I have often seen monkeys with their babies at road sides, close to hills and mountains. I have been fascinated by the family ties the monkeys demonstrate. Most veterinary doctors think that a baby of a monkey is free of the mother only after twelve to eighteen months. They stay in this intimate physical relationship as seen in this photo.
It is the baby monkey who holds on to the mother. The culture of rearing new ones in the monkey species is largely baby driven.
That is not the case with humans. The mother or parents decide when to go back to work after a baby is born; when to wean the baby; how to nurse the baby; what environment is needed for the family, etc. A new born is often at the receiving end.
This freedom humans exercise, towards their newborns and infants have landed us in an unfortunate setting. Even babies of less than three months are in day care; babies are in a creche for long hours even before they are one year old; children are at play school by two years; most children attend full day school before they are three years old. I sense that children are getting displaced from the intimacy of parental proximity and familiar home setting.
I find this trend most distressing. I come across several instances of young children feeling the stress of this premature separation from the home setting. Parents in their pre-occuaption with compulsions of circumstances surrender to an easy option of 'abandoning' their children to be cared by others. This can at best be, an exception. All children need the safety, security, stability and belonging, which only a family can provide. No child is usually ready to be separate from parents for long hours before the age of five years or so. May be, we can give a concession and make it as three years.
I have felt embarrassed by the sight of many crying children who cling on to their parents when they come to drop the children at the day care. Adults are busy at work and have something to look forward to at work each day. The children who are forced to go to day care have often nothing to look forward to except an intimidating and lonely experience.
Now the government, private firms and multinational companies are comfortable to offer paid leave for child birth and child care even up to two years. I heard from the CEO of a large company that, only five out of 150 women who had babies used this offer since it was introduced two years back. The rest returned to work after six to eight weeks of the child birth. I know of five families who used this facility and speak highly of the immense benefit this has provided to make the relationship with their children cordial and comfortable. Otherwise children leave home before experiencing the holistic dimensions of a home. The first confusion in the mind of an infant is, 'which is my home', when an infant spends most of the waking hours at day care.
He or she regards the place he spends most of his play time as his home. Many infants and toddlers grow up now day days 'homeless'. Most infants take less note of the place where they sleep in. So the day care centre becomes the home and the parental home, becomes 'stay in' place. The consequence of this is, such infants develop a 'pluralistic' character, a synthesis of many habits and practices of a day care centre, unlike an infant who enjoys spending all of his or her time at home, who would grow up to imbibe a character which is unique to his or her own family. They are fortunate to have been brought up in good traditions and rituals of a family, from which he or she departs only under insurmountable pressures when they grow up. We save our children for the future by choosing better child nurturing habits.
He or she regards the place he spends most of his play time as his home. Many infants and toddlers grow up now day days 'homeless'. Most infants take less note of the place where they sleep in. So the day care centre becomes the home and the parental home, becomes 'stay in' place. The consequence of this is, such infants develop a 'pluralistic' character, a synthesis of many habits and practices of a day care centre, unlike an infant who enjoys spending all of his or her time at home, who would grow up to imbibe a character which is unique to his or her own family. They are fortunate to have been brought up in good traditions and rituals of a family, from which he or she departs only under insurmountable pressures when they grow up. We save our children for the future by choosing better child nurturing habits.
Let me suggest the 'baby driven' nurturing culture monkeys follow be standard for us as well. Babies would need ordinarily a father or mother to be fully available for the optimum well being. Let babies give us permission to leave them at the day care; till then we are bound by obligation to be their primary regular care givers. They shall become what we condition them to be!
The mother baby Samuel, Hannah, refused to accompany her husband Elkanah, to the annual pilgrimage to the temple till Samuel was weaned (I Samuel 1:22). History of child care beckons us to rediscover this philosophy as a habit.
The mother baby Samuel, Hannah, refused to accompany her husband Elkanah, to the annual pilgrimage to the temple till Samuel was weaned (I Samuel 1:22). History of child care beckons us to rediscover this philosophy as a habit.
M.C.Mathew (text and photo)
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