Ten feet away!

It is rare for a Tree Pie to be tolerant of human presence so close that it could allow me to take its photo! A joyful occasion!

Birds are also visitors who look out for a hospitable environment. Every time we trim trees or create a noisy scene or deny them the fruits in the trees, they  become suspicious of the environment. 

I have been conscious of this. Yesterday two bulbuls flew into our rear veranda and fluttered between the walls. As I watched this scene without getting tempted to be back with the camera, I realised that the birds too have a natural way of announcing their intent for friendship. In wondered what Dulcie would do to the visitors. She remained silent watching the birds in her territory and staying still at my feet. That gives me an idea to hang a bird feed in the verandah. 

I have during the last few months tried fathoming friendships between humans. I have had some good lasting friendships. I have had short term friendships. I have some broken friendships. I moved away form some friendships. I took time to find the climate for healthy and lasting friendships. 

Three thoughts sprang within. First, make friendships cordial by positioning it at the level the other person is comfortable. That boundary which is decided by the other person is a deciding factor. I expected sometimes more than what is forthcoming. That strained relationships and created an ambience of distance. 

Second, make giving and caring a habit in all friendships. Give as much as it is natural or spontaneous and not to please or influence. Some friendships appear healthy in the beginning but as you move on both or one person might want to withdraw from the current level of nearness. When such a signal is given, return to a safer place with grace and kindness, allowing the comfort zone to stay.  

Third, allow friendships to be mutually upbuilding. When that is not possible or stops to be a reality, stay thoughtful of the other person and stay warm and open. I find this more difficult as one can load too much in to friendships by way of expectations and make friendship demanding! All social friendships would become need based sooner or later. Some intimate friendships last and some others fade away, when respect towards each other changes with the change of circumstances. 

In all these, think of the other person and stay as a support as much the person seeks after! All friendships flourish when giving is the way and taking is not the first urge!

When a friendships seems to drift towards a utilitarian dimension, accept it as natural. Two persons might have met at a time with both or one having gone through a special situation needing companionship for debriefing and personal renewal. The friendships therefore was appropriate and upbuilding for that season. When that season is over and freshness and charm seem to fade away then accept friendships to become different in meaning and purpose from what it used to be and stay content with the change that was natural. We do not lose a friendship because of this change. It is only an entrance to another level of friendly behaviour!

What has been difficult for me and yet a resolve that I live with is to regard the person in friendship, when it is strong, weak or strained, respectfully and appreciatively. The difficulties that sprang up cannot stay as the ambience between the two, but a grateful remembrance and expression of the meaning it brought as long as it was possible. When a strain has occurred, view it as natural and stay comfortable to still respect and value each other, although the equations and communications have changed.  Some friendships would be redeemed even after a difficult season and some would fade away. Begin all friendships as seasonal and leave behind fragrance of regards and kindness when moving away from each other. 

One gains from a friendship to grow in a sense of belonging and believing. When giving is the ambience of a friendship, it is likely to bring cheer and grow into trustful relationship. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)