Controlling Instinct

I watched two boys engaged in a wrestling encounter. Both were pre-adolescent cousin brothers. They would have continued it longer, if they were not interrupted by their parents. I realized that both were trying to pin the other down to the ground.  Theirs was a determined struggle to overpower the other.

The pre-adolescence is an emotional and volitional period for seeking identity.  It is necessary for their formative process.

The down side of this tendency on the part of some children, is to persist in exercising their control over others well beyond their adolescent years. Those who felt overcome or subdued by others during their childhood habitually, can seek to exercise their authority over others. So they do this by wanting to control parents, teachers, and other elders in a subtle or manipulative way to feed their ego state. It is this which leads to arguments, quarrels, defiance and rebellious attitude durign pre-adolescent years.

It is necessary for parents to be aware of this transitional phase in the life of their pre-adolescent children.Parents need to promote their self-actualization. This can be done by introducing them to hobbies, leisure time activities, games, sports, dramatics, music, creative art forms, etc. Children are likely to invest their energy in excelling and feeling accomplished. This interactive involvement would help them to receive affirmation and and find acceptance. This can release them to some extent from their desperation to prove themselves or to control.  

If this were not to happen, some  children can grow up being desperate to exercise their authority over others.  Most adults are comfortable only in an ambience of equality and mutuality. If someone were to attempt to dominate, or control, usually such persons get excluded socially.

Parents can help their pre-adolescent children, by sympathetically accompanying them with love and acceptance. It is not by contesting their behavior, we help them in their transformation, but by enabling a change process with tact, wisdom, creativity and thoughtfulness.

MC.Mathew(text and photo)