Anna and I recall November 14, 1982, when after a year of waiting, we felt ready to embark on a journey to look for greater meaning in the practice of medicine.
It was when I noticed the three white wagtail birds beside a pool of water beyond our garden, I felt a resonance of memory lingering within me.
After experiencing the home call of our daughter in 1981, both of us felt an emptiness within. It was so heavy and un-resolving that we left our regular professional role at the Christian Medical College, Vellore and spent an year at the Christian Fellowship Hospital, Oddanchatram to get a sense of the inner happening and further direction in our lives.
I sustained a fracture on my right knee and needed a pair of crutches to walk immediately after our arrival at Oddanchatram. I had a fascination to train in Paediatric cardiology; but conversation and reflections between us brought to our attention the needs of Neuro-developmentally challenged children. It was on 14th November 1982, the Children's day, we set our hearts to make that as our journey from then on.
A year later on 14 the November, 1983, ASHIRVAD started its Child Development Centre, at Chennai. The first child who was in severe muscle spasm due to quadriplegia, who arrived the next day, made us feel that it would be a long journey before we could understand the needs of a child who did not speak or be a support to her parents who were exhausted in consoling a child who cried most of the night.
Our helplessness exposed and distressed us!
When her mother carried her she felt composed and relaxed.
That scene of how a mother comforted and quietened a crying child to make the child feel secure and loved came upon us as the tip of the iceberg in the content of the learning journey that began then, but has continued since then.
A father who lives in Britain brought his five years old son on Friday last week, who has limited expressive language. Every time he cried, the father carried him on his lap and kept whispering in his ear, 'It is ok. I love you'. He settled down in a minute or two and was ready to play again.
There is a mystery about children with Neuro-developmental needs. I do not think that as one having gone through formal learning in Child Development and Developmental Neurology got any introduction to this mystery surrounding the Neuro-defelopmentally challenged children or their parents who adapt to the challenges in a self giving way.
It was while watching the white Wagtail birds, beside the pool of water the other day, I got a surprise insight about the purpose of this forty year journey in Child Development and rehabilitation. What children experience and parents encounter can only be understood to some extent only by being in their company. It was that which ASHIRVAD provided us.
The Wagtail birds came to the water for quenching their thirst. Anna and I were guided to be in the company of developmentally challenged children and parents to find our meaning in the practice of medicine.
The last forty years took us to Chennai, Nagpur, Vellore, Pondicherry and now to Kolencherry, where there are visible expressions of what came into being, while we were engaged in being with the developmentally challenged children. The temptation often was to talk about what we did, now in the recent years our experience and conversations turned to celebrate the experience of having been blessed with a life of meaning while being with the 'wounded healers', the developmentally challenged children and their parents.
It is in the recent years that we realised even more, that the gain of being with those who are hurting and struggling can awaken us to a new consciousness- how sorrow can turn many parents and children to have a deeper meaning and purpose in life.
A child of four years who tapped rhythmically on the furniture whenever he came to visit for consultation, is now a percussionist in a choir ever since his parents realised that as his gift and allowed it to blossom. At 21 years, he lives a fulfilled life although he still uses a communication board to communicate. A girl whom we knew from two years, who had a developmental challenge, is now a painter, dancer and a performer at international functions, all because her parents turned her abilities to be her vocation.
I write this because I was moved at the sight of the wagtails. They came searching for water.
Anna and I were searching for meaning in the practices of medicine. We feel glad that we have been brought nearer to the developmentally challenged children and their parents, out of which we experienced a deeper meaning in our life !
Let me refer to three of the deeper meanings to life we received by accompanying developmentally challenged children and their parents.
First is a revised view of the purpose of life. It is not by having more comfort or access to the material resources or by pursuing the creature comfort, one becomes content. True contentment comes by living mindfully of others and taking an interest in their wellness.
Second is all about the attitude to life. Life itself is transient. When opportunities are denied or doors are closed to proceed, consider them as an indication to wait for something beyond one has aspired for. What awaits us would be more formative and restorative in life than what we longed for.
Third is about the way we are called to work. To so work that work brings joy and pleasure which give energy and enthusiasm ! The sense of tiredness is a sign of work depleting energy and wellness. When we make work as an offering, others receive it with gladness and what returns to us is added wellness. We are called to live loving neighbours for which our work ought to provide us a vision and vocation.
The fortieth year of ASHIRVAD will be remembered for the seeds of meaning in life the developmentally challenged children and their parents bring to us day after day!
M.C.Mathew (text and photo)
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