Knowing the child - 9

 

A tree pie bird was gathering sticks for its nest form our garden in April. 

Recently we have a juvenile Tree pie in our garden moving about between trees searching and finding its feed. 

 

The above three photos of it searching for food might have amend it tired of looking but not finding that its weak bird repeated bird calls brought  an adult Tree pie in the adjacent tree. 

The photo of the adult tree pie listening intently to the juvenile tree pie in a chorus of bird calls caught my attention. It was present near the juvenile bird. Its attentive presence was expressed in its body language!

I remember a parent talking about an experience of how their three years old son while shifting from a tricycle to a bicycle wanted to learn to balancing the ride on his own. He seemed to be unstable while riding. But he did not find it a burden but as a challenge. In three weeks he was ready to have the supporters of the bicycle removed for him to ride the cycle on his own. 

It was this question of parents, of 'how much to help children without dampening their enthusiasm to be independent' stayed with me since then. 

All pre-school children are learners by habit! They innovate, attempt without giving up and are enthusiastic to acquire new skills'. 

One family has a good exercise for their two children, five and three years of age, once a week on a Saturday. They had to enact a story after the supper. The children make up a story and narration and act it out. On one occasion it was about a meal time in their friend's home. How the mother read a children's story while having a meal. That was a message children conveyed to their own parents how they too would love to have stories read during meal time, instead of watching cartoons in the TV.  This led to getting children's story book from the book shop and starting the habit at their  home. They chose to listen to the story on four days a week, two times read by the father and the other two days by the mother. The three days left at supper time was conversations about childhood of parents. 

Two months later, when I heard about this experiment again, I was fascinated to know how this time became a turning point in  communication between parents and children. The post meal conversations before going to bed became occasions to have conversations that brought a new level of bonding between parents and children. 

The journey to this level of communication started by parents creating an opportunity for children to express themselves through their enactment. Parents responded to the idea that children brought, out of which arose cordial communications unlike in the past where there were frequent quarrels and stressful experiences. 

Parents become present to children by allowing them to express their thoughts, ideas or aspirations. A home is not for adults alone. 

There are three experiences pre-school children look forward to. One is to know their own abilities and boundaries. Second is guidance to  engage in activities to expand their interests. Third is a space and place in a home, which makes them grow in the awareness of belonging to the home. 

I find that those parents who give an opportunity for their children to express themselves rather than expected to follow the advice of parents all the time,  become formators to their children. They make  children less conditioned, but enable them to be original and discoverers under supervision. 

The down side of the Artificial Intelligence, is that children will no more would need to stretch themselves to be discoverers or innovators or problem solvers. The innate ability can remain subdued as easy options are offered by the machine intelligence. 

The debate that is needed is how much we ought to do what machines can do ! The instinct of ingenuity is a dimension which grows only by exercising it! 

The parenting roles are changing! The childhood mind set is also changing. 

I wonder whether the denominator that is healthy is to challenge a child to exercise his or her abilities in the pre-school years to broaden and deepen the awareness of how much he or she is able! The external help comes as a support to go even beyond!

The adult Tree Pie affirmed the juvenile Tree pie by its presence and companionship! It trusted the juvenile bird to be capable to find the way forward! It stayed close enough for the juvenile bird to feel protected. 

I know of a nine year old child who learned to accompany the choir in the drum board by his own efforts. He listened to the musical notes and developed an ear to follow the rhythm. He received some guidance from his parents and others. He is in the music group ready to play the drum board even without an earlier practice.  

Allow children to go beyond the conventional level of abilities by trusting their ingenuity!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)