The ways of living!

 A bird stays on a cable safe, because it rests on to it!

A dew drop stays on an unopened bamboo leaf, at risk of falling down any time in a wind or getting evaporated in the morning sun! The dew drop is not remembered after it. It might be true of a small bird as well. It is not remembered normally when it no more visible on a cable!

The way of living that comes as a choice that most of us make in life is: being present where we are! 

Yesterday a family borough this way of living into a sharp focus which inspired me! This family who was considering to let their son to be taken care of by the grandparents, as both parents had some professional compulsions, announced yesterday that they decided to opt for part time jobs, till their son is ready for pre-school. He is needing support to develop his language skill and communication style before he can relate well in a pre-school class room. The family chose in favour of their son- becoming present to him! They chose to be present to their son rather than aspire for professional ascendency! 

The dew drop serves its purpose whether it be on a leaf or drops to the gerund or gets evaporated in the sun! It fades away after having fulfilled its purpose. 

We live in an environment where achievement is glorified. But a quite presence where we are placed is what most of us normally can pursue as our calling!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Freedom of Movements when secure!

A female Golden Oriole made several movements while perched at height in a slender branch of a tree! It made itself secure with its firm grip around the branch. 

I pondered over this constant bird behaviour. It is the second nature of a bird to move when secure!

I reflected over instances in my life when movements were necessary- from one responsibility to another. one place to the other, one direction to another, one perspective to another...!

During all those movements, what mattered as I look back, was how well anchored I felt in my belief for change!

The act of Peter, a follower of Jesus of Nazareth, venturing to walk on water, seeing Jesus  walking on water and moving towards the boat caught in a storm that he and his other friends were sailing in, aroused my interest.  Peter in so doing was about to sink and needed Jesus to hold him to stand firm!

The security to move comes from within! Peter was moved to walk towards Jesus! But the water could not steady him! The hand holding of Jesus steadied him!

The branch offered a bird the security to steady itself during all its movements. Its confidence is in the branch to which a bird holds on to !

On 30 the of January, when we remember Mahatma Gandhi the Father of the Indian nation, I am reminded of a hymn that he was fond of:

'Lead, Kindly light, amidst the encircling gloom,

Lead, Thou me on!

The night is dark, and I'm far form home,

Lead, Thou me on !

Keep Thou me feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene; one step enough for me'.

Rev C F Andres, a close associate of Mahatma Gandhi once seems to have said about Mahatma Gandhi, that 'Gandhi felt secure in God, because he lived, moved and and had his being in God'.

Feeling secure is an inward consciousness towards God, the Being in our lives!

M C Mathew (text and photo)

The nesting season !

Looking for nest of birds from now on till July or so in this part of India is a favourite occupation of serious bird watchers!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A visiting pair !

Spotting a pair of Golden Oriole in our garden today was delightful! It is after a long time, we had their visit! 

We had visits from singles of Black naped Oriole and Black headed Oriole in the recent months.  So it was good to watch a pair of Golden Oriole making their halts in different trees in the morning golden hour. I hope we will be able to spot a Maroon Oriole in the near future. It is a craze of all serious bird watchers to keep adding to the list of all the sub species spotted in  one family of a particular bird species. 

Among the well groomed birds, the Orioles stand out. 

Their bird calls can be heard only when it is not noisy as theirs is a soft and musical bird call. 

They make neatly shaped and formed woven nests which hang suspended from forked leafy twig.

I have a suspicion that the black streak around the eyes extends backwards in the Indian Golden Oriole unlike in the ones in Europe. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The missing feathered Friends!

Now it is over six weeks, since the above five birds are not spotted during the flight movements in the mornings in our garden! They have been regular visitors for several months now.

I have been looking out for a reasons for their absence from our garden!

The feathered friends, who are regular visitors come to a regular spot for a few reason. They have a habit of touching base with their regular flight stations when they begin or end the day. Some use the visit to find their feed. Others who are sociable come to be in the company of other avians. Some birds come to look out for finding a partner. The courting birds to choose a nesting place. 

Since we have bird feeding spots in two places in our garden, the bulbuls and sunbirds come to fetch their feed. 

I have been surprised how some of these birds come to our courtyard and make their presence known through the bird calls. When I respond by coming out to spot them, they have a look of composure and friendliness! That is striking and communicating of their comfort. Even Daffny and Dulcie fix their gaze on them and the avians reciprocate. 

I have been used to begin the day at dawn looking for these avians to welcome them and wish them a good day of flight and exploration. Now that I do not spot them, I begin the day missing something!

I ask myself: What do the avians bring each morning! It is their greetings which is explicit in their look! How much they communicate through a look!

I have pondered over this often! How much I convey acceptance, warmth, and nearness emotionally in the way I look and greet people! Even if it is a fleeting look, it might be possible to convey openness and friendliness through the eye contact!

It is worth pursuing to learn to look at others and communicate cheerfulness and welcome! That is what these birds introduced me as their message !

M.C.Mathew (text a photo)

Beyond the twilight view!

 

The twilight is a transient ultrashort time in the morning at dawn. 

The photo above got transformed from its original appearance, when I used the edit mode of the photo. 

The picture below, the edited version, of the picture above taken at twilight, has a different look of clarity and fullness! 

The truth is beyond the twilight view!

The truth gets different shades depends on how and who processes the truth! 

A sage who lived his life meditatively and altruistically by helping the people who lived beside him on the shore of a river, lived a simple life. He cooked his only meal of the day in the evening in the open. He made his chapati on a fire he lighted every evening in front of his hut. One evening, he left the chapati he cooked in the fire on a pallet and went inside his hut to collect butter to spread on the chapati. When he came out, a dog had gathered the chapati and was running towards the bush. The sage ran after the dog with the spoon of butter in his hand. 

When their neighbours saw him running after a dog, they were amused by his crazy behaviour and stopped him from running after the dog. They teased and made him feel small. He after a quiet moment, turned to his neighbours and said, 'A hot Chapati tasted better with  butter on it. I was running to spread the butter on the chapati for the dog to get its full taste'!

These are shades of truth. The neighbours of the sage saw his act of running after the dog as selfish. The sage saw it altruistically to give little more of his gift to the dog! 

The truth we believe and practice acquire a personal perspective coloured by our outlook and habit. 

That is why truth lies ambushed  scattered in a maze!

It is often necessary to travel beyond our bias and belief system to discover the truth in its uniqueness. 

I experienced yesterday how a couple suddenly discovered the truth in their life! Their son was left to be cared by the grandparents while they worked overseas. This three year old child has had an opportunity to see his parents once in a year for three weeks. A colleague who was developmentally supporting this child for a while discovered that this child did not make developmental progress for the last four months as grand parents were not in a position to help his developmentally beyond sending him to a play group. On being told about the prospects of the child to acquire good pre-school skills, parents felt moved and said, 'we would make arrangements to process his visa to take him with us'. This young couple came to the discovery of the truth, that their son's rightful place is with the parents. Their pre-occupation  with their job and lure of earning more by working in more than one shift each day, obscured their view of the truth of nurturing their own child. I found the mothers' face radiant when she announced the decision to process the visa for their child. 

The truth lies submerged in the twilight of our impressions, attitudes, beliefs and choices. 

To see beyond, we need to move from the twilight of our perceptions to the light that we can receive from others who can enlighten us!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Towards a Godly view !

A controversy has been intensifying in a particular church denomination  I live. in the place Anna and Olive, as to whether the worship service ought to be conducted by the presbyter facing the altar or the congregation. 

All the traditional main line churches have different altar decorations, often depicting in murals and tinted glasses, the tradition of that congregation. 

Those who favour that the presbyter faces the congregation while conducting worship services suggest that there is better symbolisation of the fellowship of all believers currently present in the service, by the presbyter facing the congregation rather than the altar!

Whichever way one might look at, it is God whom we worship in whose presence all differences ought to dissolve and we worship God in truth and in spirit!

Neither the alter view or view of the congregation is what matters, but a Godly view!

The Godly view springs from, 'love, faith and hope', of which love is the greatest of all the three as suggested by St Paul in I Corinthians 13:13.  

M C Mathew (text and photo)

Heart warming symbols!

At a marriage service of a friend, Anna and I were able to attend recently, I noticed a few differences from the usual practices at a marriage service. 

First, the families of both the bride and the bridegroom led the couple to the church for the service. It was a sign of both families offered to accompany the couples through life.  The second difference was that the bride covered her head with the bridal saree for the ceremonial photo with the presbyters who solemnised the marriage. The bride was without her bouquet at that occasion. Perhaps a sign of receiving the cover of fullness from the saree, her husband covered her with.   The third was that the bride shared her bouquet with her husband at the end of the service, which marked the beginning of the journey into shared living!

To me, all these three differences from the usual practices at a marriage service, stayed with me as significant symbols of togetherness and a covenant relationship that this couple entered into in preparation for their marriage and during the marriage service. 

A marriage service is a confluence of relationships- with God in whose presence they made their marriage vows; grateful belonging to the two families who brought together the couple to begin a new family; accompaniment of the congregation who witnessed the declaration of the marriage vows; and the circle of friends both the bride and and the bridegroom bring in to their new family life!

These relationships become the bedrock for a couple to begin their life long journey of discovery towards  trustful intimacy! 

I am reminded of the verse in the Bible,  Genesis 2:24- '...a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh'.  

This is a  mystery beyond all human comprehension! The joy of becoming 'one flesh' is the inspiration to live this calling in marriage relationship!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

The changes in the compound wall building !

The above sights of the compound walls built by loosely packing small stones ares till visible in our village. 

But the granite walls below are replacing them because they are more sturdy and lasting!

However there is a down side to this changing story!

There is lot more aggressive granite quarrying which is making hills and mountains look bare increasing the risk of soil erosion and landslides. The rocks were the guardians of the soil eco-system. 

The loosely packed walls could be built by any farm worker with some experience as it did not need skills of precision as much as needed in the granite wall building. 

The trained artisans are costly to hire. The wall building is no more affordable as granite and labour charges are expensive!

As I hear stories of others around us who tell us how they are unable to cope with the compulsions of changing times economically, Anna and I also had to face this when we had to rebuild our damaged walls with the granite stones. It almost consumed our savings. 

The demands on life and living come upon many too heavily!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

An evening stroll !

Anna and I took a less popular route yesterday, going through village roads, because we had enough time to arrive at our friend's home for a visit!

As we were driving through a less inhabited village with paddy fields on one side and a wooded stretch with thickly grown tall grass on the other side, we spotted a movement in the grass. A peacock appeared first, followed by its family. We stopped to watch their movements; so also another car! A family of five of them crossed over to the other side moving towards the grass stretch. They were lost since then, from our visibility.  

It was a sight that aroused curiosity within us to enquire more about the peacock behaviour. Our domestic helper told us recently that he spotted a peacock in our garden. A neighbour seemed to have spotted one on the road leading to our cottage. 

There is a greater awareness of harms of using chemical pesticides and herbicides among farmers. They are getting used to the use of biological methods to control the pests, which means that cows, goats and birds can feed on the grass and insects safely. 

The paddy field below our property was a wet land for a long time. We could watch a variety of birds all through the day. Some of them were residents in the bush and trees in that area. They even nested in the bushes and trees.

The wet land was recently converted into a rubber plant nursery, since then birds have deserted the area. The mornings are bereft of the bird calls and the cacophony. The stillness of the mornings is worrisome. As I watch the chemicals being sprayed on the sprouting rubber plants, I feared for the birds, butterflies, dragon flies, and the fish in the wet land. Children used to be in the wet land to catch fish with a towel held between their hands, to get a fish or two to keep them in their bottles at home! All these sights have disappeared! 

We live in a threatened environment where the eco system of bio-diversity is compromised. 

It was therefore more than delightful to watch a peacock family strolling on the road and finding their feed from the ground. 

There is a desperate drive for success and financial prosperity. I wish there will also be more passion to keep our environment viable for all living beings to feel secure!

M C Mathew (text and photo)

Flower Arrangements and Friends!

Anna  and I happened to meet Mrs Anu Mammen and Mrs Valsa Augustine (Photo below) at St John's Church Vellore three weeks ago after a marriage service. They were friends whom we met at the church during the Sunday morning services during our time at Vellore from 1997-2008.

Valsa had made the flower arrangements for the marriage service on that day. The floral ambience made the church look lovely and welcoming to greet the bride and bridegroom. Anna and I enjoyed the beautiful and aesthetic floral arrangements with such attention to detail. Later after the service we met Anu Mammen who was complementing Valsa Augustine for the floral arrangements. 

Anna, while expressing her admiration for the floral arrangements, recalled how Anu had provided the floral arrangements at the church for the weddings of both of our children. They commented on the beautiful flowers available in Vellore now compared to twenty years ago when flowers had to be ordered a few weeks earlier from Bangalore. Now the flowers are available from local vendors who order them and bring them from Bangalore. 

As I was listening and taking in the conversations, I remembered how Anu had volunteered to make flower arrangements for so many of the weddings of the CMC campus families. Anu moved to Calcutta with her husband, Dr Mammen Chandy, after his retirement from CMC Vellore, wher he was the founder director of the Tata Cancer Centre, They had only just returned to live in Vellore recently. After Anu moved, Valsa stepped into that gap and offered her skills of floral arrangements to families who sought her help for wedding flower decorations. Valsa still continues her professional work as a psychologist at Karigiri hospital and is actively involved in the leadership of Transform 4 Life. 

It was such a happy occasion for Anna and myself as in met with our friends recollected happy times, shared anecdotes and listened to each other. 

Friendships bring refreshment and memories of shared experiences bring a sense of belonging and gratitude that we can cherish. 

There were other friends whom we met after a long time. We had initially thought of living at Vellore after our  retirement from CMC Vellore. But we are now living in the cottage which my parents bequeathed to us. 

It is during the last eleven years as we have lived here, we have experienced new experiences which added that have blessed and enlarged our lives. 

In fact this photo blog spot where,  3734 posts have appeared during the last ten years is one of those new experiences! 

I feel grateful to Anna who encouraged me by creating this blog-spot and made possible this way of writing about our experiences and inner experiences. I feel surprised that I have been able to be fairly regular to share reflections in this blogspot!

M C Mathew (text and photo)

Two weeks later !

Today it is two weeks since the home call of Dr Frank Garlick! 

Frank's sense of humour comes to my mind. We were on an outing to a park outside of Brisbane and came to a continental coffee bar at lunch time. He said,' Shall we order for rice and sambar'! He said that because he thrived on south Indian food so much so, that Val often made it in their home. 

Anna and I turn our thoughts to Val and their children who adjust to his physical absence from them. 

Turning our thoughts to Val, we recall a visit to their home. During one of the conversations, Val mentioned that their focus was to spend as much time as possible with each other and with their children and grandchildren. 

It was their custom to have a weekly meal with the children and grandchildren. As Mike and Bruce lived in Brisbane it was easier to have those weekly get togethers. John also joined as and when possible.

Val took every effort to keep the family ties alive and relational.

One example of this was how Frank and Val took a keen interest to take one of their grandchildren for horse riding regularly and had her spend  the day with them. 

Val's sense of thoughtfulness surprised me deeply once!  While I stayed with them during one of my visits, Val offered to do the laundry for me. Next morning when I got up, she had left my shirts hanging outside the room in hangers, neatly ironed! It was her natural way of caring and helping! 

Anna and I have several memories of our own experiences of how Frank and Val lived in intimacy of trust and mutuality as a couple. All their three children referred to this intimacy they experienced from their parents, during the thanksgiving service on 20th January, 2023.

Theirs was a life lived to explore the depth and breadth of marriage relationship and a celebration of their discoveries. 

Now, Val will have volumes of memories to live gratefully!

Anna and I remember Val as she adjusts to a new season in her life! Our wish is that Val will experience the joy of abundance of life she shared with Frank and face this transition to live well and fully!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Early Chidhood Formation

 

Anna and I were at a social function recently where the adults were involved in the occasion and the children were sitting around. 

A mother was trying to engage her daughter by showing her picture books and helping her draw in her drawing book. But as soon as her mother turned her attention to the proceedings of the meeting, her daughter turned to the bag, where she knew the i-pad was kept.  She opened the pouch and settled down to continue the play on the i-pad she was already familiar with. Her mother persuaded her to stay away from the i-pad and even took it away from her, but had to give in to her daughter's wishes for the sake of keeping the peace. 

I hear similar stories from parents every day at my work place. Parents give in to the demands of their child to watch cartoons, surf the you-tube or play on-line games on smart phones or other media platforms. The child is entertained and wants more of it. Parents tell us that they give in to their child's wishes for online-entertainment for the sake of preventing the child from 'tantrum' behaviour. 

The on-line learning provided by schools for older children, during the COVID season, introduced many infants and toddlers to the passive watching of programmes on the internet. Some parents found occupying their child with cartoon-viewing made meal-times easier and quicker. Some others use the media to keep children out of the way when visitors come home or when adults work from home. Having got used to this easy way of entertainment, the pre-school child then insists on it and the parents are forced to oblige.  Infants and toddlers  introduced to cartoon viewing very early in childhood, due to the pressure of circumstances, depend on it for entertainment and parents need to work out creative ways to wean children away from the net-viewing habit.

One of the exercises we introduce to parents of infants and toddlers, who are caught up in the habit of watching cartoons for long periods, is to make them familiar with using toys to engage in learning activities for children. 

It was this, which made the department of Developmental Paediatrics at MOSC Medical College, Kolenchery create a video now available at the link <https://youtu.be/1eONrsUbwkA> for helping parents to set up a 'Child's Corner' in the home, to help children to return to the 'normal childhood' pattern of 'playing and discovering' !

The dictum that was often quoted as a prerequisite for allowing children to watch videos when the internet and television became popular twenty five years  ago, was that children watch the screen, when one of the parents is co-watching with them to supervise the content of what they watched and interpret to them them what corresponded to their level of perception and ability to process at their mental age. 

Now we have moved far away from this convention, so much so the television, or mobile phone has become a third parent, entertained by what the media offers to them. The reduced engagement time of parent with child and the impaired quality of communication have adversely compromised the child development process of pre-school children. 

I see this as the worst threat for child development that I have witnessed during the fifty years of my medical career. 

It is no wonder that forty percent of children visiting the Child Development Centre where I work have impaired development in language skills, communication, social engagement and behaviour. The media has decreased the normal play-based interactive learning of pre-school children. 

To me it is an explosive situation! This indulgent media exposure of children is like a fire that is consuming the house.  I sense this as a call to be awake, alert and active in inviting all those who understand the loss of the child glued to the screen and deprived of play and human contact by the tyranny of the media, to  work towards countering this threat to child development 

It is time, though we may be already late, to work at redeeming the healthy parenting practices that are foundational to the formation and healthy development of children!

M C Mathew (text and photo)