The balance in asymmetry!

It was fascinating to watch this butterfly in perfect balance in all its different body positions, while gathering nectar from the flowers. The wings on either side are not symmetrical in size although look symmetrical in shape. This is harmony inspite of the difference.

I heard a mother share about her intense grief about the contradictions between herself and her husband. She was tearful and sounded heart broken while narrating the woes of years of family life.

But she turned her story to another level of immense comfort, by saying, 'for the sake of harmony, I have learned to balance life at home'. She was not 'permitted' to work outside the home initially. Later although allowed to work, her husband takes full control of her salary. She is devoid of freedom and lives with many feminine interests denied in her life. The other professionals in the room listening to this story looked frozen. 

How she reconciled with 'asymmetries' between herself and her husband came home in a moving way to me at the end of the conversation. 

The differences are not for disharmony- that is what this woman shared from her experiences of fifteen years of married life.

All relationships in married life carry some asymmetries. The dissimilarities ought not to lead to a sense of incompatibility. There is a balance even amidst the asymmetries as we discover wholeness in family life thorough the dissimilarities we represent. The colourfulness of life in the family springs from this diversity.

I know of a couple who quarrelled over a question, 'Should we have coffee or tea in the morning'! Their adherence to behave similarly created disharmony each morning. The last time I met with them, they were still resolving this. 

While each person in marriage relationship pursues her or his growth in life, wise couples would offer greater space for the spouse, which springs from love and regard. The individual self gradually becomes a collective self, when each person looks after the interests of the other. 

The asymmetry of abilities or interests can bring harmony and balance at home!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)