A butterfly, Kingfisher, Myna and Barbet were in the garden early in the morning looking for their morning feed. They move from one location to another and receive what they can find! Finding their feed is an important reason for their movements in the garden.
One conversation that I had with a family recently was about the feeding difficulties with their toddler girl. They find it difficult because, she from the morning is asking for the choice of her food and and would refuse to eat, what is cooked at home unless she is fond of that food. There were ugly situations with her parents, getting angry with her and the grandparents yielding to her request. One morning her grandfather had to go to a shop to get a noodle packet for her, as she refused to eat toast and egg which were on the breakfast table. She would want the TV put on during the meal times to watch her favourite cartoons
As I listened to her story, more revealing information helped me to construct the causal pathway behind her behaviour.
From the time her mother went back to work after she was born, at six months of her age, the breast feeding got discontinued and her grandmother fed her from a bottle, while seated before the TV. Her parents returned home late in the evening after work. On most days the girl would have gone to bed when they returned. The parents tried to wake her around 7 am in the morning for them to get her ready for the morning. On most days, she continued sleeping and parents would leave for work by 8.30 am.
During the week ends, she spent her time with her cousins. Her parents thought of it as a good social occasion for her. Her play pattern, communication skills, social skills and interests to explore home environment were not developing corresponding to her age. It was difficult for her to socialise with children other than her cousins. She would be uncomfortable in public places. She would run around or cry indicating distress.
This form of home background is fairly familiar especially in homes where both parents are working and a child is taken care of by grandparents or others along with early prolonged exposure to visual media.
First of all, this girl was conditioned by the overload of visual media where she watched the actions and listened to the machine language with reduced interactive opportunity with others. What a visual media would do to a toddler is habituation and dependence, with the exclusion of all the other normal exposure to events in the environment, social interaction, exploration of toys to play, attempt make believe play, bet involved in watching the domestic chores at home, etc.
Secondly this child's sleep pattern was disorderly. All toddlers would need about 10-12 hours of sleep, starting from 8 pm at night till around 7 am in the morning. She slept around 6 pm and got up around 11pm and stayed awake for an hour or so. This was fragmented sleep with discontinuation of sleep cycle.
Thirdly, the attachment process to parents gradually got dislocated with parents not fully available and the grandparents conforming to her choices without expanding her childhood experiences. The usual activities of singing with actions, showing pictures from children's books to narrate a story or sitting with her to play with toys did not happen as grandparents were unfamiliar with such practices. Parents by the time they realised the emotional distance that was developing with their daughter, she had become used to pattern from which they could not disengage her. The mother by then became pregnant with her second child. The lactational amenorrhoea is a physiological protection from conceiving, till the breast feeding is continued. As the breast feeding stopped at six months, the mother had no protection from conceiving. The mother confessed that she became pregnant before she was ready for another child birth.
Fourthly, the parents did not have sufficient awareness of parenting practices. They followed a pattern that looked convenient for them. The result was the separation anxiety state of their daughter.
Fifthly, they did not receive enough help from health care professionals, when they raised this matter with them from 18 months of her age, when her social and language skills were not corresponding to her developmental expectations. At 28 months, the parents have regrets about not having done enough to help her.
During the subsequent meeting with the family after the child received some developmental support from professionals, the parents were ready to take steps to support their daughter. I raised the following question for them to consider.
1. Is it possible to create a Child' Corner at home where they can a shelf with toys, children's books, drawing materials and a mat on the floor, where they can engage their daughter on activities of play three times a day for ten to fifteen minutes. While one of the parents can do this in the morning and evening, one of the grand parents can do it during the day time. We demonstrated how this activity can be done at home, during which we found the child most enthused.
2. Can they organise the bed time and getting up time of their daughter to bring a schedule! We explored if the bed time practices of singing, reading short story or narration of it and keeping the bed room quiet for her to slip into sleep at a fixed time!
3. What about some planned outdoor game time like playing with a ball, play a 'catch me' game, or going to the neighbour's house to play with the dog! During the week end, would it be possible to visit the children's park close by to their home, to observe her interest and participation.
4. Although she was below three years, would they consider taking her to the Anganwadi once or twice a week for her to have an opportunity to be with other children to socialise.
5. Was it possible to take her during the week end to the beach, the science museum, the zoo, children's pool in the swimming area in the sports complex! The parents thought of this as possible activities during the week ends.
6. Can they have singing and action song times at home along with both parents at least once a day!
7. What about a visit to a new place where they have different activities for children!
Three weeks later, when I met with the family, what surprised and encouraged me was the new found attachment between the child and parents and plenty of happy experiences. They shared about her interest and participation in different activities at home and outside. She was using words to express her needs; she was happy to play and not return to the TV as before. Her insistence to play in the mobile phone also declined. They established a contact with the play group in the neighbourhood.
That was when I introduced the booklet Accompany Your Child, a observational manual for parents to monitor the developmental process in pre-school children. The observations of different domains, mentioned in the manual alerted the parents about the progress they can facilitate, by increasing the interactive engagement of the child.
As the mother had only three months before the arrival of the next child, the discussion during this visit was centred on preparing their daughter to welcome the baby on arrival. The parents hardly had conversations about the baby with her and all that would be associated with it. I felt that parents were ready to talk with their daughter about the arriving baby and details such as mother going to the hospital, coming back with the baby, the baby cot in the bed room she had also used for two years to be given to the baby, the play time, feeding time, etc.
The feeding difficulties which dominated the discussion in the first visit was no more a concern for parents. Jyothi was generally cheerful and more sociable. The insistence on some likes and dislikes was less.
Looking back, the difficulties that Jyoti had developmentally could have arisen due to several factors. One factor that parents addressed meaningfully was more parental availability and involvement. Just with that change alone, the recovery path opened up. The home environment became more playful. Jyoti no more needed the entertainment of the TV. The grandparents provided more emotional space to parents, to promote the attachment behaviour.
The emotional wellness is a defining factor in early childhood. The more the parents are familiar with the critical processes to promote child development, the more would be their spontaneous involvements!
A pre-school child is formed emotionally, behaviourally, socially and linguistically when the home is child friendly; activities are child centred and child initiated, and supported by parents!
The discussion emotional wellness ought to start when a couple is considering to have children. From the planning to conceive, at a time when both parents are ready, to practice foetal and child friendly practices and not fall into the trap of conforming to traditions, new born care to developmental sequences of the first year, creating a Child's corner at home, et are some themes that need more understanding.
I wish there are professionals who would come forward to create dialogue forums to campaign for creating awareness about ehe emotional wellness of pre-school children!
The manual, Buds to Blossom is a good starter for parents to observe the infancy and toddler years of a child, and monitor the child development process!
The home ambience offers the emotional wellness in early childhood !
Little later, after the Barbet left the berries in the earlier photo, I spotted it in the papaya tree looking for its feed! This is responsible living!
The foundations for responsible living, beyond childhood, are laid during the early childhood years!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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