09 December, 2025

Hope that keeps us going !


I find this cluster of rose buds in our garden a delight to watch each morning! They spring  hope within me at the beginning of each day!

The experiences each of us goes through in our life every day, bring mixed mood of cheer and concern.That is why I like the stage of a bud when the sepals in the calyx are giving way for the flower to emerge. That is the critical stage in the blossoming of a flower. 

The readiness of the bud to bloom and the opening of the sepals need synchronisation ! 

Such a convergence of critical factors happens automatically in nature effortlessly.

It is this consciousness that brings renewal of hope about the fullness of life that each of us can hope for!

However adverse the situation that each of us might be in, there are certainties which would take place that would envelope us to live in hope!

For that reason, hope is an anchor that steadies us in the journey of life each day. 

In the photo above, there are tender leaves in a branch which soon will produce one or more buds!

We live enveloped and immersed in hope!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

08 December, 2025

First Experiences 1980 !


Anna and I joined on line yesterday for the evening chapel service at the Christian Medical College Vellore, which was a Valedictory service of the celebrations of 125 the anniversary of the college. 

Tomorrow the  9th December will be remembered as the founder's day to recall the history of CMCV from the time of Dr Ida Sophia Scudder.

It was while attending the service my thoughts flashed back to my first experience at CMCV as a member of the faculty in Child Health department in 1980. 

Anna is alumnus of 1968 batch of CMCV. 

Although I have had contacts with faculty and students of CMCV and Anna and I had some common friends, the two years we spent from 1980 initiated me into a new consciousness about health care and healing. 

On the occasion of the 125th Founder's day, let me recollect few experiences of those two years. 

1. First day in Child Health department. Professor Malathi Jadhav, whose Child Health Unit I joined ,greeted me warmly and introduced me to the different aspects of life and work in the department. Shortly after that Dr Malathi took me to the hospital chapel, where we spent about ten minutes in silent preyer. Her remark that 'Prayer is the source of our strength at CMCV' touched me. Following this, she took me to meet Dr Jacob Abraham, the Medical Superintendent and Dr L.B.M Joseph the director of CMCV. Although they were short meetings, what stays with me even now is the culture of cordiality and acceptance I felt from Dr Malathi, Dr Jacob and Dr LBM. I felt that I was in a place where people mattered and not just work alone. The way Dr Malathi introduced me to the Medical Superintendent and the director, as the husband of Anna John made me feel, how each student is remembered by the faculty. 

2. First clinical round in the children's ward. Dr Malthi was used to getting a pone call every morning at 6 am from the resident on duty, which briefed her about the different clinical events since she took the evening round at 4 pm on the previous day. On arrival for round she would turn to each resident to enquire if they had their breakfast. In case there was someone who missed it due to an emergency in the casualty service, she would request the resident to join the round  after   the breakfast. Next she would turn to the nurses whom she would address by their name and enquire about them, and their family. She remembered even their children's name. Then she would enquire about each domestic staff. She would then turn to the parent of the child and have a conversation. The presentation of the clinical details of the child by the resident would follow after this routine. It was a new experience of watching a health care practice, where the team work was exercised meaningfully. 

3. First contact with medical students. Three or four days after I joined the department a few medical students arrived to greet me. They had heard about a new lecturer in the department and wanted to make contacts. They invited me to visit the men's hostel, which I did a week later. Meeting with about fifteen of them from different batches gave me another taste of the cordial retionshiops that exist between students and  faculty.  That initiated me to get to know some students well and their visits to our home and my visit to the hostel became a regular feature.  

4. First college Chapel service. I was invited by Dr Benjamin Pulimood, the professor of Medicine to join for a prayer time before the evening chapel service on Sunday at the Dr Scuddar room in the auditorium. During that meeting I met senior professors who welcomed me to the faculty. What followed was a time of sharing by each professor and a time of prayer remembering the faculty, students, patients in the hospital and the chapel service. Rev A.C.Oommen, the head of chaplaincy who steered this meeting made the atmosphere prayerful and devotional by his introduction and interludes. That gave me a flavour of the prayerful ambience that leads the institution.  All of us together walked into the sunken garden on time to begin the chapel service where students and faculty worshipped week after week. 

5. First class prayer. It was a custom for students of each batch to meet for fellowship and prayer once every week in the evening. Sometimes they would invite a faculty to join the group to share some thoughts from the Scripture. Meeting more than half of the class at the prayer meeting, gave me an introduction to the life style students chose to live by in the hostel and college. They were meeting together to feel guided  about their future and live by the motto of the institution, 'not to be ministered unto but to mister'. 

6 First Clinical meeting. The weekly clinical meeting which was held on Friday at 4 pm by the department of medicine was the academic highlight of the week. The residents and faculty actively participated in discussing difficult clinical scenario.  I found an exploratory attitude when matters needed resolution on difficult clinical situations. It was a pleasure and informative to hear senior consultants discuss factually and laterally, opening up new horizons in thinking. It was a forum which brought the clinicians together for interaction and camaraderie. 

7. First Medical Board meeting. All the faculty used to be invited for the meeting during which time,  the medical superintendent usually shared the important events in the life of the institution since the previous meeting. It was a forum for the faculty to express their concerns and opinions. The way conversations took place in the forum gave me an introduction to the participatory process that was inherent in the culture of the decision making process in the institution. There was openness and dialogue with an attitude of finding a middle path when opinions differed. 

Let me conclude this recollection. 

I confess that I took a while to get familiar with the ethos of cordiality that was inherent at work place and on social occasions. The weekly radiology meetings, pathology meetings, and the audit meetings in the unit gave the clinicians an opportunity to discuss and learn from the specialists in different specialities. I did feel out of place sometimes as traditions and rituals of CMC life were new to me. Being a residential campus, and  a close knit community, life was a continuum from work place to home. The long hours of work was a new experience. What lifted me up and carried me forward was the pursuit of excellence in clinical decision making and care of children that was the attitude in the unit and in the hospital. There was utmost commitment to ethical practice of medicine in a holistic way. It was a good start for me in my professional journey to have been in such an environment of academic setting, where evidence based practice of medicine was the standard of clinical practice! 

Anna and I felt through some special experiences, that we are to pursue ways of being involved with Neuro-developmentally challenged children. As there was only a limited opportunity at CMCV at that time, we relocated ourselves at Chennai to set up a Child Development Centre in 1983. Later in 1997, we were invited back to CMCV to start the clinical unit of Developmental Paediatrics. 

Anna and I look back to the time during our second spell at CMCV form 1997. It was a remarkably fulfilling period in our lives. Anna could return to do her post graduate training and become a faculty in Pharmacology, involve in Medical education,  lead the continuing medical education department and start publishing the journal, Current Medical Issues. I had opportunities to be involved with the middle level faculty and be part of the faculty retreat process. 

Our lives received an enlargement during our second season at CMCV.  We have had associations with CMCV even after our retirement. 

The photo of flower form our garden in this blog post, is a symbol to us about the future of CMCV. It is a place of history, excellence, and formation of professionals in health care. 

The buds in the photo represent the future, which is promising and envisioning!

What an opportunity in life for having had an experience to be associated with such an institution, where the rhythm of life is- 'in God we live, move and have our being'!

Anna and I wish the institution a fulfilling journey to be a leaven in health care in India, in the years to come!

May those who lead the affairs of the institution be blessed with wisdom, discernment and devotion!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)


The beginning, living and ending !




 

There is a description of life on earth, that these three photos communicate- birth, living and end. The continuum is well expressed in the last photo. 

The now of life, represents a history and future! 

Only as much as living is connected with the history and the journey ahead, the living gets esteemed to a level of consciousness of its preciousness and sacred mission. 

The living process witnesses to our history and  future !

Each of us is a witness to our ancestry, heritage and parentage. We live reflecting and radiating our formative pathway. The contentment, integrity and altruism that form the inner ambience of our lives currently point to the path we would pursue in our future. 

Living our life, remembering from where we have come and where we are going is a virtuous mission!

According to Erick Erickson's theory of psycho-social formation, each person is on a journey towards becoming an elder as he or she crosses the mid sixties. An elder is a giver, provider and pathfinder for others. 

We grow up therefore, learning gradually to bequeath what we have been given in life, to others after us. 

This is the spring time in one's life when life becomes a formative gift to others!

I feel urged to quote from the book, Falling upward by Richard Rohr frpm page 160: 

" No one can keep you from the second half of your own life except yourself. Nothing can inhibit your second journey except your own lack of courage, patience, and imagination. Your second journey is all yours to walk or to avoid. My conviction is that some falling apart of the first journey is necessary for this to happen, so do not waste a moment of time lamenting poor parenting, lost job, failed relationship, physical handicap, gender identity, economic poverty, or even tragedy of any kind of abuse. Pain is part of the deal. If you do not walk into the second half of your own life, it is you, who do not want it. God will always give you exactly what you truly want and desire. So make sure you desire, desire deeply, desire yourself, desire God and desire everything good, true, and beautiful. 

All emptying out is only for the sake of a great outpouring. God, like nature, abhors all vacuums and rushes to fill them".

Richard writes further: 

" Most of us tend to think of the second half of life as largely getting old, dealing with health issues, and letting go of our physical life, but the whole thesis of this book is exactly opposite. What looks like falling can largely be experienced as falling upward and onward, into broader and deeper world, where the soul has found its fullness, is finally connected to the whole and lives inside the Big Picture. It is not a loss but somehow a gain, not losing but actually winning. You probably have to have met at least one true elder to imagine that this  could be true" (p153).

What a profound and realistic view of making our journey to become  an elder in the second half of our ;life!


M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A rose bush and flowers !













Since noticing the first indication of a flourishing rose bush in our garden, I kept taking photos almost every day. The above is a collection of one photo of each week from the first week of October 2025. 

Growth has been incremental although faster, since the buds began to blossom. 

The plant life too has a biography conditioned by the favourable soil and weather ambience. 

Growth brings fullness !

Once the flowers have blossomed they remain fresh in the bush for about a week. Eight weeks of flowering process and one week of life of the flowers!

For anything substantial and cardinal, the gestational time is longer! 

Investing for the final outcome is an existential pattern ! 

When the fish is caught, the trap is forgotten according to a Chinese proverb. 

It is life that bears fruits of kindness, mindfulness, altruism. Only as much as life is nourished these fruits become a reality. 

Do we invest in the life of our children for the sake of harvesting  fruits from their life such as a good job, financial stability, prosperous life.and good prospects materially!

Or are we nourishing and nurturing life because we esteem and respect life irrespective of the outcome ahead!

Adolf Hitler had. despising attitude towards people who had cognitive deficits and developmental impairment that he favoured eliminating them as they were less productive or contributing to society and consumed the resources. 

It was while watching the rose bush going through different stages of its growth, I was awakened to appreciate how much the plant life conveyed fullness even before the buds appeared. The foliage and the colourful appearance gave the rose bush an identity even before the buds and flowers of the latter weeks. 

Every life has its abundance of mission even without bringing tangible benefits to others. 

This led me to ponder on the mission of parenting! Is parenting presence in the life of children for the purpose of getting 'return of investment' from their lives or is parenting a gift of love and nurture arising out of spontaneous regard towards life that is being formed!

The break down of communication between older parents and children who have moved on to live their lives, arises on account of this perspective of investing in the lives of children hoping to gain from them later in life!

A rose bush is complete even without its flowers. The flowers bring an added dimension to its uniqueness. The flowers fade away but the rose bush lives on!

I wish this perspective would colour parent-child relationship. To treasure children as a gift and cherish and nurture them for who they can become! The vocation of parenting is self giving to 'love and honour  children'  for who they are to God and what they will become in God's purpose !

The parents of Jesus of Nazareth, Mary and Jospeh, 'lost' Jesus at the temple during the festival time, because Jesus was with the teachers of the law, listening and engaging them. He moved beyond the festivity of the occasion.  When Mary came looking for Jesus after three days, the response of Jesus was 'did you not know that I ought to be in my  father's house...'? (Luke 2: 41-52).

What a calling to release our children for the larger purpose they would choose for their lives!

Parenting is an act of giving ! When giving is joyful we add blessings to our children and fulfil our vocation as parents. 'God loves a cheerful giver' (2 Corinthians9:7).


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)





















 

07 December, 2025

Relational Presence !









It is occasional to see a pair of Barbets showing hospitality during the meal time towards each other ! They are gregarious feeders and feed in  haste taking large chunks of food with each bite. So it was a delight to watch the Barbet pair above,  to pause for each other and transform the occasion into a communication time between them. The patience and pause for each other seemed unusual for Barbets. That is what courtship does to birds. They please each other consciously to grow in trustful relationship. They overcome their usual behaviour and become relational and fraternal. 

There are three observations I picked up from their presence in the feeding table in our garden. 

They were intentionally interested in each other and therefore mindful to take turns in feeding. 

They made feeding time a pleasant experience by taking time to feed comfortably. 

They flew in together and flew out together, which was different from the usual habit. 

It gave me an opportunity to think about husband-wife relationships. How much I show regard towards Anna by looking into her interests and needs? It became an occasion to audit my behaviour! Is the sense togetherness crossing over to more domains in our relationships?

The fifth decade in marriage relationships is a crucial period. Often children would have got married and left home by then. Most couples would have retired from their work place. It is the early season of beginning retirement life for most people. 

The retirement is a new experience. Having married children is a new experience. Having grand children is another new experience. Having to find ways to be meaningfully occupied and purposeful on retirement is a new experience. It is also a time when age-related health  challenges set in ! 

When a husband and wife encounter these new experiences, what will hold them together is greater attention to communication and mutuality!

Anna tests my blood sugar level periodically as part of the cardiac protocol that I am used to follow since my by-pass cardiac surgery. The blood sugar parameters show some fluctuations but did not need any attention beyond monitoring the diet. But this time the sugar levels showed more fluctuations. Anna's first response was, 'You will be alright in a week's time with extra care'! What a comforting message! During the last week, that is what Anna did by bringing more regularity in the meal time and food intake. A week later the sugar levels got regularised. I felt moved by the way Anna participated to support and guide me through this process. 

This is the way to grow in endearing relationship as a couple when we become older! To be intentionally thoughtful and attentive to each other!

The boundaries as an individual get more porous and transparent and the couple would have a larger shared experiences in marriage relationship, when they grow older. Often a touch of romance of the earlier years would return !  We closed the week yesterday evening, with a meal in a restaurant sharing our favourite food ! 


M.C.Matthew ( text and photo)






One, Few and Many !




The garden around our cottage is a place of finding messages that nourish the soul. 

Each bud, whether alone or in a cluster of few or many is ready to blossom to bring its gift of presence in the garden. The flowers whether single or few or many give their life to the garden!

The garden gives itself in many ways. The trees give their branches for birds to perch. 



The plants and trees live their vocation of giving!

Anna and I visited a former colleague at our work place, whose husband after a road traffic accident is fully bedridden for two years now,  with considerable cognitive compromise. 

What touched us was the way she is in a giving attitude towards her three children,  others in the family and the friend circle. While her sorrow is a cloud in her life, her self giving is uninhibited. 

It was during that visit we felt drawn towards the reality deep within each person. We felt that this senior professor has her life, lived to bring friendship and care to others. She was on a trek recently to the Himalayas with her undergraduate friends to stay connected and relational! She will be taking long journey shortly to visit her three children during Christmas time to bring herself near to them and their life experiences, as they still grieve about the fullness of life denied to their father at an early age. She becomes a father and mother to her children and their families. 

It occurred to me that loss and grief bring a new plane of being and relationships to those, who take time to process the experience to find the larger meaning and purpose of life beyond the valley of sorrow. 



When I watch lilies, I notice that there are flowers yet to open in its stalk. There is something more waiting for us as we go through each day. The present is for now and the future is yet another reality hidden in hope. 

I remember receiving from a seven year old child a rose flower from their garden, when I visited them years ago. That was the only flower in the garden from what I could make out. When I suggested to him that, it was the only flower in the garden and he could give it to his parents, his response was: ' Look there are more buds in the plant. My parents can have all of them'! 

To transcend a loss is a personal journey of reconciliation. To live sharing  fullness even amidst the loss is a gift of insight! 

That was what Anna and I received from our visit to our friend yesterday! Giving as the way of being!


M.C.Mathew( text and photo)




06 December, 2025

Engaging Fear !




At day break today in our garden,  I noticed a squirrel moving along the stem of a tree , probably on its way to the feeding station n our garden. Suddenly it became still and the three serial photographs above show how subdued it looked and stayed frozen. 

That is when I heard the bird call of a Bulbul in the terrace wall of our cottage that was  perched facing the squirrel 





The squirrel moved forward only after the Bulbul flew away. 

The social equation between squirrels and Bulbuls is not cordial. The squirrels avoid the feeding station when Bulbuls are feeding.

Bulbul evokes fear in a squirrel !

That ignited me into ruminating over fear prone situations I encounter in life. 

Every time I have to reverse the car, I loose the composure that I have with regular driving. I bumped car three times while reversing in the early season of my driving history. Although, that was forty years ago, I still had a trace of anxiety, even when we had cars which had sensors in the rear bumper. Our current car has even a rear view camera. Even then my comfort level is disturbed when I have to reverse the car. 

The psychology of fear is worth looking at to find the provocative trigger for any sate of discomfort when we face a particular situation. 

In my case, fear  is on account of the memory of the three instances when the bumper of the car was damaged. 

A negative experience or hurting event or a traumatic encounter leave thoughts of guilt, self accusation or self pity! 

One needs to move away from these imprisoning thoughts. The roots of these thoughts are deep in the subconscious level. When we give consent to such thoughts and act under the shadow of restraining thoughts we feed the memories to stay. 

Contrary to that, the a self affirming attitude is what would displace the fear prone beliefs. 

Every time I have to reverse the car in a congested area, Anna would say, follow the camera. That approach made a difference. The fear has a disabling effect on us. But the belief to be able to do what one is called to do upbuilds trust.  

There are multiple fear evoking situations. We need to counter each of that by trusting our resources as our strength and face the challenging situation through the optic of readiness to go through the experience. 

Fear is not an emotion alone. It is a subtle belief system which our mind holds on to when we strengthen it by our avoidance behaviour. Every time we engage the fear within and go through an experience which was difficult earlier, the mind gets reeducated to a new level of memory of competency ! 

The fear of danger and the cautious behaviour associated with that approach is healthy and worth cultivating! That protects us from miscalculating risk and landing in vulnerable situations due to lack of discernment. The electrician working on live wire would always wear  gloves in the hand and wear special boots. That is the way we can be proactive knowing the risk associated, by taking precautions. That is responsible behaviour! A mountaineer will wear his safety gear while climbing to protect himself. Knowing the risk, he takes protective steps for safety. 

Fear ought to have positive effects on us. 

Surrendering to fear is accepting our weakness. 

That is why, taming our fear is essential for personal development !

I know of a child who was fearful of lizard.  He overcame his fear by playing with toys of reptiles! He diffused his fear and displaced his earlier belief ! He no more screamed when he saw a lizard on the wall. I know of many young purple who overcame their fear of dogs, some even going on to have a pet dog at home! 

The first step is to demystify fear and downgrade the status we offer to fear which inhibits us in our consciousness!


M.C.Mathew (text and photo) 








 






Staying in touch as habit !








 

I noticed the co-feeding of a Barbet and Bulbul followed by anther Barbet arriving when the Bulbul left the feeding table. Later one Barbet was left alone. The last photo is of one Barbet giving a bird call inviting other birds to the feeding table. 

I have noticed that Barbets who are less sociable than other birds becoming hospitable at the feeding table. 

It is interesting to watch the different behaviour habits of birds at the feeding station. 

The feeding station is a meeting place for birds from day break till about 8 in the morning. The second round of feeding is around 10 in the morning. When they return, they stay a longer time at the feeding table.

All birds do not come to feed. They visit to stay in touch with their flight station.  That is how they stay in touch with other birds. 

To stay in touch seems to be an instinct for some birds. 

I get in touch with others when there is a message to convey or I have a need of them to do me a favour. The habit of staying in touch to express feelings of friendship is not so common. Since seeing the behaviour of birds, I send messages to people that I'm not usually in touch with, which became a way to reconnect with people after a while. That has recently widened the contacts and exchanges of greetings. 

The social dimension of our life is for promoting fraternal associations  to feel relationally part of others. It is when we express our friendly thoughts towards others, they too feel drawn to relate. That is one way of spreading cordiality and regards to promote friendships for mutual edification. It transcends any utilitarian intent. We become a neighbour to others! That is the antidote to overcome a felling loneliness which is a common feeling among people, who are work driven!


M.C.Mathew( text and photo)





05 December, 2025

Fasting from luxury !









I took time today to take note of the beginnings of the bud stages in the Lily plants. 

These beginnings are for the blooming of flowers shortly. The plants bring gift of the flowers to the garden to all those who  have eyes to see,  heart to behold and mind to feel the mystery of love. The plant in one sense brings its mindful offerings to those who would receive it. 

I noticed that an English daily newspaper we subscribe to had an eight page supplement today,  highlighting the different consumer products, creature comforts and festive benefits on purchases. The appeal in those pages was to consume and feel the luxury of living! The different articles and advertisements exalted the reasons to seek wealth and luxury. It was a call to spend lavishly in the year end and usher in the new year in plentiful material comfort!

The Lilies that I watched in the garden was giving me message of giving !

These are divergent world views- consuming and giving !

I pondered over it in my attitude and practice! Is my life centred on getting whatever I can, taking more than what I need and live in false belief of my rights to have what I want! 

Or does my life have a place for others whose needs are many and for whom I can offer something !

I wonder if people on earth would consider December as a giving month and a fasting month from luxury !

Think of  all those who died, displaced and lost houses and property during the recent cyclone in Indonesia, Sri Lanka, and coastal Tamil Nadu and people living below the subsistence level in Gaza and Ukraine during  this winter season ! 

I hope it would prompt some to make the month of December a fasting moth from luxury and be generous in giving to those a gift of love which would bring a relief to them !

God is giving and earth is giving; therefore life's call is for giving! 



M.C.Mathew (text and photo)