Remembering the founder Dean, MOSC Medical College!

Dr C Radhakrishnan, the founder dean of the MOSC Medical College, Kolenchery has moved on yesterday, leaving us with many memories of his charm and charisma! He was also the first head of the department of the Forensic department at MOSC Medical College.

I first met him in 2012 when Anna and I were to join the Medical college after our retirement from CMC Vellore. Dr Sojan Ipe, the medical superintendent took me to meet the Dean to discuss using the portion of the space of the Forensic department for starting the Developmental Paediatrics facility in the college. He heard me out about the specialty of the Developmental Paediatrics. He kept silent and walked us to his department from the Dean's office and showed me one section of the Forensic department, a hall and three rooms and said, 'This space is for your speciality'! I stood stunned that he could be generous to give away a large portion of his department space!

I met him twice while the modifications were being made to accommodate the facilities we needed to begin the specialty. He kept asking more and more about the developmental disorders and child development. One thing I noticed which surprised me then was his habit of getting up from his chair and leading me to the conference table in his office, around which we sat to converse. 

His story as a Professor of Forensic Medicine in the government Medical Colleges and as the Dean of Medical Colleges during his term in the government service did have many twists and turns. He recalled some of them in our conversations, which fascinated me because he had an academic vision, research interest and decisive thought process on training health care professionals. He was keen to know about CMC Vellore as that college stood apart in his thinking as a place of excellence and service.

Two days after we started the department on 14 September, 2012, Dr Radhakrishnan dropped in to greet us in the department. I was with a child during a consultation and he sat watching the conversation till it was over. He wanted to observe all the facilities. The space was well set up in a child friendly manner as the furniture, equipment, toys, educational materials needed for a Child Development Centre donated by ASHIRVAD had arrived by then. Each room with different functions did convey the scope and content of the service, about which he commented heartily. 

I remember with pleasure and joy, the several meetings and conversations we had when he dropped in to the department unannounced. On one occasion, he told me that he needed Anna and me to be active in the Medical Education Unit which was set up at that time under Dr Jeeji. That led Anna  to be actively involved in the faculty development seminars. 

On another occasion he dropped in to talk about activating research initiative in the institution, which led to the formation of the Institution Review Board. Anna was invited to be the co-ordinator of that project. He was an ardent supporter of this initiative because of which we had several students, as shown in the first photo in this blog, taking up ICMR student research projects. 

During the first anniversary meeting of the department (second photo), he spoke warmly about the developmental Paediatrics and suggested to the medical students to visit the department. I knew that he was interested to post undergraduate students for a clinical posting in the department, although that did not happen.

Dr Radhakrishnan honoured us by coming to a parent's meeting organised by the department (third photo). We felt fascinated by his friendliness towards families and children on that occasion.  He was a friend and companion to us. 

I remember occasions when he invited Anna and me to get involved in tiers pertaining to student relationships between batches. There were good opportunities to become familiar with some conflict prone situations among students and help them to find a middle path. Those contacts helped them to get involved in the activities of the Developmental Paediatrics department. 

A few months before he retired, during one of his visits, he saw that every space in the department was occupied. The autopsy room which was behind the department was largely used for storage purpose. He asked me if we can use the space. I felt delighted and overwhelmed at that offer and  we have since then turned that space into a consultation room, occupational therapy section, meeting room and space for the tables of the staff.  I still stay wondering how could Dr Radhakrishnan make such a generous offer!

There are some charming things about him. He saw other's goodness and responded to them warmly. He endeared himself to students by being firm and yet caring. He was an academician at heart. He made self disclosure about his life and sought help when he needed some insights in difficult situations. At his retirement, he left knowing that he contributed to build a medical college. He was happy that he could revise his life while being at MOSC MC and could look forward to a restful retirement life. 

Anna and I made a trip to visit him in his home at Kottayam two years ago. He lived in an aristocratic home with its history of almost hundred years. He recollected during that conversation several memories of his time and association with us. He regarded his time at MOSC MC as an experience of seeing something good emerging which holds promise for the future. 

For Anna and myself, he was a well wisher. In Dr Radhakrishnan we found a person who valued the vocation of medicine and advocated teaching as a process of co-learning with students. 

Such people remain distinguished in health care. His memories bring new inspiration!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

Changing, but alarming!

For about five years now, I have tried to screen the Lipid profile of developmentally challenged children between three and five years. Those children who were born pre-term or with low birth weight or children born to parents who were overweight or who showed signs of overweight with more subcutaneous fat when measured with a skin calliper, were the ones whose Lipid profile I got done.

My first impression was alarming. In a three months when this was done in 22 children, 18 of them had an altered Lipid profile. 

The early onset of adult diseases in children has an adverse impact on health in later life. This has been the subject of concern globally for a while now.

The few clinical parameters to help in the causal pathway of this malady is by keeping a watch on the Body Mass Index, measuring the abdominal girth at the epigastrium, umbilical level and at the loin,  measuring the subcutaneous fat at the inter scapular level and the left triceps and getting a diet history of the child for five consecutive days of the food consumed and knowing the amount of oil bought at home for cooking every month.  It has been a practice in the department where I work, to measure the height, weight and head size of parents, which help in having a conversation with parents about weight, exercise and food habits.

What I find encouraging is how the clinical exercises we undertake to look into the issue of overweight, alert parents to seek a conversation on the issue of overweight. 

During the conversations, parents often are happy to avoid feeding children with snacks while watching TV; make a family exercise plan such as half an hour walking at least five days a week, make meal times more friendly and hospitable for eating well to reduce in between snacking and to buy a mechanical weighing machine for a monthly weight recording of the family members and a measuring tape to measure the abdominal girth along with it. I have come across some parents who skip seasoning food to reduce oil consumption.

Fortunately, I have the captive attention of parents when they come to consult on the developmental needs of children. There it is possible to raise some family wellness rated conversation. Seeing the Lipid profile altered in children, some parents discovered that theirs is also altered, to their surprise. 

It took about 25 years of consistent efforts globally to spread the information on the harmful effects of smoking, before we witnessed the decline in smoking. At least there is a consciousness that smoking is harmful. Inspite of highlighting the harmful effects of alcohol consumption, the habit of younger people taking to alcohol is not on the decline. The campaign for 'healthy food for healthy living' which the department where I work, has been engaged in, is a small step to get families to think about changes they need to experience for healthy living.  

I went to five supermarkets recently and asked if they would put up a poster in a prominent place, 'Choose health and healthy foods' as a dialogue starter about good food habits. At the MaDonald fast food eatery, I saw a notice, 'Low calorie menu'! That was a small beginning. McDonald's has to do a lot more as it faulted for years by luring the children and young people to high calorie burgers and fried chips !

I calculated the calorie level of breakfast served in one of the hospital canteens yesterday. It was about 400 calories and about 8 grams of protein. That was a moderate level for one meal, may be marginally high for breakfast for someone who is already overweight. 

Another concern I carried with me in the recent months was to ask people above forty years to download an application on their smartphone to know the distance they walked each day. I believe that if it is about 3 kilometres including the half an hour exercise walk, then there is a balance between food intake and exercise.

It is difficult to treat overweight and fat accumulation in the body. But it is possible to prevent it. 

For children it is a significant health issue. If only we can generate an enthusiasm among children to maintain a healthy body, we are preventing the consequences of a major health hazard!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

  

A mixed experience!

 

A walk around our garden showed me the sights where ants and insects have damaged the fruits and flowers. The ants and the insects are small, but leave the fruits and flowers damaged.  The first four pictures might discourage us!

The next four pictures of flowers and fruits give another picture of a flourishing garden. In fact similar sights are far more common in the garden than the first four. Yet I confess that what stays in my mind often is the memory of  some losses of flowers and fruits!

This paused a question to me! What do I view in the panorama of my biography, when I am seventy-five years!

Let me recall five turning points in my life when I was enabled to look beyond the losses!

I was forced to go to Nagpur to study when I was just nineteen. I had not travelled beyond a few places in Kerala. I could not converse in English or Hindi. I found the experience at Nagpur difficult and stressful. After I got into Medical College, the woes did not vanish, till the third year of my studies, I was guided out of my leaning towards communism to a view life where life has a purpose, calling and direction. It was from then onwards, the study of medicine became fascinating and captivating. A chance meeting with Dr Frank Garlic, Professor of Surgery, at the Christian Medical College helped me to sense the vocation in the practice of medicine!

The second turning point was getting married to Anna. Anna was born and brought up in Maharashtra and had her training at the Christian Medical College in India. She had a transcultural view of life and experience and of knowing doctors who came from Scotland who worked with her mother in a mission hospital. Anna brought a larger view of the purpose of home, family life, upbuilding children and practicing hospitality. Anna nurtured our home, family life and vocation to be more holistic and purposeful by her presence and self giving. What we are as a couple have evolved from her perspectives to our calling.

The third turning point in life was the arrival of our daughter, Anita and her home call in three months. It disturbed and perplexed us then. But we now feel that she brought a new dimension to our lives. She during her presence with us,  pointed to us what we had not thought about or were familiar with. Anita gave us a direction to pursue a vocation in the practice of Medicine. Although her loss consumed us, the message she bough to our lives at her departure took us through a less travelled path. ASHIRVAD, the charitable trust was born out of that valley experience which in its fortieth year is still pursuing its calling to take sides of children who are developmentally challenged. 

The fourth turning point was the beginning of the academic specialty of Developmental Paediatrics in India through starting the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at the Christian Medical College, at Vellore in 1997 through a Memorandum of Understanding.  It became the first department of that specialty in a Medical College in India. ASHIRVAD incorporated its Child Developmental Centre at Chennai and all its assets to form this department, where I worked for 11 years till I retired. The first post doctoral fellowship  in Developmental Paediatrics and PhD programme started in this unit in 2006.

Th fifth turning point was the opportunity to be associated with the Bible Medical Missionary Fellowship (now INTERSERVE), Evangelical Medical Fellowship of India, Emmanuel Hospital Association, Christian Medical Association of India, Christian Medical Colleges Vellore and Ludhiana, and Asha Kiran Hospital, by being in their governing boards. I feel glad  for the widening my horizon of thinking and understanding this association provided about the larger meaning of the leavening presence in society, for those who profess to be followers of Jesus of Nazareth. 

Each of these turning points began in ways that I did not anticipate. 

Often the enlightenment and opportunity arose from experiences of disappointments. 

In the garden of life, there would be disappointments to learn from. But they are the means  for widening and deepening the vision of life!

I am getting more familiar with looking at the blessings and opportunities, life brings and not stay trapped by the disappointments. 

That is what I receive from the last four pictures in this blog- each flower and fruit reminding me of the reason to celebrate Life, Living and Learning !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Two dragon flies!

 One dragonfly on a dry stem and the other on a live stem!

This sight which was not far from each other in our garden, occupied my attention. 

A dry stem and a live stem!

A dry stem symbolises life  that is over; the live stem of all the prospects ahead!

Human history is a collection of memories of the past and the prospects of events now and in the future!

So often the past in the culture of competitive political climate is trivialised. Yesterday the present Prime Minister of India criticised a Prime Minister who led the country thirtyfives years ago. The tendency is to trivialise some and disproportionately honour some. 

A dry stem reminds me of the leaves and flowers it produced, giving oxygen and nectar at that time. The new stem does the same now. 

Those who have gone before us, those with whom we share human history now, and those who are to come constitute the fullness of human history! 

Life is richer because of what others did in the past, what we do now and what those who following us would do in the future!

Let us stay grateful- we are humane only when we can see the good in others!

It is a lesson for me, now. I felt let down by a few in the recent weeks; but I am grateful to them for all that they contributed. What I owe them is greater than the regret or disappointment that I might have ! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Three birds on a rainy morning!

 

Two birds found shelter in the rain, while one braved the rain and was hopping between places in the lawn in front of our cottage. 

What a sight to ponder upon!

This brought home to me, the two realities we live with. We need hiding places to feel safe and openness to face the challenges in our life!

The two birds who found the shelter needed its shelter at that time and the third bird which was enduring the rain chose to be that way at that time!

Most of the time we need friendships to feel protected and supported; some other times we need to be alone to sense our direction and define our path. 

As one gets older, there is a natural sense of loneliness and redundancy that set in! It is also a time when not many come forward to stay connected!

The bird who was out in the rain, became a symbol to me of the need to be active and engaging, even when age might be a limiting factor. 

Recently I decided to slow down while greeting others in the corridors to give a chance to the other person, to stop if he or she desires to have a conversation!

By being open to receive others, we transcend the natural tendency to stay safe!

Being in the open would also mean the readiness to face situations, easy and difficult alike!

The safety of a shelter and the opportunity of being in the open!

M.C.Mathew(text and phot)

10th Anniversary creations!

 

The Tenth Anniversary of the department of Developmental Paediatrics, MOSC Medical College, falls on 13th September, 2022. 

We remember the occasion on 8th August , 2022 at a function in the department with the exhibition of different articles made in the department.

Its is a special time to remember all families and children who came to visit us; all professionals past and present who welcomed them; and the administrative and support team of the institution who made this faculty what it is today. 

Every person in the department is involved in something or other now, apart from the regular involvement with children, towards making this get together a grateful occasion!

A family who came to visit us yesterday gave me a sense of how some, families feel about us.  This family who lives overseas brought their daughter to us five years ago with a rare disease, which we tried to identify, since then have kept in touch with us. Now their daughter has made progress and is at school with interest in reading, music, singing, dancing, although has limitations inc oping with the academic demands of her grade at school. Her medical challenges are not over! 

How this family described us was: 'You  became our companions in a difficult journey'! 

The little we could offer to families like this seemed to have helped them to be pathfinders for their children. 

Ten years behind us!

I am surprised that I am still working at seventy five!

Each day when I go to work and return, I have a song of gratitude within me for this environment that was given to be involved in-pleasant colleagues, cheerful ambience, grateful families, and defining new frontiers in Developmental Paediatrics! 

The joy of having been given and guided through the last ten years, is what is abundant within me!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A bird's way !

A bird has its wings to fly and feet to hold on twigs and branches of a tree. As I watched this bird move between branches, it relied on these functions which are within its control.

Some things are in our control and some are not.

What is in our control is what we speak and how we speak!

I have had this thought engaging my attention in the recent days. 

Our attitude and manner of speech are the means of our communication with which  we present ourselves to others. 

I had an occasion of experiencing last week, a positive attitude and a thoughtful way of speaking, from an official from the Ministry of Home Affairs, government of India. It was in connection with matters related to the ASHIRVAD trust and the routine verification of the matters related to the trust.

On seeking more clarifications, I was touched the way the official took care to be fair, appreciative and affirming. 

What we leave behind in our conversations with others is our attitude and the manner of speaking. 

On one occasion at work, this came up in an impressive way. In a conversation with a parent, I sensed an overwhelming accommodation of the inconveniences that a child suffered at school  who was on treatment for attention deficit. The way the parent talked about teachers was with consideration and appreciation of their earnest efforts to help.

This expression of the disappointment of the parent was in a tone similar to what I found in a verse in the New Testament of the Bible: 'Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each other' (Colossians 4:6). A parallel verse in James 1:9 is, 'Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger'!

The language of aggression that we find in the news channel, parliament, legislative assembly, political meetings, etc seem to invade our homes and work place!

I feel the need to modulate my attitude and manner of speaking in a way, the listener is in focus! 

The bird has its wings and feet to function. Our attitude and  manner of speech are the means by which we can function socially to bring cheer to others!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Finding what I was not looking for!

I was looking out from our veranda last Sunday around 3 pm. It was dark and cloudy and about to rain with the wind making it stormy!

I noticed a sunbird perched in a branch several meters away. That was most unusual sight. A small bird weathering a storm!

The week following last Sunday was a stormy period with three events shaking me! 

The sight of a small bird facing the rain and storm kept returning to me as I went through those three difficult experiences. 

Facing difficult experiences is not all easy, but having gone through them we grow in the art of enduring. 

The poinsettia flowers were swaying in the wind, but did not get blown away.

The staying skill and enduring will- that is what came home to me at the end of a week that was difficult. 

The Sunbird was protected by the branch and the poinsettia flowers by the plant rooted in the soil. 

We as humans are of this heritage- we live anchored in God who carries us when we feel weak to stand or walk!

M.C. Mathew( text and photo)

Remembering an academic journey 30 years ago!

I watched a squirrel yesterday at dawn in the custard apple tree in our garden adjacent to our walkway. It was looking for its morning meal. Knowing the squirrels resident in our garden, they reach the ripe papaya and custard apple fruits before we can pluck them. 

When it reached the custard apple fruit in the tree, it was fully covered by red ants and the squirrel had to move away disappointedly. But it would have found the papaya tree not far from this site, while on its journey for its meal. 

As I was downloading the pictures to the lap top, I remembered a disappointment that I had to endure for a while. 

In the year 1989, following a meeting with Dr G Kumaresan, a Paediatrician trained in adult Neurology, attached to the Institute of Neurology in Chennai, knowing my interest in Developmental Neurology encouraged me to register for a full time PhD programme. There was no paediatric neurology training programme in the country at that time.  He suggested  that, it  was the only way to pursue a grounding in Developmental Neurology as I was already in the pursuit of supporting children with Neuro-developmental needs. Dr Kumaresan tried for two years to get himself recognised as a guide for a PhD programme at the Medical University. For some reason that did not happen. I remember how much I longed for the training experience to become a reality!

In 1993, I was invited to speak at a meeting of organised to create awareness about epilepsy and its management protocols. The organisers invited me to speak on epilepsy in developmentally challenged children. The meeting was chaired by Prof. C.U.Velmurugendran, who was the head of the Institute of Neurology at the Madras Medical College. After my talk, which was the last one, he came to me and said, 'You spoke with considerable understanding. Are you a Paediatric Neurologist?'. I told him that I was trying to get a registration for two years to join a PhD training programme in Developmental Neurology as there was no formal training programme in India in Paediatric Neurology. We had a ten minute conversation on ASHIRVAD Child Development Centre where I was working at that time. He asked me a few questions to check my interest in Developmental Neurology. He asked me to come to his office the next day for registering for the PhD programme at the Institute of Neurology,

On reaching his office, he gave me a form to be filled up on that same day, as that was the last day to register for that year. He told me that I might be the first one in India,  who would be starting a training in Developmental Neurology. He spoke to the Vice Chancellor of the University to accept my application form, whom I met later in the day. The Vice-chancellor was curious to know about Developmental Neurology. 

That was how my training programme of four years started as a clinical trainee in Developmental Neurology at the Institute of Neurology. My research was on the 'Pattern and significance of Minor Neurological Dysfunction in pre-school children'. That took me to gather data from about 400 children from five Pre-schools in Chennai.

On the day of the convocation, when I received the award, Prof C.U.Velmurugendran told me, that, 'Your work was seminal to give a new meaning to the significance of Soft Neurological Signs, which remained ambiguous in clinical and developmental neurology for sometime'. His prediction came true. There is more value offered to Soft Neurological Signs now, while ascertaining the Neuro-developmental profile of pre-school children who are developmentally challenged. 

The time spent in the Institute of Neurology for 4 years was the most enlightening season in my life academically. It was a place where I felt welcomed and affirmed. It gave me an opportunity to have a good enough exposure to clinical neurology as I was able to be attached to two children's neurology units during that time. The electrophysiology section of the Institute of Neurology was doing advanced work which introduced to the way it can be used in Developmental Neurology.

What appeared to be a journey into disappointment for three years turned out to be for granite me a promising outcome. I recall, Helen Keller's comment, 'When one door is closed, another door would open'.

When I was opening the gate in the evening yesterday on return from the hospital, what I noticed was this butterfly resting on a lily plant adjacent to the gate. It stayed still. It was a sobering sight. 

As I stood watching, what surfaced in my mid was an overwhelming consciousness of gratefulness.  It was 25 years ago I was awarded the PhD. I strived to register for it for three years. When what I pursued did not take me any further, another door was opened in a surprising way. 

In one's life, there are times when restfully waiting is a better option than stressfully striving!

The squirrel would find its meal...so also all of us who have a need! We might not get it in the way we planned!  We would be given in a surprising way,  which would turn out to be better in the long run! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The closure of cranial sutures- 20 years of pursuit !

 

I had an incidental experience of observing families and children returning from the Palani temple after shaving their head following their pilgrimage. I noticed that many children as young as two to three years old had visible prominence of the sutural lines of the skull from a distance in the bald head. This was in the year 2002.

That was also the time I observed that many children with developmental challenges, whom I examined during the consultation had palpable cranial sutures. Normally the Metopic sutures alone would close in children around two years. They were not normally palpable even after closure. The coronal, sagittal and Lamdoid sutures normally would close close between 22 and 26 years. Even after they close they are not normally palpable, when you feel them over the sutural lines. 

So if sutures are palpable over the skull it would need to be due to a reason that is medically significant.

I knew that many children are taken to hair cutting saloons to shave their head sometimes before five years of age. I approached the hair dressers to look for any linear swelling over the scalp by showing the photographs of children who had sutural prominences. During the last twenty years I received feed back from hair dressers in Vellore and from my village, where I live now for the last ten years, that they observed a bump over the sutural lines in half of children whose head they shaved. 

With that information, I was keen to find the prevalence of the premature closure of sutures in developmentally challenged children. I examined for this in every child I examined in the last ten years. Having examined about 16000 children in the last ten years, I feel that there is a risk of premature closure of cranial sutures in about sixty percent of developmentally challenged children in the population of children I have covered during the clinical examination.

I noticed that petals of some  rose flowers  in our garden are eaten by some insects. 

As I kept looking out for the insects for several weeks, I noticed  a striped  spider on one rose flower. Since then I keep looking for this insect to video the way the insect eats the petals.

I look forward to taking videos of this insect and other insects who feed on the rose petals. 

I have encountered children who on account of the premature of closure of cranial sutures, suffering from gradually progressing visual impairment, hearing limitations, deformation of the head, cognitive limitations, difficulties in writing, attention, behaviour, etc, because the restriction of the brain growth due to the early closure of the sutures. The sutures between skull bones remain normally patent, allowing the skull bones to mould according to the growth of the brain size, which actually continues till about thirty years of age. 

Just as the insects slowly eats away the petals, the premature closure of cranial sutures strain the normal developmental process in children. 

I had a suspicion that whether it is the deficiency of Vitamin D which is one of the factors for the premature closure of the cranial sutures in children. Having pursued that for the last ten years by measuring vitamin D level in all children who had premature cranial sutural closure, I have reasons to conclude that it might be the major causal factor. Children who received Vitamin D supplementation when they were followed up for about six months, seem to have less prominence of the sutures. The vitamin D deficiency might be causing only a fibrous union of the cranial bones, which can be undone to some extent with supplementation of vitamin D.

To pursue this further more scientifically, I submitted a proposal of a scientific study to the Institutional Review Board yesterday. A colleague  encouraged me to undertake a study. Anna designed the study and prepared the power point presentation and the documents needed to be submitted. What an effort it was! I do find constraint of time as most days begin early and finish late in the evening due to increasing workload.  

The implication of the study would be, it if affirms an association between premature cranial sutural closure and deficiency of Vitamin D, the expectant mothers, infants and toddlers would need estimation of Vitamin D level and supplementation if found deficient. Now-a-days, babies who are born prematurely receive vitamin D supplementation. Not other babies normally. Mothers are not tested for Vitamin D level normally.

About 80 percent of Vitamin D comes to us through exposure to sun and only 20 percent or so come from the dietary sources. 

In the state whee I live, about six months the year can be cloudy due to monsoon seasons. It is during  the late morning or early afternoon, the ultraviolet rays of the sun can be effective to provide the stimulus to produce Vitamin D in the body. During that time children are likely to be indoor.

I confess that it was an accidental sighting of many children, while returning after their head shaved at Palani temple, I was struck by the risk of premature closure of the cranial sutures in children. I am grateful for several hair dressers who helped to make an informal epidemiological search for the prevalence of this in healthy children. Since I welcome  developmentally challenged children, I seem to have been privileged to include them in my observation and enquiry. 

Twenty years on an enquiring journey!

I stay open to the outcome of this study and look forward to being a student, learning from children!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Looking forward and upward !

It was after about two weeks, the sky was visible early in the morning. The dark cloud had covered the sky most of the time. 

As I woke up and looked up to the sky, what I sighted was the half moon. It lifted my spirit from a slumber and weariness of the last few days, when a few events in succession caused  a stormy feeling within. 

This half moon would be a full moon soon. There is a constancy and certainty to it. This cycle of appearing and disappearing to human sight is a reality. Its existence even when not visible is also a reality. 

For people in my age bracket, inspite of our life experiences, which affirm the reality of God being present with humans in their solitary journey, need affirmation and fresh experiences to stay trusting. That was what sighting this half moon for a short while before it was covered again by the cloud, did to me. 

It was as if the curtain was removed just enough for me to have a glimpse of the canopy or the arena of God's presence. His presence in human history is constant; but humans perceive and stay with it only when their longing eyes are given a glimpse of it regularly!

A little later at dawn, I watched a movement in the Neem tree in our garden, facing our portico, where I normally stand to spot bird movements. The three pictures of an Oriole above, brought another sense of awareness which I needed to feel revived to look forward to. The bird stayed in the tree only for a minute or so before it flew away to its next flight station. 

The first picture symbolised to me of its presence although part of its beaks and neck were hidden.  But it's one eye was visible. Hidden but visible enough! 

The second photo symbolised to me in its intent look a forward direction for the flight path. 

The third photo of its upward look was for choosing the air space for its flight! 

That posture of looking up reminded me of sighting the moon earlier, while looking upward. 

The bird was in movement and flight ready!

That awakened within me a consciousness that the present season in my life is a transitory position and experience.  

There were three experiences in the early part of the week of feeling let down by people to whom I gave the little I had.  I realised following sighting the moon and the Oriole that I was hovering over the present and the past, revelling in the good experiences and lamenting the difficult experiences. 

Movement from the green pastures of wellness and acceptance to a desert road is part of the movement forward in life. I wondered whether I stayed far too long dwelling on the good times and the difficult times and lost sight of the journey path always open before me.

I was engaged for the last two weeks in writing a text of 42 chapters on a theme, Towards readiness for parenting- a dialogue starter on child development of preschool children, in the post COVID season. With only a few topics left to complete the text, I felt moved when I realised that this writing project started abruptly during a week when I felt shaken and shattered by crisis experiences.  It is as if I needed to be shaken to look at an opportunity for reflection on a theme, which might be of some value for some parents. I stay wondering at the way some thoughts on this theme surfaced in my mind which I had not considered earlier. The pain of disappointment paved the way for the birth of a text, which could be considered for publication. 

This is a small parallel to the pain of child birth! A mother turns the pain of child birth to looking forward to welcoming her child. This is a paradox. Pain is the pathway to gladness or delight. No mother would normally complain about the pain of child birth, after having been through it, because she since then would be engaged in the delight of seeing her baby growing up!

Sometimes when one is rattled by circumstances, he or she might need a confluence of messages to find the recovery path!

That is what happened yesterday, when I look leave from work in the hospital to recall, recollect and and find the path ahead. A book arrived yesterday ordered by a dear friend, who probably had no knowledge of the troubles I have been through for a week now.

The title of the book has the text, 'How looking Backward Moves Us Forward'. I was arriving at the end of a quiet day yesterday, in a state of composure of mind to look forward. The theme of the book affirmed to me that life is a journey and the only way of living well is by  embracing the future. The stories of regret are pregnant with lessons to help me grow in fortitude and steadfastness of purpose!

I close this blog with a confession that others with whom I have been associated might have experienced occasions when I let them down. It is now the season in my life to acknowledge and apologise. I was doing it bit by bit during the last four years. Now I shall hasten that process, all being well!

Life is rooted in the soil of giving and forgiving! That stands out as a message for me in my forward journey!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)