Presence and Nearness!

I felt moved by the communicative style of this Tree pie bird pair in our garden at dawn when the sun had just risen. Although the visibility of the birds is not as good as I would have liked it to be, the language of presence and nearness that the birds conveyed towards each other captivated me! Theirs was a tender communicative process. 

The attentiveness they offered to each other was striking. They gave each other full attention. The mutual readiness to hear and feel was conspicuous in their posture and behaviour. 

Becoming present to the other person while in a conversation is the way to be communicative. I remember walking with Dr Frank Garlick in the corridors of the Christian Medical College, Vellore when I was still in my undergraduate training. He paused with every greeting he received and exchanged the greeting looking at the other person. He would have paused at least twenty times during that seven minutes walk. 

I recall an instance when a friend who greeted me hoped that I would stop to greet and chat, but I walked away in a hurry. He telephoned me later to say that he was keen to say something but I looked to be in a hurry. Yes, I felt that I was not present and attentive to his thoughts. 

We can convert a conversation to communication if we can receive the other person and be present to the person by giving our attention. 

People around us are seeking for our attention. A mother who came to visit yesterday was heart broken when she realised that her son of three years has  symptoms of the same disease that she was suffering from. This made her aware that the chance of the same disease in another child if she were to plan for another pregnancy was high! That added to her sense of loss. During this conversation, all what I could offer was listening attention till she was ready to go home!

This way of listening presence and attention to the thoughts of anguish of the other person is a sacred experience, as the listener can help the other person to feel the depth of emotions and create a space for the person to attend to them!

Every time I face such occasions, there is also an inhibition to be present as it consumes time and attention!

And yet, the gift we can offer, can be an occasion of comfort opening the door of recovery path for that person! 

At the end of each day, what finally matters is how our openness to listen brought comfort and hope to others.

Listening is a way of becoming present to ourselves and to the other person!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)