The origin of reactive behaviour

This is a common sight, where people park vehicles, in spite of the notice contrary to it. I was told by the watchmen on site, that those who parked there sought exemption to do it. The watchmen could not do anything as they ignored his request. There is a designated parking space about 20 meters away. 

What makes adults ignore guidelines and do the contrary! This is the human instinct. When children do not honour the instructions of parents, we call it as disobedience. When adults ignore guidelines we overlook it. It is as though adults have certain rights to do so. If children were to insist on doing what they choose to do even after repeated reprimands, we would brand it as rebellion. But we cannot apply the same rule to adults. 

I have a feeling that adults choose to do what appears to be convenient to them, even if it can inconvenience others. I wonder why!

I saw an adult spanking his son for running around in the waiting room at the railway station. The father was engaged in watching the television. The adult can do what he likes to do, but a child cannot do what pleases him. I heard the child ask the father to read to him from the picture story book, at least three times. It was after the father ignored his request, the child started running to and fro in the waiting room. 

I have a suspicion that often our children are reacting to what we as adults do or do not do. Their behaviour pattern is a reflection of how adults conduct themselves at home, school, public places, etc. Most children from mid childhood can make value judgements based on what they observe in their parents and other adults.

A seven year old girl was reprimanded by her mother for being rude to the domestic servant. After a long pause, she turned to her mother and told her, 'Mummy, I have not seen you show any kindness to her. You are always scolding her'.  

We need to ponder over it.  It is too late to correct children after they have got used to a reactive behaviour. We will only increase the tension and conflict by repeated correction. Instead, they need to experience examples of exemplary behaviour. 

I wish parents, teachers, child care providers, and other adults would remember that it is what and how we do everything, our children would adopt for themselves. So let us become in our attitudes and beahviour what we want our children to  be!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)