More than beautiful!

Farewell 2018 and welcome 2019!

Life is beautiful and worth cherishing! There is abundance of human goodness. Let us unfold it by helping each other to make our relationships and engagements to abound in this virtue of goodness !


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Three migrant birds!

During my walk on Sunday afternoon, I sighted these three migrant birds. I felt awful as the light condition was not in favour of crisp photography! Also I tried out a telephoto lens with an adapter which was supposed to enhance the lens to the equivalent of 400 mm. The quality of picture failed my expectations. The haziness and lack of details would be on account of multiple factors including not using a tripod. 

If I can leave behind the technical matters, the three birds were sighted singly on the top of tall trees. This is an indication of the hesitation of the migrant birds to appear in the vicinity of the regular avians who inhabit the place. 

The territorial domination of birds reveals the possessive nature of the birds. Birds frequent their places of normal habitat and chase away the other visitors or intruders.  

It reminds me about the way I feel sometimes. 

I feel strange in unfamiliar circumstances.

This is perhaps a common feeling, most of us carry with us when we take up a new job, or change house or leave our family settings. 

The body language of these three birds convey quiet confidence although there might be bit of tentativeness. 

I feel tentative about 2019. It is a year of transition for me from my regular work setting to something more than that! 

What gives me some confidence is the way the three birds decide to take a risk while coming into a new territory! They positioned themselves beyond the normal plane of the other birds, high above in the air space! 

It is a calling to live uniquely overcoming the stereotypes!

There is an opportunity to live from within, yet aware of the circumstances and not conditioned by them! 

Life is for Living, Learning, and Listening to the voice from within! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Sightings on 31.12.2018 outside our cottage !

I waited today to track the movements of birds in the evening outside our cottage!

I was more than rewarded! 

Just before dusk when there was still light I was glad to have noticed these birds. The owl was an unusual sighting!

Birds are graceful and elegant in more than one way!

Their colourfulness is an exquisite feature which holds our attention! 

This sighting of these birds overwhelmed me as it is not common to see all of them in just one evening!

I felt that each of them was a messenger to me to lift my spirit to look back at 2018 soberly and gratefully!

Thank you birds for arriving on the eve of the new year! I am reminded of the words of Jesus of Nazareth, 'Look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap, but their heavenly father provides for them'! 

I look forward to the coming year, 'looking unto Him, in whom we live, move and have our being'!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Dancing leaf!

I watched this dry leaf floating in the air at a distance. As it remained suspended, I guessed that it was resting on the strand of a web left behind by a spider.  For the next half hour while I waited for the bird arrivals of the evening, I watched this leaf dancing to the movement created by the wind! The wind gave life to this leaf which otherwise would have joined the rest of the dry leaves fallen underneath the tree. 

We are people who are carried!

It is a consciousness that might be present within us only faintly most of the times. As we are 'driven' people by our choices and plans, we do not contemplate on this dimension of 'being carried'!

Yesterday, a family with tier five months old baby visited us. The baby felt comforted when his mother carried him. The mother held him close to her chest and stroked him and called out his name. That was good enough for his comfort and for his return to his charming mood. 

This is an outstanding example what happens when we feel carried. To let go into the carrying arms is the sure way to feel secure. 

To let go would mean an apparent loss of control. When a lad gave away his five loaves and two fish to Jesus of Nazareth, he did loose control over his food. But what append was multiplied food for five thousand and more! 

The leaf was suspended in the air, although looking precarious, when it allows d to be carried by a strand of web. The fragility of the strand is what might initially frighten us. The One who carries us is Emmanuel, upon whose shoulders rest all authority, even though the means He uses might appear fragile! 

So I look forward to 2019, and the experiences of letting go to be carried! Every time I fail to do so, there would be another opportunity! 

The dancing leaf is a symbol of how we can live lighter because we care carried!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Singing in 2019

Anna and I watched this Drongo family of birds come and rest on the power cables in our courtyard  giving us just enough time to bring out the camera. They were singing tunefully taking turns. 

They flew away singing and perched in the adjacent nutmeg tree, not visible to us, but near enough for us to hear their birdsong.

What a surprise and a refreshing way to usher in the new year!

If one were to go by tradition, birds sing tunefully and continually and when they are peaceful or courting!   

I have watched this family of birds a few times around our cottage but not singing.

They to me were visitors with a message. 

I am still recovering form some difficult experiences of the last week! I had the day to myself, mostly spending time with workers doing different things in the property.

I was becoming weary in spirit and heavy of heart with the things that need attention and because of some pending work, mainly the building the wall of the pond, from where we receive water for irrigation of the property! 

The birds brought immense cheer and lifted the curtain of heaviness and anxiety. This to me was the new year gift to my soul. 

Music has a resonating and calming effect, which lifts us to a new a plane beyond reason and logic.  I experienced this with the birdsong this evening 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

One Life, two expressions!

The two buds in the centre arise from one common stem.

To me it is a symbol of marriage. The husband and wife shall become 'one' first and from that position of unity, they express their two individual lives. 

To become one is a journey in itself! I do not know whether one life time is enough for this to happen in its fullness! However, as long as both husband and wife are committed to this journey to become one, it becomes a true realisation of the calling of marriage. 

It is from that inner unity between husband and wife, each receives the nourishment to express his or her lives individually. 

Becoming the true self to express individual selves in marriage, begins with the growing inner unity that creates affinity for each other. 

The season of new year is a good time to refresh ourselves with the vocation in marriage. Every family becomes a fountain of joy only as much as a husband and wife stay in this fellowship of intimacy, mutuality and unity!

What beholds each other in marriage is not just fondness alone, but inner nearness that grows out of respect and trust!

The children in our homes grow up watching this inner unity, which then becomes the preparation for their future! 

The expression of this unity is through words and deeds. 

M.C.Mathew (photo and text)

A transition time!

Just a few days before the dawn of  a new year! It is a transition time in human history and in our personal history.

This picture from our garden is a symbol to me of the year that is behind us and the year ahead of us!

The background of this picture is most hazy! But the buds and the flower stand out. 

The year behind us joins the biography of our lives. Only memories and experiences remain, that too with fading clarity! But they exist. It is a good time to summarise the year and refresh oneself with the life lessons of the year. 

It is this exercise which would free us to receive the bouquet of flowers awaiting us in 2019! 

One way of summarising the year behind us is to recall them as 'peeks and valley' experiences. The ups and downs of the year created the inner fabric of our lives.  Its colourful tapestry can only be discovered when we view them through the prism of consciousness and awareness. 

The new year season is often viewed as partying time; instead view them as family times. I wish as families we would sit sane around candle lights, children and adults together, to share and hear the peek and valley experiences of life in 2018. 

Life is valuable only when memories are refreshed. It creates gratefulness within us and make us feel all the more connected with people who form part of of our lives and to the eternal reality of God, who is the giver of life!

What is behind and what is before are both GIVEN to us! It is in creating time we can RECEIVE them and enlarge our lives!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

With or without Tripoid!

I have often wondered whether a  tripod is essential for use of telephoto lenses. 

I looked at the several photos I took of this bird without a tripod. All the pictures do not have the details of the bird, except for the open beaks which suggest that it might be singing ! Unless one is exceptional with a steady hand it is more or less clear that tripod is valuable. In this case it was difficult to capture some details due to poor light conditions. So I ended up using the auto mode with image stabilisation!

With the advent of mirrorless micro four third SLR cameras and lenses, the weight of the equipment has been halved, so also the clarity and details of the target! Since I use one of them for the last one year, the photography has become more easy and I am redeeming the lost pleasure. However the full frame camera cannot be substituted. It would remain as the leader in art photography!

If we were to leave behind the technical application of the photography, what came home to me from the pictures of this bird is its location on the top of a tall teak  tree, which is about 200 feet high. The bird is on a slender twig and appears to be positioned precariously and yet singing!

Yesterday was a difficult day with some disturbing experiences which bothered Anna and myself. It looked as if there is no end to the sorrowful experiences.

So When I reviewed these photos and saw the bird singing, I felt revived to some extent. 

Life is for singing! Life is for Learning! Life is for Living!  

There is plentiful joyful and fulfilling experiences and the sorrowful experiences cannot drown all of them!

It is a message of hope and consolation! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

An evening stroll and cycling memories- Biography 25

It was during my evening walk yesterday, I sighted this friendly scene. 

The children were seen together for a long distance in happy conversation. I wondered how the girl managed cycling slowly carrying another girl in the back! They looked cheerful. 

I returned to my childhood to recollect my early cycling experiences. 

I was given permission to learn cycling during the summer vacation, after I passed the seventh standard. I learned cycling in the foot ball field of the school where I was studying. 

I borrowed a bicycle each evening from a cycle shop. There were at least six cycle shops in our village at that time, which was the common mode of transport. There were three cars and five motor bikes in the village if I remember correctly. There were at least one hundred people who owned cycles and another fifty or so available to hire. 

After I got familiar to ride a cycle, I used to hire a cycle whenever I wanted to go the post office or the provision shop. I looked forward to it. However buying a bicycle was beyond our reach at that time. 

Once, I lost balance while coming down a slope and fell into a ditch. There was a minor damage to the bicycle. There were few other falls, but no major injuries! I looked forward to long rides with friends during holidays. Going ten kilometres on a bicycle was a treat I looked forward to during the holidays. 

When I went to study at Nagpur, I used hired bicycles a lot. During the first week at SFS College, Nagpur, I decided to go for an evening ride on hired bicycle. I barely managed to speak a few Hindi words while hiring the cycle. I went into the town and noticed an ice-cream shop. The Dinshaw ice cream was popular at Nagpur at that time. I went in to have an ice cream and happened to meet some friends from the college. After the ice cream we walked back together to the college hostel. 

On the next day, I went to hire a bicycle from the same shop. The owner asked me about the bicycle I borrowed the previous day. It was then I remembered about the bicycle and recollected it having been left behind in the street outside the ice cream shop. 

When I went back to the shop, I was told that the cycle was deposited in the police station as no one claimed the bicycle till the shop closed at 9 pm. 

At the police station, I received a scolding from the police officer. When he realised that I had  come to Nagpur only a week ago, he was sympathetic. Seeing how upset and disturbed I looked , he offered me a cup of tea and walked back with me a short distance till I was fully composed to ride back.

By then the news had spread in the hostel about my absent mindedness. The warden of the hotel, Father Laurie Fernandez called me to his office after dinner and talked to me about responsible behaviour. When he knew that I was unsettled and was taking time to adjust to life in a new place, he turned to be extremely kind. He offered me toffees and comforted me. Every time he saw me in the next few weeks, he stopped to enquire about my wellness.

Every time I recall this unfortunate incident, I feel relieved that it ended well with the bicycle restored to me. 

The first time I owned a bicycle was when I joined the medical school in 1967. It was a pale green Raleigh bicycle, which was comfortable to ride which I retained for another twenty years. My farther gave it away to one of our farm workers when we no longer needed it. 

Th pleasant memories of long bicycle rides while at Nagpur return to me- the week end rides to the orange farms about thirty kilometres away from the city. Some of us regularly went to this farm almost every two weeks during the winter months to get free supply of oranges. At that times oranges were cheap. A basket of fifty oranges were sold for five rupees! So the farmers allowed us to gather oranges lying on the ground at no cost. Each of us would return with couple of dozens of oranges and share with friends in the hostel. 

I used to go to other picnic spots beside lakes and mountains in the outskirts of Nagpur for the sake of enjoying long bicycle rides.

One regular happening on Saturday evenings was meeting  at the Indian Coffee House, Sadar with late Mr A B Bardhan, who later became the general secretary of the Communist Party of india. He  used to expound the theory of 'rights and privileges of citizens' in a democratic society.  I looked forward to this seven kilometre cycle ride from the Medical College. But this meeting turned out to be a political advocacy group from which I retreated after a short while.

I remember cycling to Dharampet to meet Mr L T. Jeyachandran, who was from the Indian Engineering Service, a devout follower of Jesus who spoke from his heart on Biblical themes. This accidental meeting became a regular meeting. He too had a bicycle and we used to cycle to meet with other likeminded student friends. The conversations and cycling experiences remain as pleasant memories now. Later meeting with Mr Prabhakar Rao a post-graduate engineering student brought one more contact into our circle of friends. He too was a cyclist, who travelled long distances within the city to meet with student friends.

Another significant aspect of this cycling experience was developing a net work of friendships while at Nagpur. Some of us who got to know each other used to meet for a time of prayer fellowship on Saturday evenings and for a study of the Scripture on Sunday mornings at the Christa Mahila Sadan. I wonder whether travelling long distances would  have been possible in a short time as public transport was infrequent. The cycle rickshaws would2 have taken at least two hours to cover ten kilometres.

The other refreshing memory of my cycling experience is the time at Pune during my post graduate training. My father in law gave me his cycle for use during the two years at Pune. The daily bicycling from N M Wadia Hospital to B.J.Medical College and back, a distance of six kilometres each way was my rhythm. I took time on some days to go to different parts of the city on my way back home. At the end of two years, I had accessed most of the city, at least the inner city on the bicycle.

By this time, I found cycling a time for seeing and reflecting. The beggars in the street, the opulence of fashion, congested and not so well kept streets, etc left some impressions on my mind. It was during the time in Pune, I felt drawn towards capturing sights and scenes of the street for a record. But I had to wait for another seven years to possess a camera.

I had my old bicycle when Anna and returned to Nagpur for my post graduate training in Paediatrics. Th cycle was useful to go up and down as we lived about a kilometre away from the Nagpur Medical College.

Almost all the children I know now in our part of the village own a bicycle. It is common to see girls also use bicycles now, which was exceptional during my childhood. 

Of course bicycling is being made popular to reduce congestion in the streets in cities. Many cycle to work in cities which have separate cycling paths. There are bicycle parks in some cities where one can pick up a bicycle and leave it anywhere else in the city after use, if already registered with the hiring company. 

Bicycling is  a strongly recommended exercise for healthy living. 

What a delight to watch bicycles come back !

Thank you children for inspiring me to travel back to my memory lane! It was a delightful evening of happy memories!

Happy cycling!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Jackfruits !

The recent observations about the multiple health advantages of consuming jackfruits has invited lot of discussion in the media. 

The plan is to make the fruit popular widely and produce hybrid variety which would produce fruit throughout the year. 

A recent news release proposed fifteen different ways jack fruit can be used for dietary purpose from its raw stage. Although its demand has increased and hence the cost, it is still seen as a fruit with limited benefits. 

There are jackfruit shows like mango shows which the government in Kerala popularises. 

I have come across five foot high jackfruit trees with fruits, although smaller in size than the usual ones. 

It was an obscure fruit with no market value when I was growing up. Now it has become a delicacy with multiple health advantages and one fruit of five kilograms costing around 300 rupees. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A house!

As I watched this woman carry water on her head to her home, I felt miserable both for the state of her house and for her having to walk a distance to fetch water. 

India has the maximum number of millionaires in South Asia. The recent three high profile weddings were a lavish display of wealth and social status. 

The poor among us are still poor. 

This is a wake up call! The people living without basic facilities are many more than statistics suggest!

What is that we can spare for them! It is a call to each of us!

I remember my father who made provisions fo two families to build their homes, by giving portion of our property at a subsidised cost. They have prospered since then.

The socially and economically disadvantaged often need an helping hand. They would find their way   forward once they are offered the 'start up' support.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Avian and canine visitors!

The Little Egret was a visitor to our garden yesterday!

It is the first time I noticed this waterbird in our garden during this season. They roost in tall trees. It is its nesting season. I wish it would make a nest in a tree in the property!

The Magpie Robin was another visitor yesterday. Its birdsong far away got my attention as its voice was distinct and tuneful.

I had to chase away the canine visitors! All of us have a mixed feelings when we come across stray dogs. They can be  a menace although they too need shelter and care!

There is a surprise almost every day, when we live in a village setting !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Falling walls!

This is third time the walls around the front portion of of our cottage falling, with heavy rain since August this year! It is a worrying  experience! Obviously the workmanship is not good enough!

It brings in to focus a new dimension to life in a village! There are lesser number of skilled workers for specialised work now-a-days. Those who are available are older people. Although experienced, I suspect they are tired and less enterprising!

This is an existential question. To be good stewards of property is a challenge! Sometimes it is a burden !

The restoration of the property since the flood in August 2018, is still continuing. One immediate outcome of the efforts is that the water flow form the leaking canal has stopped since we did the plastering of the walls. The perennial water flow through the property has ceased which would be beneficial to the nutmeg trees.

We inherit these assets; to be keepers till we shall relinquish the control is a duty. However it shall be fruitful exercise when it becomes a pleasure ! I wish it would be so! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Think of Farmers!

Farmers are in distress and the agrarian crisis is threatening the livelihood of many. 

As I watched the sugarcane load of a tractor move on the high way, I could almost guess that the farmer would return after selling the sugar cane without receiving the payment. The waiting time to get their payment is six months or more in most of the states in India.

The factory owners are powerful and decide on the price and the time of payment. The farmers are helpless. Most of the farm produce need to sold soon after the harvest. So a farmer has not choice except go by what is imposed upon by the merchant lobby!

It is a distress that threaten the future of the farmers and the farming community!

Sometimes I wonder whether anyone cares! There have been at least seven national level protests by farmers in the recent months!

A society that ignores the wellness of the weaker sections is not just or fair!

Is this what we have become after seventy years of independence!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Two Tits on the Christmas day, 2018 !

I have often noticed small birds less than fifteen centimetres in length in the rose apple trees in our garden. I tried to take their pictures on several occasions. I could not manage to take sharp pictures on all those occasions as they move quickly and do not pause enough in between the moves. 

Yesterday, I got a few pictures, thanks to the camera and the telephoto lens!

The first one is a Grey Tit, and the second one is a White winged black Tit. The striking white patch of hair below the eyes is the striking feature of Tits. They are birds which often can be seen in the fruit bearing trees. 

The Tits prefer quiet places. 

Our dogs Daffney and Dulcie 'tolerate' birds. So we have new bird arrivals during this season around our cottage. 

The small birds have something special about them. It is the movements of the leaves or their birdsongs which make us alert about their presence!

The sparrows in general are pretty birds. They are elegant to look at at and their birdsongs are musical and melodious!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Fifth Anniversary Walk- Biography 24

I discovered a mina family and a squirrel near their nest on the top of two coconut palms, which had dried up. They had their nests in the hollow of the stem. It was a safe place for them from any predators. It was a place, which was theirs truly.

This sight triggered within me my own story of finding my own rhythm of living, after a living a pre-occupied life for a long season prior to my coronary heart surgery. 

I returned to our cottage after three months of stay at CMC Vellore, after my coronary by-pass surgery five years ago during the Christmas week.  

Anna and I were used to walking about five kilometres almost everyday for about two years around our village, following that. That got discontinued and our walk was largely within our property since then. 

Yesterday, I felt the urge for a walk along the same path to recollect the events related to my heart surgery which took place in 2013.  

It was during a visit to CMC Vellore to attend the council meeting, I sensed a chest discomfort, while running to get in to the train. On my journey back, I felt the same uneasiness while carrying the luggage from the platform to the taxi stand. Anna and I returned to CMC to get the medical tests done. 

I was hesitant to have a surgery and looked forward to just having an angioplasty. But the cardiologists noticed several collaterals following block in two arteries. A by-pass surgery was the only option. 

Since Anna and I moved to Vellore in 1997, I had a demanding clinical work. The Developmental paediatrics services needed to develop and grow. I gelt the compulsion to respond to the needs of children and families who used to come from different parts of India. I was the only consultant and the out patient services used to spill over to midnight or later at least three times in a week. That meant coming back home early in the morning and getting up at five am to get ready to be back at work at 8 am. Most of the professionals were new to the specialty of developmental paediatrics and this meant spending a lot of time to enable them to be equipped to welcome children for neuro-developmental support. 

I knew that the specialty needed to start a higher specialty training in developmental paediatrics at the DM level and offer a PhD programme to stabilise the department and give a lead to this specialty in India. The developmental paediatrics at CMC Vellore was the only department in any medical college in India at that time and this gave us an opportunity to take the lead to make it as an academic specialty. I felt trapped by these compulsions and the daily rhythm of 'rest, pray and work' got disrupted. I became a workaholic, although, I used to say to those who commented that, 'I looked busy at work', that I was 'only pleasantly occupied'! It was far from true. I felt tired and could not organise myself into an orderly rhythm.

I needed medical consultation by 2000. Professor Seshadri, who kept a watch over me felt that I needed to reduce weight, go for a walk regularly and take some medicines for mild hypertension. I did take his advice seriously.The cardiologist Dr Sunil Chandy gave me further advice on cardiac care. 

It was during the Life Revision Seminar at Rasa, Switzerland in the summer of 2000, I sensed the stress I was carrying and the danger of pushing myself at work. After my return from the one month of retreat, I took several steps to restore a wellness approach to life and work. I stopped the late night consultations which meant that families had to wait upto six months for meeting me. This helped the administration to sanction additional posts of consultants. That is how Dr Beena and Dr Samuel joined the department and completed their post-doctoral fellowship in Developmental paediatrics. Following that the PhD programme too got approved by the University and the department received a momentum to move forward academically. Everything looked bright and I looked forward to the return of a better daily rhythm. 

However this respite was short lived. I yielded to the pressure to join the administrative team as the then Director Dr George Chandy was most persuasive. The next five years in the administrative team caused another disruption with the early morning and the late evenings spent in the directorate of CMC. It involved attending formal meetings and being available to many  faculty who needed personal support. It was during this period, I was also responsible for organising the monthly three day retreats for the faculty, which went on for 20 months. There was a measure of involvement in the lives of many faculty in their formative process and personal development planning. However, it consumed my attention, time and energy. I requested to be relieved of my responsibilities before the end of my term, as I felt that life was lived in a hurry and disorderly.

I was left with four years before I retired from CMC Vellore in 2008, to attend to build stability in the department and develop all the services that needed attention. The Hall of Residence providing short term residential facility for seven families, was a sought after service for families from different parts of India. The sleep monitoring facility in the Hall of Residence opened my eyes to the need of monitoring sleep of children in a rational way. The EEG monitoring at night and the sleep inventory which evolved during that period, became a valuable learning experience for all that followed on sleep research in which I was involved in the recent years. During my time at MOSC Medical college, I was able to initiate five research projects on sleep, which gave some valuable insights about the association between sleep disruptions and day time behavioural difficulties such as inattention, hyperactivity, academic under performance, etc.

The subsequent period or four years between 2008 and 2012, two years at the Pondicherry Institute of Medical Sciences and the two years at MOSC Medical college were also demanding years, needing my full attention in starting the specialty of Developmental paediatrics and Child Neurology. So the chest discomfort I experienced in 2013, needing surgery, was an outcome of living 'dangerously' without following the earlier warnings I have had with tiredness and mild hypertension.   

It was during the evening walk yesterday, all these thoughts about the circumstances leading to my heart surgery came upon me vividly. 

The five years following the surgery were also difficult years. I felt pressured in 2012 to rejoin the CMC governing council which I left in 2008, following the requests from the director. The five years till I relinquished my position in 2017, was a mixed season. The first three years were valuable in being able to support the leadership team and affirm their initiatives. But the subsequent two years were stormy to say the least. I had to make several trips to CMC as the institution was struggling with its autonomy of undergraduate admission, building a new hospital campus at Kanigapuram and Chittor, select a new director, and prepare itself for celebrating the hundredth year in medical education. I gave myself fully to all these only to face some difficulties and challenges on account of break down of communication and disharmony at the leadership level. I endured it for a while and when it became intense and conflict prone, I knew my time had come to leave that behind for my wellness. In fact I was able to close all the disrupted relationships by getting in touch with all of them during the last one year. The last letter I had to write to express my gratitude and farewell to one of them was just before this Christmas.  

So the time since Christmas 2017, was a year of finding a new rhythm to life. I formally retired from MOSC Medical College, at 70 years in June 2018. I offered to continue for another year to help in the transition of the department. I have had time to reflect and review events and experiences which is now resulting in writing the biography, which is in its 24th chapter. I am in the process of sending letters of gratitude to many who reached out to me and Anna during the last thirty five years, since we set out to focus on the mission of supporting neuro-developmentally challenged children through ASHIRVAD. About fifty letters so far written since June 2018, gave me yet another joyful recollection of life made abundant because of the thoughtfulness of others to accompany us in different ways. 

By the time I returned yesterday after the walk it was dark. I could hear birdsongs of birds settling in for the night.

I returned to think about the mina birds and squirrel I found high up in the sky on the top of the coconut palms. They made their home in a safe place. 

To live 'safely' is a calling!

I had a telephone call from a family yesterday to wish us for Christmas, who live in another country. There was a brief recollection of years of friendship we have had during the conversation. Anna and I have had some involvements in their lives during their periods of uncertainties. 

It is not enough that we seek to live safely for ourselves. We are also stewards of others. It is a calling to accompany others to help them live safely!

I closed the meditation on the life events since 1997, with a charitable note to my soul. Although I lived dangerously, I felt protected and cared for. Anna, was the most dependable person to whom I could turn to when overcome with the burdens of resolving difficult relationships. I felt overwhelmed by this consciousness as I returned home at the end of a long walk!  

We belong to an earthly home; we live looking forward to the heavenly home!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

   

Fruits of life!

I remember writing about the custard apple tree in our courtyard which was partly uprooted in the storm and rain in August. The tree then flowered to produce about fifty fruits, much more than it ever did in the last ten years!

We allowed the tree to remain in its fallen place and the tree seemed to survive for a while. We did receive some fruits which were delicious as ever before. But the tree seems to be showing signs of less life with most of leaves showing a withered look.  We try to revive the tree with watering and protection for its roots.

It was the fallen tree which produced the flowers and fruits.

Almost every day I come across families who too have similar experiences of being 'cast down' by the existential realities and demands of life and living. Most of them seem to stand at a cross road not knowing which way to choose for their children who are developmentally challenged.

It is here, I too feel unsettled sometimes. Almost all parents focus on their children achieving academic skills, which to me is a reasonable pursuit. However, I have a sense that the pursuit is sometimes disproportionate to the abilities and prospects of children.

I come across situations when parents expect children to perform like others, which becomes a burden on them and children. 

Yesterday, there was a refreshing respite when one family mentioned that, 'we stopped thinking about his performance in the class. We are helping him to pursue different activities which he seems to like'!

It is the only way we can turn these children to be fruit bearers. All children have the potential to bring their creative instincts into tangible expressions. It is for us to facilitate this. 

I prepare myself to bring my years of association with children with developmental needs to a close all being by June 2019. I feel grateful for the team of professionals who work in the department where I work. I feel encouraged by their enthusiasm and sense of mission to enable all children to be fruit bearers! 

I feel grateful for the enrichment I have received from being in the company of children and families who face the challenges in life and yet turn them to be opportunities!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Thirty seven years ago- Biography 23

Yesterday Anna and I remembered Anita Susan Mathew, our daughter who was born on 17th November thirty-seven years ago.

Anna and I lived at the Christian Medical College, Vellore at that time, where I worked as a consultant in Child Health under Professor Malathi Jadhav. We lived in the hospital campus in a flat behind the Hospital Annexe. Arpit our older son, who was then three was looking forward to the arrival of a companion for him. Anna's mother was with us to help us during the time of the arrival of the baby.

Anita's arrival was easy and spontaneous, but she had to be to taken to the nursery as she had shown sign of jaundice on the second day. By then it was evident that she had some dysmorphic features and the consultants caring for her were on a debate about the tests to confirm the diagnosis. In the mean time the  bilirubin level had shot up and there arose a dispute whether she should be given an exchange transfusion of blood to reduce the serum bilirubin level. Anna and I sensed that the opinion was tilting towards not treating her as she had a dysmorphic state in which case they attributed the unusual rise in the bilirubin level to be on account of that underlying clinical condition. Professor Malathi called me for a discussion and enquired about our choice. Anna and I were clear that all treatment that would be offered to any other child in such a situation ought to be offered to Anita as well.  I knew that by then the discussion on this matter had spilled over to consult Rev A.C.Oommen, the chaplain of the hospital and Dr Benjamin Pulimood, the principal of the college.

Anita needed three exchange transfusions in 72 hours and needed an additional blood transfusion to correct her anaemia. We returned home after ten days in the hospital. Anita appeared weak and slept most of the time after every feed. We did notice that she was hypotonic and cried in low voice. But by the end off the first month she had gained wright and began showing social responses to sounds, her name and reciprocated facial engagements. 

Anna and I had several private conversations between us during this period about Anita and her dysmorphic state. There was grief and unsettlement emotionally during this period. Arpit was fond of his sister and there were many happy occasions of watching them interact in a touching way.  

I returned to work which was often long hours going late in to the night. I had the responsibility for the newborn nursery apart form supervising the care pf patients in the ward. I was the only consultant in the unit at that time apart from Professor Malathi. I was  just one year in to my work at CMC at that time. The post graduates in the unit were exceptionally able people, Drs Cherian, Jeeson, Bobby, Prabhakar, Mary, Eric, etc. As I was not used to the patterns and practices in CMC, I needed time to get familiar with the clinical routines in the department. The post graduates were supportive and as they were clinically sound and academically curious, the ward rounds were stimulating with bedside discussions. I felt stretched academically by them for which I was grateful. They were also clinically outreaching to do whatever was needed to take care of children. On one occasion when a child was slipping in to hepatic coma due to fulminant hepatitis, the post graduates under the leadership of Cherian was ready to do an exchange transfusion. I too felt enthused by that. The procedure did help the girl child to have an immediate respite. I was immersed with a demanding and stimulating clinical work that the underlying grieving process, thinking about Anita became submerged under the routines of each day. It was when Anna and I were together that we would return to think about it. Anna's mother's presence with us during this time was most supportive and affirming. 

Anna and I still recall an outing we had with Anita and Arpit to the outskirts of Vellore when Anita was three months old. It was the first outing for us after all the experiences we have had during this time. We sensed that even friends who were close to us stayed away from us since the word spread that Anita was 'dysmorphic'! This did disturb us, but made us conscious of the normal behaviour when people do not know how to respond in such situations. Yes, this was a period when friends became distant. There were occasions when Rev A.C.Oommen reached out to us. Dr Mark Steinoff, a consultant from the USA working in the child health department too was gracious and thoughtful. So the joy of the arrival of a new baby got reduced by the stormy experiences surrounding Anita's arrival. 

Anita fell ill when she was three months old with a respiratory infection and had to be hospitalised. The post graduates did take responsibility for her care and Professor Malathi was most supportive. Anita was on intravenous fluid support and antibiotics and did not show signs of recovery even after 48 hours. She had slipped in to a series of complications. On one occasion the the intravenous line got blocked and the post graduates could not find a venous access to continue the fluids. They decided to feed her orally, but she showed signs dehydration in less than six hours. In desperation I had to perform a venesection to put her back on the intravenous fluids. Twenty four hours later, even that access got blocked and fortunately six hours later, Dr P. Raghupathy, consultant in the other unit offered to access a scalp vein. That helped to restore her hydration, but she did slip in to coma and was taken away from our midst after another six hours.  She moved on quietly while in Anna's arms.

Arpit had come to visit Anita when she was sick in the hospital and that scene was disturbing for us to watch. He stood motionless watching Anita lying motionless in the bed. 

This sudden turn of events created considerable stress for Anna and myself. There were just few friends who were able to reach out to us at that time. Most of the others stayed away. This to me is a mystery even now! We remember Rev. A.C.Oommen and Dr and Mrs Pulimood, Dr Mark Steinoff, Drs. Jaison and Sally, who were thoughtful and caring in their approach and attitudes. In fact a few other friends who visited us made us feel more unsettled as they referred to Anita's arrival and home call as an occasion to 'recall any wrong we might have  done'!  

The funeral service of Anita in the hospital chapel was a moving occasion. Rev A.C. Oommen mentioned it asa  'painful visitation from God, and the caring God would reveal His message in due course of time to MC and Anna'! Rev. P.T. Chandapilla who too was present at the funeral referred to this experience as 'life changing'. We laid Anita to her rest in the cemetery at the toll gate at Vellore, which since then has been a sign post in our lives. Anna and I too have a place near her tomb for our rest when our time would come.  

The next few months were eventful in our lives. Arpit needed time to adjust to the loss of his sister that he had grown to be fond of. Anna and I needed time for recovery. Rev Oommen, Dr Jacob John, Dr Prabhakar Moses are people whom we remember now, for their kindness and support during that difficult season in our lives.

Professor Malathi was unusually concerned about us and how we were coping with our grief. The day after Anita's funeral Professor Malathi invited me to her room and reflected over the events of the three months. She approached the events with immense understanding and left the future open for us to feel free to make our choice. However she communicated that Anna and I were valuable members of the CMC community. She suggested to me about further training in Neonatology and taking more responsibilities in the department. At that time, I felt more inclined towards cardiology and was in touch with the professor of cardiology, Dr I.P.Sukumar, had mentioned to me a few times about  getting trained in Paediatric cardiology. Both the Principal Dr Pulimood and the director, Dr L.B.M. Joseph too invited us to have long term association with CMC. These conversations and interactions did help us in our grieving process. 

What helped us to interpret the meaning of the arrival and departure of Anita were two other instances. One family with their son with Down syndrome came for consultation. Holding my hand tearfully the father asked me, 'Is it not possible to do something to help my child and others like him to improve their wellness and skills'! A few weeks later, a mother came back with her two months old baby with stiffness of muscles after a stormy period in the nursery after her birth. I had taken care of her during the nursery admission, but now she already had signs of cerebral hypertonia. Her mother's request was, 'please do something to make her well'!

These unusual experiences awoke within us an urge to engage this question: 'What are we to do with our lives to respond to the needs of children who have neuro-developmental needs'! It was with Rev Basil Scott of the Bible Medical Missionary Fellowship, who called on us at that time, we shared this thought of pursuing to reach out to children and families who have neuro-developmental needs. He was forthcoming to help us in developing this search further. That was the beginning of twenty five years association with the BMMF till our retirement in 2008. So we left CMC in 1982, when we knew that the door was closed for us to to pursue the calling of being involved with developmentally disadvantaged children within the then setting in CMC. It was an year of waiting while working at the Christian Fellowship Hospital at Oddanchatram, which clarified for us the way forward. That is when we left for Chennai to begin the Child Development and Research centre through ASHIRVAD, a charity we formed, in 1983.

Anita during her three months of life with us was truly a messenger of God in our lives and home. It is now thirty five years since Anna and I initiated our response to the needs of children with neuro-developmental needs by starting ASHIRVAD. The first activity was to start a Child Development and Research centre at Chennai in 1983. 

Anita came in to our lives to bless us with a vocation. 

We live our lives in grateful remembrance of this experience which gave us an opportunity to grow in the awareness of the needs of others.

The arrival of Anandit a year later brought immense joy in our lives. Anandit and Aswathy with their daughter Thea now work and live at CMC Vellore.

So we have more than one reason to visit Vellore now. We feel grateful to Anandit who takes care to keep the tomb of Anita looking fresh all the time in the cemetery.

Anna and I celebrate the blessings we receive from Arpit and Amy  and Anandit and Aswathy and their children, Ethan, Ezra, and Esther and  Thea.

We remember Anita as messenger of love and direction in our lives.

Anita lives in our memory and her legacy is ASHIRVAD!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

All in one afternoon!

With the water stream getting depleted of water, there are lesser number of dragonflies in our vicinity now. 

So it was a visual feast to watch three dragonflies, in different hues of black and white. It was a sight that refreshed me. They are beautiful and elegant in appearance! They exist quietly in the edge of our property and fly about escaping the attention of Daffny and Dulcie, who normally notice every intruder in and around our house and announce their disapproval by their reciprocal barking! Tiers is a quiet existence.

Anna and I have had longer working hours in the last six weeks often returning home only after dusk. Our Sundays too have also been away form our home in the recent weeks. So we have not been so much in touch with birds, butterflies, dragon flies, etc in our property.

There is a place for quiet existence. I reflected over how I lived for five years till 2017. I was driven by my responsibilities at CMC Vellore in its governing board, which took me to Vellore 102 times in five years. Every visit was centred around important happenings. At the end of the five years, I felt depleted and reduced. It is one instance in my life when I indulged in giving without planning to do so in measured away. After the stressful period of broken relationships and a miserable feeling of having to consent to some choices which lacked a wholesome approach, when I relinquished my responsibility, there was a sense of return to living normally. It is now one year since I relinquished the responsibility. 

I received a letter from the institution of relieving me of my responsibility after one year of my request. I felt unsettled that it took such a long time to send me a courteous letter of gratitude!

I share this to make us aware that, it is a virtue to grow in graciousness, forgiveness and politeness, even in intimidating circumstances. So the year 2018 is a year of significance in my life, when I turned 70 years and needed recovery and healing from huts and wounds. I took time to send my note of gratitude and confession to most people, except one person, to whom I shall send such a letter shortly! 

There is so much which happen outside of us as well us inside of us! 

When I decide to take walk in the property around the house, I met with three dragonflies. I felt refreshed in sighting them.

When we decide to walk 'within' we shall come across all that got submerged in the subconscious and  conscious levels of our being! They too can bring us refreshment and renewal as we process them and facilitate them to be 'integrated' into the wider expanse of our being!  

Life is for living and learning!

We live grounded in the goodness of God, whose abode within us makes our inner being a sacred place where we view others through the optic of others being companions in the journey, for whom we create space for them to be themselves! 

We arrive to be true to ourselves and others, when we let others live in tier space and honour them for who they are! When I feel trespassed by others unsettling me, I am learning to move away to find a new space. 

'Let go and Let it be'- this is how I summarise the personal discovery I am making about relating in difficult times. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Friendships that last!

Premila John, was our colleague at ASHIRVAD Child Development and Research Centre at Chennai from 1987, who moved with us to the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at CMC, Vellore when we initiated the department through a Memorandum of Understanding between ASHIRVAD and CMC in 1997. Premila continues in that department and lives her calling of service and friendships. It is Premila who represents the philosophy of ASHIRVAD at CMC.

Premila visited us in our home a few years back and we stay in touch.

This is one friendship we celebrate and are immensely grateful for. 

Anna and I have pondered over this relationships because of its genuine and mutual quality.

The three things we find endearing in this relationship is trust, caring and regards.

All relationships need nurturing and attention! Often Premila takes the initiative to refresh the relationship. 

Life is an ensemble of companions. Some fade away over a period of time and some others become dearer as we go along. This is the natural cycle in all relationships.

George and Mary, whom we used to know at Pune in 1976, sent us an invitation for the wedding of their children recently. George called us to invite us personally. It was George who taught me scooter riding in his own scooter on his own initiative.

Anna and I remember Premila, George and Mary at this season of Christmas because they make us feel loved and cared for!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

  

Vulnerability of living relationally.

Almost all the buds in the rose plants in our garden are in multiples. This has been a theme for my photography for a while now.

As I revisited couple of hundred photographs of the last six months, I felt inclined to think of it in a metaphorical way.

Solitary and relational existence!

Anna and I lived in three campuses of medical institutions during the last forty five years of our clinical career. There are some who live insulated from others and some others who live publicly relationally. 

Although we do not live in the hospital campus now, hence have limited relational engagements with others, we do take efforts to stay in touch with some regularly. It is our way of living. 

In every relationships, there are gains and losses. That cannot be the reason to pursue relationships or give up relationships. 

Whichever way we live, there is vulnerability to suspicion, misunderstanding, control, imposition of ideas, manipulation, anger, gossip etc.

All these are risks when we want to live relationally. 

Jesus of Nazareth, went about doing good. 

It is this way of relational living that is set before us! 

For Anna and myself, this inspiration is our consolation when some relationships have become fragile and broken in the recent months.   

How much more of goodness we can share with others, that God creates within us is our calling! 

The relational dimension in the institution where we work for six years back used to be more fraternal, mutual and collaborative. It is changing to a work oriented view. It is in this context, this invitation to live relationally inspite of increasing vulnerability and declining value to living relationally is all the more a calling to pursue!

This is season of winter in relationships, but there is hope of the spring!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)