A displaced bird family!

I felt moved by the sight of the loss this bird family was experiencing, while I was on a morning walk. Their nest between the branches of a tree was exposed to all sides after the branches were cut. For the birds, it was no more a safe place to nest!

One bird made a close inspection of the nest and its surroundings and the the other bird from a close by branch remained in a pensive mood!

What does it mean to have a sense of loss and be immersed in grief!

I experience this and have watched others go thorough harrowing times!

Our loss is related to our expectations! A boy who lost is pencil in the play ground after having searched and not found it said, 'It does not matter. My parents would buy another one'. He valued the pencil, but was not desperate when he lost it! He comforted himself by the provision her parents would make for him. This attitude of responding to a loss without indulgent or inordinate grief springs from the consciousness of the kindness of his parents who would share in his grief and make a way out of it. 

This boy fortunately had a healthy view of his parents. He did not see his parents as task masters waiting to pounce one him by blaming him for his carelessness. He instead had an experience of his parents as those who were companions to him ever ready to comfort and support. 

I find this true in my experience as well. It is the fear of how others view and interpret my loss that intensifies the grief. If I am able to view the loss as acceptable to me, others too would be ready to accept it and condone it. 

What lies beneath a loss! Loss of attachment! If I value something dear to me and do not get that aspiration fulfilled, I can long for the expectations to come true. This longing and desirous waiting adds to the intensity of loss when what I long for does not come to pass. 

Our expectations are our hope, which is dependent on others to fulfil them. Instead, if I can get used to receive what is given and do not stay expecting more than what is given I can grow in contentment. That is when I can lower my expectations. 

We put burdens on others, when we expect too much from others. Children need to get satisfied  with what parents can give.  Spouses would be happier if they live with what they receive from each other! Friendships would be richer if we are thankful for the little that is given or received. The social relations would mean a lot more if we live open to receive the ambience rather than stay demanding for more!

Our view of our loss changes when we lower our expectations. Our expectations are relational to our greed; instead if we stay fulfilled when our our needs are met, we longer would experience grief disproportionately! 

I like the attitude of the boy that I referred to above, who turned his loss to a gain. He valued the provision from his parents that would be forthcoming instead of the experience of loss of a pencil. So the loss also receives a new perspective. Those who loose will gain sooner or later. 

Jesus of Nazareth had a good perspective on this! 'Those who loose their lives  for my sake, would  gain it..'! 

Why agonise over our loss more than what is needed!

A girl of five years who broke the limb of a doll while giving the doll a bath was surprised to find that her father had brought another doll when he returned from work. Her mother complementing her said, 'Sweet heart, you made no fuss when your doll got damaged. We were moved by your sober behaviour which is why  we wanted to give you another doll'!

It is our measured and sober response to our loss that earns us the favour to receive kindness. 

Ruth, the character in the Old Testament of the Bible was one such person. She lost her husband, her father-in-law, and her brother-in-law, and her co-sister deserted her. She came to a foreign land with her mother-in-law. As soon as she arrived in Jerusalem the barley harvest was going on. She set out to glean from the field after the reapers  collected the grain. That was when Boaz, the owner of the field spotted her and granted her permission to glean and offered her provisions. He did so because he was impressed with, how Ruth decided to take care of her mother-in-law inspite of brooding over her loss of her husband! A sober and creative response to loss!

When wee take our eyes off our loss, we see a new future for ourselves. We receive a new way of seeing other's need and to respond to them with kindness. 

A loss can make us grieving. However that is not the end of the journey. After grieving, when we move on to be thoughtful what we shall receive in the end would surprise and delight us. 

For the birds, the nest was lost to them! But they are birds who would find another place to nest! 

The advent season is a reminder of all the places denied to Mary for giving birth to her son. The only place available was a manger. Jesus was presented to the world in a manger! A humble beginning of a vicarious life, who surrendered Himself for the wellness of others! Mary's was not a story of loss but a delightful experience of making her son as a gift to humankind!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)