Telephoning displaces conversations!

I watched this colleague send a ‘I will call you later’ message while interrupted by a telephone call during a conversation. That made me reflect on our interactive practices. 

Most of us  use the phone often  when we need something from another person. It is the need that prompts us to make a call. It is true that we would also call others to get in touch with and have a social  and friendly conversation. 

However from an enquiry with ten friends, I realised that while we would have about twenty or so telephone calls we make or receive during the working hours to ‘get the work done’, there may not be any occasions for personal social or friendly conversations. We tend to substitute personal visits by telephone calls.

The post-modern culture endorses individualism and insular living! This is pushing us to become even more lonely. The social media make us think, react and behave to the popular agenda others set. In fact we can be living impulsively conditioned by the thoughts and aspirations of others. 

This calls for conversation times where we begin by telling others in a self disclosure ambience something about our feelings, longings, disappointments or learning. We draw others in to our inner world where we form our values and attitudes. It is for this reason, we need to include Bible, good books,  thematic conversations, etc to become our resources for our personal formation.

As we humans we are more than the work we do- we are created beings in the image of God. This makes us to live responsibly communicating the character of God!  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Trans-generational conversation!

Tarun who visited us at home last week, has recently joined as a consultant in Medicine after completing his post-gradaute training. He has been a diligent and versatile student thus far. 

One of the questions he raised with us during the conversation was, ‘how to capture the story of the early years of the current day and retired teachers!' Tarun believes  that there a lot we can learn from their learning experiences during student days. The practice of medicine has changed due to the changes in ethics, ethos, approaches, etc.  He wondered whether retelling the story of how  medicine was practiced thirty years back would stimulate and inspire the students to treasure values and reset their priorities.

Anna and I were stimulated by this conversation. It became evident to us that even well accomplished young doctors seem to find something missing in the way we practice medicine, in spite of the advances in technology they have access to. They are searching for a meaning and purpose that they can live with beyond just treating patients and seeing them get better clinically. He did suggest that the ‘wholistic approach’ is a challenge to practice. Yet it seems to hold hope for the future!

I wish we can create a forum to raise such questions and make occasions to hear from senior colleagues about the way they lived fulfilled and holistic lives! 

Anna and I realised that Tarun was addressing us, who were thirty plus years older in the profession! The younger people in the profession are seeking for an identity that they can live with in the profession - wholistic physicians.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Growing up without crying !

Most people interested in behaviour sciences would have  read the book The Road Less Travelled  or heard about Dr. Scott Peck, the author of the book. 

The authentic biography of Dr. Peck by Arthur Jones is a book full of valid explanations about the way Dr. Peck behaved, communicated, cared for patients and created an integrated approach in psychotherapy.

From the age of eight years Dr. Peck seemed to have stopped crying for about thirty years. While in a new school, he was required to take the dictation of the story of Brutus, which the teacher was reading out to the students about the spider and Brutus. Instead of writing down what the teacher was dictating, he was taken up by the challenge and the moral of the story. It was distracting for him to write because the story consumed his full attention. His class mates sitting next to him teased him for ‘not being able’ to write and the teacher too scolded him for that. Dr. peck cried and went home crying for which he got ridiculed by other children at the school.  He was scolded at home. That gave him a message that ‘boys ought not to cry’! 

He grew up through most trying experiences in life not crying, even when he felt sad enough to cry. It was when he was thirty seven years of age he was able to be free himself from this ‘obsession’ not to cry! 

The biography throws much light into the life of this psychiatrist, who captured the attention of millions of readers through his book The Road less travelled (seven million). It is a book of struggles, set backs, drivenness, discoveries, innovative approaches in psychotherapy and spirituality, turning adverse circumstances into opportunities, etc. Dr. Scott Peck enjoyed being in the centre stage for about two decades as a thinker, writer, orator and leader who influenced the practice of Psychiatry globally. His latter years became more demanding on him with decline in health due to Parkinson’s disease and some obsessive patterns which reduced his effectiveness.  

It is a biography that helps us to understand how childhood environment has a critical influence in the evolution of the adult behaviour!   

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Life- Visible and hidden !

During a recent visit to the Christian Medical college, Vellore, while on my morning walk, I noticed these two plants in the garden, partly visible and hidden. What was visible held my attention. I moved around the plants to get a glimpse of what was hidden. I could access only part of what was hidden. I continued my walk carrying this sight upon my heart.

The ‘tip of the iceberg’ is an oft quoted phrase which reveals this dual dimension of visibility and hiddenness.

What is visible about our lives is mostly what pertains to our job, where we live, how we relate, what we pursue as a vocation or hobby, what and how we communicate, etc. There is a lot we come to know about a person by being in touch with him or her. Yet a person is more than all of these. Most people whom we know intimately would surprise us again and again by revealing something more than what we already knew about that person. There is often a larger dimension of our life which remains unknown to others. What we know about a person is enough for us to relate and communicate.

How do we reconcile with what is not known or cannot be known about a person! In one sense, it is this dimension which makes each of us unique. Alan Jones in his book Journey into Christ suggested that we 'live with a double mystery- the mystery of ourselves and of God’. Even after making a in-depth journey into one’s inner world using tools of depth psychology, most psychotherapists consent that there would be still a larger dimension in our lives which would remain unknown to us. So life is a journey to know what can be known about ourselves and God.

This journey ought to meet and converge. It is only as much as we are revealed, we come to know about ourselves. This revealing process begins with intimacy with God. Cornelius and Peter (Acts.10) were in prayer, during which time they experienced a revelation about themselves and what they ought to do next.

What remains hidden about ourselves is a treasure. Our daily journey is also an inner journey towards this mystery of ourselves. Blessed are those, who seek God’s guidance for this risky but transforming voyage!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Till we meet again!

Sneha who contributed as a language and communication specialist in the department for 15 months, left us last week to pursue an opportunity overseas. This is the second time in two years we are losing a valuable person, both because of changes that were beyond their control. 

Sneha sang most of the time during her involvement with children, because her melodious voice comforted and stimulated children. She introduced us to sing during our morning prayer time. I found her skills of teaching highly commendable. She was brief, crisp, and precise when she presented journal articles or a topic for discussion. She organised the academic sessions in the department and encouraged all of us to take turns in presenting topics for advanced learning.  She did all of this cheerfully and thoughtfully.

We would  miss Sneha because, she often encouraged us to remain cheerful and collaborative through her friendly and affirming disposition. 

Sneha maintained her academic interest by conducting a pilot cross sectional study on children with Down syndrome to identify the spectrum of their clinical and learning profile in order to classify them into subgroups. There were several occasions when Sneha took initiative for social gatherings and celebrations. She added flavour to the children in the play group and Early Learning Centre by her creative ideas for play and group interaction. 

We wish Sneha had stayed for a longer period! She would hopefully turn the opportunity at her new work place into an advantage for her colleagues!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo0 

Exam result a relief!

As these students came to greet Anna after they got the examination result, I noticed in their faces a sense of relief and achievement. While talking to some of them, it was evident that the examinations have become a burden. 

A comment by one student suggested that it is the teachers who sometimes create a fear about the examinations. There is an unnecessary focus on examination and clearing it as against the focus on learning and all rounded formation.  

I wonder whether students recover from the stress of examinations! There is an accelerated pace of reading and memorising a couple of months before the examinations. Is it not possible to make learning more natural, spontaneous and self-stimulating. 

During a recent lecture, I got two teams to ask questions and offer answers to each other. I was surprised by the depth of their residual knowledge that I feel that most students can be encouraged in their self-directed learning pursuit by encouragement and recognition of their efforts. 

Let us remember that in the study of medical science, attitudes, values, good practices, listening-communication skills, empathy, etc are also subject matter for students.  Most students would get animated if we can bring this habitually in our teaching-learning encounters !

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Philip Yancey on Dr. Paul Brand

I was privileged to hear last month Mr. Philip Yancey speak at CMC Vellore on the occasion of the birth centenary celebration of Dr. Paul Brand. It was Mr.Yancey, who using the few pages of lecture notes of Dr Brand wrote two books, one of which, 'Fearfully and wonderfully made’ remains as a classic on the wonder and mystery of human body. 

Yancey having heard about Dr.Brand and his path breaking journey into treatment and rehabilitation of patients of Leprosy, visited him to interview him. That is when, Dr Brand shared his lecture notes with him, which he had prepared for giving a series of talks during a teaching mission week  at CMC Vellore, where Dr. Brand was working at that time. 

Yancey being a journalist was quick to recognise the treasure in those notes and became aware of the immense resources Dr.Brand possessed because of his integrated approach to life. That is how their collaborative effort  began to publish jointly  six  books in the subsequent years.

While having a personal chat with Mr. Ynacey, he confessed that it was the meeting with Dr. Brand and long years of association with him, which helped him in becoming a writer of the current standing. With over 30 books behind him,  Mr. Yancey regards Dr. Brand as his spiritual father. 

Listening to him give the oration on Dr. Brand, I realised that Dr. Brand’s coming to work in CMC Vellore was in one sense accidental. Dr. brand’s entry into the field of leprosy was a response to the suffering of patients of leprosy he saw at Vellore. Dr. Brand began with no previous experience or expertise, but created a new paradigm of reconstructive surgery to restore the functions of their hands and feet. He spent his life time to  add quality to the life of those who suffered from chronic illnesses which impaired sensation and pain!

During an interview I had with Dr. Brand in 1999, he and Dr.Mrs Margaret Brand mentioned to me that, ‘we were guided to do what we did, often not knowing enough to do it well. We learned what we did not know, because God was with us in this endeavour’.

M.C.Mathew(Text and photo)

Looking back to move forward!

It is one year this week, since my bypass surgery for the heart. I took most of the last month to remember, reflect and meditate on the experiences of the last one year. It  also became a time of fasting from blogging. Let me recall three experiences of this season.

Pausing: The sudden illness with a  mild chest pain became an alarm signal in August 2013,which forced me to seek medical advice. The diagnosis: blocked coronary arteries. It raised questions in my mind as to how it could have happened  in spite of my careful diet and regular exercises. However, I was helped to turn that question to an opportunity to look at the daily rhythm, stress factors,  and make changes to correspond with the ageing process.  A child one morning, as I was walking to my room,  just before my illness said to me that I looked tired. So it was a call to live differently- carry the concerns of each day lightly and stay content.

Learning:   All heart patients have a common learning curve to understand the body and its responses.  The body is anatomically and physiologically conditioned by the mind and and inner self. To live from an inner restful state of mind is the way forward for heart patients. An eighty years old professor who needed cardiac surgery recently told me that he is still struggling to ‘let go’. He happened to mention that he cannot hold many things together even if he wanted and yet he is slow to give away control and surrender to another way of living- finding joy in the small things of life rather than look for something spectacular that others would take note of. Yesterday when Anna and I walked around our property along the walking track which was recently made, we were overjoyed to see how that changed the face of the property which was often overgrown with grass. Now there are flowering plants and recently planted fruit trees. There is a shift taking place within us- delight in what is given and what is possible!

Revising : A friend shared in a recent meeting, how he found spending time with his father has  become a profitable and refreshing experience. Earlier, he consulted his father for opinions and suggestions, but he now loves to have conversations with him centred on life experiences. I was inspired when I heard this. He was moving away from an earlier attitude of ‘wanting’ something more from his father to ‘sharing’ life events mutually. What a revised attitude to relationship! We are not individuals on a solitary journey but people called to be relational and inclusive. 

I am glad life is becoming more open with new prospects. It was a surprise to spot a blue butterfly for the first time, after the monsoon in our garden. It symbolised the prospect of an inner visitation from God!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)