Two Mothers and their pre-school children!

The above photo taken from the front portion of a village house in north India, was one of the special photos during my ten days of visit to the village. This scene brought back memories of many aspects of maternal-baby bonding during infancy. 

I was to board a flight on the same day at noon. I looked forward to the day as I had some important things pending for me to do on reaching home. 

After checking in on time, while waiting for the boarding, we were told that the flight was going to be delayed about three hours. That was not a pleasant news as that would make me loose the connection for the next leg of the journey. I was pleasantly surprised to get help from the airline staff to book for another flight although it meant waiting at the transit air port till mid night. However, I did not sense a turbulence within me, unlike my usual response to such situations. 

I settled down to read. It was then a child of two or three years approached me to take the book away from me. His mother promptly interrupted him and offered him the mobile phone. After about ten minutes, the mother took away the phone from him and was engaged in surfing the phone herself, during which time this child moved about, sometimes running between rows of chairs, at other times climbing over the chair, where ever there was an empty chair and behaved with no inhibition in a departure hall where at least two hundred people were seated.  

Every effort of the mother to pacify him, by giving him chocolate biscuits, beverage to drink or offer an early lunch in preparation to make him sleep did not help.  Even the security staff supported the mother in her effort to make him seated. What pacified him for a while was the mobile phone, when his mother offered him for another short time, after which she forcibly took it from him for her to be on the screen. I suspect that the mother too was unable to occupy herself without viewing the phone. 

This cycle of the child and mother taking turns to be on the screen was a disturbing sight to watch. There were occasions when the mother scolded, spanked and pinched the child with no avail. He was on the go, unmindful of the people in the environment. Even the mother had no option left to occupy the child except by offering the phone. An elderly woman tried to engage him by pointing to the air craft arriving, but he was trying to force open the door to go to the tarmac. This boy spoke some words and the English accent of the child and mother made me guess that they were overseas Indians, on a visit to India.

I realised, while watching this pre-school child and his mother that the door of communication was shut, as the mother could not engage him in conversation or pacify him. He was insistent. The mother had no toys or books for him to scribble. I  did not notice her singing or offer him to do something to occupy him.

As against this scene that disturbed me, there was another mother sitting with her pre-school son at the other side of the departure hall. I moved my seat to have a better view of the engagement between the child and the mother. The mother kept pointing to different things in the departure hall and moved between the snack bar and the viewing  corner to watch air craft arriving and taking off. I saw her reading to him from picture books, engaging him by giving drawing materials and playing with puzzles. What was striking was that the mobile was no where in sight. She fed him with fruits and water. She seemed to sing to him when he looked drowsy, but he woke up to continue his play with the mother. How the mother used different variations of play to keep him occupied amazed me. For about an hour, I had an opportunity to watch this mother and child, till the boarding was announced.

I noticed a mother who knew the art of enjoying the presence of being with her pre-school child. The child delighted and responded to the different activities which the mother initiated. The mother travelled with different activity plan for her son. I felt fascinated  by the strong sense of attachment between the child and mother. 

I recall how others sitting close by also noticed how this mother responded fondly and occupied the child pleasantly. 

There was an open door of communication between the mother and child. The mother's attention was focussed on the child. She responded to her son intuitively and actively. 

This photo above, of a vibrant and colourful Lily in a garden I visited two days ago, became a symbol of the joy the above mother and child shared between them, during a prolonged wait in the air port. 

I found the three hours spent, watching two mothers and their pre-school children, as a learning experience about the contrast that exists in parenting patterns. Both families might be on a holiday in India, while normally resident in some English speaking country overseas. 

Both adults and children get perturbed when flight delays take place. In the case of the second mother, she was ready, alert and resolved to respond to an unforeseen situation, as she was normally used to communicating with her son. 

What is common between a sheep family and a human family is the way they rear and nurture their offsprings!

I boarded the flight with some heaviness.  I felt the desperate situation of the first child who was driven by his impulsive behaviour! His mother seemed weary, probably because of long international travel !

When a mother and an infant grow up enjoying the interactive process, the outcome is a stable relationship and an easy passage into toddler and pre-school years!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)