Adolescent exuberance and aloneness

In my work, I come across adolescent children who want to talk  about their personal lives and private experiences. I come across two behaviors which are common to adolescent children. 

One is exuberance. They seem to carry a sense of excitement about their discoveries of friendships, partying, extracurricular activities of music, dramatics and sports, social networking, community service, etc. They indulge in these activities with passion and enthusiasm. They are being sustained by activities and the pleasure they find from them. They are bored, if the activity profile or frequency were to decline. They need a 'high' experience to feel well. That is when they try out chemical stimuli intermittently or regularly. The down side of such a dependence on a frenzy of activities is, that there is a decremental pleasure from the usual activities and they seek for adventures and wild explorations. They have their favorite film stars, sports icons, media stars, rock stars, etc. whose fancies may drive them to experiment with similar ideas. They go through this period, desperately holding on to pleasures that can sustain them  and by seeking for more of it through risky behavior.    

A 18 year old boy, stole a motor bike and sold it to have a holiday in Andamans, with two of his friends. On arrival back, he was arrested and put into jail. The parents who were from the upper strata of society felt most embarrassed. The boy confessed that it was not for money he diid it , but for the thrill of doing something noteworthy to receive commendation from his friends.  

The other behavior is aloneness. Many adolescents children will go through this period when they withdraw from friends and family members, sometimes even from siblings. They communicate less and avoid participating in activities that they were used to, such as picnics, birthday parties or family gatherings. They find excuses in order to keep to themselves. They may suffer from self-pity, anger, reaction towards teachers or family members for prying on them. They may find others less dependable or trustworthy. This aloneness can slip into loneliness, in which case, it can be a prelude to acute depression. Many go through this period by finding new occupations like, watching movies, listening to movies,  reading books, caricaturing, etc. If this phase is short lived, it can be a means for personal recovery from any trauma of childhood. If it were to prolong, it can create a hostile environment,  which will be too much for the child to cope with.

A family told me how desperate their daughter was to have a puppy when she turned 16. She spent all her time with this puppy while at home. Parents were disturbed by her non-communicating mood. After six months, the parents mentioned to me that their daughter was returning to be herself and the dog seems to have helped her to recover from her grey moods.    

The exuberance and aloneness of adolescence are two extremes, both of which are too risky to be a regular pattern for adolescents children. Adolescents will swing between these two and find their balance and measure of stability often. Some go under this and land themselves in difficulties at work, studies, relationships, etc. 

Parents can contribute to help children in three ways. First is, by listening without questioning or probing. It is necessary to withhold even judgmental comments or opinions till, there is a measure of nearness and confidence, when a child is ready to ask for help or appear to be open to a counsel. We can restore a child to his or her true self by supportive listening.

Second is, by creating opportunities for the adolescent child to feel at home in the family although there are intense disagreements on account of the way the chid dresses, spends money and time or the friends he or she keeps. Our son or daughter does not cease to be so, even when conflicts strain relationships. Parents have to show their resilience and acceptance unconditionally.This is call of parenting.  

Third is, by introducing the child to friends they fee,l can be a companion to them during this turbulent period. Often many children need help but may not want to seek it from parents, with whom they had many disagreements. If these senior friends are non imposing, patient, and listening, most adolescent children will find this support therapeutic and use thisS an anchor for their recovery.

Let me sugget to the adolescent children- guard this season in your life with wise counsels careful planning. It is one season in your life, which can help you to outshine and add resources for life ahead.