Every infant (child below one year) who visits me for consultation leaves me surprised by the mystery of early childhood.
This infant in the photograph is keenly engaged in looking and processing. There is an intensity and curiosity which is explicit on his face. He is attempting to manipulate a toy between his hands, but his attention is elsewhere.
Often people are used to making funny faces at infants to observe their reaction. Some would stroke or pinch them in the face . Some are in a hurry to carry them. Some would try to wake up the baby if she or he is asleep. There are others who unconsciously frighten the baby by loud laughter or conversations. All these are adult forms of engaging an infant. I am afraid, these are not the ideal ways of approaching an infant.
It is good to pause before an infant giving time and attention for the infant to process the presence of an adult. Three reactions can happen.
Seeing the presence of a stranger, an infant above the age of four or five months would cry and turn to the mother to be carried for comfort. If that were to happen, it is good for the adult to wait or avoid any engagement with the infant till he or she returns visual contact.
The second is that the baby is unusually quiet and intently watching the adult initially. The infant may or may not return the smile. Returning a smile is an invitation for the adult to play visually but not to hurry to carry the baby. If the baby were to move the body towards the adult, then alone let the adult offer to carry, that too for a few seconds and return the baby to the mother lest some babies are overcome by strangeness and start crying.
The third possibility is that a baby from the first instance of contact with the adult exchanges eye contact and takes turns to look. Try playing peek-a-boo and see if the baby is ready for more interactive look and physical proximity. If during the process the infant reaches out to be carried, please offer to carry. Sometimes even when a baby appears to be visually friendly, the moment you go near to carry, baby may refuse to come to the adult. I wish that adults would honour the desire of the infant and do not insist on carrying the infant.
Let adults visit an infant knowing that, the infant may choose to delight or withdraw. It is necessary to respect the fragile and tentative emotional processing of infants. It may be our dress, odour, facial gestures, hair style or voice or hurried movement to carry that can offset that emotional well being of an infant.
No adult has any right over an infant to carry him or her just because she or he looks cute. Let an infant choose to come to you. Till then stay friendly by reciprocating the eye contact. Honour the emotional state of an infant. Any trespass of it gives an infant a fearful experience. Let parents recognise this and do let go of the infant till he or she appears comfortable with the adult visitor.
As adults we are under obligation to make every experience of an infant comfortable for him ore her.
M.C.Mathew(text an photo)
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