Refreshing memories.

This is a picture Anna and I return to  often for our encouragement. It was the last occasion when we were together as a family, in June, 2012 at Pondicherry. There was something about that occasion which was most refreshing and upbuilding. Family reunions are endearing experiences.

Amy and Arpit live and work at Christian Medical College, Ludhiana and Aswathy and Anandit at Christian Medical college, Vellore. We feel blessed and rejoice over the gifts that Amy and Aswathy are to us.

For Anna and myself it is a refreshing time in our lives. The children are moving on in their life and calling and this brings immense fulfilment. There is much more ahead. We look forward to it with hope and love.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A woman entrepreneur

Anna and I stopped at Dharmapuri by-pass on our way back from Vellore last week, for a drink of tender coconut. This lady in the picture had an interesting story to tell about her tender coconut shop.

Her husband was well employed, but she became ill with a debilitating illness and her source of income stopped suddenly. She had her two school going to children to support and a huge debt to pay. 

That is when her neighbours suggested to her to start a tender coconut shop on the highway. She did this borrowing money from her neighbour, which she could pay back in one month. Now she sells about 100 tender coconuts a day and has a profit of about 500 rupees or more. She was able to pay back her debts and and is supporting her two children in the college. 

She starts her sale by 9 am and returns home by 5 pm. She leaves the shop unattended at night with only a plastic cover over the left over coconut. She has found it safe. Her supply of coconuts comes every three days from a regular supplier. There are about ten such temporary shops along a stretch of one kilometre. Her income has increased in spite of competition. I suppose some people may prefer to be served by a woman!

She used to be harassed by officials of the highway for setting up a temporary shop, but they would now stop by to have a free drink and leave her to do her business. 

Hers is a moving story of resilience and enterprise to find a way forward when she was caught in a trap.   I am glad we stopped at her shop to listen to this story. The domestic helper who works for my mother has a similar story of becoming the bread winner of the family.

Many women lead by examples and yet we have a long journey to make as a society to affirm their worth and equality! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A path finder

Dr. V.I. Mathan, intervened several times effectively during the deliberations of the governign board meetings of the Christian Medical College, Vellore last week. As I listened to him, my memory went back to a turning point in my life.

I was waiting at the bus stand opposite the cemetery at the toll gate at Vellore in June 1993, to catch a bus to go the governing board meeting at the college, after visiting the burial site of our daughter Anita. Dr. Mathen, who then was the Medical Superintendent of CMC Vellore, was going in his car to the college to attend the same meeting.  He stopped his car seeing me and wanted to know why I was waiting outside the cemetery.

That led to a conversation about Ashirvad and its activities at Chennai. He had heard about it  and showed a keen interest in what we were doing for children with special needs. He commented then, that he would like to have a similar facility at CMC Vellore. Following this, every six months, when I went to CMC for the governing board meetings, he would find time to have personal conversations and about Ashirvad.

Three years later, when he became the director of CMC, he approached us whether we would consider relocating Ashirvad Child Development and Research Centre at CMC. That is how Anna and I moved to Vellore to start the Developmental Paediatrics unit in 1997 through a Memorandum of Understanding between Ashirvad and CMC Vellore. 

Anna and I had several reservations to come to CMC as we were comfortable at Chennai. It was Dr. Mathen, who kept encouraging us to give a larger expression to the mission of Ashirvad by being in  a teaching institution. It is now twenty years since that decision. The developmental Paediatric unit at CMC is a thriving facility with a committed team of professionals making a significant contribution to children with neuro-developmental challenges. 

Dr. Mathen has been a path finder for many. He used to look out for people whom he could inspire for long term service at CMC. In fact he established the Gastroenterology department at CMC by finding a team of young committed gastroenterologists and giving them an opportunity to sub-specialize. That is how as early as i980, he was able to establish an advanced facility of gastroenterological service for the first time in India. 

Anna And I are deeply grateful to him for mentoring us in our formative years. 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)         

An open Bible

Anna and I stopped for our supper at a restaurant, on our way back after visiting Amy's parents, who were visiting India. We found an open Bible at the cash counter. The book of Psalms, chapters, 41, and 42 were in front of us.

Mr. Baby has been a business man for about thirty years. He had tried his hand as a distributor of jaggery, and as an agent for used cars. He built a hotel four years back and is finding it sufficiently stable. 

He has been regular reader of the Bible for over fifteen years and has found his as his source of his guidance. It is his habit to spend time reading the Scripture for meditative reading. He wanted to introduce this habit to others. That is how he decided to keep an open Bible at the cash counter to introduce this to the visitors. He gives free copy of new testament portions to those who would like to read. He has had many visitors starting a conversation on the Bible which gives him an opportunity to share his biography. That is how he turns the long hours at the cash counter to be a stimulating encounter experience  with people. 

Although he is not linked to Gideon International, he introduces the Scripture to visitors in a pleasant way that anyone would be drawn to take a scripture portion for further reading. 

It is now forty years since I have been used to reading the Bible. Earlier, I could recall several Bible passages from memory. One of the frequent occupations of my mind during the in-between times is to return to the Bible passage I read in the morning. This gives an anchor to thoughts and keeps the interior refreshed with God-consciousness.  I have found this habitual return to a Bible passage a sobering way to keep the inner ambience in a restful and open attitude. This is most useful, when there is a stress prone encounter.

The scripture is a 'lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path'.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Three inspiring doctors

I met with these three inspiring doctors one more time recently at the council meeting of Christian Medical college, Vellore. They catch my attention when ever they come together often at such meetings. They represent a story of call, conviction and commitment.

They stand apart as those who have walked the less travelled road by doctors. They are exceptionally qualified, competent  and skilled. They have chosen a life style that is suggestive of their self-giving attitude  to life. 

Sanjeeth Peter is a cardiac surgeon working at Nadiad. Anil Henry is  a surgeon working at Mongeli and  Rajeev Chowdharie a plsstic surgeon  at Padhar. All these are hospitals which have come to lime light because of what these doctors have done through thier presence and innovations.

They feel that they are called to be where they are. This strong sense of being in the challenging situations where they are, is a telling story. Sanjeeet had to go through a long journey to establish a cardio-thoracic service at Nadiad, which is a two tier city. Anil has been determined to expand the rural hospital, the latest being adding a cancer treatment facility. Rajeev is full of zeal that he got a siamese twin separated in his hospital by bringing specialists from Sydney, Vellore, Bangalore, Ludhaina, etc.

They carry a conviction that health care is a healing vocation. The most needy for cost effective health care, are those who are economically disadvantaged. This conviction overrides all their choices. Their spirituality of devotion to God and service to the least in society is a reflection of their rootedness in the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, who said, 'Go ye in to all the world..'

Their commitment to this vocation is infectious. They have a team of specialists in their hospitals, who have long term service commitment to the place and the holistic ethos of health care. Theirs is an inclusive approach to health care in difficult situations to the varied needs of those who come to them.

They are friends and support each other in this demanding engagement. I like to listen to their stories of faith, adventure, perseverance and hope. They have a cheerful spirit and convey this in their conversations and relationships.

What moves me each time I meet  with them individually or together is their formative journey. They come from families, who have been faithful, self giving and people-centric in their approach. All three of them have followed the footsteps of their parents, whom I have known for about thirty five years. These three men and their families are living examples of a godly heritage, which they live out radiantly.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)        

Sunday Meditation

Although, tis picture of a heron is photographically not good enough, this picture gave me some insights about negotiating through difficult circumstances.

It was evening and the wind was strong. The branches of the tall trees on the side of the paddy fields were swaying in the wind. That is when I noticed this heron flying low for a distance and changing its direction as if it was struggling to keep its flying direction. As I watched this for about ten minutes, I noticed that it was the only heron flying, while the others in the flock were on the ground far away in  a secure setting.

It was when I watched the picture of this heron, I noticed three things.

Its feet were outstretched in an angle, which the birds normally do to advance the body forward to maintain the flying momentum. It is one way of giving a thrust to the body to stay balanced, while flying.

The second thing is about the position of its head. It is in another plane above the plane of the body, but held parallel to the body without straining its neck, but held gently in its normal flexed position over its body. A very safe position of the head to have an overview of the vast air space in front. 

The third is about the different positions of the wings. While one wing is flat, the other is held as a hollow facing inward to protect the body from the current of the strong wind. The flat position of the other wing balances it in the air.

I have been surprised by the different body adaptations of a heron to an adverse situation of strong wind. It is living fully even in adverse circumstance, while the other herons were on the land in their safe setting. Those, who have a calling to live in difficult situations can find a message form this heron.

The first normal human instinct in challenging situation is to complain, react, question or withdraw. As I watched the photo of the heron, I was blessed with an insight. No matter, what is around us, there is enough resource within to negotiate through circumstances. So, finding a way forward is a better option than frozen by circumstances.

This comes to us through the promise of Jesus of Nazareth,' I am with you always..' 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Confessions of a child

A seven years old child had several questions to ask but he had a significant confession to make in that short conversation with me. It kept resonating in my heart for a while. 

When I go to school, I am made to participate in the drama, singing, sports, etc. Every time such an occasion arises, my teachers tell me that, 'I MUST WIN'. When we play in the court yard in the evenings with friends, every one wants to score the highest run. In fact, the game gets interrupted if some one is declared out as he would not like to hand over the bat to the other because he had not scored more than his friend. When we play scrabble at home, often I sense the pressure to make the longest word. When we go for an outing as a class, the teacher would say that, 'one who makes the best drawing of the nature scenes would get a prize'. In the Sunday school, it all about memory verse conversation or singing competition. We prepare for this in our Sunday classes. When we receive the progress card showing our grade in an examination, every one is keen to know who got the highest grade. 

Is competition the most important aspect of growing up. Is it so for older people also!

As I heard these comments of a child's observation, I could not but agree with him that adults are competition driven and we pass on this instinct to our children from very early age. The success driven culture is a phenomenon which is driving society today. The market driven economy is based on quality and competition. This has permeated to education, scientific pursuit, social context, etc. 

I was helpless as I did not have any tangible corrective proposal. I told him one experience of another child. He gave up his Christmas pocket money to buy a dress for his friend, whose parents are daily wage earners. He was dressed in an ordinary dress, and not a new one unlike his friends on Christmas day. When his friends heard his decision to forgo his Christmas gift, for the sake of his friend, they were moved that they decided to take the gifts they had prepared for reach other to the children's home, close by, to celebrate with the children in that home. Their parents offered to make a special lunch for the children.

It is necessary to find delight in pursuing the welfare of others. This is the only antidote to self driven competition and success pursuit.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)          

A teacher and a student

Anna has had a special interest in Medical Education Technology and was the co-ordinator of the teacher's training workshops at CMC Vellore, since its inception. After she retired, she continued pursuing this interest and  organised the first workshop of  the MOSC Medical College.

I was a student at this workshop. The last time I attended a condensed course on Medical Education was in 1980.

It was an inspiring experience to listen to Anna making several presentations on Adult education, Feed back, Multiple Choice questions, Teaching-Learning process, etc.  I was excited to discover her insightful understanding of the several skills medical teachers need to acquire to be effective communicators and mentors. The other faculty making presentations on related topics were enabled a great deal by Anna personally, helping them in their preparation, as this was the first one for them.

It was a privilege to watch them function as a team. They related and trusted each other to make the work shop a pleasant experience. The  three day work shop was stimulating, interesting and hands on.  

For me it was an opportunity to be tutored through different experiences, Anna shared with the group and appreciate her scholarship in medical education. The power point presentations Anna prepared and presented had an outstanding quality and content. I was surprised to discover how Anna used adult learning principles in her presentations, pausing for questions and interspersing her talks with exercises, group activities, etc. It was a feast to listen to her.

As I recall Anna's pursuit to become an effective facilitator, I have observed  her enthusiasm, sense of mission and self directed learning. She 'walks the talk', because students during their term in pharmacology felt stimulated that some of them kept in touch with her informally to pursue their special interests in pharmacology. A teacher is known by his or her ability to inspire students. That is what Anna has become to many students.  

What a privilege it was to have been Anna's student in Medical Education technology!  

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)  

  

Turning obstacles into an opportunity

Amy and Arpit gifted this book to Anna on her birthday in 2012. I returned to this book several times during the last six months. 

It is a story of a British Nurse, Janet, who was brought up in Quaker tradition, living in Titmoh, a village in Jarkhand, formerly in Bihar, for ten years to experience the realities people face in their day to day life. 

Janet got deeply involved to create a primary health care for humans and animals in this village. In her attempt to make a difference, she came across the powerful in the society who exploited the weak  and became rich. The money lenders were one such group. 

It is written in a story form, easy to read and to connect with rural India. The stories create anger and shame within us as it is litany of  stories of insensitivity and callousness  of those in authority, whether it is health care professionals or animal husbandry professionals. 

The ten years she spent from 1975 was different as the development mantra that we hear today had not  surfaced in the India polity at that time. People lived at the mercy of a heath care system which was rudimentary in Indian villages especially in Bihar. 

What she left behind when she returned to Britain, was a mud hut in the village, where a dispensary was established with the help of a doctor from Calcutta and several living memories of her insistent pursuit to make a change in the social and health care setting of the community.

The question we often ask is, 'what can an individual do in a system that is resistant to change'? I hear this echoed among the christian heath care professionals working in rural India. Most of the rural hospitals in the Christian hospitals net work are through rough times, of late, with health care professionals disregarding this opportunity. One organisation needs fifty new doctors for its hospitals, but there are only one or two applicants.

Let me commend this book because it revives the call to rural India for partnering with people in their struggle  to progress. The book was published by Penguin in 2005.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

A journey into independence

I enjoy watching children learn cycling, because it brings back many memories of my childhood. Most children would start learning cycling by about three years now, as they would have an access to a cycle at home.

During my childhood days, most children learned cycling by 10 years or later. I started cycling only by 12 years. There were two cycle shops in our village from where we could hire a cycle. Between the two shops, there were two cycles meant for children. There were too many children who would want to hire them. So I was fortunate if I got a chance to hire it when I wanted it. 

It was during one summer holidays I started to learn cycling. I was told to learn cycling in an open ground and was restrained from going into the main road. Once I trespassed and went on the road. I lost my balance while coming down a slope and fell into a ditch. Since then I confined myself to the open ground till I was more confident.

The interesting thing about this  experience of learning cycling was the sense of independence it brought. I remember friends also feeling the same way. Those were the days, when, children lived a subdued lives, often willingly subjecting themselves to the control and expectations of parents. The only teenage indulgence most children had was to go on a cycling expedition with the little pocket money available, to a nearby village or town to have an ice cream or a cool drink. The adventure stopped with this. The thrill was to do this without being found out by parents.

Looking back, it was a necessary activity to explore and grow to be in touch with realities around us. Some, of course would go to watch a film, although I did not do this. I do not remember any of my friends experimenting with smoking or drugs or alcohol. There were few who would have liked to be personal with girls, but it was difficult as the social norms prevalent at that time detested it.

Fifty years later, the teenagers have a different outlook to life. The internet, films and social climate of self indulgence without moral moorings create a permissive attitude to life. Their refrain is,' Life is to enjoy'.

Let me return to my favourite theme. Parents are often detached from the reality of the impact, the social media creates in a child's mind. The average age at which a child begins to use a mobile phone is six years and and eighty percent of urban children own a mobile phone by ten years. They are formed by the opinions and experiences of others in the social media net work.

We need to invent ways of parenting this generation of children so that parents would still have some lasting formative influence in their formation.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)         

Outer space and inner promptings

There are some things we miss, since coming to live in a village in Kerala. That is the sea side of Pondicherry.

One of the regular places we would take visitors when they came to visit us was a sea side restaurant. It was refreshing to sit in the glass panelled restaurant overlooking the sea. Susan from New castle in fact, wanted to visit this place almost every day.

The sea has a therapeutic effect. It brings us closer to the origin of life. It was out of water space the earth was formed according to the Genesis account of the creation story. 

There is a need to return to our origin. We are beings created for a purpose and mission. Life is a journey to discover and consummate it. It would also involve making revisions in our practices and  making confessions 

I realize from the confessions of Lance Armstrong, that any one can lose direction in life and get enticed by immediate gain, success or reputation and live pathologically suppressing truth and violating the integrity of  conscience. What seems to break Lance's heart most was that he lied to his son, now thirteen years, Luke, who used to publicly deny that his father took performance enhancing drugs. It was to Luke, Lance told, first, ' Do not defend me anymore, I am guilty'.

We need space and setting to be in touch with ourselves. Many people find mountains or water shore at sea, lake or river, most suitable to be in touch with oneself. Being in such a setting helps us to feel surrounded by a vastness and beyondness. It is in such a setting of the infinite grace of love and acceptance that God pours upon our hearts, that we are enabled to discover darkness within and move towards the light that shall lead us on. 

Anna and I were firmly engaged in the mission of Ashirvad at Chennai and we delayed any consideration of the invitation of Christian Medical College, Vellore in 1994 to relocate Ashirvad to start a Developmental Paediatrics facility at CMC. Theo Herren, a good friend from Switzerland visited us in the spring of 1995. We spent a long afternoon at the Marina beach. There was a prolonged conversation about this invitation and our reluctance, to which, Theo said, 'A voyager discovers more truth when he continues the journey..'. That was one of the seminal conversations which initiated a change in our attitude, that led us to finally  move to Vellore in 1997. Those fifteen years at Vellore added  a new quality and content to our lives  

It was most interesting to listen to Susan and her own learning and growing experiences and through her moves.   

It was in the sea shore we were made ready to receive a message. Have we found our own space and settings to receive messages that can lead us on in life! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Water resourcing

I had not made the association between frequent sights on the road of loaded motor cycles with water cans and the current water scarcity, till I received a notice from the administration of the hospital where I work that there would be only six hours of piped in water supply in the campus. In fact we have monsoon rains for over six months in Kerala. It is a surprise that we have drought like condition here. 

This motor cyclist would sell all these plastic water cans in one day. People like these cans to gather and store water. Women would use these as head load while carrying water, often walking long distances. They are affordable to buy and last only one season, as they are made of thin plastic. I am not even sure whether it has the prescribed quality meant for plastic vessels when used to store water.

This is what disturbs me. I often notice people leaving the tap running, during brushing teeth or shaving, which would mean that in three minutes of brushing the teeth, they would waste about twenty litres of water. We need only two litres to brush teeth if water  is used judiciously. We would use only two and half litres of water for washing hands if we were to use a mug to draw water from a bucket, where as we would use almost ten litres while washing hands in running water. It is because we do not close the tap while applying soap on the hands.   

We are yet to conserve rain water adequately. It is not a practice even in places where water is needed in large quantity. The rain water gets washed away into drains. It is not even collected for ground water resourcing.

I believe, there is much greater scope to save water if each of us were to change our water consumption practices. Water is one natural resource which is getting depleted fast. 

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)      

Freedom and movement

Anna has a collection of interesting and thematic party games that students visiting our home enjoyed playing. This one requires two to use their left hands to tie a thread. In a group the competition is to make the longest chain. Every time I watch this activity, I observe an innovative way the students approach this game.

In this group one pair mastered the art of one person doing one movement to tie a knot. It became so consistent that they exceeded the speed of all the others. 

Later I asked them how they managed to do this. The answer caught my attention. They moved the fingers without pressing the fingers down to tie the knot. While the others made the loop for the knot by pressing on each other's finger tip, this pair managed to form the loop away form the finger tip which gave them easy movement and reduced the time to tie the knot. Both of them were used to knitting and this gave them an advantage.

Movement needs freedom. Every time a person with Parkinson's disease wants to move, he or she is restricted. There is much resistance to the movement due to hypertonia of the muscles.

Each of has us an inner state which determines our freedom to relate, trust, engage and interact. This  inner freedom is conditioned by our memories, experiences, and attitudes. If the past has conditioned us to be fearful, cautious, reticent or cynical, then it is this we would communicate in the exterior. 

Every time a difficult experience befalls us, it can press on a previous inner wound or a raw scar, which makes us feel frozen inside. What we communicates outward subsequently is negative emotions or approach. 

True freedom is when we invite healing within ourselves. Healing comes through forgiveness, detachment and surrender. Forgiveness is a an act of love, where we offer worth to others even when they may not deserve. Detachment is a choice to let go, so that the past gets integrated into the ocean of of our experiences like the way pieces of a puzzles come together to create a mosaic. Surrender is an openness to welcome circumstances through the optic of faith in order to trust an experience or event that looks apparently trying, to bring something good ultimately. 

A child who was running to catch a butterfly fell down and got bruised; he did not pause for a moment to attend to his wound, but continued chasing the butterfly. When I asked him at the end of it, when he had not still caught the butterfly, he told me, ' the butterfly would not wait for me'.

Opportunities would not wait for us. So let us live and move in freedom to 'seize the opportune time' for it can be full of gains and benefits. That is why, Jesus of Nazareth said, 'If the Son can make you free, you shall be free indeed'. This freedom  in its fullness is a gift from God. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

             

A rhythm for well being

The above picture is that of the lawn Anna and I began working on in October 2012, immediately after we relocated in my mother's cottage at Keezhillom. It is growing, although slowly. It is a favourite site for us to sit and watch the morning sun and birds that come to feed from the bird feeder. Of late Daffney found this as her favourite spot to run and chase the ball when we play with her.

This is the first time, we are directly tending the lawn although we have had a lawn in both the houses we lived in in the last fifteen years. What are we learning from this effort?

Every day it needs watering. Every week, the weeds need to be removed. Every two weeks it would need a sprinkling of fertiliser. The grass needs to be manually cut once in a month. This is the rhythm of care the lawn requires for its upkeep. 

This has brought to our attention some valuable insights about our inner life. We would need a daily rhythm of rest, reflection and renewal. For most of us this would come from our set apart time of quietness in meditation and prayer. We would need regular debriefing, at least once a week to feel relieved of stress, pressure of work, or hurts or disappointments. This grants us well being and refreshment. We would need prolonged time, of at least half a day retreat, once month to revisit experiences and draw lessons for personal growth. We would need regular contacts with friends and well wishers to grow relationally. 

Why do we need to foster a rhythm in living? We are often driven by circumstances and demand. We stretch ourselves to fulfil all our responsibilities without being sensitive to our personal and family needs. We tend to set aside our personal needs to meet all other needs. This is a risky path for burn out and disillusionment. 

I wish all of us would be able to do something creative that allows us personal time to be present to ourselves. We are our best friends. In listenings to the movements within, we shall pay attention to the milieu of our heart of joy, anger, disappointment, fear, longings..... It is such an active personal attention which would help us to live fully rather than drag ourselves with a burden weighing on us!

The lawn is a call for measures for our inner upkeep! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)           

Full of grace at Ninety

Rev. A.C.Oommen is a well known interpreter of the vocation of healing and health care  and has influenced our lives immensely at the time when Anna and I were coping with the home call of Anita in 1981, while we were working at CMC, Vellore. It was he, at Anita's funeral service, who made a prophetic remark,'this grief of Anna and M.C will turn to make others joyful'. This prophetic call was one of the signs which led us to start Ashirvad Christian Concern for Child care in 1983. We are now into the  thirtieth year of the mission of Ashirvad.  

Anna and I have had several occasions during the last thirty five years to keep in touch with Rev.Oommen, the last being early this month at a wedding, where he was speaking.

He has crossed ninety years and lives with his daughter at Pune. He recalled our experience of 1981 and encouraged us to continue following the call of God in our lives. 

What is so graceful about him at ninety years? He is even more seeking after God and radiating His love. There is a connection which he establishes with people by remembering the seminal events in their lives. He speaks very little about his health or other age related needs and even deflects direct questions in order to be able to focus on others and their needs. There is a genuine and gentle way of listening and responding. He reposes faith on the person and finds a word of encouragement which meets a need at that particular time. 

During our recent meeting, he mentioned to us that, 'there are many in health care mission who would need encouragement and keep them in our thoughts'. This came as a call and we are still pondering over it.  

'Godliness with contentment' is a virtue of  ageing wisdom, which is what Oommen Achen conveys. His love touches and inspires. There is warmth and affection, which has a charismatic touch. His ability to communicate from the Scripture is even more sound now, because he speaks from an intimacy of fellowship with his Master. He does not just speak, but communicates lovingly. It is evident that this is the fruit of silent communion with God.

What a refreshing experience it was to have been with Rev. Oommen once again!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Assist with consent

It is common to see now-a-days people walking on the street with a white cane. They are people with visual challenges. They can be partially sighted or visually insufficient. 

Usually as a part of self regulated life skill training, visually challenged adults, would be introduced to three levels of preparation. 

At the first level, they would be categorised into  those who were visually challenged from birth and those who have acquired visual loss. Those who were born with visual challenge, if intellectually competent and have hearing abilities would receive life skill training from early days where, mobility, communication and mobility are integrated. Those who acquired visual loss would have had sudden loss or gradual visual loss. Those with sudden loss would need psychological adjustment and counselling to cope with grief. Those who suffer gradual loss would have been already on training for adaptation to life and independent living in a graded fashion.

The second level is to assess the needs for independent living, mobility, work place adjustments, adjust to  learning environment etc. This would be planned according to the capacity of the person to cope with changes and adjustments. Those who are resilient would be introduced to full fledged preparation for independent living. Those who cannot manage independently would receive guides to help them- they can be human guides or canine guides.

The third level would be to adjust to social and community living. They would need assistance to travel, do shopping, move about to live a near normal life. This involves access training and mobility in public places.

The training to use the white cane is therefore a specialised training at an advanced stage of mobility training.  

If you were to see a person in a public place with a white cane, and if you desire to help him, one can do three things.

Draw close to him or her, introduce oneself and describe the location where he or she is. Ask if any help is needed and indicate how much you are able to help. e.g. 'I can help you to cross the road'. It is unwise to offer this help to someone form the opposite gender in our Indian context ordinarily.

The second step is to ask him or her how he or she would like to be helped. Most visually challenged people would want to be guided in a particular way and it is necessary to find and do precisely what he or she suggests. Having done what was requested, state what you have done to let him or her be sure that the request was followed. 

The third is to say 'thank you for trusting me to assist you' before you say good bye. We are only assistants doing what was instructed by the person. 

It is impolite to rush to a person, who is finding his direction with a white cane and without any prelude or permission hold him or her by the hand and lead. It would unsettle them badly. They would lose even their bearing and sense of direction.  

All visually needy people appreciate friendships and not just a mobility guide. We can offer that friendship even to a stranger, by the way we introduce and conduct ourselves.

M.C.Mathew(photo and text)   

Giving and Receiving

I have also wondered about making, giving and receiving gifts more rational. It is an important expression of thoughtfulness in social relationships. However, it is a wastage of resources if the receiver finds no use for the gift.

Let me suggest three practical ways of viewing gifts with pragmatism.

We give gifts to express our appreciation and affirmation of a person. What if you state that in a self made artistic greeting card! The receiver will read and re-read and would be touched by our act of kindness. It is better than telephoning or sending a SMS or a mail. A greeting card especially hand made carries a message of efforts taken to convey the feelings of appreciation or commendation. Even if only a bar of chocolate accompanies the card it becomes a significant gift. The card would get displayed in the bulletin board at home or stay in a prominent place for a long time. A greeting becomes a means for an emotional bonding.

Most people, whom we would want to give gifts are known to us. We would be familiar with their needs and interests. It is therefore easier to find something they would need or use. However it is necessary to avoid expensive gifts as it can make the receiver feel embarrassed. Also, expensive gifts would make the receiver feel obliged and would feel compelled to reciprocate. Then the giving and receiving can become even a competitive activity. This defeats the spirit of love and regard, which should alone be the factor that is behind giving and receiving. After all a gift is only  symbol of the thoughtfulness. So its cost is less important and the thought behind is what stays on to build a relationship.

It is when we make the gift symbols and not objects of our status, we can make gifts more inspirational. Most people would give gifts of value to people in need. I feel moved by some people whom I know would save on an expensive meal or holiday to offer that money saved toward the tuition fees of a child, who would have struggled to continue education. There are many ways of practically helping families individually and collectively. The church we go to now, recently built a house for an extremely needy person from the contributions of the members. Let the gifts be given to those who would need it, to meet a pending and genuine need.

There are occasions when we would love to give a gift, which is a felt need of the other person. At other times the gifts are symbols of our regard and love in which case a greeting card and  something small in kind as a token, is a better way of communicating our feeling. 

Giving and receive is a necessary link between people to build relationships. 

A gift if used to influence or seek favour or put pressure for receiving a consideration would become a bribe.   

Freely we have received, and we are called to give freely. This is how we share love with those who would go deprived otherwise. Find a stranger, to whom we can give a gift that would lessen his or her burden.       

  M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

A resource which is risk prone

I am not a net surfer. I use book for my reference than internet. I have been introduced to the net at the age of forty five years. Anna values net as an an important source and resource. 

The applications of the net in education has become exponential with e-learning and on line coaching  with access to the virtual library. 

I come across many parents who use the mobile phone to entertain infants even from the fourth month, which is when, they are ready to reach out to receive objects or listen to music. With this early introduction to mobile phone to children, for listening to music or play games or access the internet, that children think of it as a toy. I am appalled the way parents normally engage children by giving them  a mobile to substitute it for a toy.

It is this habit which makes children insist on upgrading their play occupation to the computer. Once they are on the computer, they would even learn to crack the child lock by trying several pass words. This gives them a gateway to movies, internet games, and a lot of other sites not so desirable activities which internet offers. 

Children have confessed to me in confidence that their first interest is often the internet and some of them spend almost 10 hours on the week ends unnoticed by parents. They access many sites including  sites which can affect their morals and behaviour.

In one informal survey of 150 pre-school children, I came across a revealing information. They had many CDs and DVDs, but only 20 percent had children's story books in picture sequences. The out door games were pursued only by 32 percent. The number who were into any form of art appreciation was just a few. I found this alarming. 

I wish parents would protect our children lest they go the japanese way!  The addiction of children to internet by the time they reach their tenth birthday is bordering to 40 percent, which is defined as 'a habit which denied would make them nervous, anxious and emotionally devastated making it almost impossible to stay occupied in anything else'. 

Let me suggest that at least till ten years of age, access to any form of internet access has to be restricted to minutes than hours, that too under direct supervision by parents or older responsible siblings. After they reach ten years, they can access only by a contract, between them and the  parents, on the amount of  time they would access it, the sites they would visit and some mutually agreed upon absolutes. 

Childhood would need variety of activities and explorations to enhance and enlarge their potential. The internet can be an obstacle than an advantage in early childhood,

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)                 

Blinking monkey

This is the first time, I was able to capture monkey blink. 

Anna and I were returning from Elagiri after spending three days with Aswathy and Anandit, just before Christmas. We encountered a herd of monkeys in one of the hair pin bends. They were sunbathing on a cold morning. I thought that the one of the monkeys in this photograph had a photogenic face, shining in reddish hue in the sunlight. The other monkey seemed to avoid  the sunlight as its face was turned away. This photograph was taken without the flash light of the camera. That makes the blink all the more special in a photograph. 

I am yet to ask a Vetenary doctor  about the physiology of the blink in a monkey. I am certain that the monkey was not blind as I have other pictures of the same monkey with eyes wide open and carefully walking over the parapet. Of course it looked older and less agile than the others. I wonder whether it was photosensitivity similar to what occurs in humans when they have early cataract changes! Or was it a blink response to anxiety generated by a car suddenly stopping and the window glass lowered with two people staring at the monkey! It could also have been the normal physiological blink which occurs several times in a minute. 

This is one lesson for all photographers. There can be surprise shots, something which we did not look for or anticipate. Ragu Rai, who is an avid and well reputed photographer, has rare collection of photographs of renowned people and events. Commenting about photography, he wrote once, 'the more you shoot the more you gather rare photographs'.

Let me comment photography as a means to explore your environment! There is much one can learn from the experience of recollecting stories surrounding each photograph.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

  

Showing gratefulness

I watched this senior citizen engaged in rolling a leaf held between his hands, sitting in the front portion of a public building which was closed, being a Sunday. For about an hour, I happened to be in that place  listening villagers  who were telling me about their distress in having to travel long distances to fetch water, as  the piped in water is available only once in a week. 

This senior citizen according to them was showing signs of dementia. It is his habit to sit at the same spot every day most of the afternoon doing the same thing every day. Fortunately he has a caring family who takes care of him. The villagers do not think that he is getting any medical attention. He hardly speaks and needs help to look after his daily living needs. He would eat only when made to eat.

One out of ten in a village is ordinarily a senior citizen and this is on the increase to become one in five, in ten years from now. They may get some old age pension or subsidised food if they are from an economically disadvantaged community. Otherwise they are left to fend for themselves and some of them have no family support.

The community Medicine department of CMC Vellore started senior citizen's day care facilities in the Gudiyatam Taluk about five years back to offer recreational, occupational, relational and self development opportunities. As more than half of those who come are people with special needs, they receive help professionally and from each other. The consultant in charge of  this programme  told  me once, that, 'this group is another helpless group in a community'. The senior citizens make paper bags and other handicrafts items to engage themelessves meaningfully. The outcome of this initiative is that there is a decrease in the depressive behaviour among the senior citizens.

There is much volunteerism in health care and  yet senior citizens are not beneficiaries of much help. I wish this will become an area of concern for rural hospitals and faith communities, who have a significant role to show the way!

The 'burden of care' is a social responsibility and but I hope we would not make the senior citizens a burden on us. 

Ever since Anna and I have come to live with my mother, we are made aware of the reduced lives the senior citizens live because of their physical or mental limitations. And yet, this is the opportune time to reciprocate gratefully to their life long service of love by caring for them.   

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)      

Labour of Love

A chore that is demanding for most women is washing the clothes of the household, especially when there is no access to running water or when the water has to be fetched from a far a way water source or when there is a water scarcity. Most women would have to wash about a dozen pieces of clothes on an average every day, for which they spend an hour or more. It is a chore that is exclusively delegated to women in most homes. I have a sense that most women do it voluntarily as an act of supporting the family. This is age old tradition of most homes more so in the rural areas.

Among the several chores women do at home, I presume that this is one of the difficult ones, which consume time and energy. Most women wash by striking the clothes on  a washing stone. It is a physically exhaustive activity.

I was told recently that the texture, finish, colour, durability and the feel of the cloth get damaged by this and most cloth manufacturers do not advice this way of washing.

I am not sure whether it is  a tactic of the manufacturers of washing machine to popularise the sale of the washing machines.

One thing is certain that the washing machines consume lesser water and give more durability to the clothes.

I have a suspicion that this is one chore women do for which she gets least recognition or acknowledgement.  She does this almost daily with no complaint. She would get complemented for cooking good food. Most of us do not think that someone at home washed, dried and ironed our clothes and fail to say 'Thank you'.

A home is made hospitable by consciously appreciating all those who labour to make our life comfortable.  It is by noticing what others do to us in our family, we enhance their self esteem and reward them to experience fulfilment.  

M.C.Mathew. 

  

Fruits in and out of season

I am not sure if I like Mango or jack fruit better. Both fruits are easily available in most parts of the country during the season. There are even fruit festivals organised in urban areas to promote these two fruits. Apart from consuming them fresh when ripe, both these fruits can be used before ripening and after in several ways, which are extremely popular.   

One interesting thing about both these fruits is that both supplement calories to those who are on a subsistence level. During my childhood days, both these fruits hardly costed anything. One dozen mango was sold for two rupees and one full jack fruit for one rupee. Now one dozen mango would cost about 200 and one jack fruit about 75 rupees which make these fruits in accessible to people from low socio-economic background, depriving them of the caloric advantages these fruits provided. 

I was listening to a debate today on food access to the economically disadvantaged. The impression that I gathered was that food security is an idea than a reality today.  I heard a statistics that 21 percent under five children and 35 percent of senior citizens are malnourished in India today. Against this about 12 percent children and 27 percent adults are obesity prone. This is frightening. We are faced with extremes. 

One thing that struck me about this jack fruit tree in the photo is that it has four generations of fruit in it. This means that this tree would give fruits for about nine months. This is a new phenomenon due to climate changes taking place in the environment. Instead of the well defined four climatic conditions in one year, we have in between times which adversely affect the trees. But the trees respond by bearing fruits.

A fruit bearing tree is no more occupying the land space during the non-season. It is adapting to the climate changes favourably.

This is a metaphor for humans. When there are changes or stresses, do we become more productive or  effective? It is justifiable to surrender to the circumstances. but it is sign of the overcoming spirit when we remain as a ray of hope in difficult circumstances and become path finders for others.

M.C.Mathew( text and photo) 

Educating children is a calling

Some of the oldest schools in India were started by men and women who came to India with a mission to give themselves to children  for a formative education.

This school in the picture was established by the Church Missionary Society, an organization which was born in London and had its head quarters at Waterloo Road for several years.  Every time I visited  this building, where the offices of the Christian Medical Fellowship and Inter-Health also were located, I got a glimpse of the pioneering story of this organisation, which spread its wings to Africa, India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Burma, etc.

Rev. Michael Nasir Ali was its general secretary when I first visited its office in 198, who subsequently became a Bishop of Church of England and visited us in 2007,when we were still at CMC Vellore. It was during several meetings with him over the years, I got a glimpse of his passion 'education as formation', which he ardently advocated during his tenure as Bishop. This missionary vocation of hundreds of men and women for about two centuries  was pivotal in creating educational opportunities for 'natives' in these countries during the 'colonial' era.

The above school which we visited, is located in a spacious campus with a church in its campus. This school was the centre of educational activities in this town. It was the first in this region to offer 'English' education that opened up the opportunities for many to seek higher education. The central Travancore, as it was known in those days had some schools and colleges of repute, thanks to the men and women who came from England to offer leadership to establish and oversee these institutions.

Our school education in those days was soundly rooted in a value base approach and was designed for a formative influence on children. It became the means of social transformation in our society.

This raises the question, 'is education a formative experience for our children today'?

In a meeting yesterday, I heard teachers ask an alarming question,' where are we headed in our education? Many students end up with no sound character at all'.  Teachers only lecture on their subjects and are not role models now-a-days. If students have no formative experience, teachers, let me suggest that we owe an apology and revise our life style!  

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

     

Attend to a child

I was fascinated the way children interact with adults in a social setting of a marriage, which Anna and I too attended. 

There were adults who were fully focussed on relating to their friends and children were hanging around or playing among themselves.

There were other adults who paused to listen to children, hear their stories and found pleasure to relate to and engage in their interests. Children guided their conversation. There were exchanges which children were welcome to initiate and guide The adults adapted their conversations to include children and their world of happenings. I noticed some children going to familiar adults whom they knew would respond to them comfortably.

This was an interesting scene for me as I believe that children would never be an 'interruption' in the gatherings of adults, if they are welcomed to participate. They would lighten the conversations with their  laughter and fun, which would add to make the experience socially uplifting.

The challenge for adults, in social gatherings, when children are present, is to refrain from making every conversation professional or business linked. There is a tendency to have a children's corner, where they play on their own and the adults continue their interaction with adults. 

There is wisdom in making social occasions as family times. Let children be welcomed to participate in social occasions so that family ties are established between families inclusive of children. There are families who organize neighbourhood family gatherings. This was common in one medical college campus  where Anna and I lived for some years.  

We are challenged by the addictive tendencies of children to watch TV, play games in the computer, surf the internet, etc. Most of these habits have an origin in the practice adults introduce to distract children, while adults are busy pursuing their conversations and do not want children to be present. So children too get interested in adult gatherings because they then would have unsupervised time on the net or watch movies that parents would not normally let them do at home. This is the way some children get indulgent which would affect their moral fabric.

Make children the focus of our attention at all occasions, when they are growing up. Let family life is designed to foster children's aspirations. When adults do this consciously we invest on children to imbibe sound conduct and character.

Who is talking about conduct and character in the whole debate of safety for women in public places! Women insist on their  rights of freedom and gender equality. While they are important, the seminal issue is 'how to instil values that would allow children to grow up to be men and women of sound conduct and character'!  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

   

A differing opinion is a resource

The faint shadow the two lights cast on the wall was not visible to my sight, but the photograph picked it up.

There are many things we miss seeing because it is apparently insignificant or not striking. Even with the best of our alertness or sense of presence, we are likely to perceive some things incompletely or tangentially.

And yet, we seem to be assertive of our perceptions and rigid with our position often times. This is evident in the realms of politics, economics, education, technology, etc. 

One of the disturbing phenomena we notice in the editorials of the news papers, national media and political speeches of our leaders is the one sidedness with which they communicate. The statesmanship which we need in a divided polity with tensions in our neighbourhood is almost missing. 

In the life of our organizations or institutions, we need others to show us what we have missed to see and appreciate. And yet, I suspect that some who share their insights, in a contradicting manner to the views of the majority are subdued, ignored or frowned upon. 

Let me suggest that those who perceive deeply and sense holistically can be a grace in a community. Jesus of Nazareth saw what others failed to see. The parable of the Good Samaritan was spoken by Jesus to help the people of that time to see what they had failed to see. And yet instead of a complement, he received a cross. 

A child of nine years who came to visit me helped me to see this. He noticed two fish that lay dead in the aquarium. Just before he had come in to the room, I had watched the fish in the aquarium for about a minute and had not noticed it.  A couple of minutes later, this boy who is fond of ornamental fish went straight to the aquarium and drew my attention to the dead fish. He told me that live fish may hover around a dead fish. It is this which drew his attention to the dead fish. He knew far more than me though I have had an aquarium in my room for about thirty years now. 

We promote learning and growing, when we acknowledge the wisdom and insights of others, even if it appears to question our position or views.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Burdened Mothers

I have across many mothers who recently spoke openly about their distressing experiences of having to accept responsibility for their home single handedly.

Their husbands return home tired and plunge into viewing TV. Some come back home drunk to push the panic button of quarrel, abuse and violence. Some disappear behind their desk to continue their job on the computer or telephoning or entertaining business visitors. There are some who demand to be taken care of while the wife is struggling to complete cooking, attend to the home work of the children and    get the clothes ironed and school bags ready for the next day. Some mothers have the responsibility of having to take care of the elderly parents, which consume time. There are families where the father is travelling even up to 20 days in a month, on account of work, leaving the mother responsible to hold the domestic front intact. I have come across less than 25 percent of families in the last four months talking about their home front with ease and comfort.

What has disturbed me most is when husbands are normally absent from home and come home once or twice a year for a few days and try reestablishing the 'control', which makes it almost intimidating for the mother. He would insist on another routine for children often indulging into fulfilling all their fancies to compensate for his prolonged absence, violating the norms and values the mother was trying to establish for children. A father bought a play station and a home theatre for the teenage children, without consulting the mother, which ended up in a quarrel that could not be resolved even after the father left after the holidays.

Mothers, who now-a-days choose to work outside the home for emotional or financial reasons are burdened and I suspect that they are silently 'bearing' the burdens due to their self giving instinct. 

I wish husbands and fathers consider to revise their role and function at home! What if husbands take the responsibility to wash up after dinner, help in making breakfast, getting children ready to school, iron clothes for the family, dedicate at least three days in a week to be present at home to participate in family chores and activities to enhance bonding and intimacy! With the domestic help not available to many homes, men have a larger responsibility for house keeping. A big thank you and a hug to his wife  is the least that a husband should offer every day, before going to bed! 

Women are more tired, anaemic, erratic in eating and resting and sleep lesser hours than men. Men ought to be more involved in family life by their presence and participation!

I wish husbands and children can celebrate once a month a 'Mother's evening' at home by waiting on her in  a special way so that she feels elated with acts of kindness lavished on her, by every member of the family!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Travelling for friendship sake

There are some events and experiences, which stay in our minds as seminal events or turning points. Let me share one of them.

I met Rev. Graham Nichols in Adelaide when I went to attend the Friends of Vellore meeting on behalf of the Christian Medical College, Vellore in 2002. Graham began his professional journey as a porter in  a hospital at the age of thirty years after a successful innings as a foot baller representing his state and an actor in a popular theatre group. It was during his time in the hospital he felt called for theological training and moved on to become an effective pastor. While being a vicar at Adelaide, he came across faculty from CMC Vellore, who were on sabbatical leave in Australia working at the local hospitals. He developed a special friendship with some of them and felt drawn by the story of CMC.

When he retired from his pastorate, he came to CMC Vellore on the invitation of the Director, who was his former parish member, to help in the Chaplaincy services, particularly in mentoring  the faculty. He came successively for four summers spending each time about six months. During his time, he brought much encouragement to the Chaplains and the faculty. The students and post graduates were fond of him for his friendly approach in difficult situations.

One of the special contributions he made was to pastor patients coming to the haematology department. He became friendly with some of them and parents who lost their children due to chronic illnesses. Having developed a net work of friends in different parts of India, he decided to return to india one more time to visit these friends.

This visit to our home at PIMS, Pondicherry was on that  occasion. Graham mentioned that, ' coming back to meet with a few friends was his missionary vocation'.

Anna and I had  benefited from the friendship of another family,  Frank and Val Garlick , who returned from Australia to visit some of his friends in India, after their departure in 1976. They continued coming to India almost every two years till 2002 to keep in touch with some of us. Later at the occasion of the marriages of Arpit and Anandit, some friends made exclusive trips to be with us from three continents.

Anna and I feel humbled at the thoughtfulness, we have witnessed in such acts of kindness.

We currently wonder whether, travelling to meet with friends to present them the gift of our presence, is a 'missionary vocation' we are called to consider!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)