The year-2014

 We are about to embark on a journey into 2014!

 Every journey needs preparation and provisions. What have we got for this journey!

Let me suggest that we carry hope as our main stay for this journey. 

In one sense, hope is so real that it can lift our spirit from any sense of despair or self-resignation. A farmer sows or plants, waters manures and tends…he does all of these in the hope that he would be able to gather fruits of his labour. We exercise this hope so many times in a day in so many ways. Every time I sit in the driver’s seat of a car, what sustains my spirit is the hope of safe travel and good arrival. 

I experienced recently how hope can revive a languishing spirit. When I was told in September 9th, 2013, by the cardiologist that I had a heart disease which needed a coronary by pass surgery, I did feel anxious and unsettled. Although I was told that complications are uncommon and risk to life was less than 0.5 percent, I had recurring periods of anxiety till the day before surgery. All the members of my family sat around my bed and prayed to revive my hope. That was when, I felt hopeful of being carried through this valley experience. After the operation, during the stay in the intensive care unit, I felt well and recovered progressively. The speed of my recovery surprised me even. 

I want to testify that hope is what sustains our spirit to overcome because hope is based on the reality of God, who does all things well. It is God who turns disappointments into a blessing and joyous occasion into a transforming experience.

If we can be messengers of this hope, which can never die, as long as, ‘Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever, it will inspire some in the year 2014!

I like the hymn of faith of Habakuk, ‘Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labour of the olive may fall, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls- yet I will rejoice in the Lord..’(Hab.3:17). 

A hope that stays in the reality of God and not on the sifting circumstances!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Existential challenges

Anna and I have a pleasant drive each day in the morning and evening, through the quiet country side on our way and back from the hospital. The fifteen kilometre drive which takes about twenty-five minutes is refreshing and tells us a lot about life in a rural setting. 

The rubber plantations have replaced the rice fields which used to be on either side of the roads. Ever since there was scarcity of labour force and daily wage for labourers had climbed up, many resorted to rubber plantation. The rubber trees have normally about thirty years of life and most of the plantations in this region are first generations rubber trees. 

Now the planters have another challenge to face: even tappers are not freely available. About thirty percent of rubber plantations do not produce rubber as tappers are expensive to employ or are scared.

The farm where Anna and I live have tall coconut trees and a climber would need to be paid a fee larger than what the few coconuts would yield when sold. 

None of these existential challenges diminish the serenity and aesthetics of the environment we live. To live close to nature with acres of greenery all around, with no challenges of pollution or congestion is indeed a privilege. We drive each day, seeing only few vehicles on the road. There are no cycles as most people ride on two wheelers. The ‘corner shops’ where people used to gather to sip tea and read morning news paper look deserted. The grocery shops are getting displaced by departmental stores. There is palpable change due to urban influence, which is attracting city dwellers to move to the country side to live and drive to the towns to work.   

Anna and I close this year with gratitude for having been in this environment, where we live among others who are struggling to find their identity. The younger generation is desperate to look and appear modern. They set aside family based value system. Yesterday a lady from our neighbourhood got married and informed her parents about it  on phone, after the wedding.

We are getting familiar with people and situations which we hope would help us to find friends and companions. It is now fifteen months since we have been here. We are strangers and pilgrims in this place. In one sense it is true of many of us. But we can rejoice in knowing that God is our anchor.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Beginning well and staying fresh !

This is the first joint activity which a newly married couple would perform publicly when they come for the public reception. It is symbolically done to wish them ‘sweetness and freshness’ as the tender coconut drink is both of these. So it is a good beginning after having made the marriage woes to care for each other. This incorporates the theme of togetherness and shared living.

I heard an elderly couple sitting next to me, seeing this on the stage,  whisper to each other that ‘It is different after the first day. Husband  does what he likes publicly and the wife does what she wants privately’. This disturbed me. It sounded to me as words of  betrayal of fidelity in marriage. Although I know that there is a four fold increase in the number of couples seeking intervention from the family courts to settle family disputes or seek divorce,  I  live with hope that the majority would practice permanency and intimacy marriage.

What we need to do is to help young couples to choose some symbols that they can recall and periodically exercise between them to refresh the essence of the marriage. One elderly couple told me that it is a custom for them to take half a day in a month to a go to a quiet place to talk to each other about their experiences as a couple- sharing appreciation and affirmation to increase the sense of belonging.  They listen to each other and refer to their disappointments or difficulties. They unburden themselves to each other to make the personal baggage of emotional turmoils lighter. They have a special occasion once a year, when they say the marriage vows to each other and put the ring on each other yet one more time, in the presence of their family of children and grand children. What a solemn way of remembering the marriage journey!

I wish each married couple would choose symbols, gestures and exercises which they can practice regularly or occasionally to refresh themselves with the heart of marriage, which is love and self giving to become ONE.

M.C.Mathew (text ans photo)        

2014- Many children become teenagers!

Yesterday, while being at a wedding reception, a boy whom I knew for a while came to me and said in an exciting tome in his voice, ‘Uncle I will turn a teenager on my birthday in 2014’. That set me thinking of what this brings to his life and thousands of others globally in 2014. I asked him to describe three features of begin a teenager. He mentioned, one word: Freedom. I would have continued the conversation, had another friend not interrupted the conversation!

Let me reflect on the word freedom.

Freedom is  a key word, which defines a teenager. He wants to be set free from the usual restraints, expectations or demands imposed upon him. Many use this freedom and others despise it. 

I remember a teenage girl who once told me about her younger brother of seven years old, who could not speak, walk or attend a school when she was young. She was an athlete, singer, debater, and a painter. She would normally spend most of her spare time in one of these activities for which she had got state level recognition. When she turned a teenager, she asked her parents, ‘Can I withdraw from all these activities for a while, so that I would have more time with my brother’. Her parents let her choose that because of her insistence. 

During the next six months she spent her evenings and week ends with her brother, helping in his mobility, communication and socialisation. She persuaded her parents to let him attend her school in a wheel chair. At the end of two years, he was mobile, communicating and became an active school goer, although with some limitations. 

This teenager sought freedom to choose what she would do with her time. She let go of her interests to make a difference in the life of her brother, who until then received help from therapists coming home to help. They did help the child, but she invested her in the life of her brother devotionally and lovingly. 

Freedom, for teenagers can mean many things.  I wish we can give them an opportunity to choose wisely while we offer them freedom! They can be so original in their thought that, it needs patience on our part to see the opportunity they envisage through their optic. 

Teenagers are a resource and trend setters ! Let us be alive and alert to their instincts!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Arrivals and departures!

Each of us is through several departures and arrivals each day. When we leave our home in the morning to our place of work and arrive at our work place, a cycle of departures and arrivals would have only started for the day. There will be many departures and arrivals during the day.

One important thing happens at such times of departure and arrival is farewell and welcome. Such occasions are special and personal. We say farewell to an occasion or experience or people we leave behind, while we go on a travel. While saying farewell, there is a precious lot transacted emotionally and experientially. We bring out our best greetings, and affection and communicate them to touch and be touched. I wish we do guard such occasions with reverence and significance!

I remember how Dr. Hans Burki, at the end of a retreat would invite us to take time to say farewell to each person by sharing with each other appreciation and encouragement and even leaving a written statement of memory with each other. Such unhurried times of farewell bring a closure of a time spent together in an atmosphere of gratitude and affirmation, the memory of which would stay with us for long.

The welcome was too planned by him in  a similar fashion by inviting us to share with each other the experiences of the last 24 hours before our arrival to help us to feel connected with each other emotionally. We become known to each other through an optic of insight that others bring to us about themselves, when their vulnerability or joyful experience are shared. We become more than just names, professions we represent or families and places we come from. We open the door into our true self by inviting others to share in the experiences of our lives.

Today begin the last day of 2013, we are about to arrive at the threshold of another year, 2014. None of us can anticipate, what awaits us for this day, personally, as a family, at work place, politically, economically, socially, internationally. But we have a bag of memories of experiences, which brought and change in our lives. They include gains and losses, both of which formed our lives.

We need time say farewell to the year 2013 and welcome the year 2014 gratefully and prayerfully! Many people drown themselves in celebrations, but lose the inner connection such experiences can bring within ourselves and between people.

Anna and I spent a day with Amy's parents, Ruby and Prasad and her sister Eva, last week end. They began the day sitting around the breakfast table to sing, read from the Scripture and pray and closed the day in a similar way at dinner table. We found that as a good way of welcoming a day and saying farewell to another day!

It is recollection and memories which revive our lives and cause our lives to stay fresh in thoughts and deeds.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
      

The life within a family!

During my three months of stay at the Christian Medical college, Vellore following my surgery, I developed an interest to follow the trial of birds who normally resided in the campus. There were four common sites where parakeets occupied the trees. By about mid November, I had begun to notice many getting paired.

The day before, Anna and I left the CMC campus in December, I noticed these two parakeets on this palm tree inspecting the hole in the trunk for its nesting. I found them returning to this site a few times and finally one of them getting into the hole. 

As I watched this, I was glad to have observed the cycle of pairing, courtship, and preparation for nesting. The birds too have their rhythm and practice. 

One thing that stays with me through this experience is the change in the bird song between the time the birds were singing to search for partners and after they chose the partners. Initially  the song was that of the male bird and the females hardly sang. By the time the birds were courting each other, the songs were reciprocal although the females were poor singers. They sang to each other in turn for long periods during the day and this was indeed special to hear. I got up in the morning listening to this. They sang differently when they felt a threat or were romantic. They flew together and looked for food together. They searched for a home together.

These birds, tell us a lot about what is missing in some human families! What creates, sustains and nurtures family life is the way we spend time together in communication. Listening and giving heart responses are essential to upbuild. 

I remember a senior colleague telling me about his habit of going for a walk with his wife, having lunch together at the work place and sitting in the garden together after supper. He considers them as the source of their intimacy. 

The intimacy between husband and wife sets the standards for children for their future behaviour. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The twilight colours!

Anna and I have a regular walk in the evening along a hilly terrain, most of it along the meandering  irrigation canal. It is dusk when we get back after the walk. We therefore encounter the twilight period of each evening, when the fading sunlight falls on the hillside, giving an altogether different appearance to the vegetation. It is breathtaking and engaging. 

The special twilight has three important features. 

It lasts for a short time. Most of the special experiences of life are often short. A three years old child who enjoys his cone ice cream, said loudly, ‘it is over and can I have another one?’ to which his mother said, ‘wait for another occasion’. It is difficult to prolong or reproduce the special experiences. That is why they remain special. Each special experience ought to bring contentment rather than a longing for more of the same!

The second feature of this twilight period of the day is its in-betweenness. It is a time between the day and the dusk. Therefore it is a transitory and passing phase of time. Every time we watch this evening glory of nature, we are reminded of life itself- its richness and transitoriness. So we can live cherishing each day and all the experiences without drifting into any form of anxiety, because, we have, what has been given to us by God of all good gifts.

The third feature of the twilight is its special colour, unlike any part of the day. It is a gentle, visually pleasing and emotionally healing light that highlights the details of the foliage distinctly. The nature comes alive and draws close to us, when clothed by the twilight sun. It is most refreshing to behold.The special experiences are given to refresh us. It delights us so much that we can live devoid of anything special for a while.  

A family who greeted us for Christmas wrote in the mail, ‘Every Christmas is different, unlike the previous one, because we have grown inwardly since then’. All experiences contribute to enrich our lives.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Friends came visiting!

The day before the department where I work, was to organise the children’s Christmas programme, some medical students came visiting. We were in the midst of decorating the place for children. The students happily joined  in and spent the whole afternoon with us. We were enthused by their presence and involvement with us.

It is the same batch of students who were earlier involved with us during the awareness programme we conducted at the college for the students. Two of them had acted in the awareness play. One of them mentioned to me, that they ‘like coming to the department because they feel at home here’.

What is that which would help others feel at home in our midst! If we can turn the attention to those who visit us, they would feel welcomed. 

We have a tendency to be preoccupied with what we do or  what  we have achieved something! We can get occupied with these in our conversations and exchanges. Instead, if we can be focussed on the visitors and with what they do or are going through or the challenges they face, then they would feel befriended. Most visitors would feel included if they feel safe in our presence. To be deliberately, ‘other person centred’, is the only way of ‘loving our neighbour as ourselves’. 

Not all of us can do this often. However, when we drift in our conversations to talking about ourselves, it is good to pause and return to the visitors and revolve conversations around them and their interests or needs. 

We grow only as much as we include others into our lives. This begins with the habit of listening and taking interests in what matters to others. 

A child of six years likes to play with puzzles. Anna often thinks of him and keeps new puzzles ready for him. When he visits, he feels welcome because his interest was also included during the family visit.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Heart of Christmas!

The commonest symbol of Christmas in the village where Anna and I live last year was a star. We have noticed this year, the Christmas Father in various attire and positions outside homes, churches and public places. This is a change in the trend. 

I was invited for a Christmas gathering.  The one who gave the message spoke about the three features of Christmas-the Christmas tree, Christmas star and the Christmas father. I noticed that the ‘babe of Bethlehem’ did not appear in the list of the ‘features’ of Christmas.

As it is elsewhere in the world, Christmas has acquired more commercial significance than spiritual significance even in rural areas. Every nativity scene will have a Christmas tree,  Christmas father and Christmas star. Because they are more colourful and prominently placed, the small manger recedes into the background. 

I fear that Christ of Christmas would get even more peripheral as we get drawn by the glamour of Christmas. 

While one my evening walk yesterday, I found four groups of young men sitting beside the irrigation canal and consuming alcohol. One group stopped me and offered me a peg, saying, ‘celebrate the joy of Christmas’. When I refused, one of them said, ‘how can you be joyful without a drink?’. 

That statement left me thinking. In today’s news paper, I found an item of worshippers of a congregation  having their Christmas service in a residential home, where women with psychiatric illnesses stay. The service was followed by breakfast, games, walks, singing, etc. The congregation chose to be incarnational in their  behaviour and honoured the ‘least of God’s children’.

It will be such exceptions which would resonate the heart of the Christmas. A leading news paper of Kerala encouraged school children to save money which they would have spent on clothes, cakes, cracker, etc and spend that money to help the disadvantaged children staying in hostels. Most of the schools turned that to be an occasion to share the good news of Jesus and of His coming. 

We would not be able to stop marginalization of Christ of Christmas in a commercialised world, but we can promote acts of goodwill to remind others that ‘Love came down at Christmas’.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

  

Absence of Peace !

I happened to visit an ancient Church campus, which remains closed due to a dispute. The two factions of the church meet in separate make shift chapels for a long time now. The two factions have been fighting their case in the civil court for the possession of the church building and for establishing the right to worship.It  is  unlikely that it would get resolved soon. I was told by a member of the church that there are church properties in a similar dispute in other places in the state of Kerala. 

I kept wondering how a dispute can lead to such an extreme situation!

I presume, that two forms of disputes often evade an amicable resolution- marriage dispute and property dispute. There is something common between these two disputes. The dispute is often recurrent and is linked to rights and privileges. Both parties involved do not give in to create a space for dialogue.

A dispute escapes resolution when one or both parties do not give consent to settle it by offering concessions. The rigid and insistent behaviour is counterproductive. 

Two adults who resolved a dispute in a resolute way were Abraham and Lot. When a strife arose between the herdsmen of Abraham and Lot, Abraham, the elder of the two took the initiative to resolve it. Abraham told Lot, ‘..If you take the left, then I will go to the right; of if you go to the right, then I will go the left’(Gen.13:7-12). Lot made the choice and he dwelt in the plain and Abraham was left with the land of Canaan.

There is a perception of an apparent loss to one of the parties when the dispute has to be resolved. But in the long run, the resolution frees both the parties to engage in the pursuit of their choice. A prolonged dispute is emotionally demanding and consumes all our creative energy. It halts us from the pursuit of the possible. 

There are about fifteen nesting baskets for the birds in the bird house we have at home. For some reason, some birds prefer the baskets placed in the centre of the house. After chasing each other to occupy the preferred baskets, the birds settled down to nest in the available baskets. Now there is no dispute or forcing a bird out of its chosen basket. 

All disputes need an ending by building bridges. I wish there were more well organised dispute resolution initiatives at the family and community level!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Transitions in health care!

I was albe to attend the inauguration of the Alpha clinic at the Christian Medical College Vellore, two weeks back, which is a new facility deliberately created to attend to the needs of the local community resident at Vellore. 

The highlight of this facility is that consultants offer voluntarily to be available in this clinic when they are free. This gives them an opportunity to offer more personalised care to those who would need regular consultations. This is a patent friendly ambience when consultants would have time to offer holistic health care. 

One special need is to offer life style changes to people who have non- communicable diseases. We are almost in an alarming situation of more younger people being diagnosed with coronary heart diseases, hypertension, Diabetes, psycho-somatic illness, sleep disorders, anxiety state, etc. All of these have a direct association with stressful life style. 

Health care is acquiring a new dimension of monitoring and modifying the life style of people. This is true for children  as well. This would call for modifying diet, including physical exercise in the daily rhythm, ensuring minimum sleep, avoiding substances which are addictive, living emotionally well and engaging in leisure time activities and hobbies. 

How can we make life style change education more popular! It is as crucial as immunisation for children to prevent some illnesses. 

One way is  for us to form life style groups who would come together once a month to help each other in changing practices and adopting new ways of living.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

One bird and two images!

What was waiting for me, as I walked  towards the car parked in the courtyard, was the sight of this honey sucker. Its reflection was visible on both sides on a glass surface. The one on the rear view mirror was  clear, but mildly blurred and the other on the window glass was more blurred. 

The images differed from the original in clarity and appeal.

All of us carry our images, which we project or cultivate or communicate. The images we communicate can be a true representation of our authenticity or a distortion of it. There are those who choose to live their lives openly and transparently. There is concordance between their inner self and outer behaviour. There are others, who live dichotomously. Their inner orientation and behaviour does not match. Their images which others are made to see are an exalted view of themselves, deliberately made to be so to receive attention, popularity or position.  

On the same day I watched the bird and its images, I had an experience of a shop keeper calling me back, to give me a balance of  500 hundred rupees. I was walking away after paying the bill without realising that I had handed over a thousand rupees currency instead of a five hundred rupees currency. When I commented and complemented the shop keeper of his honesty, he surprised me with his comments: ‘We cannot do anything but what is right because, God created us with a conscience’. Those were powerful words.

Today, many professionals seek the help of coaches, image builders and public relations consultants, to enhance their perception and visibility.

While we might justify such exercises to be useful, what is important is to communicate the ‘real self’ rather than project an image. We would end up living distorted lives, as we cannot often live up to the images that we have  projected of ourselves. Soon others around us would also observe the disparity between our true self and the projected self. That is when it would hurt us and slide us into a guilt prone state emotionally. 

Our journey through life gives us an opportunity to pursue to live authentically! That in itself is a worthwhile mission!

MC..Mathew(text and photo) 

   

Less is more !

The caption put up on the occasion of the fancy dress evening, for the pre-school children attending the Montessori school, at the Christian Medical College campus, drew my attention. 

I was invited to be present for the occasion. Every participating child came to the stage for others to appreciate the fancy consumes they had put on. There was no competition, but every participant received a gift. All the children performed on the stage with a dance and choral singing. The parents and few other guest were delighted to watch the formal side of the children.

Does a label make a difference! It does from what I observed. It was a parade of different attires. Even the children would not have known much about the animal or bird or an insect or a person whose appearance they imitated through the dress they wore. Most of it was an expression of the imagination of parents. The children could at best,  at that age, only wear a dress and not enter into the role of the living being represented by  the costume. I was therefore glad that it was a costume parade and not a fancy dress competition. 

The language we use to communicate ought to be authentic representation of what is real. We use exaggerations or reductions, superlatives or under descriptions commonly in our verbal communication. We use this to capture the attention of the listener or get across a message to ensure an appeal. 

There are many who are people of few words. I asked one of them recently about his habit of using language discretely and appropriately. His response was 'we communicate more through our being than through the words we use’. That made a lot of sense to me because, people tend to pay attention to someone who speaks less, because there is much truth in the less. 

Let our language reveal more of our being!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

A sign that speaks!

This was one of the last photographs, I took just before Anna and I left CMC Vellore campus after ten weeks of stay for my convalescence. We arrived in my mother’s cottage on 6th December and I returned to part time work on 7th December.

I feel that I am still in  transition stage from a ‘retreat’ setting at Vellore to a daily rhythm which has mixture of experiences.

Anna and I were able to discover a six kilometre path to walk through a hilly terrain which we do now daily in the evening with Daffney accompanying us. Daffney is most enthusiastic about the walk that she indicates every displeasure in case we get delayed to set out.

Many have called to find out how I adjust to a different rhythm of life here. It is too early to have sense of it in less than a week. However, I feel comfortable and encouraged to catch up with the events of each day.

I know that I am still in the phase of cardiac rehabilitation. However, I feel well and am open to each day. One of my colleagues mentioned to me yesterday that I ‘look rested’. I was curious to know why he saw me that way. He said, 'you convey a sense of well being and joyful spirit'.  It is then, I realised that rest is a tangible reality, which is noticeable. It has its effect on the way we talk, listen, converse, relates, walk and do our work.

Rest is not just a bodily state of well being. In fact it is an  experience when there is an integration of well being in the body, mind, soul and spirit. A restful person is open, patient, gentle, caring, perceptive and discerning. It is this Jesus of Nazareth referred to as ‘fullness of life’.  I feel good to be on this journey to live and work restfully.

The picture of the squirrel about to feed on the custard apple became a sign to me that, there would be provisions along this journey of learning to experience fullness of life. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)