Returning to our formative times!

I chose all the rose buds with a damage caused by an insect for this blog. In the last photo there is an insect clearly visible resting on the petal about to open.

The three pictures  below are of  flowers whose buds were damaged by insects. The edges of the petals were already eaten away by insects. 

On a single day, three of the six on-line consultations were of adolescent children. 

One family mentioned that they were not able to spend enough time with their son during the last two years as they were occupied with building their house. He is now into internet surfing whenever possible and does not want to return to school. 

Another teenager is reacting and is oppositional as it was their habit to make him comply in the earlier years by forcing or punishing. She locks herself in her room sometimes refusing to come out of late and chooses to be oppositional!

A third teenager is exceptionally gifted, with high scores in the tests in the class but is quarrelsome. His mother has many commitments at home and his father has not been available enough to help him. He behaves in a threatening way sometimes. 

All the three children had a traumatic early childhood, starting from five years or earlier. The traumatic experiences consisted of being left to fend for themselves, punishing to correct them or denying them an experience of bonding to the family by neglecting to attend to them. 

Now the families are at a cross road, and not being able to choose wisely to redeem the situation by modifying the home environment and getting regular professional help to find a way forward. 

I have found this experience distressing. All the three families are families who have all the resources at their command to make the home a welcome place for children, but held back by their preoccupations.

I have discovered that the first five years are crucial and decide the temperament and conduct of children during their teenage years. 

I prepare myself to retire from my professional responsibilities shortly. As I look back at the formative culture in the department, I find that the season when I gave attention to each person  in the last eight years, the atmosphere was cordial, collaborative and creative. There were short spells in between when I have had to cope with personal difficulties due to illness or not being able to move forward in the development of the facilities of the department due to limitation of financials resources. Such times my attention to accompany each person was less consistent. During the prolonged eight months due to the COVID 19, the department functioned in shifts with only half of the professionals working at one time and offering only on-line consultations or developmental support to children. I can feel how the ambience in the department is 'cold and distant'. 

The 'locusts' of inattention, distance, hurried pace, pre-occupation, etc can affect the personal behaviour at home or in work place. 

I am even more aware now that it is not in blaming others we would restore a difficult situation but making personal amends in attitudes and creating time for others to support and upbuild each person. 

It is the tiny insects who eat away the petals. What distracts or damages relationships are small irritants, which might escape attention or identification. 

I feel that the instinct to succeed or accomplish is a driving force in most of us. More so now as the circumstances we live and work are more challenging with competition and high demands in performing.

For parents, let parenting be a commitment. For professionals in leading roles, let formative development of the team be  a calling!

I noticed that most of the buds in the garden during the last one month did suffer from attack from insects. It was one season when Anna or I were preoccupied with some other concerns.  

We suffer and make others suffer when we take our eyes away from watchful accompaniment of people who are committed to our care!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)