The year-2014

 We are about to embark on a journey into 2014!

 Every journey needs preparation and provisions. What have we got for this journey!

Let me suggest that we carry hope as our main stay for this journey. 

In one sense, hope is so real that it can lift our spirit from any sense of despair or self-resignation. A farmer sows or plants, waters manures and tends…he does all of these in the hope that he would be able to gather fruits of his labour. We exercise this hope so many times in a day in so many ways. Every time I sit in the driver’s seat of a car, what sustains my spirit is the hope of safe travel and good arrival. 

I experienced recently how hope can revive a languishing spirit. When I was told in September 9th, 2013, by the cardiologist that I had a heart disease which needed a coronary by pass surgery, I did feel anxious and unsettled. Although I was told that complications are uncommon and risk to life was less than 0.5 percent, I had recurring periods of anxiety till the day before surgery. All the members of my family sat around my bed and prayed to revive my hope. That was when, I felt hopeful of being carried through this valley experience. After the operation, during the stay in the intensive care unit, I felt well and recovered progressively. The speed of my recovery surprised me even. 

I want to testify that hope is what sustains our spirit to overcome because hope is based on the reality of God, who does all things well. It is God who turns disappointments into a blessing and joyous occasion into a transforming experience.

If we can be messengers of this hope, which can never die, as long as, ‘Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever, it will inspire some in the year 2014!

I like the hymn of faith of Habakuk, ‘Though the fig tree may not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines; though the labour of the olive may fall, and the fields yield no food; though the flock may be cut off from the fold, and there be no herd in the stalls- yet I will rejoice in the Lord..’(Hab.3:17). 

A hope that stays in the reality of God and not on the sifting circumstances!

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Existential challenges

Anna and I have a pleasant drive each day in the morning and evening, through the quiet country side on our way and back from the hospital. The fifteen kilometre drive which takes about twenty-five minutes is refreshing and tells us a lot about life in a rural setting. 

The rubber plantations have replaced the rice fields which used to be on either side of the roads. Ever since there was scarcity of labour force and daily wage for labourers had climbed up, many resorted to rubber plantation. The rubber trees have normally about thirty years of life and most of the plantations in this region are first generations rubber trees. 

Now the planters have another challenge to face: even tappers are not freely available. About thirty percent of rubber plantations do not produce rubber as tappers are expensive to employ or are scared.

The farm where Anna and I live have tall coconut trees and a climber would need to be paid a fee larger than what the few coconuts would yield when sold. 

None of these existential challenges diminish the serenity and aesthetics of the environment we live. To live close to nature with acres of greenery all around, with no challenges of pollution or congestion is indeed a privilege. We drive each day, seeing only few vehicles on the road. There are no cycles as most people ride on two wheelers. The ‘corner shops’ where people used to gather to sip tea and read morning news paper look deserted. The grocery shops are getting displaced by departmental stores. There is palpable change due to urban influence, which is attracting city dwellers to move to the country side to live and drive to the towns to work.   

Anna and I close this year with gratitude for having been in this environment, where we live among others who are struggling to find their identity. The younger generation is desperate to look and appear modern. They set aside family based value system. Yesterday a lady from our neighbourhood got married and informed her parents about it  on phone, after the wedding.

We are getting familiar with people and situations which we hope would help us to find friends and companions. It is now fifteen months since we have been here. We are strangers and pilgrims in this place. In one sense it is true of many of us. But we can rejoice in knowing that God is our anchor.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Beginning well and staying fresh !

This is the first joint activity which a newly married couple would perform publicly when they come for the public reception. It is symbolically done to wish them ‘sweetness and freshness’ as the tender coconut drink is both of these. So it is a good beginning after having made the marriage woes to care for each other. This incorporates the theme of togetherness and shared living.

I heard an elderly couple sitting next to me, seeing this on the stage,  whisper to each other that ‘It is different after the first day. Husband  does what he likes publicly and the wife does what she wants privately’. This disturbed me. It sounded to me as words of  betrayal of fidelity in marriage. Although I know that there is a four fold increase in the number of couples seeking intervention from the family courts to settle family disputes or seek divorce,  I  live with hope that the majority would practice permanency and intimacy marriage.

What we need to do is to help young couples to choose some symbols that they can recall and periodically exercise between them to refresh the essence of the marriage. One elderly couple told me that it is a custom for them to take half a day in a month to a go to a quiet place to talk to each other about their experiences as a couple- sharing appreciation and affirmation to increase the sense of belonging.  They listen to each other and refer to their disappointments or difficulties. They unburden themselves to each other to make the personal baggage of emotional turmoils lighter. They have a special occasion once a year, when they say the marriage vows to each other and put the ring on each other yet one more time, in the presence of their family of children and grand children. What a solemn way of remembering the marriage journey!

I wish each married couple would choose symbols, gestures and exercises which they can practice regularly or occasionally to refresh themselves with the heart of marriage, which is love and self giving to become ONE.

M.C.Mathew (text ans photo)        

2014- Many children become teenagers!

Yesterday, while being at a wedding reception, a boy whom I knew for a while came to me and said in an exciting tome in his voice, ‘Uncle I will turn a teenager on my birthday in 2014’. That set me thinking of what this brings to his life and thousands of others globally in 2014. I asked him to describe three features of begin a teenager. He mentioned, one word: Freedom. I would have continued the conversation, had another friend not interrupted the conversation!

Let me reflect on the word freedom.

Freedom is  a key word, which defines a teenager. He wants to be set free from the usual restraints, expectations or demands imposed upon him. Many use this freedom and others despise it. 

I remember a teenage girl who once told me about her younger brother of seven years old, who could not speak, walk or attend a school when she was young. She was an athlete, singer, debater, and a painter. She would normally spend most of her spare time in one of these activities for which she had got state level recognition. When she turned a teenager, she asked her parents, ‘Can I withdraw from all these activities for a while, so that I would have more time with my brother’. Her parents let her choose that because of her insistence. 

During the next six months she spent her evenings and week ends with her brother, helping in his mobility, communication and socialisation. She persuaded her parents to let him attend her school in a wheel chair. At the end of two years, he was mobile, communicating and became an active school goer, although with some limitations. 

This teenager sought freedom to choose what she would do with her time. She let go of her interests to make a difference in the life of her brother, who until then received help from therapists coming home to help. They did help the child, but she invested her in the life of her brother devotionally and lovingly. 

Freedom, for teenagers can mean many things.  I wish we can give them an opportunity to choose wisely while we offer them freedom! They can be so original in their thought that, it needs patience on our part to see the opportunity they envisage through their optic. 

Teenagers are a resource and trend setters ! Let us be alive and alert to their instincts!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo) 

Arrivals and departures!

Each of us is through several departures and arrivals each day. When we leave our home in the morning to our place of work and arrive at our work place, a cycle of departures and arrivals would have only started for the day. There will be many departures and arrivals during the day.

One important thing happens at such times of departure and arrival is farewell and welcome. Such occasions are special and personal. We say farewell to an occasion or experience or people we leave behind, while we go on a travel. While saying farewell, there is a precious lot transacted emotionally and experientially. We bring out our best greetings, and affection and communicate them to touch and be touched. I wish we do guard such occasions with reverence and significance!

I remember how Dr. Hans Burki, at the end of a retreat would invite us to take time to say farewell to each person by sharing with each other appreciation and encouragement and even leaving a written statement of memory with each other. Such unhurried times of farewell bring a closure of a time spent together in an atmosphere of gratitude and affirmation, the memory of which would stay with us for long.

The welcome was too planned by him in  a similar fashion by inviting us to share with each other the experiences of the last 24 hours before our arrival to help us to feel connected with each other emotionally. We become known to each other through an optic of insight that others bring to us about themselves, when their vulnerability or joyful experience are shared. We become more than just names, professions we represent or families and places we come from. We open the door into our true self by inviting others to share in the experiences of our lives.

Today begin the last day of 2013, we are about to arrive at the threshold of another year, 2014. None of us can anticipate, what awaits us for this day, personally, as a family, at work place, politically, economically, socially, internationally. But we have a bag of memories of experiences, which brought and change in our lives. They include gains and losses, both of which formed our lives.

We need time say farewell to the year 2013 and welcome the year 2014 gratefully and prayerfully! Many people drown themselves in celebrations, but lose the inner connection such experiences can bring within ourselves and between people.

Anna and I spent a day with Amy's parents, Ruby and Prasad and her sister Eva, last week end. They began the day sitting around the breakfast table to sing, read from the Scripture and pray and closed the day in a similar way at dinner table. We found that as a good way of welcoming a day and saying farewell to another day!

It is recollection and memories which revive our lives and cause our lives to stay fresh in thoughts and deeds.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)
      

The life within a family!

During my three months of stay at the Christian Medical college, Vellore following my surgery, I developed an interest to follow the trial of birds who normally resided in the campus. There were four common sites where parakeets occupied the trees. By about mid November, I had begun to notice many getting paired.

The day before, Anna and I left the CMC campus in December, I noticed these two parakeets on this palm tree inspecting the hole in the trunk for its nesting. I found them returning to this site a few times and finally one of them getting into the hole. 

As I watched this, I was glad to have observed the cycle of pairing, courtship, and preparation for nesting. The birds too have their rhythm and practice. 

One thing that stays with me through this experience is the change in the bird song between the time the birds were singing to search for partners and after they chose the partners. Initially  the song was that of the male bird and the females hardly sang. By the time the birds were courting each other, the songs were reciprocal although the females were poor singers. They sang to each other in turn for long periods during the day and this was indeed special to hear. I got up in the morning listening to this. They sang differently when they felt a threat or were romantic. They flew together and looked for food together. They searched for a home together.

These birds, tell us a lot about what is missing in some human families! What creates, sustains and nurtures family life is the way we spend time together in communication. Listening and giving heart responses are essential to upbuild. 

I remember a senior colleague telling me about his habit of going for a walk with his wife, having lunch together at the work place and sitting in the garden together after supper. He considers them as the source of their intimacy. 

The intimacy between husband and wife sets the standards for children for their future behaviour. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The twilight colours!

Anna and I have a regular walk in the evening along a hilly terrain, most of it along the meandering  irrigation canal. It is dusk when we get back after the walk. We therefore encounter the twilight period of each evening, when the fading sunlight falls on the hillside, giving an altogether different appearance to the vegetation. It is breathtaking and engaging. 

The special twilight has three important features. 

It lasts for a short time. Most of the special experiences of life are often short. A three years old child who enjoys his cone ice cream, said loudly, ‘it is over and can I have another one?’ to which his mother said, ‘wait for another occasion’. It is difficult to prolong or reproduce the special experiences. That is why they remain special. Each special experience ought to bring contentment rather than a longing for more of the same!

The second feature of this twilight period of the day is its in-betweenness. It is a time between the day and the dusk. Therefore it is a transitory and passing phase of time. Every time we watch this evening glory of nature, we are reminded of life itself- its richness and transitoriness. So we can live cherishing each day and all the experiences without drifting into any form of anxiety, because, we have, what has been given to us by God of all good gifts.

The third feature of the twilight is its special colour, unlike any part of the day. It is a gentle, visually pleasing and emotionally healing light that highlights the details of the foliage distinctly. The nature comes alive and draws close to us, when clothed by the twilight sun. It is most refreshing to behold.The special experiences are given to refresh us. It delights us so much that we can live devoid of anything special for a while.  

A family who greeted us for Christmas wrote in the mail, ‘Every Christmas is different, unlike the previous one, because we have grown inwardly since then’. All experiences contribute to enrich our lives.

M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Friends came visiting!

The day before the department where I work, was to organise the children’s Christmas programme, some medical students came visiting. We were in the midst of decorating the place for children. The students happily joined  in and spent the whole afternoon with us. We were enthused by their presence and involvement with us.

It is the same batch of students who were earlier involved with us during the awareness programme we conducted at the college for the students. Two of them had acted in the awareness play. One of them mentioned to me, that they ‘like coming to the department because they feel at home here’.

What is that which would help others feel at home in our midst! If we can turn the attention to those who visit us, they would feel welcomed. 

We have a tendency to be preoccupied with what we do or  what  we have achieved something! We can get occupied with these in our conversations and exchanges. Instead, if we can be focussed on the visitors and with what they do or are going through or the challenges they face, then they would feel befriended. Most visitors would feel included if they feel safe in our presence. To be deliberately, ‘other person centred’, is the only way of ‘loving our neighbour as ourselves’. 

Not all of us can do this often. However, when we drift in our conversations to talking about ourselves, it is good to pause and return to the visitors and revolve conversations around them and their interests or needs. 

We grow only as much as we include others into our lives. This begins with the habit of listening and taking interests in what matters to others. 

A child of six years likes to play with puzzles. Anna often thinks of him and keeps new puzzles ready for him. When he visits, he feels welcome because his interest was also included during the family visit.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Heart of Christmas!

The commonest symbol of Christmas in the village where Anna and I live last year was a star. We have noticed this year, the Christmas Father in various attire and positions outside homes, churches and public places. This is a change in the trend. 

I was invited for a Christmas gathering.  The one who gave the message spoke about the three features of Christmas-the Christmas tree, Christmas star and the Christmas father. I noticed that the ‘babe of Bethlehem’ did not appear in the list of the ‘features’ of Christmas.

As it is elsewhere in the world, Christmas has acquired more commercial significance than spiritual significance even in rural areas. Every nativity scene will have a Christmas tree,  Christmas father and Christmas star. Because they are more colourful and prominently placed, the small manger recedes into the background. 

I fear that Christ of Christmas would get even more peripheral as we get drawn by the glamour of Christmas. 

While one my evening walk yesterday, I found four groups of young men sitting beside the irrigation canal and consuming alcohol. One group stopped me and offered me a peg, saying, ‘celebrate the joy of Christmas’. When I refused, one of them said, ‘how can you be joyful without a drink?’. 

That statement left me thinking. In today’s news paper, I found an item of worshippers of a congregation  having their Christmas service in a residential home, where women with psychiatric illnesses stay. The service was followed by breakfast, games, walks, singing, etc. The congregation chose to be incarnational in their  behaviour and honoured the ‘least of God’s children’.

It will be such exceptions which would resonate the heart of the Christmas. A leading news paper of Kerala encouraged school children to save money which they would have spent on clothes, cakes, cracker, etc and spend that money to help the disadvantaged children staying in hostels. Most of the schools turned that to be an occasion to share the good news of Jesus and of His coming. 

We would not be able to stop marginalization of Christ of Christmas in a commercialised world, but we can promote acts of goodwill to remind others that ‘Love came down at Christmas’.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

  

Absence of Peace !

I happened to visit an ancient Church campus, which remains closed due to a dispute. The two factions of the church meet in separate make shift chapels for a long time now. The two factions have been fighting their case in the civil court for the possession of the church building and for establishing the right to worship.It  is  unlikely that it would get resolved soon. I was told by a member of the church that there are church properties in a similar dispute in other places in the state of Kerala. 

I kept wondering how a dispute can lead to such an extreme situation!

I presume, that two forms of disputes often evade an amicable resolution- marriage dispute and property dispute. There is something common between these two disputes. The dispute is often recurrent and is linked to rights and privileges. Both parties involved do not give in to create a space for dialogue.

A dispute escapes resolution when one or both parties do not give consent to settle it by offering concessions. The rigid and insistent behaviour is counterproductive. 

Two adults who resolved a dispute in a resolute way were Abraham and Lot. When a strife arose between the herdsmen of Abraham and Lot, Abraham, the elder of the two took the initiative to resolve it. Abraham told Lot, ‘..If you take the left, then I will go to the right; of if you go to the right, then I will go the left’(Gen.13:7-12). Lot made the choice and he dwelt in the plain and Abraham was left with the land of Canaan.

There is a perception of an apparent loss to one of the parties when the dispute has to be resolved. But in the long run, the resolution frees both the parties to engage in the pursuit of their choice. A prolonged dispute is emotionally demanding and consumes all our creative energy. It halts us from the pursuit of the possible. 

There are about fifteen nesting baskets for the birds in the bird house we have at home. For some reason, some birds prefer the baskets placed in the centre of the house. After chasing each other to occupy the preferred baskets, the birds settled down to nest in the available baskets. Now there is no dispute or forcing a bird out of its chosen basket. 

All disputes need an ending by building bridges. I wish there were more well organised dispute resolution initiatives at the family and community level!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Transitions in health care!

I was albe to attend the inauguration of the Alpha clinic at the Christian Medical College Vellore, two weeks back, which is a new facility deliberately created to attend to the needs of the local community resident at Vellore. 

The highlight of this facility is that consultants offer voluntarily to be available in this clinic when they are free. This gives them an opportunity to offer more personalised care to those who would need regular consultations. This is a patent friendly ambience when consultants would have time to offer holistic health care. 

One special need is to offer life style changes to people who have non- communicable diseases. We are almost in an alarming situation of more younger people being diagnosed with coronary heart diseases, hypertension, Diabetes, psycho-somatic illness, sleep disorders, anxiety state, etc. All of these have a direct association with stressful life style. 

Health care is acquiring a new dimension of monitoring and modifying the life style of people. This is true for children  as well. This would call for modifying diet, including physical exercise in the daily rhythm, ensuring minimum sleep, avoiding substances which are addictive, living emotionally well and engaging in leisure time activities and hobbies. 

How can we make life style change education more popular! It is as crucial as immunisation for children to prevent some illnesses. 

One way is  for us to form life style groups who would come together once a month to help each other in changing practices and adopting new ways of living.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)   

One bird and two images!

What was waiting for me, as I walked  towards the car parked in the courtyard, was the sight of this honey sucker. Its reflection was visible on both sides on a glass surface. The one on the rear view mirror was  clear, but mildly blurred and the other on the window glass was more blurred. 

The images differed from the original in clarity and appeal.

All of us carry our images, which we project or cultivate or communicate. The images we communicate can be a true representation of our authenticity or a distortion of it. There are those who choose to live their lives openly and transparently. There is concordance between their inner self and outer behaviour. There are others, who live dichotomously. Their inner orientation and behaviour does not match. Their images which others are made to see are an exalted view of themselves, deliberately made to be so to receive attention, popularity or position.  

On the same day I watched the bird and its images, I had an experience of a shop keeper calling me back, to give me a balance of  500 hundred rupees. I was walking away after paying the bill without realising that I had handed over a thousand rupees currency instead of a five hundred rupees currency. When I commented and complemented the shop keeper of his honesty, he surprised me with his comments: ‘We cannot do anything but what is right because, God created us with a conscience’. Those were powerful words.

Today, many professionals seek the help of coaches, image builders and public relations consultants, to enhance their perception and visibility.

While we might justify such exercises to be useful, what is important is to communicate the ‘real self’ rather than project an image. We would end up living distorted lives, as we cannot often live up to the images that we have  projected of ourselves. Soon others around us would also observe the disparity between our true self and the projected self. That is when it would hurt us and slide us into a guilt prone state emotionally. 

Our journey through life gives us an opportunity to pursue to live authentically! That in itself is a worthwhile mission!

MC..Mathew(text and photo) 

   

Less is more !

The caption put up on the occasion of the fancy dress evening, for the pre-school children attending the Montessori school, at the Christian Medical College campus, drew my attention. 

I was invited to be present for the occasion. Every participating child came to the stage for others to appreciate the fancy consumes they had put on. There was no competition, but every participant received a gift. All the children performed on the stage with a dance and choral singing. The parents and few other guest were delighted to watch the formal side of the children.

Does a label make a difference! It does from what I observed. It was a parade of different attires. Even the children would not have known much about the animal or bird or an insect or a person whose appearance they imitated through the dress they wore. Most of it was an expression of the imagination of parents. The children could at best,  at that age, only wear a dress and not enter into the role of the living being represented by  the costume. I was therefore glad that it was a costume parade and not a fancy dress competition. 

The language we use to communicate ought to be authentic representation of what is real. We use exaggerations or reductions, superlatives or under descriptions commonly in our verbal communication. We use this to capture the attention of the listener or get across a message to ensure an appeal. 

There are many who are people of few words. I asked one of them recently about his habit of using language discretely and appropriately. His response was 'we communicate more through our being than through the words we use’. That made a lot of sense to me because, people tend to pay attention to someone who speaks less, because there is much truth in the less. 

Let our language reveal more of our being!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

A sign that speaks!

This was one of the last photographs, I took just before Anna and I left CMC Vellore campus after ten weeks of stay for my convalescence. We arrived in my mother’s cottage on 6th December and I returned to part time work on 7th December.

I feel that I am still in  transition stage from a ‘retreat’ setting at Vellore to a daily rhythm which has mixture of experiences.

Anna and I were able to discover a six kilometre path to walk through a hilly terrain which we do now daily in the evening with Daffney accompanying us. Daffney is most enthusiastic about the walk that she indicates every displeasure in case we get delayed to set out.

Many have called to find out how I adjust to a different rhythm of life here. It is too early to have sense of it in less than a week. However, I feel comfortable and encouraged to catch up with the events of each day.

I know that I am still in the phase of cardiac rehabilitation. However, I feel well and am open to each day. One of my colleagues mentioned to me yesterday that I ‘look rested’. I was curious to know why he saw me that way. He said, 'you convey a sense of well being and joyful spirit'.  It is then, I realised that rest is a tangible reality, which is noticeable. It has its effect on the way we talk, listen, converse, relates, walk and do our work.

Rest is not just a bodily state of well being. In fact it is an  experience when there is an integration of well being in the body, mind, soul and spirit. A restful person is open, patient, gentle, caring, perceptive and discerning. It is this Jesus of Nazareth referred to as ‘fullness of life’.  I feel good to be on this journey to live and work restfully.

The picture of the squirrel about to feed on the custard apple became a sign to me that, there would be provisions along this journey of learning to experience fullness of life. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)         

Lotus flowers of different colours!

This season is special for nature lovers as the gardens are beginning to  be in full bloom.

It is the first time I have noticed the lotus flowers in different colours. The gardener told me that the lotus flowers are commonly seen in white colour.

The first two flowers were photographed  on the same day and the third one about three weeks earlier. I found the third flower missing when I went  the next day to take a photo, when it would have been in full bloom.

The bud blooms into a full flower in about five days. It is an ornamental flower and is esteemed high above the common flowers.

These flowers are fresh, fragile. fragrant and symbolise fullness of colour and texture.

The story of the lotus flower  reveals a home truth.

It is so attractive that it hardly stays in the pond for a day two as those passing by would normally pluck it for table decoration. Its life is cut short by those attracted by its elegance. So in a pond of lotus flowers, what we would usually see are the plants and not flowers. The flowers are for the beholder. But  the flowers do not last long enough in the pond for it to be a visual treat for many.

This is a paradox. We deny the lotus flowers its full life although we esteem it among all other flowers. ‘Do not pluck’ sign boards do not stop people from plucking them.

This tells us about our human instincts. We yield to our impulses. We seek immediate gratification. Many psychologists suggest that delayed gratification is an indication of personal maturity of a person.

The culture of immediate gratification is landing us in serious trouble globally. We tend to land in huge debt because of our buying spree. We take larger mortgage than what we can afford to pay back because we are in a hurry to live in large houses. We buy big cars as a mark of status symbol by borrowing money from the banks. We live beyond our means by overspending on travel, luxury goods, entertainment, etc.

An average urban middle income employee would have to spend more than half of the monthly income to pay the debts accrued. This is most stress producing during times of inflation and monetary devaluation.

We need to advocate delayed gratification as a better option in life. We can have what we desire on a later occasion without the risk of being stress driven, if only we see it as a wiser calling in life!  


M.C.Mathew (text and photo)

Two playful squirrels

I watched these two squirrels playfully chasing each other for a while. They kept moving between the adjacent trees and took turns to play with each other. In between they returned to their favourite spots in the trees to rest.

The squirrels do this often. I have noticed this almost on all days during my walk. I have watched this with Parakeets,   Robins, Warblers, Oriels  and Minas. It is is only the Magpie Robins who were an exception to this. 

These sights give me some insights about the way they live in their world. The parakeets and warblers when are in groups of five or more can withstand the attack from the crows and even chase them away. 

I have picked up some lessons from squirrels and birds.

They live freely and fully amidst the dangers they face from the predators. Their strength is in being together. They build their familiarity through play, searching for food together and protecting each other. The herd instinct is obvious. The birds have a special tone in their chirping, when they sense danger. They flock together and fly together.

It is in contrast to the human instincts we observe often. I think we have become even more self seeking in the recent times. Our mindfulness of others and their needs is getting substituted by a passion to be comfortable and successful. This is not how we have been destined to be. We are all meant to be thoughtful of the well being of others as well!

The children during their play time demonstrate this interest in others. Yesterday while visiting a home, we realised how the two pre-school children were keen to include the other in the play by turn taking. 

Let us see each other as those sharing in the journey to become a human family!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Student nurture !

Anna and I were invited to attend the annual day of the Occupational and Physiotherapy students association annual day on Saturday. They are ten students in each batch and so it is a small of hundred students, who were responsible to organise the annual day function. It was a good evening well spent watching  their performance of a play, instrumental music, singing and dance. 

One of the things that was evident was their high level of organisational skills. It was obvious that they co-ordinated well to bring the best from each person. 

During our conversation with students, we realised that they get influenced by the ambience of the Christian Medical College. They appreciate the cordial staff-student relationship, enabling and encouraging learning environment and  up-building  social relationships. 

From the time they came to CMC, the students have made significant strides in advancing their skills. They discovered their acting, singing  and dancing skills during their time here. Most of them were performing for the first time. They effused confidence and artistry. A few students we knew from their school days had made a remarkable progress in their holistic development. That is true of others as well from what we heard from the faculty.

It was refreshing to know that, the most students transcend the class room learning requirements to attend to their formative experience. The vice-principal in charge of the allied health students mentioned to me that these students behave responsibly and enthusiastically. They prepare themselves to excel in their profession. 

The focus on student nurture ought to be a priority for an educational institution. We were glad to find this happening in a meaningful way! 

Students came carolling !

Ana and I had a surprise yesterday, when the medical students came carolling around 11 at night. It is not usual for them to visit the guest houses. So we were privileged and delighted to have their singing visit. 

The carolling by visiting the faculty homes at the Christian Medical College campus is an annual ritual by the students. Usually it is in the last week of November announcing the advent season. Apart for their singing and bringing greetings, they carried cake for distribution, which I thought was an addition to what usually happens. 

The students have an array of activities during the academic year. Recently we found out that the students meet for their class prayers on Fridays between 6 and 8pm, during which time no other activities are normally held. About thirty or so of students from each batch, attend this prayer meeting when they share and remember to pray for themselves, others and the college activities. 

I like the way, even after 113 years of the founding of the college, some of these traditions are held in esteem with the intention of giving students a feeling of having a home in the campus, away from their own homes. Although the interaction between students may have declined due to an ‘individualised’ life style, Anna and I felt that a lot of what happens as extra curricular activities form the students into a communicating community.

The Men’s hostel is resuming the practice of having invited faculty come for lunch on Sundays, to foster better staff-student relationships.  

Anna and I felt encouraged by many acts of kindness we received from the students during our three months of stay here. They ministered to us by their warmth and goodwill. 

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

A cloudy day !

This is the monsoon season at Vellore. Some days look down cast, although the down pour is only a drizzle. To have several cloudy days without rains is bit unusual. There is a threat of cyclone striking the coastal areas in Andhra Pradesh. If it were to occur, it would be the third cyclone during this monsoon.

It can be cloudy, raining, or rain with thunderstorm or end up as a cyclone!

I suppose this has a symbolic meaning in our lives. We can go through similar situations in our inner being. 

We may feel mildly disturbed with events happening to ourselves or to others. I felt disturbed by watching the news of a woman being attacked when she was in an ATM, ending up with head injury and hemiparesis. We  can get drenched emotionally in a torrent of upheavals caused by unexpected events or series of unpleasant experiences. I felt this when I was listening to the story of a family who lost all their life savings, when the investment company collapsed. The family saved to send their children to college for professional courses. Their lives are shattered. 

There are times when we can feel even more disturbed emotional!

On such occasions, it is necessary to stay inwardly composed because, upheavals can bring some valuable insights to life. As  we stay watching sea waves striking at the shore, one can find shells and corals getting deposited on the beach. The sight of the waves can be intimidating, but they carry some valuables for us to cherish.

Any difficult experience can cause inner turbulence; but it also carries with it insights and and some message of inner healing!

I saw this happening when a child returned from his play with bruises over knees and elbows. He did not complain, but his mother noticed them. When asked the child told the mother, ‘Every game carries the risk of falling down and suffering injury. But that cannot stop me form playing the game’. 

Life has its mixture of undulating events. The summary of all experiences is growth and maturity!    

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)     

Meeting place

One of the recent initiatives my colleagues at work attempted was to provide a meeting place for parents to come together for play time for their children and chat time for themselves. It has enthused the children, parents, and us equally.

We are now promoting neighbourhood meetings of parents to facilitate friendships and sharing of experiences. The neighbourhood friendships are on a decline as most people remain housebound watching TV. Children too get addicted to this, so much so even meal times are spent sitting before the TV in many homes. We suggested to a family to invite a few others for a pot luck dinner and spend time playing some indoor games.

One family came back feeling glad for the initiative. They decided to meet in another home the next week.

What brings together at least men for social occasions is partying time with alcohol. The women and children are excluded and the evenings are spent stressfully.

We need to promote inclusive alcohol free occasions of social gatherings of families, to promote neighbourhood meetings and relationships. When leisure times are better occupied, even men would find themselves drawn by the desire to be at home in the evenings than being at pubs, clubs or parties.

We need to promote home based and family centred social occasions. That is how we promote intimacy within family and friendships between neighbours!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

The Sun and the Moon !

I remember a visit to the Pondicherry beach with Anna’s classmates, who gathered for their alumni get-together. It was a cloudy and misty morning and the occasion was the thanksgiving service of their batch.

Among some memories of that morning, one particular experience resurfaced in my thought this morning. The sight of the rising son and the going down of the moon. It was the twilight of that morning that speaks to me now.

The in between times are surprising and engaging. 

What was surprising was that the moon light in the morning was bright enough to lead us about a kilometre from the hotel  to the beach. It was still bright with the moon light at the beach for us to view the sea and the arrival of the boats  to the shore with their catch of fish. As soon as the hallow of the rising sun appeared in the east with its increasing brightness with every passing second, the sight of the moon became dim and faint to the watching eyes.  It was a conspicuous contrast. The moon whose light led us the way till the beach, now faded into the background and a brighter sunlight took over to lead us further. The greater light of the son provided us better visibility and clarity. All of these happened in the twilight- the in between time, the dawn.

We live with the consciousness of who we are, in the light of our past experiences. We have been used to a level of consciousness and interpreting our circumstances with that level of understanding. But during the transition times in our lives, a heightened consciousness dawns on us, when our optic of sight, insight and foresight become brighter and clearer.

The disciple of Jesus of Nazareth, Thomas, made a confession of his new sight, insight and foresight to Jesus, when he said, ‘My Lord and My God’(John.20:28). Thomas was unbelieving of the resurrection of Jesus. Jesus appeared to him and to the other disciples while they were in a closed room(V.26) announcing peace and a personal invitation to Thomas to feel the healed marks of the crucifixion on his body. It is to this revealing gesture of Jesus, Thomas responded with a heightened consciousness  of who he was and who Jesus was. 

These twilight moments are given moments for our benefit! They are transforming movements. The moon provided the light till then and a greater light, the sun took over from then onwards!

Stay open to such occasions of inner awakening and a new consciousness (metanoia)! Life takes a new plane of existence and meaning from then on! Our understanding is enlarged and deepened in such occasions that we come to face to face with a new perception of realities and perspectives.

I have been through a new level of consciousness of myself during my recovery period after surgery. It is a twilight period in my life between my illness and the way ahead! I am glad for this experience! Such occasions are precious, sacred and worth waiting for!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)    

Closed or open !

As I watched this butterfly in the garden yesterday, I saw its different wing movements. The wings were closed for most of the time when it was still and opened the wings that too partially occasionally. To be able to watch a butterfly closely for a while is a rare experience. So I waited till it moved away.

The occasional opening  of the wings revealed its rich design and eye-catching colour texture. Its  appearance was subdued when the wings were closed.

That set in motion a train of thoughts in my mind. Having spent thirty five years in treating children as a doctor, I have often been intrigued by the level of openness of children for conversation and interaction. By the time they are in their teens, they choose to remain closed or open with others.

Just as the butterfly choose to open its wings depending on its perception of the wind, humidity, external threat, so too the adolescents choose their level of openness in different situations.

During a conversation with four teenage children recently, they asked me a searching question: ‘How can our parents expect us to be open to them, when they hide so much of themselves from us! They have been distant from us in our growing up years due to their preoccupation with work, that we are not near enough to them to open ourselves. The more they press us to be open, the more we like to remain closed ’.

To my searching question, ‘How can parents help you to be open’, one of them said, 'they need to stay close to us when we are growing up. We cannot be open to them instantly’.

I have noticed a mother and her two early school going daughters bi-cycling regularly. The mother is taking the effort to stay close to her daughters. I met a mother and her teenage daughter on bicycles. When I met one of them recently and mentioned about their cycling routine, she said, ‘we both have been close to each other and we enjoy our conversations’.

How much our children are open to us during the teen age years is predetermined by the openness we have built up from the early childhood.

In that sense parenting is a responsibility as well as a privilege! Our habit of relating to our children when they are young is seminal to creating a desire in our children to be open to us!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Fancy dress- its larger meaning!

I was invited to witness a fancy dress presentation, yesterday of the Montessori pre-school in the campus. I found all the children in interesting roles.

This girl in Mother Teresa’s attire captured my attention. Her parents had trained her to walk like the mother. It was an effort to get the costume and make her act like the mother.

Once someone told me that, the fancy dress is more than a role play or wearing a costume. It is getting into the role of the person.

It looks like that every thing in life has an obvious meaning and a deeper meaning.

One parent told me yesterday that their child refused to take on many roles they proposed. He made the choice himself and the parents were most happy about it.

One child with whom I had a brief conversation told me that, he enjoyed making things with his hand and that is why he chose to act like a carpenter.

There is a thought or desire which children express even at this young age. Children  think, explore and choose. They are exposed to a variety of informations that they too think and consider many issues.

This calls for considerable healthy investment into their lives. It is through make-belief play we can influence pre-school children. They can also be influenced by good bed time pictorial stories. They would find the stories from the childhood of parents equally interesting.

What they shall become personally or professionally is not just decided at the time of school leaving. The pre-school children are already fantasising and we need to stay close to them to get them to think and pursue a purposeful way, compatible with their skills and instincts.


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)  

Gratitude- be generous in expressing it !

The lawn in front of the Scudder auditorium at the CMC Bagayam campus is now turning into a garden of different flowers.

During the last two months, I noticed during my walks that about six men were regularly at work in the garden, laying the bed, planting, trimming, watering…etc.

Behind the blooming garden, there is this story of hard work and effort.

The gardeners do this to provide a visual feast to the visitors and to give a colourful look to the garden. The gardeners too feel fulfilled when the garden is blooming.

One gardener told me that it is when others come to visit the garden they feel most fulfilled.  It is others who give value and acknowledgement to their efforts. The gardeners thrive on the appreciation and encouragement they receive from the visitors.

We receive attention, care, and provisions from many people around us. They deserve to be noticed and thanked. I was reminded of this again yesterday.

When I was away from my room, someone left a beautiful flower arrangement in a large vase outside my room. It took a while for me to find the person who was generous. Later, when I got to know who the visitor was, I got in touch with him. He told me that his son who was going to graduate in an allied health course on Monday, wanted to express his gratitude to us for helping him to decide about  joining the course. Anna and I were only marginally involved with him, but he still wanted to remember us on his special occasion. This was a moving gesture towards us.

It is is when we are grateful and express it appropriately we offer value to others. When we express joy for what we have received, the person responsible for that gesture feels honoured and fulfilled.

There is much we can do to bring joy to others- gratefulness is one way of doing it!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Teenage friendships

The same gender friendships during teenage years has a special formative influence on the adulthood later.

Both boys and girls in teenage years are looking for their identity, affirming friendships, belonging and acceptance.

Most parents offer this in good measure. The teenage children seem to lose intimacy of contact with their parents and drift towards their friends. This is a vulnerable time when relationships with the opposite gender can take more than social friendships. Although I feel that attraction towards the opposite gender is normal, the response ought to be disciplined and measured.

One way to protect oneself from being overtaken by intense emotional engagement with the opposite gender is to develop meaningful, trusting and communicating friendships with people from the same gender. It provides nearness to share emotional and personal needs and offers a good buffer to stay on course without getting buffeted by peer pressure. Such friendships with two or three people will go a long way to have a companionship for emotional stability and sense of belonging.

The teenagers tend to feel that they are neither rooted in their homes nor are free to be independent. During this in between stage of life, friends from the same gender group can help in developing mature approach to challenges, opportunities and difficulties in life.

When we see some ten agers showing a reactive streak or rebellious spirit, remember that they are seeking for acceptance and belonging. They behave that way to express their inner conflict or fear of the future.

Teenagers need much understanding from adults, teachers and parents. They need loving support as this period in their lives is vulnerable to temptations, deceptions and short comings.

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Finding a colour that represents us !

I was encouraged to find in this artist another fan of blue colour. I have had to listen to a comments from close friends, ‘MC has only shades of blue in his wardrobe’. In fact it looks like that I am drawn by blue shades when I buy presents for others.

Our choice of colour is a subjective perception. However there can be several reasons. In my case, I moved from white colour to brown, maroon, cream and of late blue. When I saw this news paper article I went through a mental journey to recall any tangible reason for this change in my liking of colours when I bought clothes for myself.

I wonder whether it has something to do with my inner orientation! I stuck with white in my adolescent years as that is the colour of clothes what my parents usually wore. At college, I had an agitated spirit in the initial years bordering to rebellion. During those years I stayed with brown. Later after a sobering personal experience, I settled down to shades of maroon. It was during my working years, I shifted to shades of cream probably because I thought that a lighter shade of clothes provided a ‘mature’ look. It was in the last fifteen years, I shifted to shades of blue usually checked in design mixed with white, for a conscious reason that  I wanted to communicate a message of warmth and peace, when I am in formal settings.

Each of us chooses a colour usually because of a reason! The visual appeal may not be the only factor! I read with interest any comments about the meaning of colours!

I realised in the recent years, that we are outside what we are inside. The inside needs gentle and soft outward expression through behaviour, demeanour, communication style, dressing, language style, etc. This consciousness has grown with me. For me, who was naturally impulsive and in a hurry to speak and slow to listen, there was a challenge- to become more relational and be present to people without intimidating them in any way.

I have been on a journey to connect with people socially, emotionally and behaviourally.  There is an inner movement towards this. I do not suggest that we become somber, dry of fun and laughter or appear stand offish with our peculiarities.

The non verbal communication we offer to others is through many signals we send out. Therefore, whatever we wear or however we wear the clothes, it needs to have an authentic expression of what we represent or desire to represent.

The sports wear, party dress, casual wears also tell a story about ourselves. The outer has a resonance of the inner!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)



 

The differences in the whole!

The front to the chapel at the CMC Vellore campus is historically known as sunken garden, because it has a pond and a garden which maintains the symmetry of the chapel. It is during the season of the college and the graduation days, it looks most impressive. 

As I watched this garden on the college day morning last week, I noticed the asymmetry in the growth of the plants on either side of the foot path leading to the chapel entrance. I know the gardener who has been tending the garden for about thirty years now, who has a high order of aesthetic sense and takes every effort while trimming the plants, to have it done symmetrically. He once told me that they do not keep symmetry in their growth, making it difficult to trim it symmetrically. 

It is the two palms trees that tell this story of growing differently even more! They were planted on the same day and time; watered and manured similarly and the soil conditions are alike. There is no tall trees on either side to obstruct the growth upwards.Yet it grows at its own pace. The one factor that makes them different is that  they come from two different seedlings, which could affect its tallness and rate of growth. The other factor is that the short palm may have suffered from a sickness that  slowed its growth.

To me it has a message of some significance for an academia institution. We receive students from different backgrounds and they behave, grow, respond and express differently. It is true of students coming to study medicine as well. Some students need help and care when they drift from their focus which compromise their performance. 

It is significant that these differences that can exist are portrayed in nature symbolically outside the chapel. All those who come to the chapel are different and yet they find a common home in God’s presence during the worship and prayer at the chapel. We are brought together into a family of seekers of God, no matter how different we are individually. God uses our differences to make a mosaic that display the created order of richness in diversity. 

During my 15 years of being in the faculty of CMC Vellore, I have noticed that at the end of five years of medical studies, most students are drawn by the motto of the institution, 'not to be ministered unto but to minister'. Each one is different but leaves the institution with a call to live a life of service! The differences in them are natural; but what they become is conditioned by how we nurture them and allow them to blossom!

M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

Home and School as a continuum !

I have watched this sight of children being escorted to the play school from the bus stop and being taken back to their pick up spot after the school hours. To watch children walking, holding their hands together, in an orderly fashion has set me thinking!

The care giver who helps in this process gently prompts them  and keeps talking to them during this short walk. The children ask questions and she would answer. One question, I heard a child ask her was, ‘Why can’t I stay in the school’! The answer was, 'Nobody would be in the school to look after you in the evening, as I will go home to look after my daughter. An interesting dialogue!

The child enjoys the school and and at the mention of the home, the child was stilled. The child travelled back in his mind to think of the delights at home.

Is it not wonderful to have children who enjoy the school and home alike!

For this to happen, we require a welcoming, child-freindly and caring atmosphere at school. This indeed is not a common feature in many of our schools. The school is a frightening experience for many children. We need a new outlook to schooling- it is to be ‘schole’, which by meaning is a place of leisure! I wish we would shift our focus form teaching to making learning a pleasure!

We need to consider how we set up inclusive homes where children too have equal space, position, recognition and participation in the home. I asked a mother, what does her five year old daughter do when she returns from the school. After kissing her mother, she would have a bath, change her dress, eat her snacks and go to her toy shelf, till it is time for her to go out into the park to play with her friends. A easy and pleasant transition from school to home and home to school!

Any change in the learning methods for children needs to involve looking at the the school and home ambience alike! A happy child at home is usually happy at school; a happy child at school is usually happy at home. Life for a child, is a continuum and we are just different facilitators to offer that experience at home and school!


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)

A man and woman shall become One !

I have had opportunities to observe the courtship practices of birds during my walk, as it takes place in the open in the lap of nature, often in the privacy of thickly covered foliage. The Parakeets, Magpie Robins, Orioles, Pigeons and Sparrows are the ones that I noticed in this transition of relationships. 

When I started my walking exercises following surgery two months back, I noticed birds in groups or as single. The parakeets were in groups of five to ten. Now I watch them mostly in pairs. Between being in a group and in pairs, there was a phase, when the male  parakeet would use the bird song to entice the female one. When a pair was formed, attempts by any other male bird will be resisted by the pair that is formed. At least for this mating season, they would remain together. I have noticed two nesting places of the parakeets on a hollow in the trunk of trees.

As against this, the Magpie Robins used to stay in isolated areas alone. Now, I see them in pairs staying together, flying together and singing reciprocally. They too would become romantic shortly and find their nesting places. I have not seen any single Magpie Robin during the last week, all of them have become pairs, at least six,  in different places. They have a preference for the same territory that, it is a delight to watch the same pair in the same place on most of the days.

Birds find their own mates. Humans too do the same; in the western culture after a period of dating and unfortunately in many instances, after living in. This is invading the culture in India too in the urban settings.

The other way of coming together in a relationship is through being ‘arranged’ into a relationship by parents or well wishers or professional web based ‘match makers’.

In either case, the lesson I pick up from the birds is that they surrender to the instinct to become a family of male and female birds. Humans now seem to depart from this. The same gender live-in relationships have got formalised legally in some parts of the world. This tendency is on the rise and the civil society seems to give consent to this, on the basis of a notion that some are created to be so. I feel it is  a distorted view of life, brought into being as an extension of the ‘hippie culture’ of rebellion to anything that is formal, traditional and value based.

We are people of two genders. The sameness is stereotypical and differences are complementary to make life wholesome.

Watch and learn from  the birds- they still follow the created order. For humans, the created order is  ‘a man and woman shall become one’!


M.C.Mathew(text and photo)