The above photos of a Bulbul perched in a flight station for about 20 minutes. engaged me as it stayed without making any bird calls. It seemed to be looking around. Usually Bulbuls would make a fee bird calls in the morning before it woeful fly away to another flight station.
Then it flew away to another flight station and in no time it broke the silence and went into a chorus of bird calls !
This aroused my interest and captivated me to think about the patterns that I follow in my behaviour.
I recall a difficult choice Anna and I had to make, when we lived in Chennai from 1983 to 1997. One senior friend who prepared us to move to Chennai to start the Child Development Centre turned indifferent as Anna and I could not feel comfortable to join a local congregation of worshippers, with which he was associated. It turned out to be a difficult experience for him and for us from then on.
The local congregation we joined for worship was a popular church which was well known for its diverse engagements with the congregation and others outside the congregation. In fact, it facilitated professionals to move to cross cultural situations to help those living in difficult circumstances. At the end of two years we did not feel a sense of belonging. We stayed on, thinking that we would experience a different ambience in due course.
On one occasion we happened to meet a pastor in another congregation who came to visit us on the suggestion of Dr Rachel Chacko, a mutual friend. During that meeting, we felt connected with the ambience, he described about the congregation and its different activities. They had a programme for children living in the slum, training women in tailoring, a club for senior citizens, medical clinics, a service facility for differently abled adults, a monthly healing service on Sunday evening, a mid week meditation at lunch time, etc.
Anna and I went on few Sundays to be with the worshipping congregation to sense the ambience of fellowship within the congregation. We felt surprised by the friendliness and welcome we experienced. We knew at the end of two months that we were feeling drawn by the congregation to be part of that fellowship.
The approach of the pastor and the members of the pastorate committee were one of staying in touch with others. That was how we joined that congregation and stayed there, till we moved to Vellore in 1997.
This congregation in gratitude for what we were able to do to start a service facility for differently able children offered to remember ASHIRVAD on one Sunday in a year, during the worship service. That practice continued for another three years after we relocated ourselves at Vellore.
The silent and somber mood of the Bulbul in the first series of pictures reminded me of the experiences with the first congregation that we were part of. It offered all that was required for spiritual nature; but we did not feel connected and related. We found going to the worship service as an end in itself and waited for the next Sunday service.
But the other congregation offered a sense of belonging to upbuild relationships and offered opportunities to be involved in the ministry of the church. We felt connected during the week with someone from the church telephoning or visiting. The Sunday school focussed on facilitating childhood formation of conduct and character.
The last two photos of the same Bulbul, who after twenty minutes of just looking around with no bird call as shown in the first series of phots, breaking forth into bird calls, was our experience in the second congregation.
This raises a question as to how long we stay enduring a difficult situation and live without a song in our soul!
I had a telephone call few days ago, from a friend, who is involved in supporting professionals in an institution. I wondered if he was coming to a 'giving up' stage in his association, as the institution cannot go beyond a conventional and conservative mode of planning, to create a visionary perspective to their work and presence.
This is a question and dilemma with which some continue in their work place not knowing how to take a decision for changing the situation at work place or looking out for a change to work elsewhere!
Three questions would help in clarifying the dilemma!
1. Is there anything that I can do to bring a change in the ambience?
Often opportunities for initiating a change process lies in ambush. It is through search and dialogue with like minded people, this would emerge. Sometimes, that opening is too little to have an impact to lead others to a new level of envisioning, from merely working. Even then a good season of trial for collective dialogue is worthwhile.
I remember an occasion when I was involved with an organisation in its governing board, struggling with a more participatory decision making process. The practice was democratic decision making, which in most instances were opinions of some key people, who had the ability to control or command adherence to their chosen path. In the process of facilitating informed discussions, I realised how those who had strong positions gradually changed their opinion, seeing the larger benefits. The tissue was about extending the retirement age of professionals. While working with the officers of that organisation, who too had mixed opinions, I found how open ended conversations gradually eased apprehensions, defences and changed some presuppositions.
During a season of six months, a matter which remained polarised for over five years, gradually received attention it deserved, to make a well informed decision. I recall this to illustrate the process that was involved, by contacting professionals and giving them an opportunity to express and addressing concerns that prevented them from seeing the larger picture.
Listening to understand, exploring the matter unbiased and relating to those who differed with patience, helped in finding a way forward.
Before 'giving up' in a difficult situation, what is the one thing one can do to make a difference, can be a defining question.
We can still sing our soul song, knowing that God is at work in our midst.
2. The second question is: Is there anything in me, which can hamper the change process that is proposed?
I remember an instance when I was associated with the decision making body of an organisation about forty years ago. This international organisation was reducing its presence in an incremental manner in India due to various reasons. Although the visa related restrictions for the ex-patriates to come to India, could have been one reason, that could not be a sufficient reason, when the professionals from this organisation were at critical positions of responsibility in some national organisations. I favoured no change in policy and deliberated on this in the meetings. I knew that some in the group favoured moving professionals as 'tent makers' to the Middle East countries. Having presented the reasons to continue involvement in India as before, I stepped back and left the decision for the rest.
I continued to be part of the organisation till Anna and I came to the retiring phase of our life. Instead of dissenting and leaving, we continued without being dogmatic about a view point which was based on some considerations.
It is important to avoid disruption as much as possible and continue to offer support, even when decisions or ambiance in the place where we work change from what we desired. Before we quit in distress, it might be possible to make a change in one's attitude and allow time to show if anything more is needed!
During such times we can return to sing from our soul because, what we let go, normally helps us to feel whole!
3. What is a middle path in a given situation ?
All of us suffer from a psycho-behavioural trap of being opinionated now and then, sometimes more often than how it should be!
This assertive or dogmatic position can hinder relationships and group dynamics.
I remember a tense situation in an institution when one of its senior retired leaders decided to take the institution to the court over an issue related to a major policy shift. Having known this person personally for a good period of time, I met with him. He was getting ready to go to the court to register the case, with the driver waiting in the car to take him.
He was happy to share all his concerns and how he felt not listened to. I requested him to differ going to the court. He asked me to explain the situation to his lawyer and indicate that some negotiations have started. I met the then leaders of the organisation and persuaded that they create a forum to listen to the grievances of this retired leader. A meeting could be arranged and in the following six weeks, discussions led to partial resolution of a major embarrassment for the institution.
The question that I raised with the retired leader was, 'Is there a middle path without dragging the matter to the court'! The question I had for the then leaders was, Is there a middle path without being rigid?
I had frequent contacts with the retired leader and the then leaders of the organisation during the next six weeks. I found how a tense situation got settled in an amicable way, by listening and finding a new way. It was different from what both sides had pursued, leading to the breakdown of communication.
I feel distressed when I hear stories of breakdown of communication in organisations, families, work places...!
There is a process of Alternate Dispute Resolution, which is what we need to consider for resolving conflicting situations!
The Bulbul needed a change of its ambience before it could sing its song!
This can be true of us as well!
The change takes place first within us!
If that happens, the ambience is already better.
There is a middle path in a given situation!
M. C Mathew(text and photo)
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