Making space at home

Is there a space for one flower in a bunch of buds! Every bud is occupying space and each will open sooner than later. Then what happens to each flower!  Will there be space for each flower when it is fully open!

I often hear a refrain from adolescent boys and girls that they have no or less space at home of their parents. The parental homes are physically and emotionally occupied by several events and happenings that they feel 'crowded out' or 'choked'. So they emotionally or physically leave their home or stay distanced form their parents while still 'staying' with them as 'loadgers'.

One story of an adolescent girl who became friendly with a migrant daily wage earner, who worked in the neighbourhood  has deeply disturbed me. She began offering hospitality to him out of consideration to a school drop out, who was forced into manual labour, out of compulsion of circumstances at his own home. This became an infatuating relationship. This girl got drawn into this as she found him listening and understanding her, which was declining from her parents, who came home late and did not seem to show much concern for her personal needs as they had several other things to attend to.   

That made me enquire about the social setting and habits of adolescent boys and girls in this cultural milieu. Parents lose contact with their adolescent children as they are occupied with their profession, jobs, social engagements, etc. Adolescent children are quick to pick up the cues parents send to them about their priority. Those parents who make efforts to draw close to their adolescent children in a friendly, caring and non-judging way often win the confidence of their children. The children use the opportunity to keep in touch to the` extent they are made to feel accepted and valued. 

A home is like a bunch of buds, where there are  adults and children, each of whom needing recognition, appreciation and nurturing. That is what enables them to blossom and enjoy a unique place of their own home. Each bud is potentially a flower.

I have a suspicion form what I read and hear that adolescent boys and girls, whose needs are distinct from those of other children and their own early childhood, get displaced from their home or get distanced form their parents, as parents do not grow up to understand the behaviour, thought processes, attitudes, value system, needs, etc. of adolescent children.

Let me propose parents receive advanced education on parenting of adolescent children so that parents too grow and adapt to have an inclusive approach towards their adolescent children. A father needs to offer to be a tower of strength and mother to be a caring, sensitive and sympathetic companion to their adolescent children.   Why should parents who were valued and esteemed by their young children,  are ignored or despised by the same children when they grow up, except because of a generational gap breaking down the communication process!

A lot can be done to maintain emotional bonding between adolescent children and parents if both receive help to treasure family ties when they go through  vulnerable phases in their lives.    

Let me know if this mission evokes an interest in you! I have a desire to take this forward in to an action plan.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)