Morning stretching exercises !

This might be a purple rumped female Sunbird, because its pair too was seen together in the same cluster of dry branches on the top of a tree. 

I watched this bird in its morning ritual of stretching and grooming. I thought that this bird was doing most of the cat stretching exercises suggested in the Feldenkrais regimen of movement through awareness exercises.

The bird paid attention to its neck, spine and wings. It was a breath taking sight for me this morning!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

The grooming bird!

One chore I watch birds perform early in the morning is the ritual of grooming. Most birds shake their body to get rid of dust, water and everything that is foreign in the feathers. They also use the beaks to complete the grooming.

Prayer times are like an inner grooming exercise. It is in silence we get in touch with our thoughts, feelings, fears, stress, guilt, anger, etc. To create time for silence, when we can allow the inner world within us to become known to us, is a good way to start the day. 

One consciousness I receive during such set part times in silence is the space fear occupies in my inmost being. Fear restricts freedom. 

I came across in my reading something that helped me to go on a journey to demystify fears within. Lucretius (96-55BC), a Latin writer wrote a poem, De Rerum Nature, 'On the Nature of Things', which appears in six books.  Gerard W. Hughes in his book, 'Cry of wonder' referring to this poem  wrote about Lucretius: 'His vocation was to set people free from their fears, because he was aware of the damage we do to ourselves and to others, when we allow fear to become dictator of our lives'!

What is the origin of  fears of different streams in our lives! When a family came with their two years old child for  consultation, the child preferred to wander about in the room and explore. Parents not being comfortable with it asked him to sit in the chair. As he refused to comply to their repeated requests, the father said, 'doctor would give you an injection if you do not sit quiet'. Instantly the boy came close to the mother and sat still. I remember hearing  parents tell their children when they do not like to eat one particular food, 'the police man would take you away if you do not eat'! When a child refuses to sleep, the remedy some parents use is to say, 'I will tell your teacher and she would punish you' !

We have grown up fearing all sorts of people, events or situations in our lives! As we do not take an inventory of such accumulated fears from our childhood, we live constrained by these fears! Most of our dreams are centred around our fears or stressful experiences. 

One exercise that I have been consistently engaged in is to find the roots of my fears! Fear clouds our perception and inhibits us to use all the opportunities that come to us. 

When we find our own way to 'shake off' the fears that have gripped us, we would find a new strength to live and envision! 

'Fear Not' is an oft repeated words of Jesus of Nazareth to His followers!   

The post retired season is prone to create the fear of being not needed or valued! So it is good to be conscious of new winds of fear befalling us! It is possible to live free of fears when we grow in the consciousness of 'who we are and whose we are'!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

The weight of Truth!

Every flower in the rose plants in our garden is on a drooping stem! Is the wight of the flower causing the stem to droop! The bud is on a straight stem and by the time it opens to be flower it bends in one direction at least mildly!

Our opinions also have an inclination towards what we perceive as the truth!

Truth is not always the deciding factor to influence our opinions.

There is the inherent truth and the projected truth.

 There is a debate in public space about unemployment numbers in India. The government quotes a number which is far less than what the independent sources quote. A difference of almost fifty percent. 

Even the news papers question the number put out  by the government ! The international agencies and others who hold on to higher number might also be not sharing the whole truth.

It is here we are not able to find the inherent truth and feel driven by the projected "truth"!

The political space in India is occupied by untruth or half truth or distorted truth. The political orientation becomes the model for others for justification of concealing the truth.

When truth is not at the centre, there is sanction for deceit, distortion and decline of morality.

A retired justice of the Supreme court, whom I know personally once told me that the judgements of the Supreme Court also might not represent the full truth. Th court decides on the merit of the arguments brought to its attention. So there is a risk to justice when it is not founded on truth.

Jesus of Nazareth made a statement, 'I am the truth..' ! Mahatma Gandhi said, God is truth.

There is a new dimension about truth, which the statement of Jesus brings to our attention: Is my whole being the truth, not just what I say or do alone!

When the light within is truth, then all of our being lives and relates this truth.

I had a glimpse of this truthfulness when a father confessed about his habitual abuse of his son under the influence of alcohol. He relates soberly when he is not under the influence of alcohol. Truth is a casualty when we live our lives under some extraneous influences. Religious intolerance, party ideology, caste prejudice, personal success, pursuit to dominate others etc. are such extraneous influences which dull our conscience and cause us to live with distorted truth! 

Living the truth in Love and speaking the truth in love make truth endearing to others around us! That is how truth becomes a light to lead others to truth without judgement, accusation or humiliation!

The weight of truth is the integrity it offers to our lives!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Drongo, Owl and Barbet !

I am now familiar about the places in the trees in our garden where a Drongo and an Owl can be found at sunrise! I have noticed a few times that it seems that birds too have their preferred locations. The territorial claims birds make by frequenting their familiar sites is well known. 

What makes me curious is their composed presence which spare them from being noticed after the ritual of selfceare of their body is over!  

I have wondered whether they locate themselves in their favourite sites for  sunbath to dry their body! 

This is almost a fact since I noticed a Barbet too in a similar place for sunbath with its drenched body! I decided to wait till the Barbet had dried its body to get a glimpse of its post-bath ritual! Unfortunately a crow disturbed it and it flew away into the horizon.

One of my struggles when I have to welcome parents for consultation is to become familiar with the habits or rituals of children to understand the home environment. 

Most  parents do not follow a routine schedule of sleep hygiene,  bedtime reading practices, meal time rituals, play times, family times, etc. In some families the TV programmes condition the behaviour and timing of rest of the activities of adults and children.

When children grow up in such a loosely structured environment, where their choice alone dominates, children get into the habit of grabbing their choices somehow.

One habit children develops to get their likes approved by parents is to be insistent in an incremental way, which some refer to as 'temper tantrums'.

When a child of five years insisted to have the mobile phone to watch cartoons during the consultation, the father gave in and mother refused to yield. This made the child roll on the ground and scream. I could see the child gauging the impact of the loudness of his cry to sense if there was favourable response from the mother! It went on for five minutes. I encouraged the parents to let the child 'wind down'. At one stage the stern voice of the mother helped to seize the opportunity from further escalation. 

After all these, when my colleague was engaging the child in the other room, the parents told me that they view such situations differently. Father yields to the child's 'deamnds'and mother resists.

This led us to have conversations about the upbringing of the parents. Father grew up in  a 'permissive' environment without guidelines for desirable childhood behaviour. Mother from early childhood was introduced to 'boundary setting' with routines and rituals which made it easy for children to conform. 

Human behaviour is an extension of childhood behaviour.

Behaviour is nothing but a pattern in formation !

That is why I was fascinated by the rituals of these three birds. They have a pattern to their daily rhythm.

I know of a Bishop who after getting up every morning would walk five kilometres which he started thirty five years ago. It is during this time he meditates, prepares some of his talks and recalls people who needs his attention. He told me that such a practice adds to his wellness. 

I am learning more about the rituals of some birds which reinforce to me that living well includes following good rituals.  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Where does this music come from!

It took a good mount of search in our property among the tall trees, covered from all sides with foliage, to spot two Magpie Robins perched in two trees away from each other, singing to each other!  Was it a prelude to becoming a pair!

I tracked these Robins for a while when they moved between trees. They chose to perch in branches which looked bare and dry!

Where does this music come from!

I remember listening to an Indian born British composer during a concert in the British Council, Chennai, perhaps in 1989, when he talked about his composition about a court scene in  a King's chamber from a story in an ancient Indian literature.

Many musicians were called in to play before the king. After they all performed there was a musician with visual impairment who started playing his violin. The first string broke after a while, then the second and finally one string was left and the violinist kept playing. The music became even more melodious and inspirational to the listeners. The large gathering in the King's court listened to this music just with one string left in the violin with the music becoming a melody as never before! This composer told the audience, 'This is music, when it is  from within' !

Our Older son Arpit who was a attending a workshop led by this composer, was taken up by his piano recital, repertoire of composition and stories behind his composition, that he gave a serious thought to study music full time! He did pursue completing his formal training with Royal College of Music, London, in music theory and piano recital. Our younger son Anandit trained himself in flute and trumpet and passed his music examinations.

As these Magpie Robins sang to each other, the above story returned to me with freshness. 

I have no musical background where as Anna learned violin and used to be in the orchestra during her student days at CMC Vellore. With a recent acquisition of a good violin, Anna has returned to playing. 

Music becomes a melody in our soul when, we get tuned to the song from within. There is a song within each of us. When that song resonates within when we listen to music, there is an inner harmony!

When does what others tell us become A music like that! Even a conversation can quicken us to feel the inner resonance of harmony!

I have pondered over it a lot in the recent weeks! When does speaking becomes less than a communication! When speaking is to project oneself or acquire the space of acceptance, it looses its appeal to cause a resonance within us or in others. In a true sense speaking is self giving! In the Pauline reflection, speaking is to bring grace to the listener's ear (Colossians 4:6)!

We reach out to others, when our speech edifies others with more attention on them rather than being on ourselves. 

One Biblical verse, which brings an inspirational challenge to me is: 'Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself' (Philippians 2:3)! While I know that this calling is still cerebral to me, I have been in pursuit to making this my habit during conversations. 

These two  Robins brought music to my soul and clarified the intent of any communication! They shared love between them in singing to each other!

It is in listening, we behold others in love and mindfulness!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Message of Life !

I was on my regular walk in the garden when this sight of a bunch of rose flowers dragged me to look at it closely- one fully open flower and two in an early stage of opening and the fourth one in a fading stage! 

With the heightened tension at the Indo-pakistan border, there is a lot of conversation in the media around war, wounds and death. 

All these flowers are found in one rose plant. The rose plant would have had several flowers opening and fading away during this season. 

If there is birth, there is death, a dual reality that makes life most significant. The reality is that birth and death co-exist. In each of our lives there is the birth of new experiences, insights, relationships, etc. and decline in our memory, wellness in the body, breakdown of relationships, etc.

What is fascinating and refreshing is how inspite of this paradox in our lives,  each of us is endowed with an innate resilient spirit that wants to seek  after the wellness of others. Late Dr Mary Varghese, the founder of the department of the Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation at CMC Vellore, suffered spinal cord injury while studying medicine which made her wheel chair bound. She ceased to be well bodily, but within her was an indomitable spirit which made her to offer her hands to take care of others with spinal cord injury! It was 'death' of her normal ability which brought forth a life giving ability in the service of others.

It is from the chaos of 'death' of something important for us, something creative and extra-ordinary can emerge, that can bring forth abundance to others.

I passed by this rose plant where all the flowers except one were fading away. The flowers lived their term. This brought to my attention the transitoriness of life! I met a family recently who lost their two children 15 and 13 years while playing football. The ball fell into the river and one of them got in to fetch it. He was washed away and the older boy jumped into water to save his brother. But he too was lost in the current of water. This domain of reality of death or 'near death' experience alerts us to live soberly, responsibly and altruistically. Our life is conditioned by the reality of the end of life now or later! This consciousness raises within us a call to live resonating goodness, mercy and benevolence. I feel conscious of this reality as I am in the seventh decade of life. One exercise I do every week is to write at least one letter of appreciation and acknowledgement to friends from my medical college days onwards. What if I would not have another opportunity! Now that, I have reached out to about fifty and another 150 or so are remaining, I am drawn by a sense of nearness to most of them. Life gives us the gift of relationships.

When I turned back to return, I happened to notice this plant with two buds in two different stages of maturing to open. That brought back the hope of how life triumphs over death. Death is only a transient narrative, although an authentic narrative. Death is not the final reality. It is transition to life of abundance in another dimension. The eternal dimension gives us a new perspective to our daily living. 'The good we can do, let me do it now, let me not defer it..' is a statement that I have treasured in my heart since my college days. Dr C.K.Eapen, who is in his eighties and works full time in the hospital, once told me, that 'I come to hospital to celebrate life with others I meet' It sounded too solemn to be an impulsive statement. It came forth as his vocation.    

I felt uplifted by the visit to the garden in our courtyard, because the buds and flowers in different stages became an anchor to my soul. I have felt some weariness on account of some existential challenges recently.  

I am glad that it is joy and hope of life and living that  reside in my consciousness now!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Photoblog: chidldevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Red whiskered Bulbul

It is the first time I noticed a red whiskered Bulbul family in our garden this morning during this nesting season. I remember seeing single ones occasionally.

For many familiar birds that frequent our garden, there is enough trees for them to choose to nest.  But there is lot of activity in our garden due to workers still building the walls and doing other work. This is likely to disturb the birds in making our garden their home during the nesting season. 

I watched this pair on an 'inspection flight' to seven or so trees and finally leaving the garden across the paddy field. Till I spot them again, I shall wait in suspense.

What is special about the red whiskered Bulbul is their striking musical notes in the birdcall. I noticed both the birds give away their musical bird calls melodiously.

It is an exceptionally joyful experience to have birds nest in the garden. The birds of the air need a home. 

For the last five years, I approached three carpenters to make wooden nesting boxes to hang them on trees to attract sparrows to stay in the garden. They are yet to make them.   

What is a green unless it also home for the birds, butterflies, dragon flies!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Wood pecker in flight !

I am no good at photographing flying birds. It is an art that I am not sure of picking up as it requires instantaneous skilful changes in the camera settings. 

What fascinates me is watching the flight through the binoculars. There is a sequence of body movements before the birds take its flight, which is different between the bird species.  

They fly instinctively, in response to sighting a prey or sensing a threat or reaching out to a birdcall  from distance. 

All birds are movement driven!

That is the distinct feature of the avians.

I kept pondering on this to get a sense of what is distinct about humans !

I feel that humans are relationship driven. In the Biblical narration of the creation story, a woman, Eve was created for companionship for the man, Adam. 

The meaning of relationship is best understood by watching a three months old baby. Usually most babies track the movement of the mother by searching for her in the visual field. When the mother responds to the search, baby fixes his or her gaze delightfully and with a smile of recognition kicks the legs and flaps the hands, wanting to be carried or played with. It is this reciprocal behaviour between a parent and a three months old baby, which develops in to a bonding, which is preferential attachment. This grows in to a stable and incremental relationship where a parent is drawn by the baby and the baby longs to be in the company of the parent. 

When this preferential attachment is stable and intimate, both the parents and child become connected emotionally and relationally for the years to come.  

All subsequent relationships are founded on this primal relationship.

I had a telephonic conversation with a friend whom I have known for thirty five years. This relationship was largely mutual for most part of these years. Since we live in two different continents,  the contacts are infrequent. I listened to this friend recalling some glimpses of the years of contacts, conversations and visits. At the end of this, this friend commented, 'Why have you retreated from earlier involvements'! 

This made me pause and reflect! Have I retreated from my involvements or have I moved into new involvements! 

It is an important issue for all of us, who relate to others! Some friends might have a fixation of thoughts or expectations and when one moves beyond that orbit there is suspicion! I suffered from the pain of such a suspicion during the conversation. 

I have been discovering three strands in any relationships. First is a respect for the position, opinion and choice of the other person. Second is pursuit of mutuality where there is openness for giving and taking. Third is freedom to set the space of distance or nearness.

This foundational view of relationships defines the three tangible outcomes; we keep the relationship alive as long as mutuality is explicit; we regard relationship to upbuild each other and we grow in trust towards each other.  

So it is natural to stay related or wean oneself from a relationship at the volitional level. But even when a relationship has become distant or superficial, cordiality and friendly orientation would continue.   

Just as a bird has flight as its inherent behaviour, we too can choose what is homely to us in every relational setting. 

The growth of a person can transcend the plane in which some earlier relationships existed, in which case there is a need to revise the content and contour of a relationship!

However all are our 'neighbours' whom we are called to 'love as ourselves'. This shall put an end to enmity or jealousy or intolerance which can strain a relationship.. 

Le me suggest that we too are voyagers in the journey of life. We leave to move on and seek to arrive in the relational plane of our calling.

Anna and I invested considerable time and  attention to build relationships with students where we work. A the end of six years, we realise, that what was then a natural inclination has become effortful now. This suggests that students have changed and we too have changed. They and we live conscious of this change, and adjust to live in the friendly plane rather wish for the relational plane to return. 

So the relational values of respect, mutuality, and freedom guid all relationships.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Good morning !

 It is not common to see such sights in our garden when an Owl and Squirrel meet face to face in the morning. 

The Owl was like statue on that branch. A squirrel during its gleeful morning playfulness by hopping between branches at about seventy meters height, happened to move in one direction, where the Owl was stoically quiet under the cover of foliage. Noticing the Owl the squirrel went close while paused to watch for an adverse signals form the Owl. The Squirrel remained in the immediate proximity of the Owl looking into its face for a few seconds and swiftly turned around to carry on in its mission. 

The Owl stayed on in its still mood till it was disturbed by a crow!

It was amazing to watch the neighbourly feeling that a Squirrel and Own shared!

If I had the personal E-mail Id of the Prime Ministers of India and Pakistan, I would have forwarded this to invite them to think of each other as neighbours for ever!  

When we fail to think soberly of each other as friendly nations, the lesser beings in nature give us a glimpse of how we ought to be to each other as nations!

There is a space for peace at a time such as this, if only we return to value the common heritage of the two nations!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Phtoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

A ring shadow !

This is a special photograph in my collection, because of the ring shadow the curved branch above the bird casts around the neck of this small Barbet bird. I almost missed the cause of this ring shadow till I wondered what it might be. It was an early morning photo when the sun was rising! 

Yes, shadows come upon us from all around us. A shadow metaphorically in depth psychology represents a lesser truth than the original. Those who work in interpreting dreams usually help us to identify the meaning of some dreams we encounter, where a distortion of facts or reality might be the nidus of the details around a dream. Truth can exist within us in diffusion without its full clarity or preciseness.

It is the bright sun that casts the shadow because the branch comes in between the Barbet and the sun.  A shadow obliterates the whole truth. A shadow is opaque. 

Some of us live under shadow which might be created by the opaqueness in our thought, act and pursuit. Only when thoughts, acts or pursuits are transparent they no longer cast a shadow upon our lives. 

The unfortunate part of a shadow is that it co-exists with truth and transparency. Each of us carries larger or smaller shadows created by lack of transparency, honesty and integrity. 

The human tendency is to hide shadows even after we we consciously recognise that it is not right to do so. When we prepare to move towards owning and confessing our shadows, the voice within might caution us about the loss of 'image' we might suffer publicly.

I remember early in my professional career, I prescribed a medicine beyond the pharmacological dose to a child and the child returned to the hospital after two days in a drowsy state. I recognised my error in prescription and was heavy of heart. My colleagues advised me to hush it up. which is what I did till the child was better and went home. I felt disturbed by it and went to confess about to the professor under whom I was working. He was magnanimous and ordered tea and snacks to appreciate my willingness to confess. He advised me that it is a good practice to write the dose in milligrams and its equivalent measure in milliliters to be safe while prescribing, which I follow even now. The professor mentioned to me, 'it is good to keep your conscience free of shadows of guilt, which can disturb your peace'!

The danger is that we have to cover the shadows within, lest the opaqueness responsible for the shadow is found out by others. We then end up living in fear and apprehension. 

A little later the bird appeared directly under the sun! No shadow existed over its body. That was when I was moved to see the other dimension of shadow. Live in light and your are lit by the light. 

To live publicly in openness is a virtue, which upholds the human heritage as those created in the image of God. God revealed Himself to humankind in multiple ways and He also revealed Himself in the person of Jesus of Nazareth. The invitation of Jesus of Nazareth to those who came seeking after Him was, 'come and see'!

It is when we live in the light we truly can make disclosure of our lives to others, with the truth and shadows we carry within us. 

This is the calling for a pilgrim- seek after God of truth, while God awaits to receive us like how the father in the parable of the prodigal son waited!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

A sunbird's morning routine !

I have often watched this female sunbird with its pair in glistening bluish purple, hopping between tall trees where there are dry twigs. Having seen them in different times of the day in and around our cottage, I have begun to look for a nest.

These are quiet birds except for their bird calls and fluttering movements. They easily get frightened by crows and bigger birds. 

I have preferential interest in small birds because, it is a delight to spot the relatively silent birds and track them between their landing and flight. That gives only an ultrashort time to take any decent photograph!

So sighting them is all that might be possible most of the times!

It give us a wider message. The larger sights and scenes crowd our horizon and we miss the smaller sights. 

This way we view the world around us almost make us think that only big things exist or matter. 

A bird photographer told me that most bird sighters begin with big birds at the beginning of their journey of bird sighting and often land up later in life as those who search for small birds. The large sights and experiences lose their appeal as they are frequent and shall become too ordinary. 

My day is made when I can spot a lady bird or a grass hopper. They are hard to find and we therefore do not look for them enough!

Small is beautiful ! It is a delight when we can find small things inspirational!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

In memory of the security personnel and civilians

The conflict on our borders in Kashmir and the recent terrorist suicide bombing have taken away the lives of nearly fifty security personnel and civilians. 

Anna and I want to remember those whose lives were taken away from our midst and carry in our thoughts the families facing loss and bereavement. 

This conflict between India and Pakistan is of thirty or more years and does not seem to end. Those who die on account of this ongoing conflict are from both countries.  Sometimes the political talk of leaders in India seems to give an impression that killing people from the other side of the border is like scoring a goal. It might be similar in Pakistan too. 

Two school children who attend third standard in a school was talking between themselves: ' Why are we killing people of Pakistan. They are killing our people, Is not killing wrong' ! They perceived the naked truth in all its awfulness! 

Gerard W. Hughes, in his last book before he moved on in 2014, 'Cry of Wonder' covered three themes, Unity, Peace, and Holiness. In the preface to the book, he wrote:'I write about this in order to encourage the  reader to value and cherish their own experiences'.  What are these experiences! He has lot to say about living, relating, caring, serving and beholding each other! Having been a Jesuit by his vocation for over seventy years, he discovered the substance of his faith: the mystery of God and the mystery of Man. He used a latin phrase, Tremendum et fascinans from the writings of Rudolf Otto to suggest that 'mystical experience both shakes us severely and yet inexorably attracts'! 

To me it is a mystery beyond understanding that two nations have to be in this perpetual war like situation. The respite of tension between the North and South Korea in the recent years gives me hope, that the political establishment in India and Pakistan would genuinely settle their disputes and become friendly neighbours. 

Gerard has a theory that there is more activity towards generating war than for peace as the arms dealers, and the military establishments would have nothing to do if there was no conflict. In fact a good percentage of the economy of some countries come from international arms sale. 

We live in difficult times because creating wealth is both a science and art and the advocates of prosperity do not bother enough if others suffer while some can become wealthy! 

I too am seventy now. I ponder over the paradoxes the prosperity and economic progress bring. I like a phrase, which St Paul used in 2 Corinthians 7:2, 'Make room for us in your hearts...'  

This is the way for humans to live! Keeping others in our thoughts and consciousness. That is when our differences do not matter and conflicts decline!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Dafney and Dulce !

Dafney and Dulce have a play time together inside our cottage in the morning. At the end of that time  Anna offers a a treat to both of them. It is usually milk in two separate bowls of their liking. 

Today I offered them in their bowls a bone with some meat on them. The first picture is the posture of Dafney for a while after placing the bone outside the bowl. 

Dulce and picked up her bone and wandered away and reappeared in the scene which is the second picture. Seeing this, Dafney got up, picked up the bone and moved away. 

They are three years apart in age. 

Dafney from her very young days would often wait looking at the bowl of food for a while before she would consume it. Sometimes she would keep a potion of it till the evening meal arrives. 

Dulce on other hand,  if it is milk, meat or a biscuit would consume it instantly. 

Fortunately they do not quarrel over food when they are served together.  

I watch them to get a sense of the way they live in a friendly way. Al through the time inside the cottage, they chase each other, hide and seek and play with socks by flinging in the air. They have their toys, but what they find in the waste baskets or in the laundry bag would be objects of their interest during the play time. 

Both of them make me feel that they are light hearted and seek each other for the pleasure of playing.,which is their way of communication!

I carry home this message- seek each other for pleasure of conversation and communicating !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo) 

Photoblog:  childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Quiet presence!

This jasmine plant at the edge of of our garden is least visited or looked at! I m not even sure if this plant receives enough water and manure. 

However, no matter what is the season of the year, it has a few buds or flowers. 

As it is a variety of jasmine without an exquisite aroma, it does not have anything special about it to draw people to itself. 

Yesterday, I had a telephone call from  a former colleague who is known to be an eminent example of quiet presence fulfilling her role in whatever she does eminently and impressively. Her meticulous attention to details and orderly planning skills since I first knew her thirty years ago make her distinct and distinguished.

I sometimes wonder whether she denies others of her excellent leadership skills by her quiet presence!  Or is it that others use her skills gratefully without knowing the larger space she deserves to bring changes for the benefit of many more!

Life story is indeed a mystery!

Who can guess that there is a shell, kernel and glassful of water inside the husk of a coconut fruit, till you are familiar with it. 

Of all the types of leadership I have been familiar with in my involvement with the leadership of seven organisations in India and one overseas,  I have begun to believe more in conversational leadership.

Late Dr Ray Windsor, a cardiothoracic surgeon and a concert pianist from New Zealand was denied a place in the faculty of CMC Vellore when he cameo Vellore seeking for a job, bringing the skills of coronary by-pass surgery in the early sixties. Later he became the founding fellow of the department of cardio-thoracic surgery in the Post Graduate Institute of Medical Sciences, Chandigarh. He left that to lead the the BMMF international. One of his outstanding contributions was fostering to form the Emmanuel Hospital Association. 

Anna and I had several occasions to meet him and host him in our home in Pune. Dr. Windsor was a conversational leader. He told me once, 'get to know with whom you work and that constitutes most of leadership'!  

How much we know others with whom we work more than we know of them!

It is when we get to know others you recognise the talents in others. Often able people remain doing far less than they are destined to because the leaders do not recognise them or help them to exercise their larger skills. 

In the place where I work, I have grown in knowing five colleagues because of which they do far more than what they are required to do in the job description given to them!

Many exist quietly around us and fade away over time. without being given a larger space for them to leave their foot prints! 

Those who have eye to see and ears to hear would be quick to discern some, whose destiny is beyond where they are placed currently in a organisation!

This can be one  outcome of conversations leadership.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

One fruit in a tree!

This is the only fruit in our guava tree in the garden as of now.

It is a five feet tall tree with three main branches, which is now two years old since we planted it. It is a growing tree as there are new shoots in all branches. This fruit is the forerunner of many fruits in the future, in the years to come ! It is only a beginning of life of fruitfulness for the  tree!

I get to hear stories from parents of how they tend to trivialise small developmental changes in their children as they are fixed on bigger expectations. 

There re seven mango trees and five lime trees, all of which do not yield any fruit for a while now!

But they grow and new shoots and flowers appear, but not fruits.

This is what causes us to be anxious! A tree is worth only when it yields its fruits. 

The life of the tree in itself is some significance and not just fruit alone! We expect the trees to give  their fruits because we plant and tend them. 

I suspect that it is the same utilitarian view, we as parents have towards our children sometimes.    

'Your children are not yours' a well known poem by Kahlil Gibran written in 1923,  is worth revisiting:

"Your children are not your children,

They are the sons and daughters of life's longing for itself

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, and yet they belong not to you. 

You may give them your love but not your thoughts

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls. 

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows form which your children's arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite

and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

Foe even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable"

Somehow there is a distortion of view on parenting. We seem to own and possess our children that we practice an overbearing presence in their lives. We nurture them to grow up and when they grow up we tend to control them with our expectations. 

Even during the growing up years, we burden them with our choice of destiny for them. 

A tree is a tree whether it bears fruit or not. Sometimes it bears only one fruit. All of these are only our expectations or thoughts. 

Even a tree is  more than our thoughts and expectations. How much more our children!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)



Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Mangosteen Flowers !

We have two  Mangosteen treed in our garden, which my parents planted about thirty years ago. They have a pattern of bearing fruit once in two years. We had a good crop of fruits in 2018. Now both trees are full of flowers going on to the fruiting stage.

The area where these two trees are located in the garden was badly hit by strong winds during the flood in 2018, that the main branches of these two trees were broken off. It was therefore heartening to see both trees with flowers, that too in plenty, in the remaining branches of the trees. 

It was about three weeks back our gardener mentioned that we might not have any fruit this year from these two trees. In fact, it is the first time during the last seven years since Anna and I have been living here, we have noticed such a profuse flowering in both the trees. 

Sometimes it is following some difficult experiences a new awakening takes place in our lives. In fact storms in life are occasions of renewal. 

It is real and significant in my life. 

It was two days back, I was caught in a storm in an unexpected way. What settled in my consciousness after that was clarity and indications to move on in a particular direction which I had not seen as a way forward.   

It is common for us to be carried away by what and how others view us, as we are inclined to look for affirmation from around us. 

A mechanic who takes care of the car I use, mentioned to me, that his satisfaction at work comes from the way he is able to take care of the car given to him for repair. 

His outlook to himself is most commendable. It is from within we shall receive our affirmation. Whether we fail or succeed, we are the same person. 

Life is for living fully and not for pursuing for recognition!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)


Photoblog: childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com

Personal practice protocols

Let me introduce a blog in existence from 2013, childdevelopmentashirvad.blogspot.com  which I have now revived out of my renewed interest to write a summary of our professional experiences of the last forty years. 

I have wanted to summarise my professional experiences in a book form like what was done in Parenting your child and Let me Live. I have begun to doubt whether it would be possible, in view of some challenges of logistics. At the same time, I feel compelled to share some experiences, which have defined my perspectives through my learning journey into Developmental Neurology and Child Development. 

I start this new series feeling immensely grateful to all my teachers and colleagues who have been significant people in letting me explore this learning journey, often patiently tarrying with me while I negotiated an unchartered path.

The ASHIRVAD board of trustees gave me the freedom to innovate. My teachers at the Medical Colleges at Nagpur and Pune, the Institute of Child Health, London and the Institute of Neurology at Madras Medical College, Chennai were my facilitators and companions in attempting to define and evolve the content and contours of Developmental paediatrics.

What made Developmental Paediatrics a visible academic specialty was the beginning of the department of Developmental Paediatrics at CMC Hospital in 1997 through a Memorandum of Understanding between ASHIRVAD and CMC Vellore. Let me acknowledge the willingness of Dr V.I.Mathan the then director of CMC Vellore to the facilitate  the birth of this academic specialty in a medical college in India in 1997.

It was Anna who supported this journey into a specialty which till then did not exist in any medical college in India, possible. She has been the source of steadfast inspiration.

My colleagues at ASHIRVAD Child Development Centre, Chennai (1983-1997), Early Learning Centre, Nagpur (1989-1996), Developmental Paediatrics , CMC Vellore (1997-2008), Developmental Paediatrics and Child Neurology at PIMS, Pondicherry (2010-2012) and MOSC Medical College, Kolenchery (20013- ) have been my formatters and enablers. It is their steadfastness to trust me even when the outcome of pioneering efforts looked intangible, which made this journey thus far significant and defining. 

I have a sense that the time of summarising the experiences and recollecting them to celebrate has arrived! 

Let me invite all of you to look forward to some regular posting in this blog from now on.

To all those who follow the blog: waymarksononajourney, thank you for showing an interest in the experiences of our lives as a couple. I shall continue to keep it alive by sharing our life experiences.

To all those who would visit the blog: childdevelomentashirvad, welcome! You would get a glimpse of the Personal Practice Protocols, which have evolved on the common developmental challenges children and families encounter !

M.C.Mathew (text and photo) 

A road side sight!

This is a roadside scene that Anna and I have been watching for one r month now. It is a transition season now here to summer with the day temperature scoring to 37 degrees celsius as of today. These orange coloured bougainvillea flowers look even more brighter in this high temperature. 

The gardener who keeps in touch with me reminded me the other day that it is the summer heat which makes some plants thrive with good yield. 

He was referring to Mango trees which normally blossom now and bear fruits in May, at the height of Summer.

All the three casehew nut trees have blossomed in our garden but not the seven mango saplings! 

So trees with flowers and others without the flowers!

The parable of the gardener that Jesus of Nazareth spoke about tells the choice of the gardener to cut it down because it did not bear fruit. But he decided to wait after taking care of it even more!

This applies to relationships. Some relationships do not seem to bring any returns after lot of efforts!

To do little more to revive it is the corollary. But we can let it be and move on as well!

What builds a relationship is mutuality! A one sided giving or receiving relationship is only utilitarian.

MCMathew (Text and Photo)

Buds without dew!

Yesterday was the first day since October, 2018, I noticed the buds and leaves without dew on them early in the morning! The night temperature has shot up. The whether has changed. Now it is a long wait for dew till late October, all being well!

The buds and leaves are not the same without the water particles covering them! They look dry and vulnerable. The dew was a protection and a decoration.

Yesterday, I had a long conversation with a colleague on the 'grace' of behaviour! I had just returned from the coffee booth where I saw something refreshing and touching. While there were a few of us waiting for coffee, this person at the counter cared to look at each of us with a smile of acknowledgement. It was a place to go to for coffee because of this graceful welcome!

I have about ten families who come to visit me each day! I began pondering over how I appear to them! I usually try engaging every child by letting them become present in the room. I watch them move around in the room exploring to play with something. It is when this happens I feel that a child is homely in the room. 

But, I am yet to be clear whether parents feel homely in the room as there are usually other professionals also in the room!

My usual opening question, 'tell me what is on your mind' although is a comfortable starting point for many, there are long pauses when some parents take time to compose their thoughts. My colleague told me that one comforting thing for most parents is this 'space of time' we offer to them!

This enlarged my understanding about the value of 'space of time'! 

Yesterday, a friend called me from another country and said, 'I thought of you now..'

That brought it even more specific! How much space of time I offer to others in my thoughts!

What is in a relationship without this mindfulness of others! It is like the buds in this blog without dew on them! Something is missing!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)