The quiet corner!

I noticed this bird in quiet composure in a safe place perched safely! Its body movements during this time alerted me about the way birds rest and plan the next flight movement!

The avians are conditioned by their instinct, while they study the air current, presence of other birds, and the weather before they plan the next move!

The pauses they take are critical and defining occasions for their flight readiness. 

I felt challenged by this sight. 

Although I have tried practicing taking pauses during the in between times to listen inwardly, I have often been drowned by the call of the next event. It is a rhythm which helps in making us more present to the situation by increasing the consciousness of people and their behaviour. The tendency is to be responsive to the situation, but it is more healthy to create opportunities in such situations to bring direction and purpose. 

I listened to a conversation about the way children are welcomed each day at one school. The two teachers are ready at the welcome area when children arrive and make the morning occasion most pleasant and cordial for children. 

The teachers take time to be at school early enough to make time to think about each child in the class. They orient towards each child during this time of pause and reflection. 

The times of pause give us an occasion to go beyond the present and return to an inward consciousness of the whole. We hold details within ourselves impartially, thoughtfully and altruistically. It is by returning to that orientation, we make the next transaction more self giving!

The in between times of pause is one way of learning to live from within!

Such people are less angry prone and more accommodative of people and situations!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A bird's way of taking and giving!

I found three parakeets during an afternoon walk, well sheltered from the heat of the afternoon. They were perched above a fruit tree. One of the parakeets was giving away its bird call repeatedly, and I noticed other birds flying towards the tree. 

I noticed one of them feeding the fruit and then returned to be perched on the trunk of the adjacent tree. Stayed to watch the look and movements of this parakeet. It looked straight into the camera that I could take several photographs of its alert, elegant and communicative look. 

I noticed it even having a short nap (the last photo)!

Three behaviours drew my attention. 

The Parakeets called out to other birds having found fruits in the tree. 

One who was the first to feed from the fruits had its share and flew away. It was giving away its space to other birds. 

It appeared content even to take a nap! It had a good sene of what it needed and having found what it needed was mindful of others. 

Some birds are greedy that they would restrain other birds coming to share in the meal. I have noticed it with Crows and Barbets. 

Whether to have more or to choose to be content with just enough is a dilemma that I find universal among humans. 

I noticed a watchmen take a portion of food from his plate to a container during supper time and eat the rest. I knew that he was the security guard at the main entrance to the college campus. Later in the evening, as I was getting out of the campus, I noticed this watchman handing over the food container to an old person, looking unwell. The next day, when the I met him, I enquired about what he did in sharing his meal with someone else. Then he told me the story of this older person with advanced cancer, who lived alone in a close by lane. He had none to look after him. It is a group of security men who provide him three meals every day. They have been dong it for a few months now. On the days he does not come to collect his portion, one of the security men would reach the food to his home!

The parakeets behaved kindly towards other birds. The security men were alike in their behaviour!

To possess less is an unlikely way choice for most of us. To have just enough is also not a choice that most of us make. To have more is the natural inclination. 

The restful sleep of contentment after having had its portion and sharing the rest with other birds, is what I observed in the parakeet. It is a call for myself that I receive from this experience! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

 

Bereft of leaves and fruits!

I have had some stories from some friends, who go through a season of dryness, and feel that their life is bereft of meaning, value or significance. 

When I look at the picture of a tree in winter, without leaves or fruits, I remember the recent conversation I have had with some of them. 

In places where there are four seasons, the winter months make trees look bare, but they come alive at the beginning of the spring with leaves and blossoms. 

The 'desert' experience, that some of us go through might be similar to the experience of trees in the winter months.  

What might be this desert experience! When we feel low because of a disappointment or misunderstanding or sense of failure, or unreasonable demands and expectations or opposition or rejection, some of us feel cornered or helpless. That is the beginning of slipping into self doubt or feeling overcome by anxiety, unless is able to see it just a season which is transient.! 

Usually on such occasions we are challenged emotionally and intuitively!

Such times ought to lead us to to be silent and vigilant. 

It is when we protect ourselves from being impulsive and reactive, the season of an apparent helplessness or a desert experience can bring a new orientation to act wisely and redemptievly.  

A friend told me how he did not get his promotion on time as the two research work he did were published by his head of the department making him as the fourth author, which did not qualify him to be considered for the promotion. He went through a desert experience as he was made to go through that experience much against his legitimate claim to be first or second or at least the third author, as he did the work and prepared the paper for publication. 

To the surprise of all, a grant he applied for a research work came through at that time. He was able to publish four papers through that work, two of which in reputed journals. He received the promotion with retrospective effect including the enhanced salary due to him, from the time he was eligible to be promoted. This person became the secretary of the institutional research committee in the institution. During his term of office he formulated, a section in the initial research application, which would list the name of the authors in the order, they are involved in the research, ending the high handedness of the seniors in the department by denying the person who was eligible to be the first or second author. His 'desert experience' of waiting for the promotion for three years, made him thoughtful towards others and put in place a system that would protect younger professionals from being denied their right. 

Each of us going through an apparently 'dry' spell in our lives contrary to what we would have hoped for ourselves, need to recognise the value of desert experience as seminal and transformative! Do not look at it as a barren season, but but as a season of 'creative denial', a prelude to something that would have greater meaning!

Many followers of Jesus of Nazareth go through this season of 'lent' to get ready for the Holy Week, when we take time to remember the last events in the life of Jesus leading his crucifixion and subsequent resurrection. 

The story of the trial and crucifixion stands out as a most unreasonable event in history. Yet it was through that 'self-giving', by Jesus of Nazareth, He restored the way for human kind to find God and His grace of presence in our troubled lives! Through that agonising experience of suffering and humiliation, Jesus opened the door towards peace and hope! He endured a desert experience because he had a vision of what was to follow!

No desert experience is an end in itself, but only a means to take us further into a larger purpose of meaning for ourselves and others!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

During an afternoon walk!

During the first day of our holiday, Anna and I took a walk along the street, close by to where we stay! Some sights told a story of the evolution of what we have seen. 

This suburb of the city is a residential area since the mid nineteen sixties, which meant that the wet lands and marshy areas where the Ibis used to have their habitat no more exist. So they can be found in the streets searching for their food. They eat from the ground and even invade the trash bins, spreading the waste in the ground. They are getting used to life in the street having been displaced ! The pedestrians or traffic on the road do not disturb them. 

The Parakeets feed on the fruits on the trees and make their presence known through the cacaphony they make when there are many on a tree. We watched their meal time because they through their bird calls gathered a family of them on the tree. The two parakeets remembered to share the good news of finding food to other birds. 

A noisy Mina finding its food on the street was another interesting sight. A child while snacking on the way back after school, dropped a bun on the pedestrian path. The Mina perched on a shrub above, noticed it and flew towards it in no time. Till another child playfully chased it away, it fed on it relishingly! It looks like that birds are watchful when children return home from school!

The trees on both sides have blossoms although it is not the season of the year that one would expect trees in bloom. The climate change has blurred the four seasons. How refreshing it is to watch birds and flowers while on a walk! 

While the above sights told their story through their quiet presence, the last picture of an empty can placed in the gap between two stems a of tree reminded us that some people do not behave with a civic sense. A trash bin was only a feet away!

What then is the summary of a walk!

The streets are almost like an extension of the yard in front and back of houses, which speak of he high civic sense of the people, who live on either side of the street. They take responsibility to keep the pedestrian path and green path in front of their homes well kept. 

What a sense of collective responsibility people have towards a public place!

I am reminded of some efforts people take to create greater civic sene in the place we normally live! The awareness about the responsibility towards the environment is on the increase, although we have long strides ahead of us!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A lesson from nature!

I have been following the evolution of the cashew nuts in our garden for the last six weeks. All the tender cashews were exposed to red ants, which fed by sucking on the sap! I felt concerned by this invasion of the ants. I refrained from using insecticides and waited to see what were to follow. 

I have noticed that the many cashew nuts could survive the invasion as shown in the following photographs. The survival instinct and endowed adaptability protected the nuts from being damaged.  

But the story of the following nuts is unfortunate. Even before they could develop they were harmed by the ants by stunting their development. Some of them look shrivelled and damaged. They succumbed to the damage to the pulp caused by the ants.  

Having been involved in Child Development specialty, by welcoming children who are developmentally challenged, I carry a concern about the foetal wellness during pregnancy. The  obstetric service and perinatal medicine have advanced to a commendable level of service that both mother and foetus receive considerable attention in most instances. 

Let me comment on three concerns. 

First, having found hundreds of infants and toddlers deficient in Vitamin D levels in blood with most of them showing signs of prominence of coronal sutures on the scalp, I wondered whether we pay enough attention to the maternal vitamin D status. The breast milk is supposed to be sufficient in vitamin D and is therefore a dependable source for infants as long as they are breast fed. Why is that even infants who are breast fed are deficient in vitamin D! Is it not because of the maternal deficiency of vitamin D! Why is that estimation of maternal vitamin D level is not part of the antenatal screening along with screening for all other parameters of wellness! If an expectant mother is deficient in vitamin in D, the foetus is at risk in several ways, bone formation, neuronogenesis, endocrine functions, etc!

Second, why is that women do not take Folic acid six months ahead of their conception! The outcome of foetal wellness might be better if women take Folic acid prophylactically for six months before conceiving!

Third, I feel alarmed that almost all the under five cards which parents bring with them have only the record of weight and not head size and height! The road to health charts which are in those charts are not filled to get a sense of the velocity of growth to take preventive steps if the growth trajectory is impaired!

At my work place, we have made an effort to respond to these issues. My colleagues and I have had opportunities to discuss these issues with professionals and parents to create an awareness about monitoring the vitamin D levels of pregnant and lactating mothers and to encourage women preparing for pregnancy to take folic acid supplementation. 

With regard to the developmental follow up of infants and toddlers, we published the following booklet for the use of parents. 

With a video link to this publication, parents can take the weight, height, mid arm circumference and head size measurements of children on their own. Instead of giving away that responsibility to professionals, this booklet enables parents to take charge of the developmental follow up of their infants and toddlers and get in touch with professionals with data of this booklet for conversation about the development of their child. Apart from these essentials, we have given attention to monitor the sleep, feeding pattern, play pattern and interactive environment at home in this booklet. We proposed to parents to create a child's corner at home and  offered video links to observe the process and outcome of play and activities that can be done at the child's corner. 

I feel that the theme that needs a lot of attention is wellness of a foetus! I wish married couples would consider how they can take every step to promote wellness of woman before and during  pregnancy, and after child birth that foetus and the new born receive protection for optimum development. 

The ants invade the cashew nuts and some of them got damaged. 

Let the message of foetal protection be a dominant consideration for parents and professionals. 

This year is the 40th anniversary of ASHIRVAD, a child development initiate, which has been involved in 'taking sides' of children!

Now at ASHIRVAD, we want to be inclusive of 'taking sides' of women preparing for pregnancy to ensure their wellness and that of their unborn baby!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Presence and giving!

The Ixora plant in our front garden has this blossom for a month now, bringing a colourful look inspite of  high day time temperature! It gives it nectar to the bees and butterflies. 

Its quiet presence is what strikes me each day. It seeks no attention. It draws its moisture from the lawn adjacent to it. Even when we forget to water it, it is giving!

For some reason 'giving' has been a prime theme in my thoughts in the recent weeks.  

To be able to go beyond oneself to think of others is a call that comes to me every day! The immediate context for me is to make conversation time that I had with families of children with developmental needs is the focus of my attention and thought. At the end of the day at 7.30 pm after being in touch with twenty families through the on line contact, I asked myself, 'how much I have made others feel that they are focus of my attention'! To listen to receive and give my full attention! 

Giving time and attention is the beginning of being relational!

To so give that you meet the unspoken needs of others is a calling!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The in between time!

All of us live in our in between time between our birth and final departure! In that in between time, who we are we to others is what defines the mission of our life. This Lily is fading away after it has lived its full life for a week or so. Its life brought richness to the garden and fed the bees and insects with its nectar. Its presence was for others. 

The news of the disqualification of Mr Rahul Gandhi from being a member of Parliament came yesterday. He having been convicted of a defaming remark against some people, was sentenced for imprisonment for two years. This disqualifies him from being a member of the parliament. 

I remember meeting Rahul Gandhi in 2009, at the Christian Medical College, Vellore when he came to address these students as part of his journey to find the aspirations of young people. In a minute of conversation with him, while greeting him, I asked him, 'what do you see as his future in politics in India'! His response was, 'learn from others and find ways of helping others in need'. I feel he pursued that mission actively. The recent Bharat Jodo Yatra from Kanyakumari to Kashmir was an expression of that aspiration. 

He is now caught in a trap for his impulsive statements. All politicians bowl 'no ball' in the thick of their political life. Most people express regret and apologise when made aware that their words had hurt others. I wish Rahul also had done enough to avoid using language that could be seen as defamatory!

The political climate in India is one of hostility towards the family of Rahul Gandhi. From the Prime Minister onwards, many in the party that he represents use opportunity to have a dig at him, his mother, sister, his late father, grandmother, and Pandit Jawahar Nehru.  

When one lives in such a hostile climate, where the ruling party has great control on the affairs in public life and discourse, one has a reduced space for expression and service. 

The Lily flowered at a time when the day temperature is above 38 degree celsius. Although it is watered, its life is shortened during the summer months. The flowers live longer during the winter months. 

The environment around us in one sense influences our wellness and determines the way we function. I work in a place where I feel overwhelming difficulties. To overcome difficulties one needs inner composure and steadfastness. One cannot crumble or turn aggressive or wanting to be outspoken ! It is in an adverse circumstance one is tested for inner fortitude and gracious attitude even towards those who cause some unsettlement!

A plant that flowers reveals its character of giving! 

Giving is to bring a gift of love, regard or help! Giving cannot include hurting, shaming, accusing or defaming!

Giving is to upbuild. 

I admire Rahul Gandhi for his unquestionable clarity about democracy, social justice, mindfulness for the disadvantaged in society!  I feel for him when he is faced with a crisis in his political career. The language of sarcasm that many TV anchors use at this  time when he is vulnerable, make me feel that they too are less than being thoughtful! I find the political leaders of the ruling party celebrate this 'punishment'. 

When I see these attempts to make the wound more painful, I realise that we live in a technological world where humans have also developed the machine mindset where we live without feelings. The pain of our enemies is also an experience, in which we can participate by mindfulness. The wrongs we do bring us disrepute. The indifference we show to others who suffer lawfully or unlawfully is a sign of loss of our humane generosity!

Let me wish Rahul Gandhi the overcoming instinct to guide him through this difficult time. He overcame his nagging knee injury when he walked 4000 kilometres during the Bharat Jodo Yatra ! 

It is his time of preparation to return to public life with a charm that endears him to people of India! Our words when they are sober and be like dew in the listener's ears, we have become thoughtful to care and heal!

Let it happen through what Rahul would do in the future!

M.C.Mathew

The gift of a Look !

It was when I noticed this gift of a look of a Magpie Robin, perched in the custard apple tree at sunrise, in our front garden, I felt intrigued by the richness of an emotional message in a beholding look!

Later in the day, I watched the photo below of Drs Frank and Val Garlick along with Mike and Sue and felt touched by the gift of their look!

Frank is no more with us, but the memory of his beholding look is lasting. He looked to see, receive, affirm and communicate. Val, Mike and Sue whom we hope to visit shortly are friends who have often touched our lives with kindness and warmth. 

 While we look, we see and gain something for ourselves.

What do we communicate to others through our look!

Others might look at us through the emotion of their anxiety, anticipation, stress, disappointment or fear. It is common for others to be under the influence of their inner feelings which get expressed in their look. Some avoid looking and others do not have an engaging message in their look, when they are weighed down within. 

The people around us live and behave, arising out of the impact of the world within their inner self. 

It is to such people around that we can convey gently, warmth, regards, acceptance, and an awakening of hope!

I happened to be stopped by a resident yesterday in the corridor who spoke about the decision to choose a specialty for further training. As I listened to the experiences of residency, I felt the weighing thoughts behind her words. It was then I remembered the gift of look, that I pondered upon in the morning! It was then I felt that my listening presence and receiving look can be my gift of understanding and consolation. 

A look is all that we can gift to others. Even a fleeting look can be hope generating! If we can grow in the habit of receiving others by our inviting and comforting look, then we are silent path finders to others.

I have had surprises of such experiences recently. While going to give the hospital charts at the Medical records department at the end of the consultation around 8 pm, a domestic staff looked at me with smiling face and gracious words of appreciation. My tiredness and gloom vanished as in that look, I received encouragement and goodwill. That generated a sense of wellness within. 

We might meet others in their lonely moments. Our gift of look can transport a person from the woes of aloneness to an experience of belonging!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The ageing flowers!

A parent who visited to converse about his son, who is in the pre-school, but developmentally challenged, mentioned about the need to expand the service of the department where I work by adding 'therapy' services similar to what is offered by other child development support services. It was with those thoughts I came to the car park in the evening to go home. 

I was struck by the flowers of Euphorbia mili plant in the car park. From bright pink to fading shades with a greenish tinge was the range of colours I noticed in the flowers. The last stage of the flower is what I noticed in the last photo with the petals looking and feeling fragile almost ready to fall off!

When I noticed the the last stage of the Euphorbia mili flower, I was reminded of what I heard from someone who knew me well, 'Your golden years are over. It is time to prepare for retirement...there are others who will carry on with the work'! In fact since then, it is going to be three years. I am still at work, going home on some days past nine at night!

It is the first photo above which captivated me most. The two shades in the two bunches of flowers! 

That awakened within me an awareness of the difference between the two bunches in appearance. 

The sign of ageing process! 

There is a compulsion in the mind of senior citizens to think that ageing is in the mind, as they too want to appear young and able. 

But something changes as we age! 

The senior citizens ought to ask this question to themselves! What are the changes taking place in their body, mind and spirit!

I feel that a significant change within me is the fading value for titles in life. What makes a person important is the position that he or she holds or the projection of the significance of what he or she  does.

Ever since I stepped back from the normal circuit that a senior professional would be part of, travelling to speak or attend conferences or  holding positions in the professional bodies, I have been in the role of doing the little I can do for the last ten years. When one withdraws from the arena of visible action, one fades away from the memory of others. The senior citizens feel this loss and stay wondering whether his or her significance has faded away. 

From the metaphor of the flowers above, some things have changed in life, just as the flowers go through the stage of ageing. The flowers have a new colour, different from the fresh colour! The greenish tinge they acquire gives away a message. They receive the new colour, which connects with the universal colour of green seen in the foliage of plants, shrubs and trees. These flowers become more integrated with life in nature!

A senior citizen lives the ageing years well, if he or she can integrate better with what is around and see himself or herself as one equal with others and not as one distinguished from others! The craze to be distinguished is a rat race. To be one among others is a normalising process in life. We are those who came into the world holding nothing in our hands and shall return holding nothing in our hands. The ageing process is the time to live by letting go!

To the question, 'will you not expand your work', my response is that the time has come to be on a journey to live normally and not for distinguishing oneself!

To be ready for transitions is the way we are to live when we age!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)