Anna and I were in a shopping mall, the other day.
While we were in the grocery section, I watched a child, around three years of age, picking up chocolate bars, one each, in her hands from the display shelf. Her mother allowed her to have one and placed the other back into the shelf. The girl returned to the shelf, to pick up two more, while her mother was busy doing her shopping.
She opened one and started eating it, while holding two others in her hand. Her mother was furious when she noticed this and grabbed the two unopened ones from her hand and placed them back in the shelf. The girl returned to the shelf to fetch one more. At the cash desk, knowing that her mother was occupied with paying the bill and packing her bag with the purchase, the girl ran back to get a packet of chips and held it behind her back. It was bordering to shop lifting.
As the mother was leaving the cash counter, this girl kept keeping her hand behind to hide the chips and the unopened chocolate bar. Although mother was furious, she gave in probably to avoid an embarrassment as some were watching this drama.
The girl got what she wanted, although, I felt that the mother was exasperated at the end of this.
What did not happen all through this difficult scene was any conversation or reasoning or bargaining or contract between the child and the mother. The mother insisted on compliance and the girl got away with what she wanted. I suppose both were losers in one sense. The mother lost to the manipulative skill of her daughter and the child lost sympathy from her mother.
What can parents do when a child is subtle and non-compliant! I wish the mother had stopped for a while to pay attention to her daughter and arrive at a consensus!
Let me suggest that it is when parents do not offer enough time to their younger children, they resort to manipulate and control.
Take time to know your child and his or her needs. That is how we contribute to their formation.
M.C.Mathew(text)
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