A visit from a foster family yesterday, brought immense delight and pleasure to Anna and myself. To be with them and their children brought back memories of shared experiences.
Most of our conversation was about parenting. We felt enthused by the way they made their home children-centric and children friendly. The way they make their children experience and encounter situations and relationships fascinated us. Dulcie joined the children happily and children treated her kindly and playfully. A day spent with them brought memories of our times with our children when they were of similar age.
What was refreshing about this time was listening to them about the way, they amidst their professional responsibilities, designate time for children at the level of their needs or aspirations. I found that they have an optic of childhood thinking and behaviour, which is a sure sign of how they are learners in parenting. That was inspirational. Children learn about parents and parents learn about children. This two way process continue through childhood.
One aspect of parenting that they brought to our attention was their observational skills and open ended questions with patience to wait to find more about them to understand. They are tentative and inconclusive. They are not in a hurry to interpret children's behaviour, but learn from them.
This is unlike a refrain I hear at my work place of parents talking of children being 'insistent and demanding'. Some parents think of children as adults behaviourally and attribute motive to their behaviour. Where as most behaviours of children that become a concern for parents are hurried interpretations of children's instantaneous response to a situation. It is a form of expression which does need much attention as they are developmental and are therefore transitional and temporary.
Listening to our visitors and being with them to see how they negotiate with their children in different occasions gave us a feeling that they relate to children to know from them about the way they think or respond. This gives them an advantage of becoming companions to their children, rather than adults wanting to discipline children! Who else children have except parents for them to be truly themselves in their home in the loving company of their parents.!
We observed how the parents turned the behaviour of a child to a question, which made the child pause to think. This enquiry process changed the mind of a child or gave reasons for his or her thoughts or needs. What a commendable way of helping children to choose in a healthy way!
Children have thoughts and needs; more than they are learners to live and relate. Every time we engage children in conversations they are developing their inner scaffolding to think and express. This is how we enable children to be inquisitive, exploratory and creative.
What a delight it was for us to have had a live experience of parenting young children, during the hours they spent with us!
M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
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