and intimate to experience the strength of comfort and acceptance that one can receive from relationships. Friends turning foes was less common then, because the utilitarian instinct to use the other person for one's own benefit was not viewed as a honourable practice. 

What  have we gained through this social media driven behavioural culture! We 'connect' with lots more of people sharing information and communicating thoughts and opinions. We congregate ourselves into groups when ideas synchronise and thoughts converge. The social media creates opinions and defines new content and contours in behaviour. This gain is at the risk of 'relationships' which upbuild, instruct and edify! We seek people who align with our thinking and tend to create opinions that project one sided view of personal or corporate matters. 

The pictures above of children and adolescents give me another message of what prevailed about 25 years ago. The body language and communicative expressions suggest a sense of togetherness that was deeper than the current style of all that is external and superficial. 

The social harmony of those yesteryears is replaced by strong adherence to some social norms which divide us rather than unite us. 

When we loose the 'sacred' dimension to our lives we are only social beings. It is when we revere the foundation of the mystery of human life, we esteem each other regardfully and respectfully! 

Th inhibition to violate the rights of others and privacy of people was an ethos of human behaviour earlier; now the drive is to condition others to behave in a prescriptive way !

I feel drawn by a desire to cherish relationships and value friendships as mutual and contractual. The trust and affection make it happen. 

I sent messages and called on phone about thirty people recently with whom I have had some contact about thirty years ago, but less frequent now. They too are in the seventies in their age. There was a refreshing message in the response I got from most of them. I also sense that some of them carried a lonely orientation in their personal life! To be able to use social media in an upbuilding way to remain relational is possible. 

The social media has to come to stay. Can it be a means to bring nearness between people! All of us are co-pilgrims in this journey of life. We are to bring encouragement, support, caution and restrain while being co-pilgrims! I wish the sacredness inherent to our life, privacy that we cherish and honourable practice of mutuality we value would be exercised, while we use the social media for our communication!

The delight in friendships and cordial relationships brings a dimension of nearness with people! Do friendships in the 'social media age' bring people together to experience trustful and intimate relationships, which upbuild each other?

I stay with this question!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Flowers at dawn!

 

For some reason, some flowers look dry and some others wet with water drops on the petals,  the before sunrise. Soon after the sunrise the wet flowers also become dry. I suppose each flower has its own way of responding to water drops. 

Seeing this my thoughts wandered to recall instances when parents asked me this question: 'Why our two children behave differently to the same situation'?. One child, when given a gift would say 'thank you' and hug the father and mother before he opens the gift wrapper.  The other child would grab the gift and remove the wrapper in a hurry to know the content. They are apart by two years, both above five years. 

The individual variations are noticeable in other domains of behaviour and conduct. It is common with children. The adult behaviours are also similar with differences and contrasts.

This brings me back to think of the two basic foundations in child development- nature and nurture. 

By our genetic predisposition we are different, which is what we refer to as nature. What a child acquires by habit is what we often refer to as nurture.  The epigenetic effects have an impact on altering what is inherited to change some patterns and behaviour.

The children grow up in each home under the influences of this dual realities of nature and nurture. It is now known that most childhood habits and patterns are modifiable when the environment is optimally regulated. 

I suppose that in the digital age, the interface between children and adults at home has got reduced with children getting exposed to the visual media from early months of infancy. The conversation time between children and adults got reduced. What we observe in children by about two to three years are the imitative patterns of what they observe around them. If the visual media is what influenced them from early childhood, then their behaviour is an expression of what they have been used to visually on the screen.

An infant from the age of six months was used to watching the screen for three to five years, which is what I found in some instances. The natural instinct of communicative instinct has been replaced by passive viewing of the screen. While interviewing about sixty parents, whose two years old children were less verbal, I found the history of exposure to the screen time between three and five hours each day from six to nine months onwards. ThE interactive time between children and parents were less than one hour, which too happened during the bath time or getting ready to bed. The adults were not used to singing to children or read to children from the picture books. 

I have no idea why some flowers retain water drops on the petals whereas, some other flowers remain dry. 

However, with many children making reasonable progress in language use in about three months after reducing the screen time and increasing engagements between adults and children, I presume, that nurture matters in modifying early childhood behaviour.  

Most children follow a pattern and process that would get introduced to them in early childhood. It is therefore necessary to create an environment at home to help children to experience an optimally engaging environment during the pre-school years through wider exposure, experience and exploration of the environment. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Flowers for the Sunbird !

 

I was in the garden yesterday visiting the flowers, which appeared brighter and healthier after a prolonged season of rain and wind. 

I noticed a Sunbird flying between flowers for its nectar and settling for an ultrashort time in a perch, before swiftly flying away! During  the perch its songful posture communicated an unusual delight!

The ants, bees, butterfly and Sunbird are the usual visitors to flowers. All of them return satisfied and fed. 

I get about five telephone calls and five messages a day from people whom I know. That is the only contact I have with them for weeks.  

I pondered over the conversation time and messaging time. How much I am present to make the conversation or messaging fulfilling and soulful!

The telephone call or message is a visit a person makes in search of an information, clarification or to bring greetings. To receive them cordially and respond thoughtfully would be a way of reciprocating the visit of the person with gratitude!

The flowers are open to all their visitors. 

Being open and giving is one way of being present and near to those who visit!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The evening ritual!

I look out for birds in the evening to get a closer view of their rituals. After they completed their grooming, which in itself is a prolonged ritual, some birds have a family time of quiet presence in a communicative orientation. 

Whenever possible I keep watching this sight, as it is bird behaviour different from their usual behaviour of flight ready body orientation. During this ritual immersed in silence, they transact a lot through their reciprocal look. There is giving and receiving in this gesture. 

Before dusk sets in, most birds would have moved to their perching stations for the night. The garden is still without flight movements and chirps before the night falls. 

Every time I watch birds in this composure, I wonder about the emotional tone they communicate to each other. They affirm their togetherness and renew their belonging. It is probably a daily ritual. 

I remember listening to a senior couple, who described practicing silence after the evening meal, as a ritual to feel the nearness to each other emotionally! Often they break the silence with a word or two to express gratitude to each other. They turned their silent time to carry each other in their heart and feel drawn towards each other to experience the joy of the gift of each other and the delight in shared living experiences. 

I like the way the writer of the book of Ecclesiastes in chapter 3: verses12 and 13 describes this experience: 'I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice to do good in one's life time; moreover, that everyman who eats and drinks sees good in all his labour-it is the gift of God'! 

The celebration of the gift of life!

I find the avian behaviour pointing to this consciousness to treasure!

I sometimes feel that the mood of anger rules human hearts. In Proverbs 20:33, there is a reference to 'churning of anger producing strife'! 

We need to diffuse the effect of such a conditioning that prevails around us, by practising different rituals to fill our consciousness with love that endures, gives and forgives!

M.C.Mathew

Giving, Receiving and Sharing!

I took time on one morning to watch the movements of birds towards our feeding station, since the time the first serving of banana fruits were given around 6 am in the morning. In about five minutes, the Bulbuls appeared for their feed. Most of these Bulbuls are residents in our garden.

They formed into two groups. 

A good number of them scattered themselves in the trees as in the above photographs, from where they can watch the feeding station. It is from their perches in these trees, they flew down to the feeding bowl. 

The photos below of the second group Bulbuls show how they shared the meal time. A few of them flew in and out following their meal. All the birds perched in the trees had their turn for feeding. 

I refilled the bowl three times during this ritual. 

While this feeding ritual was going on, a few of the Bulbuls after their feed returned to the trees from where they engaged in loud bird calls. 

 

The photo below is that of two Bulbuls arriving in the tree, below which was the feeding station, following the bird calls of the Bulbuls who had their morning meal. 

The bird behaviour of the Bulbul family is a fascinating aspect of the collaborative life they live. 

They care for others. 

The Barbets or a squirrel who also visit the feeding station become part of this meal time ritual.

As Anna and I get to observe these natural scenes in avian behaviour, we feel moved by the order that some bird families follow to be fraternal!

The Bulbuls have a filial attachment. They share that with birds of  other species. 

The opportunities are not equal for all people, who live around us. There is chasm between people. The haves and have nots still follow two parallel paths.

The stories of men and women engaged in bridging this gap often move us. A tribal community in north Kerala who weave bamboo baskets contributed  large sum of money to the collector's fund to help the people displaced from their homes in the recent landslide in Wayanad. Their gift was like the offering a widow who put two coins in the offertory in the synagogue, about which Jesus of Nazareth made a mention,  'She out of her poverty put in all she owned, gave all she had to live on' !(Mark 12:44).

This form of giving from the abundance of goodwill, is what sustains human life. 

Anna and I had an opportunity recently to meet Johny and Mercy Oommen, after their retirement from the mission hospital at Bissamcuttack. Johny apart from pioneering initiatives in community health, invested his time to create a residential school for tribal children  in their community, which stands as a gateway for children to find opportunities for higher education. Mercy gave her efforts to design the nursing college in the hospital to offer opportunities for women in the local communities to be trained in nursing. Their focus on children and women created a new world of opportunities, which change the prospects of many families to move upward socially and financially. This came out of a couple's spontaneous self giving of all that they had!

It is in giving we create pathways for others to walk in and find a future of hope!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Communal harmony!

The meeting of red vented Bulbul, Red crested Bulbul, Barbet and a squirrel, all around their meal!

It is a daily occurrence that I feel hesitant to believe the regular reference to the Red vented Bulbuls as being fighters. 

The community sense these birds share around a meal is a delight to watch. The Myna birds come on their own to feed. I hope they too would join in !

As these birds are regulars in the feeding station, they bring a refreshing sight of tolerance and acceptance. 

The fear, fight or flight tendencies are overcome! 

When we started this feeding station in the pre-monsoon season, the behaviour of birds was intolerance towards each other. Now at the end of four months, the bonding between birds during the meal times is increasingly cordial. The occasional quarrels are short lived. 

Now the birds and squirrel can begin their day with assured food that they do not have to hunt for food. As the feeding bowl is filled three times a day, they can return during the day, when hungry of thirsty. I am almost inclined to think that if the basic needs of the birds are taken care of, they become more sociable between themselves.  

We live socially in a polarised context. People carry prejudices towards others on account of ethnicity, religion or caste. This divides people and perpetuates suspicion and disregard!

I feel hopeful after watching these birds behave differently over a period of time, that efforts to build bridges between people in every society is worth the effort!

The human instinct is a neighbour-friendly feeling! I hope we would build on it !

When we hear the terms 'whites' and 'Blacks' during the election campaign currently active in the Unites States of America, I know that we have a long journey before we practice commonality with others. The Jews and the Palestinians need healing to embrace this togetherness! 

I hope,  working for social coherence would be a vocation for social activists in different parts of the world! 

Having written yesterday about the fearful behaviour between birds, I felt I need to give the change that I notice in overcoming fear!

M.C.Mathew(text and phot)