Self-giving Helpers!

We live in a cottage with a large compound which is what my parents bequeathed to us.

Every morning we have two domestic helpers who come around 8 am in the morning and spend the day doing different things inside and outside the house. As there is always something to do, their day is full and often overflowing. Thanks to them, the house and its surroundings have remained habitable and yielding. 

The two have been working for my parents for thirty five years and we feel touched by their kindness, loyalty and care. We now have a third person who joined them, whom we have been helping to develop some skills for self employment.

These three people have provided some understanding about the challenges the working class faces. The unskilled workers are largely daily wage earners without any social or medical support. They do not have regular jobs or fixed income. They do not get paid holidays or retirement benefits. 

Most of us would not have been able to function without the help of this faithful support system. 

I wonder whether each of us who employs such people regularly, would offer some long term benefits for them by helping them to develop saving habits and ourselves contributing towards their social benefits!

The parable of Jesus of all those who went to the vineyard to work, getting the same wage at the end of the day no matter what time they went to  work is an introduction to a different work  ethics we are invited to consider. 

We pay others not because of what they deserve or are entitled to get, but because of goodness of God we are called to share and communicate! This is the ethos of  inclusiveness in making workers feel that, they are our brothers and sisters! It is a long journey, but a necessary journey to have this consciousness to see others as fellow travellers in the journey of life rather than just as ‘our employees’.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Grand parenting!

I remember watching this scene a few weeks back, which aroused within me a trend of thoughts. The grandmother was returning after buying some fast food items from the village corner shop. The two grandchildren were retuning home from the opposite direction. Seeing the grand mother with the food packet, they were curious to to know of its content. The children had a satisfied look on their face seeing the content.

A neighbour who noticed me photograph this scene mentioned to me that the grandmother buys some food for her grand daughters every day from her meagre monthly income. They were most complementary of the way the grandmother is thoughtful of her grandchildren!

What else can a grand mother do, except be thoughtful!

And yet, in the place where Anna and I live, the grand parenting culture is changing.  The grandparents are materially more possessive, indulgent on themselves and protective of their privacy that we wonder whether that self-giving culture of grandparents is vanishing! A neighbour told me how the grandparents although well financially, were least bothered when there was an illness in the family needing considerable expenditure. 

What do we love more! Our children, grandchildren or our wealth, comfort or privacy! 

I wish there would be regular sermons preached, articles written, talks given in the TV on becoming functional and practical grandparents! This needs to be explored with checks and balances as parenting and grand-parenting are at the same time both complementary and conflict prone!

Grand-parenting is another another opportunity to strengthen the family stability and integrity!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Another beginning !

As we stood outside the Early Learning Centre after its dedication on 8th of April, 2014 we were overcome by fulfilment and joy.

Since we started welcoming pre-school children for individual leaning six months back, we were feeling the pressure of space and facilities to make the learning programme optimally beneficial for children.  

That was the time when Susan suggested during our debriefing time that we request the management to allot us a bungalow, meant for the faculty, which was lying vacant for a while. Our request was favourably considered. The house needed modifications and adaptations for making it a child friendly setting. 

It has a compound which has now got converted into a ply area for children with some play equipment, sandpit, water and ball play areas. The seven rooms in the house have been made appropriate for different functions to promote child development. There is a a creative learning area which is rather special and hopefully would expand to include many facilities to connect children with the environment.

I have been touched by the enthusiasm and contribution of my colleagues, medical students, and some volunteers to design, decorate and evolve the facility to what it is now after three months of much effort and perseverance. The financial contributions came form the management, ASHIRVD and some well wishers. 

Anna mentioned the other day that it is the seventh facility of childhood development and learning facility we were enabled to start, since ASHIRVAD came into being in 1983. As we recall these beginnings at Chennai, Nagpur, Vellore, Pondicherry and now at Kolenchery, we feel that, ‘it was the Lord’s doing and it is marvellous in our eyes’.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Refreshing Memories !

When we laid to rest my mother’s mortal remains on 28th of April, 2014 at the cemetery of this church in our village, I was suddenly overcome with many memories connected with the church from my childhood. 

When my parents decided along with a few other families, to form a separate congregation of the Evangelical Church fifty years back, the worship services on Sundays and on other occasions used to be held in our house. I remember my father taking the lead to buy the property in which this church building stands now, and spending considerable time to build a church building and a parsonage. There used to be regular visits to our home from church leaders and well wishers, for whom my mother offered hospitality. Some of them used to stay with us in our small cottage for a few days which at that time was my first occasion to get to know something about the way the mission of the church was unfolding. I had part of Sunday school education in this church. Anna and I got married in this church. Anandit was baptised in this church. My parents offered leadership to this congregation in different ways. After their retirement, the church life had become even more important to them.

My mother was not able to attend the  worship services as she developed physical limitations to stand and walk for about fifteen years back.  Since then, her contact with the local congregation was through the visits of its evangelists, clergy, Bishops and the leadership of the local congregation. She prayed and contributed her tithes faithfully and kept in touch with different members of the congregations through phone calls. 

The local parish was very much central to my parents for their faith journey and spiritual formation. My father’s mortal remains were also buried in the same cemetery nine years back. 

This congregation has moved on commendably in its mission and vocation. The present vicar, Rev. James who visited us a few times around the time of my mother’s home call ministered to us most meaningfully and sensitively, for which we are grateful! 

I am glad that the local church congregation was central to the life of my parents!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Cake and candle!

Every customary birthday celebration  will have a cake and candle as part of the occasion. While the cake is cut by the birthday celebrant the candle would be blown out when the ‘happy birthday’ wish is sung.

I noticed a senior friend telling us on the occasion of celebrating his birthday that he was not used to blowing out the candle on the cake. He added that, if candle represents life, let the candle burn out! This was the first time I  came across such an insight and practice. 

It is good to look at symbols that convey meaning and insight.

I have had occasions to reflect on this. The symbol of cake represents the wish for inner fullness of life on the occasion of birthday. The inner fullness has the dimensions of joy, contentment, hope, altruism, faith, relationship with God and others, etc. The burning candle is a symbol of the life that is lived publicly. The candle gives light and warmth. The candle dispels darkness. It shows the way to a path finder. It is able to light other candles to make a collective impact of light. A burning candle has a span of time for it to burn after which only its remnant would stay on without its wick. This is why the senior friend was hesitant to voluntarily blow out the candle.

Le me suggest that we turn our birthdays to meditate on, Life, Living and Learning. It is good to dwell on these three themes in connection with every birthday to make our lives more connected with the past, present and future. Remembering our day of birth is one way of viewing our life through how we have lived and what we have learned! It then becomes a means for revision of life. The birth day thus becomes another beginning in continuity with the past.

One habit which has become part of my birthday celebrations is a daily reflection for a week prior to the birthday, when I set apart time to revisit my life in blocks of seven years. Each block of seven years when revisited each day meditatively, usually brings to surface truths that remained hidden or unknown till then. That is one way to prepare for the birthday, when the cake and candle would become symbols of our inner and outer life.

M.C.Mathew  

Turning point !

One of the challenges we face with children, who have behavioural challenges, is to help them to relate meaningfully and adjust to difficult situations. 

I remember watching this child recently at play supervised by a colleague. She took over half an hour to settle down to move from indifference to a reasonable level of engagement. This picture is a reminder of that turning point. Seeing this doll, she became responsive and playful and stayed that way for the rest of the time even returning to activities she initially was indifferent to. 

There are turning points in each of our lives related to all sorts of attitudes or values. 

It is now eighteen months since Anna and I came to live in Kerala to care for my mother. Since we came we have a had long journey to learn the nuances of living in ‘God’s own country’. We have been through the learning curve to get familiar with customs,, cultural and ritualistic practices, religious traditions, dos and dont’s in relationships, etc. The demand was so much that the learning became almost a burden. 

However the turning point was when, Anna once mentioned that, ‘we are here to stay and it is good for us to adjust quickly’. Since that consciousness gripped both of us as a longing, we have found the last four months lot more easier. Now we have begun to find somethings delightful. Anna has a kitchen garden, and has attempted to grow vegetables and fruits. I have begun to enjoy my long therapeutic walks along a stream and through a hill top and have found watching nature and birds stimulating. Both of us are beginning to enjoy the life in the country side, where life is lived at a slower pace and with ease. Except when we are in a hurry, when someone stops us to ask our biography, we seem to regard it as the way of life here. 

The turning points are given to us to awaken us to realities beyond us. 

That is what Jesus of Nazareth conveyed to humankind at His crucifixion! God is so loving that He made Jesus suffer and die to draw all people to Himself! Jesus referring to this said, ‘If I be lifted up from the earth, then shall I draw all to Myself’. That is what happened on the first day of the week after His crucifixion. He had risen!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A new initiative!

One of the initiatives which Anna took since she was requested to be the co-ordinator for research, at the MOSC Medical college, was to get the undergraduate students interested in doing  small research project in their third year of study. There was response from 21 students to Anna’s request to  submit a research proposal to the Indian Council of Medical Research. I was fascinated by the interest of the students and the participation of equal number of faculty to oversee the research. Although it involved hours of individual meeting with students, Anna felt encouraged and enthused by the creative skills of students.

Out of twenty-one students, seven were selected for the ICMR award. The others are promised an equivalent award from the college.

The students surprised Anna by inviting her for a get-together. It was a spontaneous response of love and regards. 

The students feel enthused by the prospect of this opportunity, this being an annual feature. This being the first time, even the faculty who are to guide the students  felt encouraged by doing something jointly with students. It offers an opportunity for the faculty to be actively involved in mentoring students, which is yet another new step for the faculty.

There is a window of opportunity in every situation. It is a good practice to turn an opportunity into an advantage for others!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Summer flowers!

During my travels, I usually look for flowers to catch a glimpse of nature in different settings. During these summer months, I began photographing some flowers which have a special colour and appearance. This crimson temple flowers in the Christian Medical college campus was most striking.   The town of Vellore is rain starved and this is fifth consecutive summer, where the town is struggling to  meet the needs of the growing population of the city.

No matter whether there is water or not, I have noticed these temple trees producing these brilliantly coloured flowers to give a look of abundance. These tress usually bare of leaves stand out in a relatively  barren landscape. 

I am fascinated by the the call of these flowers! No matter what may be the circumstances, till it is possible, even in drought, these trees bring forth these flowers. These flowers bring cheer and hope.

During the season of national election in India, I have come across much hostility, aggressive campaigning and hurtful attack on each other by the political parties. I realise that human nature is confrontational and intimidating, unless inwardly seasoned by indwelling love.

I wonder, whether the leavening presence of the Church is having any restraining or transforming effect! 

If there is any time in the history of Indian democracy, it is now, when the church ought to take the role of a healing presence and holistic ministry! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Watchful waiting!

Anna and I see sights of acres of rice fields ready for harvest during our travel to the college and back every day. We watched these fields from the time the fields were getting ready for transplantation of paddy and during different activities since then such as deseeding, spraying insecticides, irrigating the fields with water, etc. The transformation of the seedlings to the ready to harvest paddy plants was something that we watched with interest and curiosity.

Those four months of vigilance gives returns in plenty.

Let me use this analogy for understanding the adolescent children!

Most adolescent children I meet feel distanced from their parents, teachers and sometimes even from siblings. The parents and teachers are two intimate associates of adolescent children. If children feel less drawn towards them, I feel that the parents and teachers have not adapted well to the post modern psychology of adolescent children. 

While we watch our children grow, our longing is for them to blossom, accomplish and grow up to be responsible adults with good prospects in their future. 

I have recently asked a cross section of parents who have adolescent  children about the way they spend time with them. They have referred to it as stressful, argumentative, and making barriers for communication. 

How to make our times with our adolescent children more engaging, communicative and relational is a question which needs immediate attention! 

Let me suggest that, the way forward is to be flexible, perceptive and affirming so that they receive us as those involved in their lives and choices. Our words become meaningful only if our attitudes are more authentic and welcoming. Even the correction we offer ought to be seasoned with love and patience! 

The farmer is engaged in watchful vigilance for his harvest. This is a message to treasure while relating to adolescent children!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

   

Making the lonely years comfortable!

As Anna and I watched this lady senior citizen walk pass us, while we  were airing for Aswathy and Anandit to return from an office they had gone to visit in a village, we wondered what her body language was conveying!

Her facial expression, posture and measured steps made us feel that she might be heavy of heart. It is  a village where most men return home drunk and pick up quarrel with women at home. I wonder whether she was on a shopping walk with all the pressure on her to buy just the essential for the evening supper with the little money she was given by her husband the previous evening! 

The story of women as they grow older is most distressing. Many women end up having osteoporosis, back ache, malnutrition, hypertension, etc which do not even get diagnosed or treated. Women bear all of these for the sake of the rest of the family. I found out that least amount of money is spent on the health of women when they get older. The rest of the family provide food and shelter and do not think of the quality of life they too  deserve!

I realised that my mother was keen to read the news paper, meet people and engage in social conversations with our domestic helpers even on the day she was not so well and needed hospitalisation! I was encouraged by her desire to live well and fully at 91 years, even when she had many physical limitations!

Of all the people, women as they grow older, need more attention to let them have added years of quality life! It was Anna, who made the choice that led us to return to live with my mother for the last twenty months to provide some support for her. We are glad that we were enabled to do it!  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Years in clinical training!

One batch of clinical students who came for their clinical posting chose to have the clinic in my room at the MOSC Medical College. I found it a good experience. We had the clinic sitting down and started with some sharing by each student about his or her memory of growing up years as growth and development was the theme of the discussion. 

It was an eye opener to them that they can learn a lot about growth and development from their own childhood. It is often a pain for many students to remember the chronology of developmental mile stones of children in the domains of motor development, language and communication, personal and social and cognitive functions. Once they started recollecting when their younger brother or sister achieved some of the milestones, the whole exercise became personal, reflective and refreshing. 

To me, it was an exercise of much delight because all the students, who looked anxious about the clinic initially settled down well to participate and interact. It was good to watch how learning takes place in a relaxed setting! The students ought to become free of fear while in a class room! The teacher is responsible to make learning a pleasure and make students take interest in learning! 

I realised at the end of the one hour that students feel most comfortable if learning can incorporate a personal  dimension!

All learners are looking for relationship with their teachers and facilitators. Let that happen!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Finding way for recovery!

This painting was given to me thirty years back by a ten year old child, who used to  visit ASHIRVAD Child Development Centre at Chennai, where Anna and I were involved to initiate a service for children with neuro-developmentla needs. 

I have had this painting at a prominent place since then in the consultation room, wherever I worked. Last week, before the Early Learning Centre at the MOSC Medical college was dedicated for children, one of my colleagues suggested that it would be good to have a copy of this painting at the main hall of the centre. In fact she primed one of the medical students to paint it. I happened to hear of this and I wondered whether I was ready to gift it away for a wider viewing! I did it after two days of consideration.

The story behind this painting was the reason why I was attached to this. The boy painted this in gratitude for some medical and personal development help I was able to provide when he came to visit us for a few weeks, confused and needy. He needed respite from pain and direction to stay encouraged. The immediate effect of that engagement was this happy painting of this perception of Jesus of Nazareth and Children. To me, it was a confession of his spiritual longing. 

Every time I looked at this painting, I recollect his smiling face and his words, ‘I am on my way to recovery'. His journey was both physical and spiritual!

Now that it is placed for public viewing, my prayer is that, others would also find 'this way' for their recovery.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)      

Life that triumphs..

Around the time of my mother’s home call on 24th of April 2014, this banana plant had suffered the insult to its stem, in a stormy rain. In the midst of arrangements for my mother’s funeral and the bereaving mood, I had not paid attention to the plant till I returned to it on 9th April, 2014. 

I was surprised to see how through the broken stem, the banana bunch had broken forth. It is the first time I watched such a sight although farmers in the neighbourhood did mention about them seeing such sights. 

The timing of this corresponding to the season of the home call of my mother, did awaken my interest. I had thought that with the stem broken, the banana plant’s life was over. Instead from the ruins of that, the plant gave forth a new life- a bunch of bananas! 

Life gives us hope beyond death. Death is a transient reality. It is pregnant with new life. In fact, a few days before my mother’s home call, while she was in a reminiscent mood, she said to us, ‘I am tired, but I am cheerful’. It was good to be reminded of this hope  with which she prepared herself for her eternal journey. 

Life is a mystery and how it unfolds before us, when we are alive or at the time of  our departure is according to what is appointed for us by the God of love. 

During the last three weeks, the theme of new life has brought some encouraging and affirming insights. One of them is through the story of this banana plant. The storm did damage the plant, but not its destiny or future. None of the events that happen to us, including the most trying ones, can kill the spirit within us, because, God has gifted us with a spirit of triumph, as it was in Jesus of Nazateth, which brought him out out of the tomb, alive on the third day. Many have confessed from hindsight that, it was out of an experience of brokenness, they were able to enter into another level of qualitative living. 

During this Holy week, the Spirit of God is at work in our lives to give us a glimpse of all that ‘God has prepared for those who love Him- what eyes have not seen, ears heard..’

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)