Thirty years ago!

The above book, narrating the story of ASHIRVAD and its Child Development Centre from 1983 to 1995 was written by Katharine Makower, by spending a month with us by interviewing parents, professionals and referring doctors. The book is in circulation even now.

It is now thirty years since that occasion. Katharine a well known author of other books on historical events, happened to know about us while doing research for another book. Having visited us at that time and she felt interested in the activities of ASHIRVAD.  She offered to write the above book as her contribution to make known its calling and ethos. Katharine and Peter Makower have been since then, friends and hosts to us while visiting London. Katharine subsequently summarised the story of ASHIRVAD from 1997 after we relocated to start the Developmental Paediatrics Unit at the Christian Medical College in 1997. 

The above two photographs of that occasion, thirty years ago, bring back many happy memories. 

Dr Rachel Chacko who is in the photo, handing over a farewell gift to Katharine, was a friend who made it a habit to visit us regularly from 1987, since the Child Development Centre was located in Anna Nagar in Chennai. Dr Chacko brought considerable encouragement in those initial years when professionals were still unfamiliar with the purpose and service of a stand alone Child Development centre.  

The photograph of the team of support staff and professionals at the Child Development centre with Dr Chacko and Katharine in the veranda of the Child Development Centre, reminds Anna and me of all the good experiences which grounded us in our further engagement in child development and rehabilitation since then. 

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The above photo from our garden is a token of our regards and appreciation that we offer to all those in the photos above, who touched our lives and affirmed us to continue in this path professionally!

  

Some memories are lasting and become dearer as time moves on! Anna and I love cherishing the occasion above and all the associations that we have had with all of them! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Knowing your child -

The above photos taken after the rain fall show the laves and flowers in this plant carrying an ornamental look with water drops covering them. It is such mystical sights that would move a composer or a poet into a song or a poem.

The photos of the same plant at dawn, following a dry night show another appearance of leaves and flowers. They are smeared with the dew of the night. The leaves and flowers convey a different mood. 

The same plant on two different situations!

The appearance of leaves, flowers and fruits is formed by what they receive from the atmosphere around it. 

A plant and its leaves, flowers and fruits appear differently following a rain fall and the dew of the night. 

The variability in the ambience of home where children grow up would have an impact on their formative process. 

We get an impression of the formative process of a child in mid childhood through his or her behaviour, communicative style, and relational style. A child expresses what he or she has internalised. If the ambience was rich with indications of acceptance, fondness, intimacy, regard, and honourable nurturing practices, a child often feels secure and comfortable. Such children create fraternal attitude towards other children and adults. 

The becoming process of a child  is what needs attention as we live in an environment of multiple influences upon our children. 

I recall a conversation time around the dining table in a home, where two children, one seven and the other nine, were narrating the cultural festival that was going on in there school. The whole dinner time was spent in conversation with what children initiated about their experiences or observations. I felt fascinated by the listening intent and interest of the parents. I found out that the dinner time is usually a conversation time initiated by children. The openness and freedom with which children share their thoughts, experiences or feelings conveyed a message of attentive parenting. 

I thought both parents were naturally tuned to listen and be appreciate what children conveyed. I remember the parents mentioning that some friends from the school visit the children at home during the week end. The parents felt glad to welcome them and organise some group activities which children enjoy during such times. That home was child friendly and child centred. Both children shared a corner in the home where they had their study desks, cupboards and a wide variety of collections of children's books, toys, art materials and display boards with their drawings and collections of pictures of family events of birthdays and picnics.   

The ambience of the home and attentive parenting contributed to a wholesome experience of children growing up wanted, valued, affirmed and loved. 

What was significant in the life of that family was that parents existed in the world of children and made every effort to find connection and communication to foster wellness and acceptance of children! 

The leaves, flowers and fruits in the plant in our garden had an ornamental look with rain and dew. The ambience around provided that added colourfulness and radiance. 

Are children clothed with attentive parenting!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Mid life of a family !

 

The three rose flowers convey three different messages as they face the  incessant rain in our garden. 

The first one is drooping, the second rose looks drenched and the third rose appears bright and colourful with only few water drops on the petals!

I come across similar experiences, which families face while negotiating difficult circumstances. 

There are families who feel down cast and heavy of heart finding it hard to face the daily demands on them. They appear bereft as loneliness and helplessness grip them and cloud the perception of possibilities ahead. 

A second group of families are those who endure the adverse situations although feel drained of energy of enthusiasm sometimes. They hold on believing that 'even this would pass away'! They have a future in sight and look forward to better times. 

A third set of families are those who stay protected and steadfast and walk through the adverse situations with hope as they carry the lessons of resilience they learned from the past experiences. 

It was while listening to a family a few days ago, I was drawn by the convergence of circumstances that disturb the stability and steadfastness in life.  

Normally mid life is a time of transitions and challenges for most families. That is a time several changes happen concurrently. The work place environment can become demanding; children are in pre-teen years or are in teenage years needing stability and direction for career path; marital relationship can become stale and distant; economic stress can be unsettling or adults can face early onset of life style related diseases. 

I noticed that the buds remain protected in rain. As soon as the buds open they look fresh. It is on the second or third day the flowers droop or appear drenched. 

That is the mid life season of the flowers, considering that a rose flower remains open for about five to seven days. 

The mid life from early forties to sixties, spreading over about 25 years is the season of mid life, when the 'convergence of disadvantages'  can come upon families. 

It is during that time, adult life companionship can be an essential support system, that families would need. 

Anna and I worshipped in a church for ten years in our mid life where an adult meeting took place after the regular worship service, which the presbyter of the church conducted with considerable understanding. He would visit the homes of families that he thought were in stressful situations during the week. He was like a 'cover' over them to stay anchored in hope and peace. 

I want to suggest that if an organisation or institution or any congregation of people want to offer mindful support to families, it is worth focusing on families in mid life. 

I wonder whether there would be lot more attention to prepare families  for mid-life transitions and accompany families during that season to feel enabled! 

The defining and transforming support Anna and I received from friends and companions was during our early mid life when we felt swayed by the 'burdens' that came upon us. They were generous, mindful and enabling to make the transition comfortable. 

The family life support programme ought to be a cardinal component of organisations or institutions! It is not just 'management of human resources with protocols and practices of 360 degree appraisals. It ought to be family specific responses to spoken and unspoken needs. 

The honourable Supreme Court of India proposed recently that institutions where more than 100 children study, there ought to be a counsellor or social worker to oversee the emotional wellness of the children. 

How insightful is that proposal! Is it not applicable to adults in mid life!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)