Single flower in a plant!

There are several occasions when I noticed just one flower in a plant in our garden. Often those flowers had a distinct look, fragrance and longevity. It is as though one flower was enough to represent the character and heritage of that plant. For weeks or sometimes for months the plant would be without any flower!

I have often heard stories from parents of their disappointment about their children because they face many challenges in their lives-related to academic performance, behaviour, social skills, habits, compliance, etc. I find that parents often speak about these disappointments sorrowfully. 

In my enquiry with parents to list one or two desirable behaviour they can appreciate and promote, most parents are at a loss to discover any behaviour worthy of commendation. 

I have wondered in the recent years if parents have a dominant existential perspective towards their children. Most parents feel compelled to view them as those are expected to perform to receive applause for their good conduct! 

I suspect that such an expectation is a departure from how we ought to view our children. Children are given to us to receive them just as they are and to give them a home where they feel loved, cared for and nurtured. Who they shall become cannot be conditioned sometimes. They slip into another orbit of conduct, behaviour, academic performance, or social behaviour. The disappointment created by the failed expectations is so much that some parents  live lamenting for their children far from loving or upholding them. 

Most parents plan for their children and prepare themselves for parenting. The contrary is not uncommon. The child arrived when parents were least ready to welcome him or her. The parents  do not become present to their children emotionally from the time they are born. The attachment behaviour which is the earliest developmental process between parents and children does not become a bonding behaviour as parents are distant from their children. In some instances, parents abdicate their role to grand parents who facing their ageing challenges give in to offer the TV or Mobile phone to children as parenting substitutes!

I return to these flowers. The brilliance and radiance of these flowers stay with me as a symbol of how every child is to be at home! Our children need a central place in our homes. Parenting is not complete until children are given their rightful place in every home. 

What might be this rightful place! During their infancy and toddler years they need handholding and endearing experiences. During the pre-school years they need parents to be companions waiting on them to enlarge their learning of life in the environment they are located. During the school years children need enlargement of their lives by all rounded extension and expression of their lives. The adolescent  years are critical when parents become collaborators with their children to explore the potential of their prospects in their lives. During the later years parents recede to the background as children use their home to launch out into their future! The least parents can do at this stage of transition of their children to adulthood is to honour them and make space for their independence and support the pursuit of their calling! 

We nurture our children from infancy for this final transition to their full adulthood, when parents in one sense say farewell to their children with blessings and peace! The obsession that parents have that they have a right to choose the life partner for their children is a challenge to accept and come to terms with. I wish adult children are given more freedom to choose their spouses rather than feel pressured to conform to the expectations of their parents! 

I hope adult children would return and stay in touch with parents to celebrate the joys and fulfillments shared together during the long years of transition!

Children are given to us; they come through us but they belong to the humanity, whose formatter and keeper is God of our lives! We are keepers of our children for a season. That is our privilege. When life unfolds in its fullness, our children are ready to leaves us to belong to the humanity, beyond the family ties they have so far kept!

Look at the flowers in each of the three plants. The flowers are reminiscent of the plants that give birth to them! But the flower is for others to see and possess them!

Our children are ours initially, but the calling to parents is to bequeath them to humanity!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)