Each day of the seven days!

I looked at the photos of the rose flowers, which I took each day during the last week. As I put them together, I received an overview of the rose bushes in our garden. There were many things in common and yet some differences. 

That gave me an opportunity to look back on each day of the week at work and at home. Three insights surface as I look back over the week.

Welcome interruptions.  On every occasion when I related to an interruption reasonably and comfortably, there was a new insight. An interruption from a visitor, although was in the midst of work, brought a perspective about the COVID pandemic, that is still not under control in Kerala. He said that it might have something to do with the life style of those in midlife in Kerala. About thirty or more percent people have hypertension, Diabetes, Obesity or coronary heart disease. The alcohol consumption is high, with about 20 percent in the mid life being alcohol dependent. This seems to be a subject of considerable interest for epidemiological investigation among some researchers. It was good to see how new perspectives are emerging about possible reasons for high infectivity rate in the state of Kerala. 

Offer listening time.  A friend who dropped in had a personal story to share about a recent disappointment and stressful situation. At the end of about half an hour of narration of his story, this person himself discovered a way forward without me having to suggest anything. This self discovery was possible because he listened to himself while talking. He needed that conversation and patient listening to experience a resonance in his heart about the direction that  was  emerging!  Listening offers attention and acceptance. That can be a pathfinder for those seeking for answers!

Trust the creativity of others.  A suggestion to reorganise a facility to make it more child friendly, was picked up by a colleague who initiated several changes with he help of others. The result was a transformed place beyond my expectations. Although I was asked opinions, I was short of ideas. I am glad that I did not have ideas to offer. When it was entrusted, it received attention and creative touch. It is necessary to let others exercise their freedom of imagination when a task is committed to them, rather than stifle them with conditions or stipulations. 

What is common between the different rose flowers and each day of the week. Each rose flower is distinct with its own colour, fragrance and form. Similarly each day brings its own purposes into our lives. It is when we can draw together the different insights of a week, we can find the summary of the learning experiences of a week. 

We are learning and growing! Take time to find the way marks of our learning journey! 

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Birds that charm us!

 Some birds stand out by their behaviour and habits. 

This pair of Sunbirds are regular visitors to our courtyard and pause for photographs sometimes. They visit the same place almost every morning and arrive around the same time.  They are present silently with an occasional bird song to guide its pair to the location. They move from one bush to the other in search of nectar. Since the jasmine bush was trimmed, they come searching and leave in a hurry.

They are among the best groomed birds I watch in our garden. They fly elegantly. They make no fuss if Magpie Robins or Barbets or Bulbuls are around. In fact they regard and recognise them. 

I watch these small birds as much they stay in the vicinity of our courtyard. I have a large collection of their photographs taken fairly regularly. 

I learn something from them every time I watch them. They live aware of other avians and are regardful of them.

I have sometimes wondered whether I have fallen in to the trap of listening fatigue! Every time I welcome a family, I wonder whether I am fully present to listen and enter in to their situation. During this season of pandemic, people have more stressful experiences because of which the consultations get longer! The narrations are sometimes awfully disturbing that the tearful narrations make me pause to feel settled before I can proceed. At the end of the day, what I audit for myself is whether I was regardful of each person who came to visit. 

In conversation with a 11 year old boy yesterday, I got to know his struggle to cope with his studies and difficulty to stay attentive during the on-line classes. His performance declined for which he is pulled by the teacher publicly. He feels embarrassed before his classmates. His difficulty to read a text and paraphrase it bothers him a lot. His interest in games and sports is versatile, but opportunities have been denied due to the COVID related restrictions. He would soon return to a regular class room in another two weeks. Although he looks forward to it, he has fears as to how to face his classmates who do not think of him favourably! He is without friends who think of him kindly or sympathetically. He is a silent sufferer. His mother spoke about him with concern and affection. She is at her wits end sometimes when he cannot be consoled for his poor performance in spite of his earnest efforts to study. 

I have my colleagues at work who face many challenges ahead of them. 

As we prepare to enter the tenth year of the department, there is one change that we would go through. The department supported children who have had neurological disorders without obvious developmental disorders, but with another consultant having joined the institution with training in Paediatric neurology, the department where I work would from now on, focus on children with developmental disorders. This might change the profile of the department. But that is how when new specialities get started in a hospital. There is a loss, but the gain might be the prospects of more focus on matters that need attention in our own specialty. 

The Sunbirds being daily visitors bring to me a message of invitation for graceful presence and thoughtful regards towards others!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

 

Waiting at a shut door!

Daffney and Dulcie would wait at this grilled door to our courtyard to open for them to rush out before we can restrain them. Having waited for a while and not finding the door opening, they woeful return to other explorations in inside the house. 

It is a lesson in practical wisdom as to how long one should wait at a closed door!

At my work place I have waited for nine years for a greater expression of the specialty That  I represent. It is one place, where I fond the door shut against some aspirations I have had when I began nine years ago. 

During the last one year, I have been drawn away from the earlier aspirations to a new direction that I had not considered seriously. There were indications coming from some friends to explore a wider opportunity to bring Child Development of developmentally challenged children in to a focus among some professionals, who have interest in this direction. I needed time to move in this direction. 

In a Zoom meeting yesterday, when four of us with similar interest met, there were some practical suggestions, which called for turning the direction to an open door of opportunities! It turned out to be an affirmation that a closed door is the beginning of a creative journey into a horizon that is still wide open! The proposal to form a ASHIRVAD Forum for Child Development for Developmentally Challenged Children is now before us. There are new initiatives in a few institutions including Christian mission hospitals. The on-line weekly meeting to discuss  clinical scenarios of developmentally challenged children, now in its fourth month, is one expression of this interest. Dr Vinitha from Bangalore Baptist Hospital has been the mover of this initiative. Ms Shalini from the department where I work now is another enthusiast, who is envisioning some possibilities. Anna is excited at the prospects of a new initiative with ASHIRVAD fostering it!

My good dog friends showed me the way to move away from a closed door and engage in what is still possible. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A story of thirty five years!

This rose bush, which is the oldest in our garden has come back to its full life after the recent pruning! It is often with full of flowers with a large foliage at the centre of our garden. My mother collected twigs of rose bushes from neighbours and planted several of them, out of which at least five still give flowers through the year. 

Bearing flowers after thirty five years!

For all of us, who are senior citizens, we face a lingering question, what are we to do with our lives!

Yesterday, a friend stopped me to greet me and to enquire how Anna and I spend our time together. She seemed to have noticed Anna and I sit in a restaurant and have tea together. She was keen to know how we spend our time together, when we are alone. During the conversation, it occurred to me that many people search for meaningful ways to be engaged. 

To have a large meaning to life as one gets older is important. Life takes us to another plane of meaning and horizon as we get older. For Anna and myself, welcoming others in to  our home is one aspect of that enlargement. A family who came to visit us yesterday refreshed us immensely with their son entertaining us with his talk, song, commentary on what he drew, food he liked to eat at the dining table, etc. 

Another way Anna and I find refreshed is through conversations with younger people. There are a few with whom we are regularly involved to listen and interact. The weekly Friday Forum on-line  with a few, is an ongoing meeting place.

I find this blog a meeting place with some readers.

The tendency to withdraw and live reduced lives preoccupied with oneself, when one gets older is the common tendency. Instead, it is an opportunity to relate to others and and share the joys of life from the years of experience! 

This rose bush is fresh and flowering even after thirty five years!

There is a freshness to life all of us can grow into, if we stay related to others and stay engaged as companions to them!

M.C.Mathew( text and photo)

The richness of the dissimilar !

 

We are in one of the worst humanitarian crisis of the recent times in human history with the Taliban taking over the Afghanistan governance. They insist on one religious tradition, one way of dressing, one way of schooling, one way of life style, one way of societal structure...it looks like women would suffer from alienation from opportunities for higher education and professional pursuit. 

I took time to look at the way nature allows plethora of patterns and styles. All the feathers in a bird's body are dissimilar; the petals of the same flower have differences between them; the leaves are of different sizes...What is alike the other!

We live in a setting of confluences and diversities. 

For a while now,  there is an insistence on sameness in India, with a pressure on people that they have one habit of eating, dressing, worshipping, political leanings, etc.

I feel choked and overwhelmed by this pressure to conform. 

There has been an erosion of values, no doubt, because of which more regulations are in place,  and yet it is not enforcement that helps, but engagement with people to help them to choose what is noble and altruistic. 

In the Good Samaritan story, two pious people ignored the wounded man lying on the wayside; only a stranger thought of him as a neighbour and offered the respite and care he needed.  

A society is a place where people with all shades of morality and habits live and co-exist. Those who feel that there is a higher way of living with morality and altruism ought to campaign with people to revise their way of living.

Apart form this way, I feel uncomfortable to be on the side of people who have a conformist rigid attitude! 

When I came to work in a medical school, medical students wore dresses of their choice. They looked colourful. For the last three years they were compelled to wear a uniform. I am uncertain of its advantage except to announce that they are students. 

The fullness of life comes from an inner orientation towards values which include others as the beneficiaries. 

When Mother Teresa set out on her journey to spend her life with people in the streets, she  chose a simple life style. When the multimillion rich Tata trust decided to give away as much as they could to hospitals to set up COVID care facility, they saw it as their moral compulsion. Both of these are examples of living for making a difference in the lives of others. 

The idea of sameness and insistence to conform to certain external behaviour patterns create a compulsive instinct which make people live in misery, anguish and stress. 

The earth is a heaven of diversity! Who on earth can perpetually suppress this truth and make conformity as the way of life! Such thoughts are short lived. We suffer during such times; but the liberation when it comes, would bring greater light for humanity to live by!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

 

The retirement years!

I retired form CMC Vellore in 2008 and Anna in 2010. Since then we lived at hour ancestral home and worked at MOSC Medical College Kolenchery. Anna finished her term of service at the college in December 2020 and I too shall finish my term of service by June 2022. 

We are older than what we appear in this picture, which was taken at the time of our retirement from CMC Vellore. We keep good health and feel glad for the opportunity to live our vocation in the way we are able to, inspite of some limitations. 

We have a garden in our courtyard with different flowers that Anna carefully nurtures. They give us a symbolic meaning of the mission of life- to live our lives open towards others!

Ours is a learning journey towards that calling!

We continue in this journey of life seeking fuller experience of the 'two becoming one'!

As we gathered the flowers from our garden today and placed them in this vase today, we felt that we live amidst the abundance of life that we have been blessed with! Now we explore how we can share the joys of life with others around us!

M.C.Mathew(text and phto)

The light factor in photography!

The three three shades of colours of the same bunch of flowers above, are attributable to the different 'light' levels under which the pictures were taken. The pictures taken during the golden hour of the morning, with about fifteen minutes apart from each other, surprised me to say the least. All the three pictures were taken in the auto mode of the camera. 

This took me by surprise as it became a metaphor to me, of the light within us which interprets the information that we receive. There is a subjective element in the way we process what we see and hear. That subjective factor is the optic which guides us inwardly. 

One person sees a cat and feels comfortable. Another person gets irritated at the sight of a cat. A third person seeing a cat might get carried away by a superstition! 

Recently at my work place, we had a discussion about the way we view the precautions we are asked to take to protect ourselves from contracting the Corona viral infection. Each person behaves in one particulate way in following the universal precautions. This is conditioned by our belief system and the state of vigilance. 

The over dependance we carry on the veracity of our own perception is what makes us live with shades of opinion, often  missing the truth in its entirety. 

The variable factor, which makes us perceive information differently is our internal optic, conditioned by our earlier years of beliefs and habits. 

This is often the cause of tensions and differences of opinion which divide a group. The recent experience of some state governments in India deciding to open the schools to children while some other governments differing to do so is because of this difference in the perception of facts. Some give merit to one aspect, such as the risk of infection to children in the pandemic season and the others feel disturbed by prolonged denial of schooling to children, now extending to its second school year. 

A third group is striving to get acceptance to vaccinate children before the school year can begin. A fourth group is strongly pleading for vaccinating all above 18 years or 12 years of age so that the infectivity rate in the community would come down. Another group sees from another angle- so far even when children were infected, they escaped by a mild infection. 

It is the optic within which determines the perception as to which factor, would get more attention in a given situation. 

The fact is that all the above thoughts are weighty enough to influence a decision, but if freed of bias, all of these opinions would receive equal weight and the decision would be balanced by the evidence in existence in favour of each shade of thinking. 

How are we to orient our inner optic to be fair, neutral and wholistic instead of being subjective and opinionated by impressions rather than evidence!

Most scholars who study human behaviour suggest that we develop an inner renewal process by questioning our own perceptions and revise our opinions with more evidence and facts. 

A dominant person in a group swings opinions; but what is desirable is an audit of all opinions rather than give weightage to one opinion, because that was stated loudly or forcefully by someone who was in the leadership role! 

I have a personal feeling that the Prime Minister of India for most part of the initial period of the early part of the pandemic relied on information that was coloured by some religious beliefs. He publicly stated that, India would overcome the pandemic with a national lock down, just as he believed that by demonetisation of large denomination currencies, the black money would be unearthed. In both situations the outcome was far from what he proclaimed or pursued. 

Let me suggest that our beliefs are biased and not always factual. 

The inner optic needs renewal and resetting!

If the optic within us is full fo light we would live in the light!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Sights that captured me!

 I like the early morning sights in our garden!

What held my attention for a while, this morning was a rose bud with two water drops in its centre. To watch those two water drops staying in that position till the morning sun dried them was indeed a spectacular sight!

The butter fly was searching for nectar from a nutmeg flower, which too was unusual. The red rose flower with white streaks in the petals was unusual. The first picture with an ornamental look of fine water particles on the petals, as if someone sprayed water them  made me wonder about the many special events in nature!

Taking time to go beyond our preoccupation is worth the effort, as we are certain to find surprises all-round us!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The reactive behaviour!

During the play in the morning in our dining room both our dog friends appeared bit rough with each other. When I interfered by asking them to sit down, they did instantly, but with a frowning face and strong indication of hesitancy with both of them looking away form me!

Dulcie looked at me after a few seconds begging me to let them go. I did!

The interesting thing was that both of them jumped on to me profusely licking my hands! It appeared to be a message of regret and patching up with me!

What a message to me about human behaviour!

We in our relationships with each other at home or at work place, we can feel get irritated with each other and stay distant from others. The way forward is to be at peace with each other as much as possible, no matter what might be a provocation! 

The rest of the time both of the dogs chased each other all around the house and behaved with great regard for each other!

A message to ponder on!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Walking between the edges!

 

I walked between the edges of our garden the other day and found all the above sights, a portrait of the real happenings in a garden. 

That initiated me into an inward walk in to the landscape of my interior .

I recalled joyful experiences of conversations with few families who resiliently faced the challenges of this difficult season. A family shared with me how seven members of her family suffered with COVD at the same time with three of them needing a prolonged stay in the hospital with oxygen dependency. 

Another conversation was about one family suffering from the recent storm and rain leading to their house collapsing, needing immediate repair for which the resources needed were far more than what they could afford. I felt reduced to travelling through a desert of anxiety and barrenness of ideas to comfort and support them !

Then came the recollection of a neighbourhood activity of of few parents to keep their children socially related. They have regular meetings and common activities with due precautions on account of COVID protocols. The message was one of great discovery of how a collaboration between families can make a difference to children. 

A few families slipped in to a sense of a loss. The trimmed trees in our garden reminded me of some families who found this time demanding and stressful. I have been in regular contact with two families who reminded me of the hope they entertain for the future. 

The sight of two single birds brought another dimension about life itself. They both looked ready to fly. In their look they conveyed peace about the future. I have been feeling heavy of heart over the crisis in Afghanistan. But who knows that it might be the beginning of a new nation! With that country having been in turmoil for over 25 years, we do not know anything about what is still left as their infrastructure and resources. Japan was similar after the Second World War. So there is some hope although the Taliban connection with China and Pakistan makes us wonder whether there is another sinister plan in their agenda!

The two single flowers made me feel glad, while I approached the other edge of the garden. They announced yet another ray of hope! 

The former president of the USA, Barak Obama during his first presidency campaign, often began his addresses talking about his difficult childhood, but underscored the confidence his parents gave to him to foresee a future of hope. 

Between the two edges of the garden, there are reminders of many pleasant and difficult experiences. But what remained within me to ponder on was the message of hope!

That got reinforced later in the day at work, when a colleague brought a flower to greet me! A flower is fragile, but its freshness and fragrance it brings is a sense of abundance. 

That sense of abundance is the message which the garden gave to me! I carry that with me although, like a flower it too shall fade away, till another inner revival takes place!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Alone or together!

As I walk in the garden when the pruned rose plants have started to bear their blossoms, I noticed that most of the flowers are in bunches of two or three. There are only a few with a solitary bud in a stem. 

It captured my attention to travel back to recall how in togetherness with others one has better prospects of being altruistic. 

The department where I work would enter into its tenth year shortly. I remembered all the significant events of the nine years of the department. The idea of a child development department in a medical college was rather strange in this part, as such departments did not exist in most of the medical colleges in India. 

I remember how the hospital authorities had to trust me fully while designing and altering spaces to locate the department. Every person whom I met to create the physical space wondered why we had some specifications. We needed vinyl flooring for some rooms, diffuse lighting in the rooms, activity boards on the walls, etc where children would spend time.... As we went through the process of getting ready the facilities, I recall the comments of a carpenter, ' we all worked together to get a place ready for welcoming children'.This carpenter till he retired from the hospital was the one who would drop in now ans then to enquire about all of us in the department. For him, seeing us to do well in what we were doing, was an encouragement. At his retirement when I met to greet and thank him, he said,'I remember how all of us worked together to create this facility for children' !

We are called to be together with others. Even recently, as the Bud to Blossom, a booklet to help parents to observe the developmental process of children, was published, I witnessed the joy of working together and its fruits in the way the booklet appear elegant to look at and rich in content. Shalini compiled the information and drafted it. Anna edited and formatted it to get it ready for printing. This might merge as a valuable companion to parents in observing different domains of children's development form birth to five years. 

I wonder whether the call of  working together and trusting to collaborate would become more  common than what it is now in many work places.

We are workers and co-workers and not loners!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A Lesson in driving !

It is now thirty eight years since I started driving a car! I have had a few roadside accidents. The last one was 18 years ago.

Yesterday, on my way to work, I was overtaking a parked vehicle on the road side with no indicator light on. Just as I was parallel to that vehicle the driver started the parked vehicle and moved toward the road and hit the side and rear of the car that I was driving. 

The result was damage to the both the doors. 

I stopped the car and reached towards the station wagon. The driver had a divergent squint, which made me realise that he would not have seen me overtaking his parked vehicle. 

I have been generally careful to observe parked vehicles. It is the indicator light that helps to know if the vehicle is parked and is ready to move. If the indicator lights are off,  it is a message that the vehicle is stationary. I was actually at least a meter away from the vehicle in that narrow road. And yet it was not sufficient to escape the accident. 

I kept wondering whether I was alert! I did notice the vehicle from a distance and had moved away to the right side with enough distance away from the parked vehicle. The people who gathered, as it is usually the case at the time of a road side accident, was curious to comment. The sympathy usually goes towards the person who suffered. In this case the bumper of the station wagon which hit the car was solid with just a trace of white paint from my car. And yet the people seemed to blame me for not being careful. But the driver who had a squint confessed that he had not looked in his rear mirror before starting the car and moving to the middle of the road. That confession comforted me. 

I keep thinking about the driving risk a little more these days. I still like driving. But  there is a flow of vehicles in both directions on roads and sometimes one wonders whether drivers are strict with road manners and driving rules. 

I was early yesterday and did not need to rush. I was looking forward to a few good things awaiting me in the day. Instead of going to the hospital I had to go to the garage to give the vehicle for body works. The technicians at the garage were most helpful. 

I did feel unsettled as I arrived in the hospital after all these. It took a while to get back to be present to what I had to do. 

While driving one expects the other drivers to be responsible and considerate. My suspicion is that such good practices are less common as people appear to be in a hurry on the road. Therefore one's safety is more from one's own extra careful effort to anticipate trouble and avoid it. For me it is clear now that a stationary vehicle can start any time and the driver might not be alert to look around before he or she decides to move towards the centre of the road. 

Learning is a process. In that process, one tends to have surprise occasions, which would make us to pause and learn insights! 

I have realised from this instance that we can encounter unexpected events all the time. I felt shocked initially, but recovered to act promptly! I know safety on road is a concern. So extra caution is needed. 

M.C.Mathew(Text and photo)