Fruitful Living!

Yesterday as Anna and I walked around the garden we were trying to tend with our limited gardening knowledge and experience, we were surprised to see a mango sapling which we planted about ten months back in blossom. We felt relieved that the mango sapling is there to stay and would bear fruit sometime!

We too are called to bear fruits! We need fellowship with one another to do that!

The church globally recollects today as the Palm Sunday. Children and adults would be in procession in many churches holding palms and singing songs of 'Hosanna' to Jesus who rode on a donkey to enter into Jerusalem only to be crucified a few days later!

This to me a good reminder of the different seasons in our lives! Although this is the spring season in non-tropical countries, for us in india it is the beginning of summer with its scorching heat with temperature rising to 42 degree celsius. 

There are inner seasons in our lives. When we hear the terrible news, that the co-pilot who deliberately crashed the german airline aircraft in the Alps last week,  leading to the  death of all the passengers and the crew was obsessed with a grey season of depression in his life, we need to take a re-look at the impact of such seasons in our lives!

Jesus 'kept his face steadfastly to Jerusalem' and prepared himself to face the pain of of suffering. He did it by preparing His disciples and His followers to share in His personal agony. Although the hundreds who followed Him deserted Him after the palm Sunday celebration of the passover, there were some women and His disciples who stayed close to Him during His crisis hours. They endured and supported Jesus to the extent it was bearable for them.  

This is the key to live soberly even amidst extreme provocations and intimidations including during  a depressive mood! Stay in touch with who care and can carry us in their loving embrace. It is this  the from social contact! 

Even Jesus protected Himself by being in fellowship with those whom He loved and who cared for Him.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Human behaviour!

The motor bikes are parked in the wrong place according to those who planned for space utilisation! However, the mismatch is accepted as a way of life!

I have pondered over it! The regulating process is in disarray when people discard it altogether and feel vindicated when no corrective measures are taken.

The ethics of any regulating guideline is that it is meant for the larger benefit however inconvenient it might be personally!

The common good subsumes personal choice in a civil society unless it has to do with a moral dimension of life!

I feel concerned about this tendency to disregard common good and fiercely defend personal convenience! I  sensed this when a waiter requested a couple move to a table of two for dinner in a restaurant, instead of occupying a table meant for four! The loud resistance put up by them while others were waiting to be seated made me realise that our sense of entitlement has taken precedence over common good!

We are humans called to live mindful of the common good!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Family memories and recollections!

Every time there is a family meeting, there is so much to remember and celebrate! We live hurried lives and are often between events and happenings and do not take enough time to stay in touch at the heat level. 

One way we can make family gatherings meaningful is to have a structured time to share our feelings about experiences, happy and to so happy. Our feelings affect our attitude and behaviour and are often subject to our perception. When we share them, we get a collective perception to revise them  from being highly subjective. We feel renewed and  refreshed through such restorative conversations. The story of our life is not complete till it is verified by people who love us. 

In a wife-husband relationship, what is even more important is to be passionate for each other's growth and renewal. To grow in a consciousness that my husband or wife is my immediate neighbour with whom I am in a calling to become 'one flesh' is a liberating thought and experience. This intimate companionship is reassuring and comforting. 

I wish all married couples would have dedicated occasions to audit their level of intimacy with each other and create more common space for mutual nearness! All parents need to be an example and a challenge to their married children to show them the way of intimacy and self giving trust!   

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Attentive engagement!

As I watched these friends watch a video, I was fascinated by the attentiveness which was obvious though their body language! Usually visual scenes generate intense attention because our eyes behold the scene three dimensionally and holistically. Some are habitually visual by practice!

We give attention to people and situations when we are ready and captivated! Most people who have to lecture to students in a class room struggle with getting the attention of students for forty minutes. From my experience, it is difficult to engage their attention for more than 20 minutes. So the students would need meaningful intermission to restore their attention after a while.

One experience I have had with students during a lecture is to have two or three intermissions that can be like fillers, to unwind them and feel connected with the subject of the lecture. 

One intermission that  I find most useful is to listen to the current news from their points of view. Often it is not the political news or serious issues that draw their attention! But practical issues which concern their lives! One recent discussion was about lack of parking space in the hospital! Most of them do not own any vehicle, but was concerned about the inconvenience of many who struggle to find a parking space!

I was encouraged by this dialogue because it tells a lot about the mindfulness for others !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Fruits of our labour!

This is is the season of fruits in our garden. This jack fruit tree is about 25 years old and gives fruits every season in plenty. The fruit is delicious and we have often enough to share with our neighbours. 

During this season, we have had multiple crops of these fruits. While we have ripe fruits now, new ones are still appearing! This is unusual! Our domestic helpers tell us that it is because we manured the tree couple of times last year and protected the tree bed from overgrowth of weeds.

There is an optimum setting for all good things! Yesterday, a family told us about the way their five year daughter who had difficulty to use one hand two years back has almost recovered. The parents encouraged and assisted her efforts to improve the muscle power and tone through several playful activities. They were hours of enduring efforts.

I wish, we can live with hope and passion! Yesterday, when the Indian cricket team lost to Australian team in the world cup semifinal, Sunil Gavaskar, a legend of the game and a former captain of the Indian team mentioned that 'In a game there is loss and gain! Let us leave it as a game and not be rattled by it. Life goes on and is larger than our gains and losses. We can learn to make our lives even more richer..' 

We are 'labourers' in the 'vineyard' of life! We labour with a mission and hope because, the Giver of all good things, God of our lives is our companion in this journey of life!

M.C.Mathew(text an photo) 

Returning to Childhood!

Most of us relive our childhood in some way or other regularly!

According to the theory of transactional analysis, within each of us there is a triune relationship co-existing- child, adult and parent. All these three inner realities co-exist to give us completeness.

As I watched these two senior administrators of a large institution move around this boat playfully, I took time to travel back in the memory lane when my grandfather, who was fond of fishing, would often take me in his small fishing boat in the river, early in the morning during holiday time. That used to be hilarious time of listening to his stories of fishing expeditions of forty or so long years. My grandmother would wait for him to return to fry fish for brunch.  There was always a catch for a meal or more. 

Our childhood has formed our interest, values, and choices. There is something resident within us of our childhood that comes alive to give us refreshment about formative experiences. 

The stories I heard from others from the group who joined us at the beach for an evening of leisurely walk were fascinating and revealing. 

It is when we listen to others just for the pleasure of it, we would feel connected with others even more. Listening with attention is one way of valuing others! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photos)

Morning glory!

As I watched this bunch of flowers enhanced its brilliance in the morning sun, I noticed what sunshine can do! Its brilliance is both its own and acquired. What it receives from outside adds even more richness.

This speculator sight happened in the morning of the first full day of a retreat, I was part of recently. As I listened to the brief biography of the participants in the previous evening, I was aware of the richness of experiences they carry with them. Yet they were seeking for more inner awareness of themselves and of the reality of God's goodness. This is a longing of most humans- to grow in the awareness of the meaning and purpose of life and living!

However, it is not by pursuit of self-development plan alone we receive this larger meaning of life and feel connected with the mystery of life. It is in the context of relationship with each other, the added dimension of meaning of life grows within us. We receive by listening, observing and interacting the larger truth and meaning beyond our natural perception.

A nine year old child told me yesterday, 'It was  through seeing the several pictures in your office I started drawing and colouring. I received a prize for my pencil sketch last week' . We reach out to others in several ways to make a difference, often not being conscious of them! We bring radiance to each other through our collaborative journey into life, under the watchful eyes of God who make our efforts bear fruits!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)

Music from heart!

As I watched these two chaplains practice before a singing session, I was surprised by the pleasure with which they were playing their guitars! They turned even their practice into a solemn occasion! It was music from their heart!  

There are times when music can hold your attention and bring an inner tide of warmth! It takes you from a thought realm to a meditative realm.

It has lot to do with how a person plays the musical instrument or lead the signing! While we listen to the sound and words, there is something beyond in music which is the language of love! When we sing or play an instrument it is an offering to the listeners. Those who sing and play meditatively connect with others naturally and transport them to their soul to feel refreshed and restful!

In that sense, music is the language of the soul!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Children explore for an experience!

This child who came in for consultation insisted that he turned the table upside down and I let him do it when I knew that it was not worth resisting his repeated efforts!

For that twenty minutes when he lay there watching rest of us converse and continue our business gave me another insight about how a toddler's mind think and plan.

When he came into the room he went under the table and wanted us to play with him 'hide and seek'. We did that for a while. When he found that amusing, he decided to upturn the table. He pulled the table cloth and gave it to me folded and tried to turn the table upside for which he needed help. He seemed surprised when I did not resit him from doing it. There was peace after he did it. 

Is this an exploratory instinct or an inappropriate childish behaviour!

Most toddlers are are on the go and move about impulsively. They can be directed and distracted by clever interruptions. However sometimes they are persistent. It is then, it would be interesting to watch their thought process evolve into action. When we can let that happen we give them a feeling of accomplishment. Toddlers too need that emotional feeling for their emotional intelligence to develop. Those who feel content to express themselves are more confident and sociable.

Take time to watch children. They tell their stories and ideas through what they do ! That is how we can  keep a track of how they grow and develop!

It is this pleasure of watching children leisurely that kept me going for thirty five years in my clinical work with developmentally challenged children and their families! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Moods during a day!

I have a fascination for white flowers and I look for every opportunity to capture them in different light conditions.

The one above taken towards the evening just before sunset and the one below early in the morning before sunrise, covey two different hues of white.

I have more pictures of these two bunches at different times of the day which made me discover that even with adjusting the exposure factor in the camera, to correspond with with light conditions, the hue of the photo would vary!

The flowers too have different 'moods' during the different times of the day conditioned by note sunlight!

 Does that sound strange!

Is it not true of us as well!

While at the consultation yesterday, I realised that mood was swinging according to the state of well being or otherwise of the families who visited us. There were distressing and challenging situations that after each consultation my colleagues and I stayed in solemn silence for a while unable to speak! We were carried away by what we saw and heard!

It is  for this  reason, all those who work in caring profession need regular debriefing times to recover from the exhaustion of 'giving' that goes on during listening and interaction.

It is almost a necessity that such debriefing times are deliberately included for adding to the well being of each person in the caring team!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A land for the future!

I was moved to be with a group who visited the new land acquired by the CMC Vellore, on the high way to Chennai about 7 kilometres from the current hospital campus to build a new hospital dedicated to trauma care and related specialties.

This group was returning after a retreat. The occasion gave us an opportunity to recall the small beginnings that Dr Ida Scudder initiated which continue to have ripple effect even after 114 years.

If God be for us, all things happen in the opportune time.

All those who work at CMC or are associated with it live out this story of the 'mystery' of CMC as an institution which is becoming 'all things to all people'!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Reliving yesteryears !

This is how we used to draw water from our well about 25 years back, until we have had a pump installed to have running water in the house. In rural India, this is still a  common practice. As these visitors experienced the pleasure of this way of drawing water, I travelled back into my memory lane of my childhood.

It was morning and evening chore I did during my schooling years to gather enough water for our use at home. It meant walking about twenty meters form the well with bucketfull of water several times to fill all the containers in the kitchen and bathroom.

I look back at those experiences with much delight and gratitude now, as they were ways I was introduced to take an interest in the affairs of running a home.  

Most parents would involve their children in the domestic chores. It is necessary to give them responsibilities to prepare them to be live fully aware of their roles and to encourage them to work with their hands. It is a necessary experience all children ought to have from early childhood to develop planning and execution skills with perseverance!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Finding Me !

One of the favourite occupations of an infant from about three months is to find himself or herself by watching the hands, feet, feeling them and even mouthing them. It is a journey of personal discovery which continues through early childhood. As I watched this child of two years spend time looking at herself in the mirror, I was delightfully surprised by the different facial gestures she was making to herself and feeling delighted by what she discovered in her reflection in the mirror! For children it is more than a game; it is knowing themselves physically, emotionally and volitionally! It is essential for discovering their self with all its dimensions and details.

Somehow this journey gets less purposeful or focussed as  children grow older. As adults we spend least time to get to know ourselves. Who we are and whose we are two questions that need ongoing attention !

We sometimes live irresponsibly or dangerously or casually because we have not engaged ourselves adequately with these two questions. We are not what we were six months or three months back. We have grown inwardly and changed or have regressed or stay stunted inwardly. We alone are truth finders of our soul and self!  

It is the truth that shall set us free! The truth about ourselves is the resource we have to make our lives holistic and rounded. The Bible is a very personal mirror for our soul! Let it be our close companion in this journey of discovering our true self!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Time Out!

I was privileged to be with a group of retreatents recently for three days. Most of them are people who find their days full and overflowing with different responsibilities. During this time, I watched them rest, reflect and revise their lives. The very fact that they have had time to turn inward and dwell on their life themes and concerns provided them with an experience of renewal and refreshment. The institution they belong to offers this opportunity to  their faculty regularly.

Personal time outs is an experience we tend to replace with holidays. As families the holidays are occasions when we unwind, explore nature and go for expedition, have different experience of sports, or entertainment and make the times more family centred.

The personal time outs are more person centred occasions when we move into the inner canvas of our lives to listen to our soul, feel the joys and hurts, experience healing and affirmation and find a vision for our onward person journey of integrative living. As humans, our lives have an internal and external dimension. We so live that the internal gets crowed by the external. The time outs create space to bring to life the inner self and allow our lives to find its anchor and fullness to live our lives publicly in the theatre of our activities. 

Those who take regular time outs are those who are in the pilot seat of their lives and continue their Godward journey!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Habits that last !

I was at a retreat recently where while parents were in their serious engagement, their children too were in an enquiry and discovery journey.

I watched some children with their Bibles early in the morning sitting individually in different parts of the campus early in the morning. Although watching the sunrise at that seashore was a good reason to be awake early, I knew that it was not the only reason for them to be found in reading the Bible and praying in the morning. Some of them told me that tit was their habit for some years or months.

It is most refreshing to watch children practice their habits even on holiday! Their habit of reading the Bible and praying obviously means something to them that it sticks with them even when there are other good enough reasons to miss it for a day or two! In fact I heard one child refusing to go with a group to the seashore she finished her 'quiet time'! I am not sure if I would behave similarly!

Yes, many of us wonder how our children would face the struggles and temptations of a materialistic and self-seeking culture! Nurture them into good habits and values. When they are old, they would not depart from them! Amy and Arpit read and sing Bible stories to their four month old baby! I know of parents who start this even before the baby is born! They are good practices that would become habits for children later!

  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Photo conversation !

What happens around the photographs taken of interesting scenes is anybody's guess. Usually most photographers have an instinct to share what they captured with others immediately after they clicked a scene. Most photographers grow in their concepts and ideas form what they learn from others. Some comment on colour, light contrast, depth, shades and shadows, size, etc. It is what the photographer is looking for!Some comments would be complimentary and others not so! A photographer is aware of this when he seeks for a photdimcussion. 

Yesterday, I had a difficult time with a family who visited for consultation. They were asking and commenting on many issues. I was not comfortable at the end the day to prolong the conversation or take the conversation forward! I knew I was getting irritated and felt disturbed by every comment the family made! The conversation ended abruptly with the family being uncomfortable and myself becoming miserable. 

Later in the evening, I kept pondering over this matter. I tend take the complements casually and critical remarks seriously. I realised from this experience that it is good to welcome complements and carry them in my heart to feel encouraged and receive other comments gently to ponder over them with openness to embrace another dimension of truth. That would then become a means for personal growth.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A group formation !

During a recent retreat, I noticed that groups which met for a specified time to discuss a theme continued to meet informally during the recess times, exploring the same theme and related matters. As I observed this, I happened to ask one of the members of a group, 'How is that you continue to meet and share'. The answer surprised me: 'We felt drawn to each other'. 

There is a journey from a group meeting to a group formation! Small groups are often the life-giving resources for large organisations. When people are drawn by a calling or a purpose, the ideas and experiences which develop in the laboratory of their discussions become a valuable resource for incorporating them into the larger community.

Recently, I came across an incident of how three people were keen to reduce the use of plastic bags in a hospital pharmacy. Thy got volunteers to make paper bags from newspapers donated by different people. In about three months, the pharmacy was able to see the wisdom of using paper bags for dispensing at lest some of the medicines.

Small group formation is life giving to any organisation and build a sense of belonging!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A Montessori learning environment

Anna and I have had a pleasant outing to a conference where Montessori form of education for children was presented live.

We watched children from four to six years engaged in exploratory activities for personal learning, some engaged on their own and others in groups of two or three. The class room was largely child centred with teachers moving around to give guidance and direction for children to encourage them in their learning exploration. There was an atmosphere of tranquil and ease which was unlike some other class rooms where forty or more children sit in desks and one teacher strives to get their attention. 

This form of child initiated learning is of great value for children because they are encouraged to bring in their personal flavour to their learning experience and not inhibited to conform to what is planned for an average child. The movement from activity to the other, self planning, doing what enthuses the child at that given time, co-learning with others experientially, making a personal curriculum of learning within the time frame, etc. are some of the valuable advantages of this process of learning. 

I wish, this would become even more popular as a creative learning plan for early schoolers. Montessori learning has a history of over seventy-five years of experience in india. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Four in one !

It is common to see families use motor bikes for their transport.

I feel that it is high time that we discourage this practice! I wonder whether we can make that as an educational exercise! I feel it is unsafe for children and too risky to be on road with an overloaded motor bike. The 125 cc bikes are not meant to carry about 200 kgs- it looses its balance and it is too effortful to negotiate a bike in the heavy traffic of fast moving vehicles! 

I wish, the governments owed pay greater attention to public transport so that families would find it enjoyable to travel without squeezing to a motor bike. There is a revival of interest in metro railways, monorails, faster and comfortable buses, creating dedicated lanes of buses, etc. I wonder whether this unchecked addition of vehicles to our roads would do us good in the long run when we are fighting pollution and congestion of space!   

The highest number of road accidents in the world seems to be in india. I wonder each of us can take an active role for advocacy for safety on the road !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

A denied animal instinct !

Anna and  I happened to watch some elephants in training for domestication, given their time for water play. As the elephants are irresistibly indulgent during the water play time, the mahout keeps a close watch on its behaviour. The elephant is forced to do only what is designed for that day, while in water. They are not given any exception to this rule. In fact we saw two elephants abruptly being taken out of water because of their non-compliance. As a part of the domestication training, this insistence to do only what is decided for it to do in one sense is understandable.  It is one way the trainers 'break the will' of these elephants to comply always. 

On our way back, this particular outlook to training bothered me a lot.  It is an instinct of an elephant to be in water and play. Most elephants do not get the chance for this water play. They grow up denied of the gratification of this instinct. Most elephants do not react to this deprivation as they adapt to this easily and naturally. In fact many elephants are well cared for by their keepers.

Animals are subject to humans and they do what we decide for them. Who are we subject to as humans!

I wish there is more God consciousness and brotherly love among humans!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Words of Confession !

While visiting an ancient Church, whose origin is linked to the time of visit of St. Thomas , I noticed the confession of St. Thomas inscribed prominently above the ornamental altar.

As the congregation comes together for every worshipping occasion, these words hopefully would come alive to at least some. While moving around the campus of this church with a membership of over 2000 faithful, I met many waiting outside, solemnly participating in the worship service which was relayed through the public address system. They were outside because there was no standing space available inside.  

Most faithful would attend worship services periodically if not regularly. This is a tradition and ritual most people would not like to miss. 

Having lived in Kerala for three years now, it is clear to us that these religious practices help in showing the 'narrow way' of living righteously against the wide open door of materialism, fulfilment driven life style, and pursuit of ambition at any cost. 

During the time when the Wesley brothers were engaged in announcing the good news of Jesus of Nazareth through songs and sermons in the United Kingdom, there was an increased consciousness about living moral lives that the crime rates dropped, alcohol consumption decreased, and the quality of family life improved remarkably. In fact it is mentioned in public health books that people kept their homes and streets clean that even the incidence of epidemics of communicable diseases decreased.   

I look forward to the same effect in Kerala - a decline in alcohol consumption drunker behaviour at home!

M.C.Mathew(photo and text)

A season of many memories.

Anna and I have been living in my parent's cottage for three years now. From the time we came here to care for my mother, have been captivated by the vegetation around the cottage with fruit bearing trees and wild overgrowth. We decided to plant more as we knew that some trees had to be cut or pruned as they became tall and was at risk during frequent storm during the prolonged monsoon of almost six months here. 

Having planted over one hundred trees, we decided to cut about forty trees during this month. As each tree fell, when axed, I went back the memory lane to fifty or  more years when all those trees were planted by my father. The labourers in the farm over these years tended and watered these trees and now they have become timber for use. They lost their life but were self-giving even then.

Our lives have this inherent calling! When we live we can add goodness all around and and when our life is over, we would still be able to leave behind memorials of service and self-giving vocation.

Blessed are those who live to love and long to do good! It is what is lacking often. We get intimidated by the evil around us and get carried by injustice! Yes there is a place and need for it. But fighting injustice does not fill the vacuum in human consciousness which goodness and mercy alone call fill.

The writer to Romans, in chapter 11, makes a concluding confession of discovery,'For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things..'. What a calling to live with!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

First fruits

Honey from the honeycomb

Farewell to trees