Weathering the mid-life

The above photos reveal the way the garden around our cottage endured or succumbed to the heat of the summer.  The third photo is a plant in an early stage of withering and the fourth photo is of one, that is fully dry with no evidence of survival. Our domestic helper irrigated the land on three days a week. 

A few plants of three to four years, which were in their mid life,  were not protected enough withered or are withering.  

In the recent weeks, I have become more familiar, with the differential needs of people. Some people whom I have been touch with, while they go through the mid-life period of their lives, appeared restless and unsettled. They wondered, how such an unsettlement is almost overpowering them to feel preoccupied or anxious about the future. 

This gave me an opportunity to have a glimpse of the common experiences of mid life. That is the time when most people have been married for ten to fifteen years and their children are comfortably settled in the schooling years. Most people are well engaged in their professional services with more professional prospects ahead of them. They have a stable home and comforts essential for living well. Everything externally suits them well to stay cheerful and prosperous. But in  reality, they drift and search for fulfilment and deeper meaning or purpose!

I listened to a popular retreat leader in the u-tube during this week. While referring to the event of Jesus walking on the water (Matt.14: 22-33) to reach His disciples who were in a boat, beaten by the waves, Jesus said to the fear driven disciples, 'Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid'. Peter too wanted to walk on the water, when he recognised that it was Jesus who was approaching them. Jesus invited Peter to walk on water, but seeing the wind, Peter began to sink. Peter had Jesus before him to walk towards, but the wind occupied the attention. 

The mid-life is such a season. We have a direction towards or our future, which is our dentition. But somehow the wind and worry take over us. This is referred to as a crisis by psychologists and counsellors. 

But mid-life is a time of transition, because, Peter was given the outstretched hand of Jesus in the above instance to hold on to. When Jesus and Peter got back into the boat, the wind ceased.  

Most plants survived the hot season. A few failed to overcome the turbulence of their mid-life for unknown reasons. 

I like the way the retreat leader concluded: Your journey can be turbulent times. The temptation is to get out of the boat. But what stilled the sea was Jesus entering the boat. 

When we negotiate our mid-life during troubled times, vacating the current opportunity or the familiar scenario is not necessarily the answer, but finding support and care to navigate the troubled season. For many God is only a metaphor or a cerebral concept, but not an experience. Peter and the other disciples had an experience of the steadying of the boat while sailing!

I suspect Peter was in mid life or was near to it. His impulsivity in behaviour to make an ambitious journey on water arose from the exuberant confidence of mid-life. The same tendency of diffuse attention dragged his sight to the fury of the wind, only to suggest that those in mid-life can loose sight of the anchor that held their life safe and secure so far.

Mid-life can be more turbulent than the teenage years, as adults are to negotiate personal unsettlement amidst holding together responsibilities at work place and home front. 

I wonder whether adults in mid-life prepare themselves to a transition to welcome a golden season in one's life, as according to Erickson the mid life from 40 to 60 are years, is a season  of generativity as against despair.

There are several support systems that those in mid-life can turn to although most people do not exercise the option. 

A bar owner in a conversation told me that his regulars are in mid life. They drown their inner turbulence in a drink. What disturbed me was how some people increase their intake from one peg to three or four during one year! They are financially and professionally successful people. 

I have come across a group of mid-life professionals who meet once in two weeks to listen to each other and offer and receive friendship.

In a conversation with a minister of a local church located in a city close by to us, I raised this concern of mid-life group meetings.  I recalled to him  about  such a group at St Andrew's church in Chennai when Anna and I were members of that church in the eighties. In fact there was a mid-day meeting during lunch recess for professionals working close by to the church. 

The season of mid-life is a difficult and trying time for many due to multiple reasons. I still wonder why there is a paucity of books addressing this issue, taking in to consideration the realities in the Indian context. 

In a casual enquiry I got a sense that since the post COVID season, there is more pressure on those in mid-life, as there is a hangover of emotional stress of that time and financial burden with moderation in pay packages. 

It was while engaged with a group of professionals for a one day retreat recently, it occurred to me that it is a least addressed theme in human formation. From Being an adult, mid-life is a season of Becoming human, in its fullness, for living fruitful years ahed!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)