Enabling for receiving

Enabling for receiving

I am just back at my desk in my office after the consultations with children and their families, which happens on three days in a week. A family with their 8 months old son came to consult for his convulsions. I confirmed the suspicion of the accompanying Paediatrician and the parents that it is a form of myoclonic seizure, which can be benign or linked to a developmental disorder. Even before anything more could be told, the parents were inconsolably sobbing. They had already accessed a lot of information about myoclonic epilepsy from the Internet and were pained by what they had read.

After about two hours of discussion and interdisciplinary consultation, the family spoke about their fear of the future. We made several enquiries, about the family history, clinical story, and developmental abilities of the child. This may have intensified the pre-existing fear. The family took leave of us, asking for more time to make decisions about the choices we offered for further tests and treatment.

The family came to a hospital seeking consolation, clarification and release from their pain and fear. I do not think that family received any of these today.

Pain and fear are two emotions people live with, when faced with an illness. When patients and families are overwhelmed with what they already know or do not know, pain and fear become even more palpable. The inner ambience is already heavy of grief.

I remember visiting Helena Home in Oxford few years back, which is a children’s hospice. Mother Francis, the founder of the hospice is sensitive to the feelings of pain and fear, that sick people or their family members live with. All the families who came to visit or stay at Helena house had children suffering from chronic or terminal illness. Mother Francis after the initial introductions usually discovered some special things about the family- their memories of childhood, birthday celebrations, holidays, family celebrations, etc. She got the family to rediscover the larger canvas of their lives and drew them away from their pre-occupation with pain and fear.

I remember that occasion, when she took permission from the family to celebrate the birthday of a child, which was five days ago. She arranged flowers in the room, hung balloons and brought a cake for the child to cut. I could witness release and freedom in their attitude and an enveloping confidence to face the realities of life. They stayed on for two hours talking about what usually happened at school, at home and during holidays.  They offered to return to talk about what can be done to care for their daughter, who had rheumatoid arthritis and multi organ failure. 

What Mother Francis did was to enable the family to receive their fear and pain without being tormented by them. She lessened the burden of their pain and fear by offering friendship, acceptance and encouragement.  It was a form of therapy, which was needed to affirm what  still exists and cherish it, instead of staying miserable all the time.

I felt that we spent all the two hours today talking to the family about the illness and reinforced their pain and fear. A hospital is a place of hospitality for its visitors. We practice hospitality, when we get to know our visitors, take time to make connections with their lives and lessen their burden by our nearness to them. This heals them, while the treatment restores their health.  A consultation is also an occasion to prepare a family to cope with their feelings.  I sense an inner beckoning to make it a habit. 


M.C.Mathew