Memories that last !

All of us  would be older by another year on  first of January 2026!

It was while watching this rose bush in our garden this thought of turning older engaged my attention. The rose flower on the right is the younger flower and the one on the left of the screen is older by three days. The colour of the flower on the left has changed from being fully red like the one on the right to be pink. Although the flower on the left is looking pink, it still looks fresh and agile. 

Life has a transformational path physically, emotionally, cognitively, behaviourally and socially. 

We grow older chronologically, which is a physiological process which we can modify or stall only minimally. 

We can grow to be an elder only by a volitional planning !

An elder is one with mindful and watchful attention on the wellness of others! Even in Erick Erickson's psycho-social formation theory, the  eighth stage of life is to be an elder! 

An elder has five functions as much as I experience. 

 Intuitive orientation 

Most elders have an inner sense of consciousness and outlook conditioned by experience, discernment and wisdom. A senior examiner, who took my practical examination for my final examination in child health asked me if I liked child neurology as a speciality to pursue. At that time I found child neurology least likeable. He said, 'think about it, because you carry a flair for observation and interpretation'! Ten years later, I moved to do my post doctoral studies in Neurology. The examiner had an intuitive sense and used it to plant a seed of direction! It was during my post doctoral research, I discovered the hidden interest to pursue the approach of identifying causal pathway for Neuro-developmental dysfunction in children, which since then for thirty five years was my professional mission! The clinical examiner with his intuitive sense helped me in my path finding!

 Trustful approach 

There are times when, those who have an elderly instinct would give a nudge to younger people to accept responsibility even when one does not feel comfortable. A professor under whom I was working took  leave for three months to engage in formulating an integrated  child care plan in a developing country. I had worked with that professor only for three months by then. The professor while preparing to go, told me, 'You are trusted to oversee the unit. You will have good and difficult times. You will find ways to keep everything going'! Forty six years   later,  when I recall these words, I realise that the professor had already become an elder to see the prospects in others. I did have good and difficult times during the three months. I discovered more about my professional skills and decision making skills during that period. I felt valued which was a healthy message at the start of my professional journey! I had a first hand experience of my vulnerability while working under pressure!

Affirming  availability

I was privileged to engage in a post doctoral research for four years guided by two eminent professors. One of them offered me time twice a week to have conversations on the project that I was involved in. As my work was on a clinical domain without using laboratory data, the methodology and investigation had to be objective, authentic, rational and evidence based. It was a laborious process. As I chose the area of the study voluntarily, the professor was all the more alert to make it scientifically approvable. During the four years, the time he spent with me to quiz me, probe the data collection and find the neurological basis for all that I was pursuing clinically, made the exercise an experience of a life time. While analysing the data, he told me that 'your data is authentic' and therefore the results are dependable. At no time he was intrusive, or persuasive . He allowed the unfolding of the idea slowly. I felt during the whole process of four years that this professor blessed me with his availability affirmatively and circumspectly!

Extending the imagination

I felt that I was meandering at one stage while engaged in supporting children with near-developental needs. A professor with outstanding credentials happened to ask me about the work I was involved in. I shared about the difficulties, and discouragements. He wanted to know whether I was in the habit of writing. I shared with him some hand outs I had made as educational materials for professionals and parents. Seeing them he suggested, 'Get into the habit of writing. You communicate well and there is an original flavour in them'. Forty three years later, I realise now that the articles and books published have had a meaningful impact. This professor not knowing a lot about me, saw a possibility which I did not know as an opportunity! He sparked an imagination which was never in my horizon. Even this blog writing which Anna encouraged me to start 13 years ago, with 5060 blog posts till now, was because someone suggested to me the value of writing. My hesitation to write due to limited language skills got sidelined gradually and I pursued to write because of the resonance I receive even now, from what  spoken forty five years ago, 'Get into the  habit of writing' ! The professor ignited my enthusiasm and showed me the way. 

Mindful presence

One unusual experience that occurred sometime ago gave me another introduction to how elders can be mindful of small efforts and initiatives. A visitor who was on a writing project visited us from the United Kingdom, while we lived and worked at Chennai. She interviewed us for the book she was writing to capture the story of an organisation that we too were part of, for a few years at that time. After she completed the project she got in touch with us showing an interest to capture the story of the work in child development that Anna and I were involved in, at Chennai. It was her efforts that brought to light the initiatives of ASHIRVAD in child development and rehabilitation, which was titled, Beginnings! After the publication of this book, she came back to capture the story, after we relocated at CMC Vellore to start the Developmental Paediatrics unit ! She will be shortly  celebrating her ninetieth birthday. For about thirty five years since we knew her and her husband, we felt cared for by them thoughtfully and graciously. They were elders who invested in our lives. 

There are younger people who carry an elder's outlook and orientation in relating to others. So it is not the age which makes a person naturally an elder. It is the attitude and openness to be involved in a formative way in the lives of others, is what makes a person an elder.

The colour of rose flower changed with time!

A person does not become an elder with advancing age!

To be an elder is a calling, to accompany others to support their formative journey!

I hope that the year 2026 would inspire some to think of others, who wait for a caring companion to turn their life into fruitful living !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)