A lesson from Bird behaviour!

 

I have often noticed a pair of wood peckers fly in and out after their morning chore of climbing two adjacent coconut palm trees. It is a routine for this pair! They turn to each other and seem to stay in visual contact. 

I noticed a child who was in a crawling stage waiting with his family in an out patent area yesterday. This child would crawl a while and turn to where his parents were seated to have frequent visual contacts. To my surprise the parents allowed the child to crawl without restraing him. He returned to them after his wandering on the floor for a while.

A child returns to his parents and while being away from them keeps waiting for them.  

A young adult told me yesterday that he was waiting for his parent’s approval for him to invest on mutual funds. I wondered why he would want their approval! He did not have to involve them at all as his parents do not interfere with him or his decisions. He voluntarily involved them in this decision to feel safe and objective in his decision. 

There is a difference between a voluntary consultation with parents and living with obligation or expectation  towards parents or remain under their control.

It is a major issue I come across in some homes. The grand parents are the final points of reference with regard to what grandchildren ought to eat, how much of screen time they can have or how they have to spend their time while at home. As a result of this 'interference' children feel confused and the attachment process with parents gets disrupted due to mixed messages they receive. 

A couple who visits us with their son who has hemiparesis, told me the other day that while they visit the child's grand parents, they feel comfortable as all decisions are left to the parents and the grand children spend time enjoying the presence of the child at home. 

I wish that grand parents do not substitute the role of parents and parents do not abdicate their roles to grand parents. This is a struggle that I have watched in some families with considerable stress. 

I wish we have more dialogue on grand parenting and clarify for parents and grandparents in their dual roles in the life of children. A grand father told me that he does not encourage the grand child to sleep with the grandparents though the child wanted it sometimes and they too would like it. According to him, the three activities in which parents ought to be rightfully involved with children are: feeding them, bathing them and managing their bed time.  I was more than glad to hear this from a grand father. He spoke wisdom. 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)