Another family is born!

This sight of two Magpie Robins on a dry branch of a tall tree drew my attention while on a walk. I noticed a worm in the beak of one of them. I watched this Robin flying into a hollow of the trunk of this tree and return to join its mate to fly away perhaps for collection another feed. Obviously it was the little ones in the nest that the Robin was feeding. I could hear feeble chirping from that direction, which confirmed it. 

On another walk, I watched these Robins sitting on their favourite positions and chase away a squirrel approaching the nest. They were vigilant and watching over their offspring. 

On a subsequent occasion I noticed the two little Robins stretching out into the mouth of the nest. I wish I was quick enough to capture it in my camera!

This is one of the rewards of  watching for birds and following their natural habitat and rhythm.

Between the time the birds start courtship and have the baby birds, it is a long journey for the birds. They have many challenges to overcome and, I am told that birds take their responsibility with determination to lay eggs and prepare for the little ones! 

These birds convey a special feeling of joyful waiting and intimacy between themselves!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)      

Mid life career change!

This plaque erected in memory of Dr. Roberts at the hospital in Shillong made me pause and dwell on the issue of mid life career change.

Dr. Roberts was a minister of the Presbyterian church and was known to have been a well accomplished  preacher, teacher and counsellor in the congregations he ministered. But his passion was in bringing health, healing and wholeness to his congregation, for which he thought that training in medicine would be a good avenue. That was how he got trained. During the medical training he felt a call to be a missionary doctor. This led him to come to Shillong in 1922, spending 21 years to start and steer the K.J.Hospital to be a referral hospital in later years. 

Dr. David Tarang, who is the current director of the hospital once tad me, that, ‘Dr. Roberts left  behind a good tradition of a ministering physician, which continues to influence the way we welcome patients and care for them’. 

It is more common now to make mid life changes in career and vocation! Life is in evolution! Life is a continuum! Sometimes changes in perception, however radical, would lead us to make departures from an earlier chosen career path. Some other times, it may be a need that would persuade us to consider retraining!

Life offers us many opportunities. We need to choose and change the course in our lives when the call to do so comes to us!   

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Secure and smiling !

Not all infants spontaneously smile while seated in the mother’s lap. This infant resting his hand over mother’s  palm and feeling secure in mother’s lap is smiling away in delight and gladness. It is a sight that would capture anyone’s attention! 

It is such scenes that help any child watcher to take note of the  significance of emotional quotient, which of late, has often been referred to, as a deciding factor in the development of the temperament of an infant.  

An infant has three obvious emotional states. 

Satiety after feed or good sleep which is expressed through self play. It is a state of contentment lasting for a short while, but definitely conditioned by the previous experience of fulfilment. It is a state of wellness. Infants who convey such a state of wellness are well adjusted and rooted in a milieu of relationships. 

Another state is of expression of different needs of hunger, thirst, wanting to play or carried, etc. This is often expressed by vocalisation of sounds, body movements such as kicking legs or attempting to move around, which when not noticed would end in crying. Such a cry is distinct in tone, loudness and duration. Any mother would, on hearing the tone of the cry would sense it to be a sign of a need. Even when the baby cries, it is a communication of a need and not an expression of anger. When the need is met, some infants would return to a state of wellness and some others would resort to recurring cycles of needs, hardly settling into a state of wellness. Those infants are emotionally labile and less secure. 

A third emotional state is anxiety, often referred to as stranger anxiety. Most infants after an initial guarded response of an apparent engagement of a stranger, would turn away from a stranger and hold on to the mother or familiar care giver and would even refuse to respond to the gesturer of the stranger wanting to carry the infant. Some in that state would even cry. Such a cry has a tone of distress or pain. This is usually seen intensely around nine months of age, beginning from six months or so. Even here, an infant who has been used to be in a state of wellness predominantly, would overcome the stress of a stranger and return to be sociable after an initial period of adjustment. 

The bottom line is, the state of wellness determines or influences the other emotional states.

Are all infants secure and smiling! This is worth pondering over! It is linked to parenting styles! 

I am open to explore this further!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

   

Burden of Learning!

As Anna and I watched these children and  others  return from the school on Monday, we were reminded of our  early childhood learning days, where we went to school empty handed and returned with no home work to do.

Although ‘learning without burden’ during the pre-school years has been an oft discussed philosophy  of pre-school education, most pre-schools would insist on wearing uniforms, and  carry a bag with books, writing pads, water, towel, a change of clothes, etc. 

I remember weighing bags of lower kindergarten children a few years back. The average weight was 4 kilograms. Children at that age would normally weigh around 14 kilograms with a height of around 90 Cms. Carrying those bags on the back often made them walk with a slight bent forward which added stress to the spine and its curvature. 

I do not think that  it has changed in spite of much lobbying by the educationalists to make the pre-school years exploratory, child friendly and informal academically. The pressure to read, write and perform was to have been replaced by a child driven learning process and giving a child a sense of orientation to learning. The content was to be less important; the process was to be the focus. 

However, pre-school children even now remain burdened to learn!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Double planting

The bed of bamboo shoots is used to plant Cana plants which flowers seasonally. This double planting is a popular concept which has some challenges in gardening! 

This is common sight in some parts of Kerala, where pine apples are grown in rubber tree plantations when the trees are still growing, before the commencement of tapping for milk. 

The moisture in the soil ought to be right for both plants. The chemistry of the soil ought to suit both plants alike. The sunlight and shadow in the right proportion ought to suit both plants. All these are challenges which need experience and professional approach.

There are some advantages. The land use is maximised. In gardens, we can allow seasonal flowering plants to grow to make the tree bed look eye-pleasing. Most flowering plants grow by spreading the roots in the superficial layers of the soil which does not disturb the roots of the tree such as the bamboo which tend to grow deeper. The leaves of the bamboo protects the flowering plants from exposure to extremes of sunlight. 

When we are short of space for planting flowering plants, consider using the bed of tall trees of bushes. It makes the garden even more aesthetic and colourful!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

ASHIRVAD is thirty one !

The board of trustees of ASHIRVAD met at Vellore for its meeting last Saturday. The SIGNIFICANT  event at this meeting was recollection of its history of the last thirty years.

For Anna and myself, the last thirty years, was a fulfilling journey of learning, growing and trusting. We set out on this mission, persuaded by a series of events in our lives, leaving the Christian Medical College, Vellore in 1982 to move to Chennai to establish a Child Development and Research Centre on 14 November, 1983. It was the first centre for pre-school children with neuro-developmental needs in India, that focussed on diagnostic, therapeutic and interventional services and home based developmental planning for children. Later this initiative was followed by establishing ASHA school for children with special needs at St. Andrews Church, Chennai in 1987, an ASHIRVAD Early Learning Centre at Nagpur in 1991, the Developmental Paediatrics unit at the Christian Medical college, Vellore the first teaching department of its nature in any medical college in India in 1997, a similar facility at Pondicherry Institute of Medical sciences in 2010 and at MOSC Medical College, Kolenchery, in 2012. A post doctoral fellowship in Developmental Paediatrics and a PhD programme got started at CMC Vellore to train professionals in this discipline.

All these initiatives except the one at PIMS continue to provide seminal services for children and parents at a high level of professional efficiency.   

Mr. Mani Ratnam, a well know film producer, recollecting his association with ASHIRVAD while making his film, ANJALI in 1989, a story of child with special needs, in his biography mentioned that, his eyes were opened to the challenges of caring for children with special needs during the several mornings  he spent at the ASHIRVAD Child Development and Research Centre, Chennai to finalise his script and story line. 

All of these and many other experiences happened as a surprise. We did not plan or anticipate such an outcome through a small step of faith we were made to take in 1983. ‘It is God’s doing and marvellous in our sight’.  

The hundreds of children and families whom we welcomed during the thirty years became our tutors and learning resources to make us what we have become! 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Dry or alive, a tree has a story!

I was fascinated to note the efforts taken to preserve this dry tree in the lawn outside the Carman Block at the Christian Medical College, Vellore. In the setting of a lush green garden with meadow, plants and trees this tree trimmed, varnished and protected in a bed stands in contrast to everything else. 

This tree has a life history of sixty or seventy years, according to the gardener who is familiar with this tree for a long time. It was a gulmohar tree, which shed its leaves and got dried up during one summer. The efforts to revive it with special care did not help. The tree stood in the middle of the garden and was an eye sore for a while till it was decided to preserve the tree to tell its own story. The stem was treated with chemicals to preserve it from pests and weather and now adds to the aesthetics of the garden.

It is not common to preserve trees after its life time. Someone seemed to remember that this tree was planted by the founder of the Christian Medical College, Vellore, Dr. Ida Scudder after she retired from her service. So the tree acquires a historic significance. There are about ten trees in the campus, which Dr. Scudder would have planted according to reliable sources and this is the only one which went dry. So the decision to preserve it to remember her and her fondness for garden, flowers  and trees. 

There is a story and history behind most of the special sights we see. It is good to connect with them because stories reveal values and character.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A pan cake desert !

I happened to watch last week, how this pan cake desert was  made. The pan cake was fried in the  the pan by the husband and the wife got the strawberries ready with the cream. It was put together by both of them with each taking turn to smear the cinnamon powder over it before it was served. 

It was a delight to watch the couple share this activity and communicate to each other affectionately and spontaneously!

During our visits to different homes, Anna and I have been encouraged by a new culture of husband and wife participating in building their relationships through shared activities. Another family reminded us of how both parents take turns to take care of the children in the evening time, before their bed time. 

The relationship within a marriage needs nurture and enlargement. Often, conversations get reduced to the essentials and a couple may feel distanced from each other over a period of time. In fact doing things together builds and tones relationships.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

Summer’s arrival !

There are some flowers that bloom just before the arrival of summer. At the Christian Medical college campus, the temple trees have the early flowers, in white, yellow and crimson colours. When the rest of the green vegetation on the ground dry up and the trees look bare with falling leaves, the campus looks bare and dry. With less foliage in the trees, bird lovers love going for their early morning and evening walks to spot the birds. I found some of them delighted withe the pictures they were able to take of the birds which they could not during the winter season.

This is the mystery of the nature- that it has something special at all seasons for the beholder!

Life too has many seasons. Sometimes we get carried away by happy times or fulfilled times and undervalue difficult and trying times. In fact, life with its fullness befriends us at all the times and seasons although we tend to miss the specialness of difficult times as we are preoccupied with our expectations!

A child who is fond of flowers told me that. ‘During the winter I pick flowers and during summer I gather them from the ground'. For him, the flowers were there always. 

I wish we too can look at life through this optic! There is a meaning and significance at all times in our lives whether we are surrounded by easy or difficult times. Life for many poets is a like a river that changes course and direction dependent on the water it has to carry. The water-life remains alive  at all times, no matter which direction the river is taking. 

There is a life within all of us of  God, who made His abode in our lives. That is what Jesus of Nazareth told His followers in his departing message, ‘I am with always..’!  

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Flowers in relationships

This desert rose in our garden has bloomed since it was given to us three years back. It was a gift to us from our neighbour in the Christian Medical College campus, when we  moved to Pondicherry after retirement. Our neighbour has a desert rose garden with at least five different colours and had instructed us to tend it in  particular way for it to blossom. Anna followed most of those suggestions meticulously. So it was a joy to see it in bloom on our return from Vellore yesterday after a week of stay. We remembered our neighbour Achamma and Vinohar once again as we admired the flowers.  

During our visit to Vellore, while visiting a home, the friends pointed us to a rose with several flowers and told us that it was a gift we gave them on his birthday a year back. We received a beautiful table decoration of flowers, during our stay at Vellore last week. Two friends got flowers from the market and made that decoration themselves which looked most professional.

Flowers are even more special when we receive them as gifts from friends. It provides a continuity of friendships. Of late, flowers bearing plants or cut flowers have become our first choice of gift when we want to share our appreciation of friendship with someone. 

Flowers are fresh, fragrant and fragile. Each of these features remind us the canvas of friendships.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Pink Lilies in bloom

This is the first season of flowering Lilies in our garden since we returned to live in this cottage. We have  rows of them at the edge of the meadow, which adds to colour and freshness. It was a long wait to see them blossom.

Between the time of planing and flowering there is a long waiting time. However the waiting ends in delight.

We are a generation of impulsive people on a hurry, impatient to wait. Many substantial benefits in life come only through a season of waiting. Think of a couple waiting for nine months to welcome their baby! It is both a time of anticipation and preparation. It is this period of suspense that adds to the excitement when the baby arrives. Normally a medical graduate takes about fifteen years to finish his or her training from the time he or she starts with the undergraduate studies. He or she endures it because of the benefit it would bring at the end of this. 

There is meaning and purpose in waiting. It adds strength to our character and conviction!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

A lady drummer !

It was the first time, I noticed a lady at the drums, on the occasion of the thanksgiving service of the batch of 1977 at the MOSC Medical College, Kolenchery. I found this most encouraging. I have often seen ladies at the violin, flute, guitar, piano, key board, mouth organ, etc. It was refreshing to see a lady at the drums percussing away most enthusiastically, rhythmically and elegantly!

Every time, I watch a woman do what a man used to do traditionally, I feel reminded of the foundational script of humanity- man and woman are equal in value, worth and purpose. The only difference, according to me is in the discharge of some of the functions. And yet, the equality between men and women is still a far cry in traditional societies. Even the women’s liberation movement has not redeemed the status for women as equals. It probably made men even more aggressive, possessive and resistant to let go!

Even in the medical profession, where there are more women medical students in training in the recent years, seniors seem to discourage lady students from pursuing some specialties like General Surgery, Orthopaedics, Cardio-thoracic Surgery, Neurosurgery, etc. The younger women professionals are more aspirational and are looking for opportunities in all disciplines of learning. The women have grown in stature, skills and aspirations. Let men be gracious and generous in welcoming our equals in all walks of life!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

I take thee...

There are different church traditions for the marriage service. One practice in one denomination, I found most appropriate and worth emulating is how the couple make their marriage vows to each other during the wedding service. 

Normally the bride and the bridegroom face the altar and the celebrant faces them. Holding their hands across the aisle, the couple make the vows repeating after the celebrant, facing the altar and the celebrant. 

During this marriage service the celebrant made the couple face each other and the celebrant himself standing between them, facilitated the couple to read out the vows to each other, rather than repeat after the celebrant. 

From the rear pew in a large hall in spite of the echo in the hall and noise outside of the passing by of the traffic, the couple was visible to the large congregation and their vows fully audible. The non-traditional churches have made adaptations in the order of service for different occasions. This change I witnessed, made me feel that the vows were spoken to each other more personally and solemnly.

I felt that the vows, which is the central part of the marriage vows were made more couple centric in this order of service. The couple begin by expressing responsibility mutually on their own, without assisted by a celebrant. This affirmation they make to each other, self expressed, seemed more authentic to the occasion, as I reflected over it.

Many of the worship practices and order of service of different occasions are getting revised to correspond to changing times and needs. I wish, we would make changes to affirm the truth and move away from some traditions that outlived the time!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

   

Music and singing !

We begin the week and end the week in our department with a time of prayer and debriefing. My colleagues added singing as a part of this time for the last three months. Since we started singing choruses and hymns , this time spent together has become even more meaningful.

I have been becoming more conscious recently how singing together can reach us at a deeper plane of consciousness! Some of my colleagues are musically gifted and they make the singing time special by singing in parts. Even for me, who has no musical ear, I find such times refreshing and uplifting. 

We live amidst intruding voices, noise and all forms of music to the extent that we feel tired of the effect of loud music! Therefore it is soothing to listen to live choral singing that can call our soul to rest and feel connected with the reality that transcends the visible and palpable. 

I am not sure whether we sing enough as families. Since our children left for college, Anna and I have often  skipped singing during our times of prayer. Recently Anna began to sing during our drive to work and I realised what a rich resource singing is to minister to our soul with words and music, when sung devotionally and mindfully!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)     

Recollecting my childhood !

This cycle vendor selling sugar candy has been on this business for five years, making this his source of daily income. With many other fast food items available in the school canteens or shops outside the schools, children do not often choose sugar candy. It is more popular in fairs, children’s parks and exhibition sites.

What I gathered by talking to this vendor is the dwindling income from this trade. His few friends have already given up this trade as the income is not able to sustain them. 

I looked forward to sugar candy vendors during the festival gatherings during my childhood. It used to be made by a hand operated machine in our presence and we could have freshly prepared hot candy. Anna remembers the candy vendors in Pune from whom Anna and her brothers used to buy them during their weekly outing. Arpit and Anandit too were fond of them. On one occasion, at their request, we travelled a few kilometres to find a vendor for the delight of having it.

Life is formed by several memories. It is important to recall and relive them to experience some freshness and cheer in the midst of demands we live with.

The small things of our childhood can be most refreshing to recall! They can be inspiring stories for the listeners. We need to create an ambience of hope and cheer by our story telling as I feel that there is an undercurrent of despair and dismay gradually impacting our lives!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

A risky defiance of two wheeler use !

I remember seeing unusual things people do while riding on two-wheelers. 

This is the first time however I happened to notice the rider and pillion carrying a head load while riding. Let me not drag you to the issue of terrible risk, that such irresponsible behaviour is prone for. I showed my hand to stop them to request them to change their mind. Obviously they could not stop easily as the load was evenly balanced on their heads.

I come across people taking more risks while riding and driving, more than what I noticed in the earlier years. 

There is a palpable aggressiveness all around us. People are pushing the boundary of limits. 

To me, this is a sign of despising our responsibility and accountability. We are responsible to God, ourselves, our families, others, etc. Every time we feel like doing something, we need to gauge our acts through this optic of responsibility. 

That is how we add the dimension of stewardship to our lives!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

An altar view !

This glass painting, which comes alive in the morning sun, placed above the altar at the church, where Anna and I often worship is a master piece of art. The artist portrayed the emotions of each of the four persons in the painting. When art work takes us to the original scene poignantly, it is more than a piece of art- it is a message of great appeal.

Although we have different opinions about icons, paintings, plaques, portraits in places of worship, there are some truths in our spiritual journey, which can be sometimes best represented in these forms.

What moves me each time, as I watch this, is the humanity of Jesus. He suffered like any one of us. We live in a society that abhor suffering and exemplifies success. 

As we kneel at the altar in prayer, Jesus is in communion with all of us who suffer in some way or other  because of which we can return from our prayer time affirmed of His promised presence .

M.C Mathew(text an photo)