Past stays with us, but differently

One of the usual questions I am asked during debriefing sessions is, 'what can I do to forget my past'?. Each of us carries memories of disappointments, hurts, failures, along with all the good and pleasant experiences.

Somehow we remember the difficult experiences longer, better and sharper. Each time  such an event surfaces in our mind, the unsettled emotions swell within and create a feeling of sorrow, remorse or self-pity. If this were to occur recurrently, it will deplete us of wellness and peace within. 

A young man was still pre-occupied with an embarrassing scene of teasing a girl, for which he was publicly reprimanded in the school assembly. Even after thirty five years and having been happily married with children, this  incident still makes him feel small. 

Our past will always be with us.  The stalks of the dry ornamental grass tell us of a dry summer that was just over.  The plant is back to its fullness. It is green and thriving. Soon the green leaves will cover the dry stalks. They would  fall into the ground little by little to become manure for the soil. 

Our difficult experiences can have  three distinct influences upon us. First, it tells us of our formative process and makes us grateful for lessons learned. Second, it helps us to acknowledge our vulnerability or fragility, so that we live with greater vigilance and responsibility. Third, the difficult experiences enrich us in a way, the pleasant experiences could not have done. A valley cannot be a substitute for the peek of the mountain and vice versa. Each has its unique formative impact in our lives.

It is wise to view our difficult experiences sympathetically and non-judgingly. With passage of time, if we can cease to dwell on the event, but draw strength from its learning insights, we would realize, how much more we are wiser because of what happened. 

A weekly personal review of the difficult experiences of that week, by discovering their learning messages, will help in diffusing their lingering presence in our conscious mind. When we have paid attention to them deliberately, they will seldom return to our memory or in dreams, to disturb our peace. This exercise will need some supervision from a friend initially,  to benefit from it maximally.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)