The community of birds behave in different ways during the feeding time. In the instance above, their behaviour was conditioned by the arrival of a squirrel. With the arrival of the squirrel, the Bulbul which was feeding from the bowl, left allowing the squirrel for its private meal. When the squirrel was in the bowl, the other birds were perched in the vicinity, waiting for their turn. Then the birds returned for the meal after the departure of the squirrel and appeared feeding as a community.
This sight reminded me of what happens in some group discussions. The group was transacting the conversation in a cordial way till a new person arrived, whose way of behaviour disturbed the cohesive functioning of the discussion. Then the new person takes over and converts the discussion in to a monologue with dogmatic view on the matter under discussion. It is this way of indiscrete and dominant interference which makes some discussions non-productive and inconclusive.
After the squirrel withdrew, the birds regathered as a community and continued their interactive time in a friendly way.
The dynamics of interaction between birds around the meal time give a message of how they turn their feeding time to be a pleasant experience for each other.
This brought memories of meetings when the discussions turned polarised and non converging. Often it was on account of non-negotiable position of one or two. When I had to be chairing the meeting it became even more difficult, as some people lost the perspective of the common good and got engaged in forcing an opinion that had a personal benefit. Some of my difficult experiences in taking forward a discussion to a resolution were on account of the polarised opinions.
In the feeding behaviour of birds, all the birds gave into the intrusion of the squirrel. They created a space for the squirrel without trying to over power it. It meant that the birds had to wait for their turn to feed. They had the bowl replenished with new supply of food, which was one befit of waiting.
In the recent years, I struggled a lot in creating a space to accomodate the dissident opinions, when I was responsible to lead the proceedings of the discussion. There was a serious breakdown of communication about ten years ago in one group. I could not find a negotiating room towards a conciliatory consensus, that I stepped back to have a respite from such involvements.
It was during this stressful time, I completed the course on Alternate Dispute Resolution which brought me some fresh insights about dispute, its causal pathway and the negotiating strategies. Any dispute would have a narrow corridor to explore a negotiating approach, provided one is ready to 'let go' as well as 'let in'.
In the recent five years, I realised the transforming strength of letting go and the advantage of looking for the 'next best alternative', when what seemed ideal could not be comfortably negotiated through, I find that it is a workable approach towards dispute avoidance or resolution. It includes patiently negotiating for what is most appropriate. The next best alternative is a substitute, if that does not contradict the existing ethos and ethics of the group.
I have come across lot more of divisive tendencies and push for pursuing individual gains, while working in a group, in the recent years. There are two groups operational in such situations. One group, often referred to as a 'ginger group' standing up for honourable practices to uphold the noble cause of the organisation. The other group often having a partisan view with personal aspirations.
It was while watching the squirrel keeping away the birds or the birds behaving threatened by the squirrel's presence, I got a closer view of a group dynamic that can impair the synchrony in a group. It is the 'power of control' or 'fear to engage', that would make an organisation loose its soulful mission! When the two factions in the Orthodox Church fight over the possession of the church buildings and property, I feel saddened by the loss of the soulful mission of a historic denomination of the church!
On one occasion when I saw a Bulbul and squirrel next to the feeding bowl, I wondered, whether they too are working towards a reconciled attitude towards each other! The comfort they shared while being in the physical proximity of each other gave me a signal that they are learning to relate better!
Theirs is a result of good negotiated settlement!
It is worth pursuing to negotiate for finding a path forward when opinions differ in a group !
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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