Family Reunion

There are occasions when transgenerational and transcontinental members of an extended family come together for celebration and fellowship. During one such gathering recently, Anna and I were surprised by the many gains of such a time. 

One experience stands out in my mind as I reflect on this time. Each of us has grown and changed since we met with each other few years back. We needed time to get to know the 'new persons' we have become. This renewal of our impressions of each other was necessary to know each other as those who are becoming to be even more unique. 

This reminds us of the mystery that each of us is as humans. Parents change; children change, brothers and sisters change... So when we meet with other members of the family, we encounter the changes, the personal growth has brought in. To become familiar with this growing process is one valuable gain of such family times. 

The relationships get renewed and revised. We discover what is common and different and become reconnected with each other in appreciation of each other. Most relationships need refreshing family times to grow together valuing and esteeming each other.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

The clan of cousins!

This photograph is in honour of Jane, the newly added member of the clan of cousins. 

At the wedding of Jane to Abhishek, one thing was evident that there was a spontaneous ambience of cordiality and celebration. We often hear that the family ties are never the same with physical meetings declining and the social media replacing the mutual visits and togetherness. 

However it occurred me that although the formal occasions of being together would decrease even more in the coming years, the sense of nearness is still maintained through social media. It is common for most families to form cluster groups in the social media and be in touch with news and views.

The familiarity between the family members can be at two levels. One is at the social level, where the relationships get updated by sharing with each other all the family events and news.  The other is at a volitional level where members of the family can be engaged in a formative relationship which takes the dimensions of accompaniment, caring and mentoring. It is this which can get displaced when the relationship swing towards being largely social. 

What distinguishes the heritage of any family is its legacy of love towards each other in the family. This is vulnerable to fading to the background if families do not protect their calling with devotion to each other!

Anna and I returned from this family gathering rejoicing over the prospects of family ties getting even more stronger with the younger ones in the family bringing a new quality and depth to relationships.

M.C.Mathew  (text and photo)

One shall become two!

Anna and I were at her nephew's wedding a few days back. Mrudula and Ebby welcomed Jane into their home when their son Abhishek married her in a solemn wedding service at their home church. At all the church marriage services, the Bible passage on the 'two shall become one flesh' is part of the reading at the service.  It is indeed a mystery as how the two hailing from two backgrounds set out on journey to become ONE! 

Anna and I celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary earlier this month. We took time to reflect on the theme of the 'two becoming one flesh'. It has been a journey of discovery, intimacy and mutuality through which we are getting a sense of this mystery to the extent that it can become a reality! 

We took time to reflect on the theme of 'one becoming two' for the parents. The parents take their son or daughter to the wedding service and return home with one more son or daughter. Suddenly the one has BECOME two, the implications of which many parents do not anticipate and prepare themselves for! Although the parents would  have thoughtfully replaced the single cot with a double one or added an extra chair at the dining table, or include the incoming 'son' or 'daughter' in the family conversations, most parents need time and preparation to have a conscious attachment to the new son or daughter with similar affection and inclusiveness that they are used to to giving to their own son or  daughter. 

This is the other mystery of marriage. One son begets a daughter to his parents. One daughter begets a son to her parents. For parents on both sides, it is the beginning of another journey to welcome the incoming son or daughter with patience, understanding, consideration, warmth, openness, etc. To duplicate a similar quality of attention which parents have with their own child and offer the same or more to the new son or daughter is both a privilege and an experience. 

This is perhaps the most tangible contribution parents can make to 'both' their children for them to become one flesh. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Two pioneers!

I watched these two ladies meet with each other to talk about their experiences of starting two initiatives. One established the training centre for teachers for Montessori education and the other established the Montessori education  centre for young children in a city.

While listening to the conversation between of these two friends, I was moved by their passion and sense of purpose. They convey enthusiasm, hope and creativity. They are both change initiators. 

This conversation helped me to ponder over the issue of 'what sustains one's enthusiasm'.

No matter how old or young a person is to attempt any change process.

What influences any one to consider taking new initiatives is to grow in mindfulness of others and their needs.

This awareness of the needs of our neighbours, friends, or strangers is both a gift and an acquired quality. Jesus of Nazareth challenged his followers, by saying, 'Love your neighbour as yourself'.

How much of others and their needs occupy our attention!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Too risky an innovation!

While walking on the pedestrian path on the side of the overbridge connecting the Ponnamalee High road and Egmore station road yesterday evening, I noticed this cracked wall of the bridge which is leaning towards the station below. Fortunately, someone responsible has put a band of iron 

Parenting and Grand parenting!

During this week end, I have come across some people who are actively involved in offering parenting education to families in Chennai.

I have been on a journey of enquiry recently since Anna and I started living in another state geographically, to find the extent to which parents are involved in active parenting. To my surprise I found from a preliminary survey that only 20% parents of have more than half an hour for their children for a personal time. Forty percent of children have only one parent with them as the other parent is away at the work place hundreds of miles away whom they meet once in a year or twice of thrice. Twenty percent of children are left to the care of grand parents and parents come to visit the child once in a year or so! In some situations the domestic helpers are the core care givers to children.

Having written on parenting widely for a while now, I feel that it is time for us to think about grand-parenting. Some friends mention to me that in certain cultures in India, grand parents are the primary care givers.  

I feel concerned that children grow up in a surrogate environment, where parenting is taken over by others.

I wonder whether we can take some initiative to foster neighbourhood parenting and provide some support for grandparents to enhance quality to grand parenting!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

A Pilot on Montessori education !

I was encouraged by the passion of Mr. Trevor, for Montessori education, because of which he authored a book on 'Montessori madness' and  posted a video on the U-tube on the philosophy of Montessori education. 

Trevor is a flight instructor and hails from the USA. He got introduced to the Montessori education when his older son had to begin his schooling.  He and his wife were pleasantly surprised the way his son was welcomed by the class teacher on the first day when they went to the school looking for admission their son.

What fascinated me even more about Trevor, was his self-training for public speaking by joining the Toast Master's Club eight years back. He now comes across as a good communicator who captures the imagination of his audience, although the progression his talk is slow and circuitous, which consumes longer time. 

As one who have been most impressed with Montessori education as a child friendly way of learning, I am fascinated by the advocacy that this learning process is receiving internationally.

As I participated in the conferences at Coimbatore and Chennai, in connection with the 75th anniversary education in India and the 25th anniversary of the Indian Montessori Centre, I realised how the Montessori education is predawn g widely into several states in the country. It is a volunteer motivated organisation, which in itself is most commendable! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A personal experience!

Everyday at our cottage we have often some surprise or other!

On the republic day, 26th January, there was a sudden gush of water from the water stream going through our property. Hearing a loud sound of water gushing, when I went down to the property adjacent to the water stream, I noticed that there was a gaping hole on the wall of the stream, causing a heavy leak. This had already caused a five feet deep soil erosion and flooding of the property. 

Although there was small leak along the wall of the stream, it was the  first time, it has caused so much of damage and serious concern about more damage.

As the officials came to inspect the sight almost immediately and promised to regulate the flow into the stream, till the repairs are done, I was reminded of what happened to me last year when I had chest pain and needed by-pass surgery. Both were unexpected events. On both occasions, there was some damage or dislocation. 

On both of these occasions, there was much support and care even more than what I expected. What lessened the stress and anxiety on both of these occasions was the generous help and offer of support. 

Most of us are often faced with unexpected situations which can cause a threat or anxiety to us. What can reduce the impact of this is the friendly and caring support!

I wish, more and more of us would take upon us the role of being ''Good Samaritans' to people around us, whether we know them or not!

Yesterday, while leaving the car parked in the air port parking area, I left one window opened. A few minutes later, while we were waiting at arrival lounge for Amy and Eatan to arrive from Ludhiana, a kind gentle man came towards us to tell that the car window was opened. He disappeared even before we took notice of him to than him enough!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)