I pondered over it and sometimes dragged her to the courtyard. But she would return to her favourite spot at the threshold and keep watching me. Where as if it is later in the day, she would rush out when the door is open roll in the lawn, unless she is stopped. I wondered what is the difference between early morning and later in the day. Was it that she was 'stubborn' or exercising her will as some might want to interpret!
Her favourite place to frolic is in the lawn in the courtyard. The lawn is wet early in the morning. I reasoned out after several experiments that it might be the reason for her to avoid coming out early in the morning. To test this hypothesis, I carried her to the lawn and left her there. She ran back to the steps and remained seated there. Her favourite snack is biscuit. If Anna and or I were to say, 'biscuit', Dulcie would instantly come running where ever she is. I put some biscuits one day by showing her and invited her to come and take it. She would come upto the brick work around the lawn and stop there longingly looking at the biscuits. So it was clear enough that it was the moisture in the lawn that she wanted to avoid. By about ten in the morning the lawn is dry and warm for her to roll over and she would use every opportunity to do so. It is only a firm 'No', which would stop her.
I am almost tired of hearing parents describe their two, three or four years children as 'stubborn', 'insistent', or 'disobedient'! In an on-line consultation a mother used her twenty minutes to convince me that her daughter was stubborn. I watched her three years old daughter sit in and hear all what her mother was speaking. I wanted the girl stay from the conversation, but her mother could not dissuade her till she was give her colouring book.
To every suggestion about her daughter's 'stubbornness', I had a counter that it might not be intentional but only for humour. One example that mother finally used to 'prove her point' was that her daughter would rush into the bath room to play with water when ever the bath room door is open. Now that she is taller she can unlatch the door and play in the water. Mother was 'grumbling' about having to change her dress five times the day before. When I asked her about the other interests of her daughter, mother narrated- listening to songs and stories, going to the garden to look for butterflies, using the colour pencils to draw flowers and being with the mother while cooking.
I thought that this three years old girl had all the natural interests, any child of her age ought to have. For her mother, her daughter was 'insistent'. At this moment her daughter came running and interrupted to say that, 'Mummy has no time to play with me'. Her mother who is an on-line trader of stocks is a preoccupied person with a profit driven work orientation.
To cover her lack of time or interest to occupy her daughter, mother described her as stubborn or insistent. What a travesty of truth! It was an escape route from her guilt or disinclination to be a play companion to her daughter.
I too thought of Dulcie as stubborn till I got to understand her difficulty to be on a wet lawn.
I am tired of this expectation that parents propose that the three years or four years old children ought to be 'obedient'. On another occasion, a three years old child told me she does not deliberately respond to her mother's call because that is the only way she can get her mother play 'hide and seek' with her. Is it not a sense of humour that we see in this child, although if this is what she would do every time, it would need attention and correction!
I wish that we can let children be children and develop a greater sense of humour, patience, understanding and use clever ways to disarm them if they were to take over and not be thoughtful. How terrible it might be if a child is seeking for her mother to play 'hide and seek', when the school bus is waiting at the gate! That is not a desirable behaviour. With those exceptions, I tend to think that most children 'defy' parents because that is the way they get some attention to engage the parents.
For a two or three or a four years old child, the parents are their providers and play mates. At five, let parents know that, children are 'lost' to their school friends. Before parents get normally displaced at five, six and seven years of their child, let me invite parents to be worthily occupied with their children, keeping them at the centre of their attention!
Children are not stubborn at two, three or four years but just being playful ! There are exceptions and this would need professional attention.
M.C.Mathew (text and photo)
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