The formative process !

The above daily photographs taken around 7 am every day since the rose bush was planted in our garden, tell a story of the transition from being a bud to a flower in eight days! In another two or three days, the flower would hopefully be fully open. 

What engaged me while watching this transition is the way the petals in the centre unfold to form a design and pattern of arrangements to make a flower aesthetically formed. 

This becoming process is a delight to watch, as the process is slow and incremental!

A friend has been sending us photos of her infant from the first week of his birth. I realised how by the end of the first month, a regardful look has emerged in his face with an attempt to smile! The mother sings, strokes, cuddles, calls and uses words...all of these contribute to the formative process developmentally!

As adults how do we help each other in our formative process? The adult behaviour to each other at home, at work place, on telephone or video calls or while exchanging messages leave impressions, thoughts, feelings and gestures of goodwill promote the formative process. 

What is unhealthy for adulthood formation is the language of aggression, attack, humiliation, ridiculing or confrontation we often notice in the media conversations between people. The anchor can too be provocative to create an ill tempered ambience! 

The loud speaker used in a local church for its convention is so loud that I can hear the message of the speaker from our home. I noticed how the language is forceful, imposing and demanding that the listener can feel guilty, sorrowful or reduced! I would have desired to hear a language of love, exhortation and inspiration falling gently in the listener's years to move within to feel loved by a self giving God!

It dawned on me that we are the keepers of our neighbour! It is how we speak and listen which would form the ambience for the formative process of others we are closely acquainted with. 

The attentiveness to listen and feel creates a comforting ambience in a conversation. The open ended questions or statements help as they open up possibilities to explore the issue without being influenced by strong opinion of one person. 

The inner slogan, 'let me hear' can be a healthy guide! The hurry to speak or force an opinion then gets displaced by an openness to listen and discern!  

I wondered how each visitor leaves our home at the end of a visit. Does he or she feel listened to, well received and valued ! A the end of a telephonic conversation, how does the person on the other end feel about the way he or she was received and heard! How would a person feel after reading the message I sent? Have I left encouragement and appreciation for that person to feel well! 

The politeness in language and communication would emerge from an appreciative orientation towards others in our attitude and esteem!

I am also responsible for the emotional and attitudinal formation of my spouse, children and grandchildren! I have a similar responsibility towards neighbours and strangers. 

A carpenter who came to mend our shelf, came two days later than he promised to come. The first thing he said to me on arrival was an apology for not coming as promised and forgetting to inform on phone about the change. When he was leaving after finishing his work, he said, 'Thank you for not showing that you were upset me'! It was then I realised that he was carrying an anxiety about my possible reaction to him. 

The generosity in attitude towards each other and openness to be affirming whenever possible become the means to be upbuilding each other during our engagements!

A rose flower is formed by what it receives from the plant, soil, sunlight, water and the ambient temperature!

Adults are formed by what we offer to them by our acts of goodwill and tokens of kindness!

M..C.Mathew(text and photo)