Silencing a singing child!

Children have a language of joy, hope, love and trust! As I hear this bird sing for us, I feel its language of communication and identity! Children express their identity through their affection, needs, creativity, failed attempts and even mischiefs! 

Parents normally take delight in all of these, while relating to their children. 

During the last two weeks in this part of Kerala, two children died following the abuse of children by their own family! Both of them died due to head injury inflicted on them by the family. 

Why are parents turning to be angry! 

I confess that I come across some parents who do not enjoy having children and react to their children because the children 'interfere' with their personal pursuit! I came across a press report yesterday that about 20 percent families in Kerala behave towards their children harshly and unkindly which threaten the wellness of children. It is too difficult to believe this and I am trying to varify the source. 

What ever it is I too get a sense that parents, teachers, child minders etc. who are meant to be custodians of wellness of children do seem to be becoming weary of children. I come across teachers who cannot stand the mischiefs of children. I know of parents who passively or actively abuse children. I come across policy makers who have less consciousness of the unspoken needs of children. 

A society that turns 'hostile' to children is a decaying society!

I find that there is minimal attention to adult education on parenting! 

What if all organisations organise dialogue sessions on parenting for their staff! Is it possible for churches to have parenting forum for dialogue and self directed learning! Is it possible to foster parents and care for them when they show 'at risk' behaviour towards their children! 

Children are our heritage. More than that they carry the baton we give to them into their future!

Let us ponder, 'do we give them a baton of love, affection, trust and affirmation'!

I grieve over this: since the two deaths of children due to child abuse, I have not come across a civil reaction of significance to take this as an emergency issue! 

If children suffer, and their voice or needs are subdued, it suggests that adults do not care enough!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Spider web!

I went around the garden the other day, to see if any rose bud was without the web of spider. I did not find any! I found the folded leaf on this stem in the photo, where the spider has made its nest. 

There is a place for all living creatures in nature. The nature is a home and safe haven for all. 

When I watched the bomb blast sights in Colombo in the TV yesterday killing over 200 people, I was shocked to find how humans do not let others have space for those whom they do not like! These people who are referred to as terrorists, are victims of circumstances who have resorted to retaliate or react to their adversaries.  

Our human history has some ugly chapters of hate history! 

During the ongoing election campaigning in india, I come across many hate and angry expressions by political parties against religious groups, ethnic communities, people who are in the margins of society! The worst statements of intimidation have often come from most 'responsible' leaders! 

We are created to live giving space for each other. The physical space, social space, religious space, etc. make people feel at home!

The  division of people because of belief system, political ideology or habits of living which are referred to in the political campaign would destroy all of us. It is dangerous to think of controlling or subduing others, because humans are called to live free and fraternally!

There is social and emotional space for all of us. Let us be mindful of others and flee from an obsession of arrogance of self importance !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A bamboo hut !

While visiting a nature park recently, I found this bamboo hut in the corner of the park. Although many families with their children walked past this corner, I did not find anyone wanting to climb and explore the panorama from this height! It mad eye wonder as to why this did not include in the active exploration of the visitors. I overheard parents telling their child, who was keen to climb, 'it is steep and you might fall down'! I felt rather surprised by it. Although I had just climbed and descended this  hut, that strange thought did not cross my mind! 

While in another part of the park, where there were climbing frame, sea-saw, swing, etc. there were man  families with their children taking time to explore those play equipment. The children played on their own while parents sat watching them!

This made me curious. On conversing with a few families about this contrasting behaviour, I found that the height frightened some families and risk of falling was in the mind of some others. 

What is childhood, unless we encourage them to overcome fears, most of which are imaginations anyway. I wonder we instil fear in the minds of children! One comment I often hear when parents come to consult me, while their children reach out to play with the peg board, etc in the room, 'sit quiet, otherwise the doctor would get angry'! Having heard this so many times, I wanted to get to the root of this belief system parents carry with them. Why should a child sit quiet, when the whole room is a place to explore! 

I have a suspicion that, parents are not conditioned to answer the several questions that children raise that it is easier for them if their children are relatively quiet. It is for the same reason, many parents still do not consider getting as many toys a possible for children to occupy or explore. If they do not have toys, won't they gravitate towards mobile phones, Television, I-pad, etc!  Even parents might be comfortable with this as children will be fully engrossed with the cartoon without any conversations!

I grew up in an environment, where conversations and engagements were encouraged in active form between children and others. I come across children who have stagnation of language skills around 2 years because they have spent considerable time in 'silence' watching cartoons!

Childhood is a time meant active exploration and interactive communication action! Let us foster this!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Green and Red

Anna found a suitable place adjacent to our well for kitchen gardening during this season. We have had a good yield of beans, Brinjal, and ladies finger. 

Apart from the usual green ladies finger, we had a plant which yielded red ones. This surprised us. All the saplings looked similar, but in few weeks, from the time, the flowers appeared we wondered if one of them was likely to yield red ladies finger.  

Nature has its surprises. 

What is even more surprising was that the green and red ones are similar in taste, at least for us. 

What is common between them is more than the differences. 

I suppose it is true of all of us. At this time of the national elections for the parliament, there is a focus on the differences between political parties, ideologies, and ethos. As I listen to the debates in the print and visual media, I get a sense of the similarities between the most national parties. 

However in the recent elections, the greater emphasis is to highlight the differences and create a divisive attitude among people. 

If governing the affairs of a state or a country to serve people and provide a healthy environment socially, financially, and, developmentally, which ought to be the purpose of polity, then even political parties can trust each other and wait for their turns to be in government. 

But what seems to worry most of us is that some parties have an agenda of imposing a thought process and value system which threaten social harmony, personal freedom and communal fraternity!

The calling in polity of democracy is to usher in welfare to all!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A life time of service!

 I remember meeting Ms Krishnaswamy, the founder of Spastic Society of Karnataka about thirty five years back, when I was preparing to get more associated with children having neuro-developmental needs. During a recent visit to that centre, it was good to catch up with her and recall our meetings and conversations on some occasions.

The Spastic Siciety Karnataka has become a nodal centre of service, training and research, which is a model in many ways to those engaged with children with developmental need.

What encouraged me immensely was Ms Krishnaswamy’s skill of leadership with humility, inspirational relationships with her colleagues and self giving service to families of hundreds of children.

Among many things that gave me an indication of the diversification of services to be inclusive in their approach, was the mobile sale service by stewards from their bakery with freshly baked  puffs. The bakery is one of the vocational activities to train differently able children in baking, packing, selling and keeping accounts.

I got a sense of the futuristic sense that Ms Krishnaswamy introduced to the 200 or staff in the centre to plan and labour to add quality to the lives of children.

I got this opportunity to interact with the team because the professionals have volunteered to support the Bangalore Baptist Hospital to start a district rehabilitation centre for children in one of the communities, where the community health department of the BBH is active with different transformational services. Dr Gift and Dr Carol from the department provide leadership to about 90 personnel in the community health department. When Dr Gift joined the department about ten years ago, it had a token presence in the community. Now the department has fifteen different activities in the community, some of which are touching models of dedication and creativity. With their recent interest in starting a Child Development Centre at the BBH, Hebbal and an Early Learning Centre in the community, there is a new momentum in pioneering to provide leadership to this felt need. Ms Krishnaswamy has been an inspiration even for this.

I share a bond with Ms Krishnaswamy because Anna and I were struggling to get the ASHIRVAD Child Development Centre started at Chennai in 1983, when she was embarking on starting the Spastic Society of Karnataka around the same time. I happened to meet her at that time and she offered me a place in her team to be the consultant Developmental paediatrician. When I could not do that she found Dr Mahadeviah, who still continues as a part time consultant. I found him during the recent meeting to be full of energy and vision to reach out to children and parents.

Let me say this: most of us can get tired with 'routine ness' of the work we do. But Ms. Krishnaswamy was unlike in her spirit and vocation. She finds work to be 'energy giving'.

At the end of that visit, I was reminded of the words of Jesus of Nazareth, 'I work because my father too work' ! Work is a way of living the calling. Therefore what we do is a declaration of who we are and whose we are!

M.C.Mathew(text an photo)

A parking warning!

As I watched this parking warning in a place where many people visit, I was puzzled by a sense of helplessness it might cause to someone who want to park a vehicle. Trees provide shelter and protection in that campus. At the same time, trees bring risk to the vehicles parked under them, during storm and rain.  

What is the risk is well defined here! There is a 'possibility of danger, but take responsibility to protect yourself'! 

I happened to meet the gardener from whom I found out that there is planned and timely trimming of trees to remove the  fragile or dry branches, which I thought was most commendable.  That reduces the risk but does not eliminate it. 

This truly is the story of life. 

There is risk inherent to most experiences in life. 

Twenty percent of pregnant mothers would have some risk factors which woeful need attention. With good medical attention this would get reduced to less than half. Thanks for the medical help available and the mothers choosing to avail them. 

Risk alleviation is not possible  but risk reduction is possible!

The risk of accidents drop by fifty percent if we can drive between sixty and seventy kilometres per hour, which most of us do not often do. I struggle to conform to the 80 kilometre speed limit in the high way. I confess that I am guilty of crossing it now and them while driving. 

Why is that we choose risk rather than reduce the chance for it!

It might be because of our 'mind set' which is not subject to 'fact set' orientation. Facts and truths are to be governing our behaviour. 

If there is an open space away from the trees, I can choose to park the vehicle in that place. I can abstain from alcohol to reduce all the risks and dangers of habitual drinking. I can give an honest account of my income to avoid nasty letters from the income tax department!

We can choose to live well without exposing ourselves to dangers associated with the risks! To me it is a sober way of living.

Th only place where I feel justified to take a risk is when there is an opportunity to do good to others. Taking a risk to reach out to others is a sign of thoughtful and altruistic living!

Those of us who are adventure driven, would argue that life looses its thrill when we do not take risk! Yes there is some truth in that. However, risk taking for personal gain needs considerable discernment!  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

A Bird family!

Two Red wattled Lapwing birds in two corners of a recently ploughed field, close to our cottage. It was the first time I spotted a Lapwing close to our cottage during this season. Usually when there are a few Lapwings are around, there is a chance of them either nesting or preparing to do so, as they lay brown coloured eggs in the open ground. 

As one of them started its bird call, the other Lapwing became responsive with its bird call, which is evident form the last photo. As I watched this for a while, I got a sense of the way another bird family is being born!

Since then, I have noticed these two birds strolling together on the field a few times.  I shall keep a watch if they finally ned tin tis field!

To me the bird life is special because birds find each other to form a family. The relational dimension begins form the time they respond toe each otter with reciprocal bird songs!

There is a message I draw form this: a family is primarily formed through loving attachments.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The morning search!

One of the interesting things I like to do when I have time, is to trace a bird while it is on its search for food.  

In the words of Jesus of Nazareth, even the birds would be provided for because God cares for them! That is what I noticed while watching this bird on its expedition!

What caught my attention is the diligence with which the bird was waiting to sight a worm! It stays still till it watches a movement close by and flies in to catch the fly or the worm.  I noticed it to be successful with each of its attempt. 

Although finding food is an instinct, the way it does is full of practical 'wisdom'. 

I happened to read little about bird behaviour of searching for food. A bird searches for food in its own territory that it is familiar with. Usually birds are in groups of two or more while hunting for food. The birds who have their offsprings, first find food for the the young ones waiting in the nest, before they eat on their own. When on finding food, it announces it to the others by the bird song.

Most birds therefore are 'social' in behaviour. They care and provide for each other. What they find does not become an exclusive possession, but gets shared. 

It used to be that way in the pre-industrial revolution era among humans as well. The community kitchen provided food while all laboured in the farm to meet the common needs. 

Forty five years back, in my village where we live now, when the paddy was harvested, a portion of the field was left to be harvested by the neighbour in gratitude for being a friendly companion. It was common to share the produce of the farm with the neighbours as an act of gratitude for friendship. The 'barter system' was another way people met each other's needs. 

During this week, when the followers of Jesus of Nazareth recollect the passion of Jesus and His crucifixion, daleth and resurrection, the one message that would be talked about would be the self giving nature of Jesus.

It is in giving we receive!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Three kingfishers in our garden!

It is the first time, I noticed three kingfisher's together in our garden. What fascinated me was that the two were seeking to be a pair from their body language!

The ten minutes of time I was privileged to watch this romance, I watched the quiet scenes in nature that tell us a lot about the way the avians behave between themselves!

I returned to our cottage feeling thrilled by being a witness to the process of selection in the Kingfisher family!

The lone Kingfisher was still in sight when I left while the pair had flown away to celebrate its new found friendship and begin the courtship!

As I reflect on the happenings in my life in the recent five weeks, I have had a few occasions of getting to know one dimension of living! Life is lived individually and collectively. It is only as much one is able to live fully and abundantly, he or she can bring the abundance of wellness to the community around.

When we had a family living with us for a week end, the two children of the family wanted to play with Dulcie all the time. She would oblige often  and there were times when she would hide away from them. Even a dog needed its private time to be able to be social.

The individual 'alone times' are life giving!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The regular visitors!

These are four avian visitors I come across almost everyday on a nutmeg tree with dry twigs, in front of our cottage. They come one after the other between day break and sunrise. All the four are small birds probably less than ten centimetres in length. 

One feature that is common to them is their flight route. They fly between trees as if they have a flight map. They visit the same trees each morning. They have a habit of regularity. They are conditioned by an instinct.

I come across a struggle some parents face in their lives. They do not seem to succeed in enabling their children to have 'pattern' to their daily rhythm. Many parents would have liked their children to follow a rhythm of sequence of activities each day, so that their lives follow a structure and order.  

One couple who while talking about their nine year daughter said, that from waking her up in the morning to seeing her off in the school bus, they have to be after her. She spends her summer holiday with her maternal grandparents. While being with them, she acts as a responsible child needing no attention to structure her day. 

It seemed to me that the child is naturally habitual but something in her home environment makes her behave differently. This is one instance of how some children feel so controlled that they silently react to the pressure put on them by being negative. The more parents are insistent, the least complaint they are!

I feel that there is so much emphasis on parenting, that parents loose sight of the childhood aspirations or likes or dislikes. 

While talking to this child privately, she told me that, 'parents decide giving her no choice'. She illustrated this by telling me about her mother's compulsion to drink a cup of milk as soon as she gets up. She is not fond of milk, but she has no freedom but not drink.

I had a long bargaining to do with the parents to free her of having to drink milk in the morning. Three weeks alter, when they visited, the child and parents talked to me about the change in the morning rhythm, much to the delight of the child and her parents.   

We choose our habits. When a habit is imposed, it becomes a pressure or a burden. 

These four birds tell me a lot about freedom of choice and a rhythm to their daily living!   

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Fruits in summer!

I took time to day, the Palm Sunday, to reflect on the last one month since I posted anything in this blog.

It has been a month of events and happenings, mostly unexpected needing attention and adjustments. Although I continued sighting birds, taking photographs, and making notes, I needed time to make sense of several things converging to unsettle the daily rhythm that I am used to. 

When I took a walk in the garden yesterday, I noticed the fruits in the garden that have come up during the last one month- pineapple, chico, custard apple, cashew nut, and papaya. The garden brings forth its fruits in due season, even when the day temperature in the recent weeks has been  between 36 and 41 degree celsius. 

The external events, even when they are adverse, cannot stop the cycle of events in nature. 

It is this consciousness, which refreshed me immensely yesterday. 

While retiring after attending a passion week musical recitation in the Union Christian College, Alwaye, Anna and I talked over the changes happening all around us at this electioneering time for the Indian parliament. 

I do not remember having observed such an intense animosity between political parties since my student days. It is an election wherein political parties 'attack' each other without due respect or regard for social courtesies. What is manifest is enmity and anger. 

The passion week is a time of recollecting and meditating on the goodness of Jesus of Nazareth, even amidst intense provocation and anger towards Him. He remained steadfast to love and forgive. 

The fruits in the garden became a symbol of the calling to be 'fruit bearing' all the time! 

I enter the passion week with this consciousness that life can be lived as a song of thanksgiving for what has been given in plenty from the Giver of all good gifts.

Anna and I recollected the birth of children to at least six of our friends in the the last two months. Every time a baby is born, life being a gift gets further reinforced. We receive in order that we also can grow in giving!

Our words, thoughts, and deeds are gifts for others. Let them be seasoned with love, compassion and mindfulness !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)