Relational Presence !

It is occasional to see a pair of Barbets showing hospitality during the meal time towards each other ! They are gregarious feeders and feed in  haste taking large chunks of food with each bite. So it was a delight to watch the Barbet pair above,  to pause for each other and transform the occasion into a communication time between them. The patience and pause for each other seemed unusual for Barbets. That is what courtship does to birds. They please each other consciously to grow in trustful relationship. They overcome their usual behaviour and become relational and fraternal. 

There are three observations I picked up from their presence in the feeding table in our garden. 

They were intentionally interested in each other and therefore mindful to take turns in feeding. 

They made feeding time a pleasant experience by taking time to feed comfortably. 

They flew in together and flew out together, which was different from the usual habit. 

It gave me an opportunity to think about husband-wife relationships. How much I show regard towards Anna by looking into her interests and needs? It became an occasion to audit my behaviour! Is the sense togetherness crossing over to more domains in our relationships?

The fifth decade in marriage relationships is a crucial period. Often children would have got married and left home by then. Most couples would have retired from their work place. It is the early season of beginning retirement life for most people. 

The retirement is a new experience. Having married children is a new experience. Having grand children is another new experience. Having to find ways to be meaningfully occupied and purposeful on retirement is a new experience. It is also a time when age-related health  challenges set in ! 

When a husband and wife encounter these new experiences, what will hold them together is greater attention to communication and mutuality!

Anna tests my blood sugar level periodically as part of the cardiac protocol that I am used to follow since my by-pass cardiac surgery. The blood sugar parameters show some fluctuations but did not need any attention beyond monitoring the diet. But this time the sugar levels showed more fluctuations. Anna's first response was, 'You will be alright in a week's time with extra care'! What a comforting message! During the last week, that is what Anna did by bringing more regularity in the meal time and food intake. A week later the sugar levels got regularised. I felt moved by the way Anna participated to support and guide me through this process. 

This is the way to grow in endearing relationship as a couple when we become older! To be intentionally thoughtful and attentive to each other!

The boundaries as an individual get more porous and transparent and the couple would have a larger shared experiences in marriage relationship, when they grow older. Often a touch of romance of the earlier years would return !  We closed the week yesterday evening, with a meal in a restaurant sharing our favourite food ! 

M.C.Matthew ( text and photo)